Baby Boomers Answer "Why Did I Not Get Married?" - PairedLife - Relationships
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Baby Boomers Answer "Why Did I Not Get Married?"

MsDora is a Certified Christian Counselor. Her views on premarital and marital issues are influenced by her Christian beliefs.

Four of my friends all past the age of forty share their answers to the question they are forced to ask themselves quite often: Why did I not get married? Although they belong to the baby boomer generation (born 1946-64), their reasons are not rooted in the popular desire for satisfaction and enjoyment, qualities that characterize this generation.

Compare their reasons with the three top reasons given by millennials (born generally around the early 1980s to the early 2000s). It becomes obvious that young people are losing their attachment to marriage as a goal to be achieved. They have other interests, and think nothing of embracing their singleness while they pursue them.

Their Reasons

  1. Fear
  2. Naivety
  3. Asexuality
  4. Different Faiths
"Baby Chicken" by Fir0002.  Text added.

"Baby Chicken" by Fir0002. Text added.

(1) Fear

Sara is an attractive, fashionable, high-strung go-getter. “I’ve had special friendships with men who seemed like good prospects for marriage, but there was always something factual or imaginary that scared me away. I called it caution, but looking back I think it was fear.

My parents were divorced, as were ninety percent of my relatives. I saw the women fending for themselves and doing it successfully. In the back of my mind I harbored the notion that it would be easier to skip the marriage and divorce and just concentrate on looking after myself. Perhaps marriage would have worked for me, but I gave up on the idea, and became content with being single.

I'm not looking but if I meet someone who makes me feel more comfortable than afraid, I'd think about it. What a shame it would be for me to have marriage problems now after being single and content for so long."

"The Bridesmaids" by Ronnie Macdonald

"The Bridesmaids" by Ronnie Macdonald

(2) Naivety

Joslyn is a retired educator, recognized by her peers for her outstanding contribution to her field. She seems happy all the time, but she thinks that she and her sister share the same predicament.

“We do not know how to receive affection. I still admire the one man I ever loved (he married someone else). I know that he loved me. He was everything I wanted in a husband. When he told me that he loved me, I smiled and walked away, unable to tell him that I loved him too. Whenever he tried to get physically close or his conversation became too intimate, I interrupted the mood or found a reason to leave. He never came after me and eventually he gave up.

I discouraged attention from other men, because I knew that there would be no happy ending. Love was never expressed in our childhood home and we never learned how. I watch my younger sister avoid men the same way I do.”

(3) Asexuality

Jim is a tall, handsome, salesman with a magnetic personality and a track record of award-winning performances. “I’ve been a salesman before I even graduated high school. Everyone said that I was a natural, and I believed them. Even when my company promoted me to a managerial desk, I scheduled field days for myself.

I love one-on-one contact with people, but I have never had a strong desire for physical closeness with anyone. Whatever I think I feel doesn’t last. I love to be in the company of beautiful women—I’m referring to inner as well as outer beauty. I hug and squeeze as much as the next guy, but only in a caring and comforting manner. Several people call me their best friend, and I feel blessed to have people think of me that way.”

(4) Different Faiths

Right after high school, Stephanie fell in love with a young man who did not meet her parents’ approval. They were strictly religious; he did not even attend church. Stephanie was drawn to her boyfriend’s persistence.

"He continually expressed his love for me. I thought that by becoming pregnant, I could pressure my parents into allowing us to get married. They never gave in, and my baby’s daddy deserted me. I have not loved anyone else as much as I loved him. I am in my forties now, and still looking for love.

I am determined to find someone on the same religious path; but so far, it seems that all the men I meet who share my religious beliefs are taken. I am not comfortable with online dating."

Three reasons for not getting married given by millennials. (Pew Research Center 2014)

Three reasons for not getting married given by millennials. (Pew Research Center 2014)

More Statistics

According to the United States Census Bureau, the number of never-married people is increasing in all age groups. In the 40-44 age group 4.9% of males and 6.3% of females were never married in 1970. Males were leading in 1999 and by 2010 there were 20.4% of males and 13.8% of females who never married.

