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People Who Will Never Want to Date Again (Or at Least Not For Awhile)

There is a segment of the population who has completely given up on dating and is happier for it. Sometimes this only a temporary measure for a few weeks, or sometimes this is an indefinite amount of time that could last for months or years. Nevertheless, many singles are happy being single and consider a dating hiatus to be a wonderful respite. It is not that these singles have not tried, but dating has not met their needs for one reason or another. Some people choose not to date because relationships are not their thing.

Others have given up on dating because the long ritual of going on first dates is exhausting and tiring. For those who want to be in a relationship and eventually marriage, the casual dating scene of today is often discouraging, and there is very little desire to keep going on first dates. Sometimes people reach a point where they really just want nothing more to do with dating and have given up completely. There is nothing wrong with this and it is perfectly normal to just want to be alone. Solitude is a hard to come by commodity in this fast paced world of ours, so giving up on dating indefinitely surely has a few perks.

Sometimes you just want to buy your own box of chocolates.
Sometimes you just want to buy your own box of chocolates.

Perk #1: Less Arguing

Relationships are all about compromise, which means one partner will always have to concede something to make the other happy. In a relationship both partners are not always equal, and the most assertive person often gets their way more often than the more passive partner. If you just listen to people argue most arguments are about one person feeling their needs are not being fulfilled because the other person gets "their way" too much. Some relationships are better than others, but for people who tend to be more passive a dating dry spell can actually be a consolation. Coming home and knowing you can pick which show to watch because you boyfriend/girlfriend will not be vying for the remote. Knowing you can make whatever you like for dinner without having to worry about your boyfriend's peanut allergy. At times being single indefinitely can have its perks.

Perk #2: The Introverts Retreat

A dating dry spell can also be of benefit to a person that tends to be somewhat of an introvert and needs a retreat from the outside world at the end of the day. If your ex tended to be a social butterfly and always wanted to go out, then perhaps when you are single again staying in sounds like heaven.

Perk #3: Freedom From Jealousy

People who have just got out of a relationship with a controlling/jealous ex often want a little bit of space. Being single gives a person the time to think about what they want out of life, and often that means avoiding the dating scene. There is nothing wrong with dating, but there are some times in your life when you would rather just come home to the couch than go out to a club. For those who want to continue dating being single will give them a chance to meet a variety of people and keep their options open. Casual dating is often a good fit for those who want a little bit of space and want to keep their options open.

Perk #4: Freedom To Do My Own Thing

In a marriage or a steady relationship there often shared responsibilities with your partner, such as: taking turn making dinner, doing chores, spending time with your partner's family/friends, and the list can go on and become a source of many arguments. However, when you are single there are no "must do with my boyfriend/girlfriend," thus giving you the luxury of being able to make your own schedule. One friend actually broke up with her husband because he expected her to attend numerous family functions, which was beginning to encroach upon the time she spent with her own family/friends. Although this is not the solution for most people, the strain of meeting a list of mutual obligations can prompt many people to take it solo for awhile. Sometimes us singles just want to go home and make a salad and pie and we do not want to worry about making a five course dinner for your mother. This may sound selfish and unfair to your partner, but there are just times in a person's life when they would rather be single than cater to the needs of many others. You can only serve others well once your own personal needs are met, so be very cautious of doing something for your partner that you would not want to keep up over the long term. If you think it would be sweet to do your partner's laundry, but then begin to resent this, maybe it would be better not start doing this in the first place. Often couples can avoid a complete split by setting boundaries that respect personal free time.

As always being single or being in a relationship is always a personal choice, so take the time to do what is right for you.  Do not rush into a relationship out of fear your crush will not be around later because if it was meant to be it will happen in the future. 

Update: They Never Really Liked Me That Much Anyway!

The parents of an ex asked a relative how I was doing the other day, but I could not help to think: why do they care! As far as I can tell none of the men I ever dated me ever truly really liked me that much anyway, so why do they or their family pretend to be interested in how I am doing today. I think they were just looking for something gossipy to talk about, and that is about it.

It does not hurt me at all to declare all these years later that no one I ever dated ever really liked me that much anyway because it is true. I knew it at the time when I was going through my desperate "I hope he likes me phase," but years out of the dating scene I just find the whole show a bit ridiculous. If I could go back in time I would have told my younger self to never date and just read, write, draw, paint, craft and go on nature walks. I am looking forward to the rest of my single life because I no longer have to pretend that men I date truly like me. I was just the one they want to distract themselves with at the moment.

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Comments 23 comments

Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 6 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

It is very OK to be single and you stated here very important points. Some people feel much more themselves when "alone" and I very much admire that.

I admire you for this Hub and wish you a lot of luck, whether you decide to continue to stay single or not.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi Tatjana,

I decided to update the hub because I realize I am most likely going to be a life long single person, and I would like to remove the stigma of that. People say some really odd things to you if you decide being in relationships or a relationship is not for you. Some how their fears of one day being "all alone" are encapsulated in your decision to be single, and they just have to confront that head on. Three weeks ago when I got sick I made myself soup and took care of myself, and I was just fine. Maybe because I have always done things this way it seems perfectly fine, but I know to some people this is the scariest thing imaginable.


lock guy 5 years ago

I am 35 male been single all my life an hope to be that way. I have dated some girls.I never found the right girl so I gave it up.


