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Singles and the Church

Efficient Admin (aka Michelle) loves good hiking and good food. She has visited many churches and observed various demographic behaviors.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Looking For a Church as a Single Person

Finding a good, Bible-believing church can be a challenge for most people, but especially singles. Navigating your way through a Singles ministry within a church can sometimes be a challenge, but don't give up. If there are any indications of genuine fellowship within the group there will be many blessings. I believe the bottom line in finding a church is to start praying every day that you will be led to a good one. Try to focus on finding a good Sunday School class that doesn't "categorize" people, and instead is open to everyone, regardless of age, sex, or marital status.

Most mainstream Protestant churches cater to a certain demographic of people. "Married with young children" is the demographic churches cater to the most, in that they make the effort to expend time, money, and resources on this group. However, in our population, almost 50% are single with no children or are single parents.

The mainstream church does not know what to do with these singles, so many Christian singles are not being ministered to. Oftentimes, they are not offered the opportunities to serve the Lord and His church because they are ignored or shunned when they visit a service.

The church needs to take a look at this situation more closely. They need to spend the time and money on hiring full-time staff to minister only to a Singles Ministry, just like they do for the Marrieds, Preschoolers, and Toddlers Ministry.

If a married couple is hired to minister to the Singles Ministry, they should have been single themselves for at least 5-10 years before getting married. They should feel called by God to minister to this demographic. If they are single, a man and a woman should be hired separately. They need to have leadership skills and lay the ground rules in a loving way, emphasizing that the purpose of this group is to honor and worship God first and foremost, to love Him with all your heart, mind, and soul (Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; and Luke 10:27). We are to view each other as brothers and sisters of the Most High God. It isn’t the church’s job to be matchmakers for the singles. Let no man tear apart what God has brought together (Matthew 19:6). If it is God's will for two people to meet and get married, it will be God who will complete it.

In a church Singles Ministry, there will be certain problems and issues that may arise and need to be dealt with. There are people that may fall into certain categories and unfortunately, the church doesn’t know what to do with them. In any group of church singles, people may fall into one or more of the following categories:

The Wounded and Unstable Folks

There are those people who will come into the church looking for help and support. They most likely do not have a family to lean on through no fault of their own. They most likely come from a family of abuse and toxic behavior. There seem to be more and more dysfunctional toxic families nowadays. Jesus said He would never break a bent reed (Isaiah 42:3) and Come to Me all you who are weary (Matthew 11:28).

Christians are each other's families. Jesus said His real family are those who love and obey God (Matthew 12:50). When brothers and sisters gather in Christ’s name and start praying it is a very powerful thing. Iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). These folks should not be brushed aside, but rather led in the direction of repentance and humility before God, and healing will follow. Even if we are not in church right now, we should be praying for each other and for the hurt and wounded people like this.

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The Meat Market Folks

I apologize in advance if this is offensive to anyone, but these things happen. These are mostly men but women have this mentality but they act in a different way.

These are the men who come into the Singles Ministry at a church looking for “good” women to "hook up" with. They are not looking for commitment or courtship, they just want a good time. Would a “good” woman who dedicated her life to the Lord allow herself to be used by a player outside of marriage? Probably not.

There are some women who will come to the Singles Ministry desperate to meet a man. They are very desperate and just have to have a man and their main goal is to get a diamond ring on their finger. Would a good man dedicated to the Lord be attracted to such desperation in a woman? I don't think so. She needs to get on her knees every day in prayer, crying out to the Lord for some peace in her soul.

The Catty, Gossipy, Back-Stabbing Two-Faced Folks

Once again, I apologize if this is offensive to anyone, but there are people in the church on Sunday mornings that behave like this. If you do not have these types in your church, you are blessed. These are mostly women who size you up when you visit their class so they have something to gossip about. They may ask you if you have any needs they can pray about, but in reality, they want to gossip about you to everyone else about your problems. They are looking for a social group in the church rather than a means of deepening their faith and strengthening their walk with the Lord. God more than likely is not moving in their lives because of the bad, stinky fruit they produce for everybody else.

Of course, those who are married with children may fall into these categories as well. The church always seems to have “Date Nights,” “Couples Retreats,” and “Strengthen Your Marriage Seminars" for them. I have heard from a very reliable source, at a particularly large Baptist church in my town, that the Marrieds Sunday School classes were all having affairs with each other. So Adultery was running rampant there for a while on God’s property. I am not sure if anything was done about it by the church leadership but if the real Christians start praying about it, God sure will step in.

Conclusion

In my humble opinion, the best Sunday School classes to visit at church are the Marrieds/Singles combined. You will mostly meet singles that are mature and emotionally stable and can have fellowship and intelligent conversations with them, because they are not focusing on which person in there can they date. The married people are most likely emotionally stable as well, and genuine fellowship is more likely to occur in this environment. It has been my experience (most of the time) that these mixed classes are made up of people who are not into head games, gossip, and back-biting. They just want to draw closer to the Lord, study the bible, practice fellowship with the brethren, and hopefully are not trying to get any single person matched up with someone in the class (remember, God is the one who brings people together). Now that sounds like my kind of church.

Any comments are welcomed.

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This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2012 Michelle Dee

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