The 2014 Pew Research Poll shows that still fewer young people in the Millenials age group are getting married.There are still more unmarried females than males. However, the reports suggests to those women who might be holding back until they find husbands with financial stability, there are divorced, widowed or older men who qualify. No need to rush those who are simply not ready and those who are still looking.

Still, consider that marriage is not compulsory for anyone, and unmarried people are not automatically deficient because they are unmarried. In every community there are married, single, single-again and never married people who give us an opportunity to enrich our lives--and theirs--by our association with them. Some singles have valuable lessons to teach about contentment.

© 2011 Dora Weithers

Comments

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on August 25, 2020:

Cynthia, thank you for reading and sharing. Singles do not need to feel devalued or deficient because they don't have mates. They have other blessings, which they do well to count.

Cynthia Zirkwitz from Vancouver Island, Canada on August 25, 2020:

Dear Dora,

This is an affirming article for folks who are content in an unmarried life and for parents, and other vested adults, who are occasionaĺly worried and/or unduely mournful about the situation.

I am sharing this. Thank you!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on February 28, 2016:

DDE, thanks for your input. You usually have some very good views on love and marriage.

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 28, 2016:

Marriage is not for everyone and it depends on what gets two people together in the first place to marry. Interesting hub!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 02, 2016:

Swalia, that's the case with many people over forty these days. Praying that after waiting so long, they find a happy match. Thanks for your comment.

Shaloo Walia from India on January 02, 2016:

An interesting hub! I have a few friends who didn't marry but now after a certain age, they all want to settle down. Career was their preference at one point of time and they didn't have time for anything else.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on May 25, 2014:

Ologsinquito, I'm not sure for 2014, but the statistics used to show that was someone for everyone up to age 17. Moving on, the males begin to die faster than females in wars, accidents etc. Still, marriage is not to rushed; everyone should not be married either.

Thanks for reading and commenting. This article is special to me. It made first runner-up in the Rising Star contest when I first started on HP.

ologsinquito from USA on May 25, 2014:

I remember back in elementary school, one of our teachers assured us there is someone for everyone. Unfortunately, now, society gives people the message that they have seemingly unlimited time to settle down. That's not true.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on February 28, 2013:

Glen, I love your attitude. Where's there's life, there's hope. Now that you've figured it out, let's hope that you find the joy that is worth the wait. Blessings, Buddy!

Glenn Stok from Long Island, NY on February 28, 2013:

You gave many good examples of why some people never married. I'm one of them. But I fit a different image. I spent a lot of time in various relationships that didn't go anywhere. Looking back on it now, I realize that I didn't stop to think what I was doing. And I ended up not seeking out the kind of woman who I really wanted to settle down with. You ended your hub with hope. And as you said in your last paragraph, I still have that desire to change my status. I really enjoyed reading your hub and voted up.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on August 06, 2012:

Thanks zsobig, for sharing about your asexual contact. He has a right to be happy with himself, and we are happy for him. It takes all sorts to make a world.

I'm very happy for you concerning your marriage experience. My your joys increase every day you spend together!

Sophie from United Kingdom on August 06, 2012:

Very interesting hub.

I also know someone who is kinda asexual: he has no interest in women at all (neither in men, just to be clear) and he is okay this way. He is a happy and content person who has a nice job, a good income and plenty of things he is interested in, but he never wanted someone on his side.

I find people like him interesting somehow, but I can understand them.

Even when I was a little kid I adored my parents - and adults all in all - who seemed incredibly happy together and I was always dreaming that I will have something very similar when I will be old. 7 years ago, when I met him (now my husband) I felt that THIS relationship will be special. I can't say I knew he will be my husband, but somewhere deep in my heart I was aware of the fact that he will have a great effect in my life. In my opinion all those who feel similar to this can be aware: they are 'lost' forever :).

Voted up + useful!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 11, 2012:

Glad you read it, Sweet Epistles, and took the chance to comment. God bless you too, with a very pleasant experience on HubPages!

June from From the Heart of God on June 08, 2012:

What a wonderfully written Hub, MsDora. I am pleased I had the chance to read this. I look forward to reading more of your Hub and learn from it.