SueMi 5 years ago

Thank God! finally an article that dostn twist this idea of being a lifelong bachelor/ette into "don't worry honey, the pain will pass and you'll want to date again"

Thank YOU!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 5 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi SueMi,

Never understood why some have to say, "Oh you have to get back out there". No, there are plenty of break-ups, bad relationships, and divorces in the world, so if you just prefer being on your own and not dealing with that drama, I think it is a lot easier actually. Even in the best relationship I always hear nagging and complaining between both parties, and as an outsider looking in, that does not strike me as a picnic.


iBeieveInmeFinalLY 5 years ago

Hi, first timer on a hub.

I agree with this so much and really wish I could meet more people who felt relationships aren't for everyone. I just wish to finding a balance and life for myself and not worrying about how to make my needs mold and conform for another. Seen three divorces this month in my family and best friend. I just do not wish to feel any of the let down and pain that will follow. So why not be happy in solitude?


karmapolice71 5 years ago

Hi SweetiePie,

I can completely understand your viewpoint and give you much respect for having the guts to go "against the grain" of what society says we should be doing and constantly rams down our throats. Being a 40 yr old male, I've never really given marriage much thought until recently and I have to say that my heart weeps for you just a little bit (not pity in any form, just a slight spiritual sadness), even though I know you don't want that. I've really been working on getting to know myself lately and am finding that when I am able to quiet my mind, my inner voice seems to be guiding me, without me even being conscious of it. Even though I've have been betrayed horribly in past relationships, I'm starting to feel a longing, a sense of incompleteness that I've never felt before. The more negative energy that I expel from my life, the more positive my outlook becomes. This "positive energy" has been compounding on itself and the resulting "build-up" seems to resonate with everyone I come into contact with. As a result, I now believe that the "Law of Attraction" is not just a myth, but a Universal truth. All I'm trying to say is that I believe, no matter how much you may think you don't want something, the universe just might have a different opinion and may in fact, change your thinking altogether. I say this now, because I am experiencing it as I write this. Sorry if I got too metaphysical, I just felt compelled to reach out to you...that's all :) Wishing you love and light.


Alex Singleton profile image

Alex Singleton 5 years ago from Surf City USA CA

Nice Hub.


Mariah 4 years ago

Hello,

I've had this problem all my life. My friends always want me to "get back in there." Well I can't do all the things I want to if I'm in a relationship. Its too complicated, dramatic, and too much compromising. I just want to spend my life as a fun, adventurous bachelorette, doing the things that I want to do in life. :) thank you for the Hub. It really encouraged me.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 4 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Glad you enjoyed this hub Mariah. Actually, I think the country is catching on a bit because I just read something in Marie Claire talking about how more people are choosing to be single these days, and it is not the horrific thing our grandparents made it out to be. Yes we are still surrounded by friends and acquaintances who always need to be in a relationship, or pursuing marriage as a life goal, but there is a very good likelihood a lot of those people will not be together in a few years anyway. It is better to focus on your own life rather than just trying to fill the void, so to speak.


BrianP51 4 years ago

I am single again due to being widowed after being married 19 years. I gave dating a shot when I felt ready. It really is not for me. Being a single parent as well, I really am not "alone". The last thing a middle aged single parent needs is someone else adding pressure and making demands from you. I'll have to say the last 8 years of my marriage were filled with pressure and anxiety that at times was debilitating. It was not my late wife's fault, she could not help it. That's part of your marriage vows. But now that time has past and those wounds have healed, I don't see a good reason to "put myself back out there" again. I had rather focus on getting my kids raised and on their feet in the world instead and take care of myself for a change. The companionship bit is grossly overrated in my opinion. I don't want the responsibility of making sure someone else is happy. Things can change, someone may fall out of the sky and knock my socks off as my friends say. I'll believe it when I see it, but I certainly won't go out chasing my tail looking for her. I will be content seeing my daughters through high school to college and going to their band concerts and sporting events in the meantime.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 4 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Brian,

You sound like a good dad. I wrote another hub awhile back talking about how divorced parents should focus on their kids rather than just dating, which I hear a lot of kids complain about actually. Even growing up kids my age would complain about how their mom's new boyfriend or dad's new girlfriend was getting so much attention, so even though you are not divorced, your situation is similar in that you are raising the kids on your own. Some people never seem to realize maybe their kids could be their companions, but I think it is cool that you do. Your kids will grow up knowning that you cared, and that they are not just an obligation for you until they turn 18.


BrianP51 4 years ago

You are right on SweetiePie in that the focus of those of us who are single parents should be their kids. I was astonished when I tested the dating waters that it wasn't the case among the single moms I encountered, and a far off concept to the one career single woman i was set up with. I was even accused of being selfish for choosing to attend the Friday night football game last year all three of my girls were playing in the marching band together for the first time and going to their schools band competition the next day rather than go on a weekend getaway with her. She had found a place to stash her kids for the weekend and pointed out mine were old enough to be left alone. What I couldn't get her to understand was that I live for these school events. This is where I see the payoff for all of the music lessons and the times I waited for them to get done with volleyball practice and such. The window is closing faster than you think on getting to see my girls do these things. Two years from now, this will be done when my youngest graduates. She kept saying there will be other games, I say I want to see them all. She got walking papers right then and there and maybe went on her trip alone. No loss for me, my girls didn't like her anyway. I don't need a significant other in my life to complete it. Who need that kind of stress? And this was one of the good ones.

