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What if I Never Want to Date Again (Or at Least Not for Awhile)?

SweetiePie stopped dating in her late twenties and decided to stay single unless she meets someone organically.

Discover the perks of being alone!

Discover the perks of being alone!

When You Don't Want to Be in a Relationship Ever Again

There is a segment of the population that has completely given up on dating and is happier for it. Sometimes this is only a temporary measure for a few weeks, or sometimes this is an indefinite amount of time that could last for months or years. Nevertheless, many singles are happy being single and consider a dating hiatus to be a wonderful respite.

It is not that these singles have not tried, but dating has not met their needs for one reason or another. Some people choose not to date because relationships are not their thing. Others have given up on dating because the long ritual of going on first dates is exhausting and tiring. For those who want to be in a relationship and eventually get married, the casual dating scene of today is often discouraging, and there is very little desire to keep going on first dates.

The Perks of Not Dating

Sometimes people reach a point where they want nothing more to do with dating and have given up completely. There is nothing wrong with this, and it is perfectly normal to just want to be alone. Solitude is a hard-to-come-by commodity in this fast-paced world of ours, so giving up on dating indefinitely surely has a few perks.

  1. Less Arguing
  2. Quiet Time for Introverts
  3. Freedom From Jealousy
  4. Freedom to Do Your Own Thing
Sometimes you just want to buy your own box of chocolates.

Sometimes you just want to buy your own box of chocolates.

1. Less Arguing

Relationships are all about compromise, which means one partner will always have to concede something to make the other happy. In a relationship, both partners are not always equal, and the most assertive person may get their way more often than the more passive partner.

If you just listen to people argue, most arguments are about one person feeling their needs are not being fulfilled because the other person gets "their way" too much. Some relationships are better than others, but for people who tend to be more passive, a dating dry spell can actually be a consolation.

When you come home, you can pick which show to watch because your boyfriend/girlfriend will not be vying for the remote. You can make whatever you like for dinner without having to worry about your boyfriend's peanut allergy. At times, being single indefinitely can have its perks.

2. Quiet Time for Introverts

A dating dry spell can also be of benefit to a person who tends to be somewhat of an introvert and needs a retreat from the outside world at the end of the day. If your ex tended to be a social butterfly and always wanted to go out, then perhaps staying in will sound like heaven once you're single again.

3. Freedom From Jealousy

People who have just gotten out of a relationship with a controlling/jealous ex often want a little bit of space. Being single gives a person the time to think about what they want out of life, and often that means avoiding the dating scene. There is nothing wrong with dating, but there are times when you would rather come home to the couch than go out to a club.

For those who want to continue dating, being single will give them a chance to meet a variety of people and keep their options open. Casual dating is often a good fit for those who want a little bit of space and want to stay flexible.

4. Freedom to Do Your Own Thing

In a marriage or a steady relationship, you often share responsibilities with your partner, such as taking turns making dinner, doing chores, spending time with your partner's family/friends, etc. The list can go on and on and become a source of many arguments.

However, when you are single, there are no "must-do with my boyfriend/girlfriend" items, thus giving you the luxury of being able to make your own schedule. One friend of mine actually broke up with her husband because he expected her to attend numerous family functions, which was beginning to encroach upon the time she spent with her own family/friends.

Although this is not the solution for most people, the strain of meeting a list of mutual obligations can prompt many people to take it solo for awhile. Sometimes us singles just want to go home and make a salad and pie, and we do not want to worry about making a five-course dinner for your mother. This may sound selfish and unfair to your partner, but there are times in a person's life when they would rather be single than cater to the needs of many others.

You can only serve others well once your own personal needs are met, so be very cautious of doing something for your partner that you would not want to maintain over the long term. If you think it would be sweet to do your partner's laundry, but then begin to resent this, maybe it would be better not to do it the first place. Often, couples can avoid a complete split by setting boundaries that respect personal free time.

Do What Is Right for You!

As always, being single or being in a relationship is always a personal choice, so take the time to do what is right for you. Do not rush into a relationship out of fear that your crush will not be around later; if it was meant to be, it will happen in the future.

Why I Stopped Dating in My Late Twenties

The parents of an ex asked a relative how I was doing a few years ago, and I could not help but think: Why do they care! As far as I can tell, none of the men I ever dated really liked me that much anyway, so why do they or their family pretend to be interested in how I am doing today? I think they were just looking for something gossipy to talk about, and that is about it.

It does not hurt me at all to declare all these years later that no one I ever dated ever really liked me that much anyway because it is true. I knew it at the time when I was going through my desperate "I hope he likes me" phase, but after years out of the dating scene, I just find the whole show a bit ridiculous.

If I could go back in time, I would have told my younger self to never date and just read, write, draw, paint, craft and go on nature walks. I am looking forward to the rest of my single life because I no longer have to pretend that men I date truly like me. I was just the one they wanted to distract themselves with at the moment.

What Happened When I Tried to Be Open-Minded About Dating Again

Last year, I decided to try and be open-minded about the whole dating thing again, but it did not really go very well. For several years leading up to this, I had an online and offline involvement with a man who had been my childhood penpal and who came to the US four times per year on business trips. However, he never wanted to move to California and was not interested in pursuing a long-term relationship with me. He encouraged me to be open to a local man, so I finally decided to do so around Christmas of 2018.

There was a man I had known for a few years in passing, and I thought he was cute. I actually believed at the time that he liked me but turned out he just wanted my company because the woman he truly adored was upset with him. Apparently he was not ready for a serious relationship with that woman when she asked for one, so she started dating someone else around Christmas. I was not picking up on this at the time, but he just wanted to spend the days after Christmas and New Years with me because he felt lonely to some degree.

However, I should have used better judgment because he was constantly mentioning this other woman, but I was a little confused because one night in mid-January he called me, and professed that I was helping him feel things again. He whispered sweet nothings into the receiver into the wee hours of the night, which I would learn the next morning. It turns out that it was just an illusion he was starting to care about me because the very next day he was off to see the woman who had rejected him around Christmas since she was now breaking up with her boyfriend.

He told me he had just drunk dialed me because he thought I wanted to hear nice things the night before and that we were just friends, but that did not mean he never wanted to date me. Of course, he never wanted to date me, and this interlude hurt me quite a bit. Looking back it should not have bothered me at all because he obviously had some deep feelings for another woman, and simply viewed me as a person to pass time with.

After that experience, I decided to try online dating again, but I did not have a good time with the few people I met. This year I have remained single and I am not dating as usual. I do not plan to go on dates or use online dating sites in the near future, and I will just see what happens in life. I am probably going to be single for along time unless I run across someone I organically click with in my day to day adventures.