God bless your heart.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on December 16, 2011:

Thank you, Freya, for your kind comment. Glad you found it enjoyable.

Freya Cesare from Borneo Island, Indonesia on December 16, 2011:

Such a deep and easy to read article. You give me enjoyable read. Thank you Ms. Dora. ^_^b

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on December 06, 2011:

Of course I found it CTRL F). Thanks for your inquiries. I had mentioned my mother in my comment on "Going Home Is A Pilgrimage." My Caribbean mother is enjoying her first snow experience in Michigan. So far, she's enjoying it and she is doing well.

Sky9106 from A beautiful place on earth. on December 06, 2011:

I hope I did not dream this , But I thought I asked you how was your mother a few days ago!

So did you find where?

Just learned something new .Control F?

Perhaps marriage would have worked for me, but I gave up on the idea, and became content with being single.

Bless.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on December 06, 2011:

Hi Sky9106. I used CTRL F to see where I had used "the idea." I understand how it could be kinda funny. Your Mom and Dad certainly have a story to tell. Thanks for all your kind remarks.

Sky9106 from A beautiful place on earth. on December 06, 2011:

I can go on and on about this subject , but I gave it a great laugh after hearing you say "the idea" referring to marriage.

Marriage must first be understood in the same context of how you understand your love for the person you are thinking of marrying. Both male and female.

My Mom and Dad lived together for 50 years before getting married , it's simply amazing.

Well what is actually getting married?

We are all matured now , but in most cases when that proposal was being placed to you, WOW!

Blessings Ms D. Thanks for sharing a very sincere Hub here . I felt every word you wrote I also understand the response.

It's touching and you were very forthcoming.

Bless.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on November 07, 2011:

Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you taking time to comment. Best wishes to you and your partner, looking forward to matrimony.

jacqui2011 from Norfolk, UK on November 07, 2011:

A very well-written and thought provoking hub. The information provided is excellent and backed up by using different situations. I was married for 20 years and we just grew apart. I have been with my current partner for over 3 years and we do plan to marry some day. I enjoyed reading you article. Voted up and interesting.

Lori Colbo from Pacific Northwest on September 20, 2011:

Great hub. At my last job I worked with about 10 to 13 other women. Only two were married. The others were all living with boyfriends. They had all kinds of reasons. Most of them had children, many of them hopped from one relationship to another, having more kids. Most of them said, "why marry? We don't need a piece of paper to prove we love and are committed to each other." Or, we aren't married because we want to find out first if it's going to work out, then we won't have to suffer through divorce." These people have kids and they have allowed themselves the delusion that if they aren't married it won't hurt them or their children if the relationship ends. Almost all of these women are in a "so-called" committed relatioship, also express their thoughts that "if it shouls end." I believe in marriage if two people want to live together in a committed relationship. But regardless, if you say "if" you are not fully committed.

I am middle aged and am now single due to a divorce 10 years ago. We were married for 25 years, and most of those years he was abusive and he strayed. So I left. I have not dated or plan to. Don't plan on getting married again. I have more opportunities now to serve the Lord and have an abundance of God-fearing friends. But I do believe in marriage, not shacking up. Thanks for your thought provoking hub.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on August 15, 2011:

Isin82, my eyes are moist because your story touches me deeply. "Because I know she is God sent, there is no reason to feel as if I can do better." Please share your experience and your commitment to as many as you can. Thanks for sharing it here.

lsin82 from Houston on August 15, 2011:

As a young man who has jumped from relationship to relationship I never thought I would get married (neither do my parents). It was not until recently that I discovered that the reason I ran from commitment was because I always thought I would miss out on something better. A sad way to think, but that was my mindset. I value marriage, (my parents have been married over 35 years) and understand that for me marriage would be a life long, one time deal. Knowing that, I did not want to end up settling for anyone. In the midst of the trail of broken hearts I left behind because of my insecutiy and selfishness, I decided that something had to change. After my last break up, I decided to chill out from dating all together and turn my focus on God. I decided to stop going after what I wanted and start seeking what it was that God had for my life. In the middle of me not looking for anyone, God ending up brining someone into my life. Someone who removes every since of doubt that I ever I had about committing to anyone. Because I know she is God sent, there is no reason to feel as if I can do better because she is truly more than what I deserve. When I stop going after what I thought I wanted and started focusing on God and He gave me exactly what I needed and more than I could imagine. I'm not married to her yet but I know that that step is coming soon. Great Hub......