I am glad to see that someone agrees with me. Twenty years from now, the woman I ditched to go to a high school football game will unlikely remember or care that she was upstaged by my girls. My girls will remember and laugh because their dad didn't get pressured into doing something he did not want to do with someone he didn't care all that much for to begin with.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 4 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

You did the right thing Brian. Maybe you should start a blog to help other single parents get their priorities straight, or at least focused on what is most important: their kids.


laxl 3 years ago

Could not agree more. I'm not anti-man... I just realize at my age that there are probably no men out there that can give me what I want, or that I will give them what they want. I have a great job, great friends, close family members, and have arranged my life in a way that makes me happy and I think I provide other people with happiness, as well. After much reflection, I realize that when in relationships, I bury my own needs/desires and then become resentful when my partner does not respect them. So, best thing for me is to be true to myself and embrace life. There IS a life without a spouse/significant other!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 3 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Hi laxl,

I wish people would stop inferring people who do not want to date are anti-something because in all honesty, a lot of us are just pro ourselves. Even when in recent times I remotely considered dating again, I usually put that idea back on the shelf when I realized that person was not interested enough in my own comfort. I do not expect someone to cater to me 24/7, but if an individual cannot even do simple rudimentary things that I think are just about respect, then why would I want to date him? I think we all have to hold out for what is best for us, and why should we ever settle for anything less?!


GWL 3 years ago

I definitely agree with what you have wrote. I have a different take about this. I honestly think that some of my "attached" friends want me to date and get into some sort of serious relationship because of jealousy because I have the freedom to choose what I want to do and they cannot because of commitments that were promised by their other half. Whenever I even start to consider dating someone, I always remind myself of the past and how unhappy I became because of a lack of the freedom I previously had and a choking feeling like someone was restricting my freedom of movement. I really don't understand these studies that say married people live ;onger than singles.


deniedmind1 3 years ago

thankyou for posting this. i never really had a gf after trying and falling for many girls doing crazy things to get there attention i never found that girl who wanted me. i would always get told i was never good enough. i am generally a very happy person. but there are those day i would think about woman and wonder " what is wrong with me" or is it them. i realise the only time i ever get sad is when i think about woman and love and dating. i think the only reason i ever wanted a girl friend was because i was told i couldn't have one. i think it woud be best i don't worry about it anymore . woman have only brought me sadness and my need to be accepted by one. giving up is not weakness sometimes letting go is real strenth


unknown 2 years ago

lately I've thought of if something is wrong with me cuz i barley ever dated i know there isn't but you just think cuz ppl just judge and talk abt guys more then you care for cuz they want you to date cause in their eyes its normal you date get married have kids n so on but its not normal if you feel just fine on ur own and the idea seems ok sometime but in ur heart you know you always been best on your own cuz you always done best and you just wish others could just understand and not think you weird or possibly lonely for wanting this but just is who you are....


Nicole 10 months ago

I am happier being single. I dont ever want to date again it is just not for me. I get to travel and do a lot of fun things by myself. Society should not make people feel bad about themselves or weird because they are single and choose that lifestyle.


Meh 8 months ago

I never dated much in my life, my last relationship pretty much took it out of me, to the point of my weight being 90lbs, being a 5 foot 6 woman, 90 lbs is VERY thin, The day I left I felt like a million chains had slide off of me, there was no more that could be done to me, I had hit rock bottom, and felt like this person took me on a trip down the devils throat, well now 3 years later I am healthy as can be expected. At 35 years old I have no desire to date ever again, I feel in my 20's and 30's all I worried about was dating, now, I will spend my 40's to 80's living my life my way!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 months ago from Southern California, USA Author

I am in my thirties, and love being single. I am not saying I will never date anyone again, but I have not for years because I am not part of the dating scene. I feel energetic and full of life, and not like I am missing out on everything. If dating was a priority I might pursue this, but I really do not feel like it.


beachsunny 7 months ago

Hi sweetiepie,

I just went through a 10 year breakup. We were engaged to be married and I am a bit in shock to be honest. I have said before if this ended I would be single for a good amount of time and after reading the article I think I will possibly remain single. I lost my few female friends while I put everything I had in this one person. My friends moved off and have famlies now. I am childless by choice. Now, I am trying to rebuild my life. I am searching for friendships but being introverted does not help. I just want to find some good girlfriends to travel and enjoy life with. I feel the relationship door is shut. I can not imagine dating another man. I have had several long term relationships end and this is ending up one of the hardest. I lost my best friend, my lover and my future husband. This pain makes me close up again and after so much of it I am burned. I see you are from California. I have considered moving there since I feel I could never be sad with beaches all around me. Can we chat?

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