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 09, 2011:

Thanks to Treasures, Nyamache and randslam, for your affirmation and thought-provoking comments. I learn so much from you, too.

Rand Zacharias from Vernon, British Columbia on July 08, 2011:

Great topic, Ms. Dora. When one looks around at the planet and witnesses the joy of some singles, and some married couples, and the rarity of either...it isn't that much of a surprise that the rate of eternally single folks is rising.

A better educated public will make better decisions.

I married once but after an unwanted divorce the very idea of marrying again seemed ludicrous for me.

These are personal decisions and all too often it seems people are infatuated with the institution of marriage and not the practical aspects that are demanded of them even in the marriage vows...love, honour, cherish, etc.

After almost half a century it inspires me to think people are learning to understand themselves first, what they need, and for many it isn't marriage--and when one thinks that initially human beings were encouraged to reproduce--in an age of over-reproduction--it may be time to say, "Whoa, hold yer horses. I don't need to make more people--the first reason for marriage--I need to be a better communicating and stimulating person responsibly trying to create a better society with the many folks already here."

Of course, I could be wrong...congrats on your HubNugget nomination.

Joshua Nyamache from Kenya on July 08, 2011:

Getting married necessarily doesn’t mean that it will bring happiness in a person’s life. There are many happy unmarried people out there. People should learn to respect them as they also contribute a lot to the society just like married people.

However, it is good for a person to find a partner in life. A person to share love with and bring up children with. Maybe some children witnessing their parent break up has contributed some of them not marry.

Sima Ballinger from Michigan on July 08, 2011:

Congratulations on this HubNugget Nomination. I enjoyed this hub very much: Your writing, information and presentation are all well received. You make the reader want to know more. Vote UP.

Welcome to HubPages!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 07, 2011:

Hi Glenn. Thanks for your encouragement. I've looked at your topics and will go back later to read. It's never too late to learn how to love. You can find help if necessary, but you seem to be doing fine.

Glenn Stok from Long Island, NY on July 07, 2011:

You compiled an interesting list of reasons why people don't get married. As one of them, some of my hubs deal with this topic, but one point I picked up from you really woke me up... "When love was never expressed in childhood, we never learn how." I think that's me. Thanks for this really great hub. I voted up, awesome and helpful.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 07, 2011:

June, so glad we made a connection through my hub. Still single and still valuable! Life's great!

June on July 07, 2011:

I liked this. It was so me. I never fully read an article in its entirety but this one I had to. I am 38 and still single.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 07, 2011:

Denise, thanks for the good news that may hub won second place in the HubNugget Contest. Thanks also to my readers and those who voted for my hub. Gaining such recognition for my third hub is really encouraging. My aim is to continue writing what you want to read. Thanks again!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 07, 2011:

Hi Amy, I am so glad that you still have time to enjoy some of the better pleasures of life. It also helps that you like where you live. Thanks for sharing and keep moving forward!

Thanks you, lbidd54, for your encouragement and support. I appreciate you.

Amy Becherer from St. Louis, MO on July 07, 2011:

I gave away my youth in two longterm marriages that were unfulfilling. Now, for the first time in my life, I am free to make my own decisions and am enjoying living alone. At this stage in my life, I want peace. I left my second marriage and was laid off from my 13-years of employment, which was devastatingly scary, but I am still here and have had the time to explore the the possibilities of changes I never even considered before, such as retiring to an island where living is inexpensive and the weather is gorgeous. I gave away so much of me while married, selfish or not, I do not want to take on someone else's baggage. Life alone can be daunting, but I found I felt more alone in my marriages. Thank you for this great, well researched, unbiased look at the options in life choices.

lbidd54 from The beautiful Jersey Shore on July 07, 2011:

Well written article with good, thoughtful information. Thank you and I will be looking forward to reading more of your work.

Denise Handlon from North Carolina on July 06, 2011:

Congratulations, MsDora-your hub won second place and a spot on the weekly newsletter. Be sure to add this to your profile page!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 06, 2011:

Thanks, clintonb. Your affirmation means much to me.

Thank you, Denise, for all your support. I appreciate you.

Denise Handlon from North Carolina on July 06, 2011:

What an interesting hub, MsDora. Well written. rated it beautiful. congrats on the hubnugget nomination. :) Welcome to HP

clintonb from Adelaide, Australia on July 06, 2011:

I agree to this article, but I feel that marriage is an important part of life..but this brings out one thing for sure. When a person loves someone truly, its hard to forget and move on. I liked the different stories of people.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 05, 2011:

Do they believe, scott33thomas, that they'll change for the better? Because that's a possibility (smile).

Manuel Porras from Germany, Colombia, USA, Panama, Mexico, Spain on July 05, 2011:

many men believe that when they marry they will not be the same

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 05, 2011:

Thanks JSParker, for all your thoughts. Congratulations and best to you too!

JSParker from Detroit, Michigan on July 05, 2011:

Congratulation, fellow HubNuggets nominee!! Your hub is outstanding. Your approach to the topic is creative and makes for a compelling read. I really wanted to know how these four different people reacted. Well written, too. And your use of photos...very clever. Good job. Best regards.

Ireno Alcala from Bicol, Philippines on July 04, 2011:

In loving, marriage is out of context. Some people are happy to be single all their lives, but they shared affection to their family, friends and whoever in need. Thanks for this hub, MsDora.

Congratulations on our nomination!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 04, 2011:

Thanks CheetahsLady. Glad you liked the article. Hope it is not too late to find someone who could help you out of Joslyn's dilemma, if you are willing to be helped. Or, if you're satisfied to be single, that's cool too. All the best!

CheetahsLady on July 04, 2011:

Very good read. The title drew me in and the article satisifed my interest. I am in the same boat as "Joslyn" - completely! The description was so on-point that it was scary. congrats on your nonimation. Very well deserved. Voted up

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 03, 2011:

Thanks rippplemaker. Healthy singles are always admirable to me.

Thanks cardelean. I hear you. Decide for yourself. I agree.

cardelean from Michigan on July 03, 2011:

Many people make decisions about relationships based on the examples that were modeled for them. As long as you are making a decision based on personal choice, then good for you whatever that decision may be. Knowing ones self if the key! Congrats on the nomination and welcome to HP.

Michelle Simtoco from Cebu, Philippines on July 03, 2011:

I just turned forty and I am still single and happy too! I did want to get married before but now I am contented with where I am. Your hub made me reflect more. :)

Congrats on your Hubnuggets nomination. To read and vote, this way please: https://hubpages.com/hubnuggets6/hub/ABC-HubNugget...

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on July 01, 2011:

FloraBreenRobinson, I like your attitude. Make yourself happy, and if another happy person finds you, that's great. If not, you're already happy.

FloraBreenRobison on July 01, 2011:

Congratulations on your hubnugget nomination.

I am 35 and have never considered getting married. I love living on my own with my cat. There are a lot of divorces in my family and I think that has a lot to do with it. also, I'm a very indepependent person who enjoys lots of alone time. If I found the right person, I might consider it, but I'm not looking. And if I remain single always, I'm perfectly happy with that.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 23, 2011:

You're welcome. I'm following you so hopefully, we can dialogue some more.

Jeanastra on June 23, 2011:

Thanks for the compliment, MsDora! I just turned 50 and I love flattery! LOL!! BTW.....I've known since I was a child that I wasn't the maternal type and I think child-rearing is the MOST important job in the world and too many people don't take it seriously enough.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 23, 2011:

Jeanastra, you look beautiful. Thanks for your comments. It is important for you to be satisfied with your decision. I'm sure that you have thought through your reasons for not wanting children. Don't let other people's opinion disturb your peace. Having said that, I still hope that one day you will meet someone who knows how to help you over your fear of commitment. No pressure, though!

Jeanastra on June 23, 2011:

I've never been married and I find that I'm often having to defend my choice, especially to men. They'll say things like, "...but you're pretty....it's not because you weren't asked, right?..." So silly! There are 2 main reasons why I'm not married (and may never be); 1. I never wanted children (I know! Shocking!!) and 2. I have a fear of long-term commitment. I have had a number of loving, passionate relationships with rockem' sockem' sex and great affection. I just can't seem to get past the 5 year mark (most only lasted 3 or less). What ev. :-)

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 21, 2011:

Thanks ivantsoft, and I agree with you.

ivantsoft from US on June 21, 2011:

every women has her own time to get married. every women has but one destiny. great hub!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 21, 2011:

farahzachzia, I think that your decision is based on wise judgment. Sorry that life with the man you love did not work out. Enjoy your single life and have peace!

farahzachzia from Indonesia on June 20, 2011:

I like your hub. I've been single mom for about 7 years, but no intention to meet any guy to fall in love or married again, until now. No more. Just like two of your character above, i married my first love who i date for years, but we didn't have happy married live before we finally say goodbye. So many complicated reasons but i cant name it even just one. We just knew we have to end it all.

Love and lust is not enough to have a happy life. I still love my ex husband until today, even as far as I remember i have cried and sad from the day i met him till the day we said goodbye, but i don't think I can love other man who treated me the way he did to me and the way he made me felt for him.

Now when people ask me why won't I try to find new man, I asked my self "what for" For Love? I love man who loved me but we were not happy. Sex? Its great wonderful feeling that I will only have for few minutes. Its so not worth it compare to the miserable life i should have for it. Finance? I can managed my self to get it no matter how struggle my life make me. Some part of life won't be as easy as i have husband, but i feel lighter. Happier also most of time. So why should i get married?

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 20, 2011:

Thanks ladyt11 for your support and your kind comments.

Web World Watcher, especially good hearing kind comments from you. Thanks for stopping by.

Web World Watcher on June 19, 2011:

Compelling work here. and very sad in its own way. But also very hopeful and informative. Thank you

ladyt11 on June 19, 2011:

This was an excellent hub, I voted up and useful! This hub gives us all something to think about and may even help us to see ourselves a little more clearly, even discovering the reason why we are in the situations we are in when it comes to love, or not having love. Great hub!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 19, 2011:

Thank you, Spirit Whisperer for your observations. My readers and I appreciate you.

Xavier Nathan from Isle of Man on June 18, 2011:

This is a great read and helps people to see life from others perspectives. I also see from what you write that childhood experience does play a very large part in the decisions we make in later years. Thank you.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 18, 2011:

melfina87, I hope that things go well for you and your present bf. It must have been very difficult watching your mother in so many failed relationships; but don't let your mother's history control you. I hope you can have a reasonably priced wedding and a happy marriage in due time. No pressure!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 18, 2011:

Laura in Denver, what happened to you was really awful. Some good people get some really bad deals. Seems that you have forgiven and moved on. I hope that your kids will have better experiences.

melfina87 on June 17, 2011:

As a 25 year old mother of two, marriage is not on the table. I watched my mother marry and divorce 6 different times, with many boyfriends and ingagements in between. Im content now in my second relationship with my youngest sons dad and im sorry to say, but I have no deisire for a marriage. I think back on my last bad relationships and wonder, what if I had actually married that person and they cheated on me two months later? You can never really know a person fully, and even though I love my bf, i'd never make the mistake that my mother made and marry him after only three years. Prehaps in ten or twenty i'd consider it, but never in the first ten, espically with how much further in debt it would put us. I never understood those girls who dreamed of big weddings and Cinderella dresses, it just seemed silly and selfish. I thinks its more of a testament of love to stay together without the paper and the pressure to get married. Someday if I want, I can have my kids walk me down the isle, we arent in any hurry to go anywhere.

Laura Deibel from Aurora, CO on June 17, 2011:

Anybody who has had a spouse legally (but immorraly) attack them with a divorce lawyer can explain this. Depending on your state, divorce law is horrific.

People expect way too much in marriage. No, you will not change the person.

I tell my kids to keep their money separate because my ex-husband had me penniless after supporting him for 5-1/2 years.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 17, 2011:

Sorry, mindyjgirl, about the fiancé you lost, and happy for you that you found love again. Thanks for sharing.

Ramsa1, you're right about children and family being important; unfortunately, your sister did not get that opportunity. Please go easy on her. Thanks also for sharing your opinion with The Suburban Poet.

The Suburban Poet, did you read my hub on https://hubpages.com/hub/Levelheaded-Divorcee-Advi... Hope you have moved on with what works for you.

Thanks Sinea Pies for your encouragement and support.

Ramsa1 from A citizen of the World on June 17, 2011:

@ The Suburban Poet: Wise decision. The stats. are not in your favor.

Sinea Pies from Northeastern United States on June 17, 2011:

Well thought out hub with good information. Thanks for sharing. Voted useful!

Mark Lecuona from Austin, Texas on June 17, 2011:

I can't see myself ever getting married again. I'm 53 and I've had two disastrous marriages. As I look back on my life my worst times were when I was married. I'm not blaming anyone but it doesn't work for me.

Ramsa1 from A citizen of the World on June 17, 2011:

My sister did not marry until she was in her late 40's. Her husband was a few years younger than her and had an illness. She saw some of her friends having marital problems and she was afraid to marry. She wanted her freedom. Now, she has no children and her husband needs more attention than normal. She is like a spinster sister or aunt who is a busybody, interferes and gossips. I think that marriage, children and the family unit are very important, if not essential, for a happy life.

Mindy Bench from Oregon on June 17, 2011:

Love it.. Ms Dora :) Awesome! we have a couple married in their 80's...you never know when love will find you again. I found love again after loosing my fiancé when he was only 25 he got hit by a train, It was so hard for me, but I did find love again several years later and married. happily married for 13 years now. Wishing you all the best.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 14, 2011:

Thanks, Carolyn. I hear you. I hope you'll find encouragement in some of my future hubs. I'm glad that you're determined to stand by your belief. Now, forgive yourself, which is the same as saying, "accept God's forgiveness." You deserve it. Believe that too.

Carolyn Moe on June 13, 2011:

I'd like to hear more on what you say on this subject and others. I myself didn't marry the men who were falling for me in my twenties because I was curious about women and experienced that. Now that I've done that I'd say I'm bi but am afraid of eternal damnation for just following my gay desires to the grave. Sounds old fashioned I know but it's what I firmly believe and I don't think anyone could budge me from it.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 12, 2011:

Thanks dashingscorpio for adding to my incomplete of reasons. I appreciate your comments and your contribution.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 11, 2011:

“Life is a personal journey”

Each of us selects our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

There are almost 7 billion people inhabiting this planet and for the most part anyone who is not married or dating someone is living their life based upon their choices.

In fact with all of the technological advances we have today it’s much easier to meet someone than when I was hitting the nightclubs during the late 70s and into the 80s.

This was a very well written hub!

I can only think of two other reasons why someone may not have gotten married.

a) They had an (unrealistic expectation) of what love was suppose to feel like, be like, or look like. They never felt butterflies in their stomach, had their world rocked to the nth degree in bed, or were showered with love, affection, gifts, a trips around the world… etc No man or woman has been able to live up to the “Hollywood” dream of finding one special person who had everything!

In fact some of the people with the longest “wish list” have the least to bring to the table. I’ve always said, “Don’t expect to sit next to the moon unless YOU are a star!” ha ha

b)Some people love being single! (also known as being “free”). It doesn’t mean they have not had meaningful relationships or even possibly lived with a mate. No one should feel pressured to do something they don’t want to do. In fact in many circles “Living together” is the new marriage. Look at Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, they have been living together for 28 years! In fact most single people have been “serial monogamist” at various times in their lives.

Truth be told whether you are single or married there will always be people that wish they could switch places with you.

Saboni on June 10, 2011:

I'm wondering if a certain someone I know might be asexual. There's so much we don't think about. This is interesting.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on June 10, 2011:

Thank you PegCole17. Your opinion is valid. Liking the person certainly gives the relationship an advantage. I appreciate you.

Peg Cole from Northeast of Dallas, Texas on June 10, 2011:

This was a well presented piece with good examples of different situations of love seekers. What may be missing from the love scene is liking the person first.