There is a segment of the population who has completely given up on dating and is happier for it. Sometimes this only a temporary measure for a few weeks, or sometimes this is an indefinite amount of time that could last for months or years. Nevertheless, many singles are happy being single and consider a dating hiatus to be a wonderful respite. It is not that these singles have not tried, but dating has not met their needs for one reason or another. Some people choose not to date because relationships are not their thing.
Others have given up on dating because the long ritual of going on first dates is exhausting and tiring. For those who want to be in a relationship and eventually marriage, the casual dating scene of today is often discouraging, and there is very little desire to keep going on first dates. Sometimes people reach a point where they really just want nothing more to do with dating and have given up completely. There is nothing wrong with this and it is perfectly normal to just want to be alone. Solitude is a hard to come by commodity in this fast paced world of ours, so giving up on dating indefinitely surely has a few perks.
Perk #1: Less Arguing
Relationships are all about compromise, which means one partner will always have to concede something to make the other happy. In a relationship both partners are not always equal, and the most assertive person often gets their way more often than the more passive partner. If you just listen to people argue most arguments are about one person feeling their needs are not being fulfilled because the other person gets "their way" too much. Some relationships are better than others, but for people who tend to be more passive a dating dry spell can actually be a consolation. Coming home and knowing you can pick which show to watch because you boyfriend/girlfriend will not be vying for the remote. Knowing you can make whatever you like for dinner without having to worry about your boyfriend's peanut allergy. At times being single indefinitely can have its perks.
Perk #2: The Introverts Retreat
A dating dry spell can also be of benefit to a person that tends to be somewhat of an introvert and needs a retreat from the outside world at the end of the day. If your ex tended to be a social butterfly and always wanted to go out, then perhaps when you are single again staying in sounds like heaven.
Perk #3: Freedom From Jealousy
People who have just got out of a relationship with a controlling/jealous ex often want a little bit of space. Being single gives a person the time to think about what they want out of life, and often that means avoiding the dating scene. There is nothing wrong with dating, but there are some times in your life when you would rather just come home to the couch than go out to a club. For those who want to continue dating being single will give them a chance to meet a variety of people and keep their options open. Casual dating is often a good fit for those who want a little bit of space and want to keep their options open.
Perk #4: Freedom To Do My Own Thing
In a marriage or a steady relationship there often shared responsibilities with your partner, such as: taking turn making dinner, doing chores, spending time with your partner's family/friends, and the list can go on and become a source of many arguments. However, when you are single there are no "must do with my boyfriend/girlfriend," thus giving you the luxury of being able to make your own schedule. One friend actually broke up with her husband because he expected her to attend numerous family functions, which was beginning to encroach upon the time she spent with her own family/friends. Although this is not the solution for most people, the strain of meeting a list of mutual obligations can prompt many people to take it solo for awhile. Sometimes us singles just want to go home and make a salad and pie and we do not want to worry about making a five course dinner for your mother. This may sound selfish and unfair to your partner, but there are just times in a person's life when they would rather be single than cater to the needs of many others. You can only serve others well once your own personal needs are met, so be very cautious of doing something for your partner that you would not want to keep up over the long term. If you think it would be sweet to do your partner's laundry, but then begin to resent this, maybe it would be better not start doing this in the first place. Often couples can avoid a complete split by setting boundaries that respect personal free time.
As always being single or being in a relationship is always a personal choice, so take the time to do what is right for you. Do not rush into a relationship out of fear your crush will not be around later because if it was meant to be it will happen in the future.
Why I Stopped Dating In My Late Twenties
The parents of an ex asked a relative how I was doing a few years ago, but I could not help to think: why do they care! As far as I can tell none of the men I ever dated me ever truly really liked me that much anyway, so why do they or their family pretend to be interested in how I am doing today. I think they were just looking for something gossipy to talk about, and that is about it.
It does not hurt me at all to declare all these years later that no one I ever dated ever really liked me that much anyway because it is true. I knew it at the time when I was going through my desperate "I hope he likes me phase," but years out of the dating scene I just find the whole show a bit ridiculous. If I could go back in time I would have told my younger self to never date and just read, write, draw, paint, craft and go on nature walks. I am looking forward to the rest of my single life because I no longer have to pretend that men I date truly like me. I was just the one they want to distract themselves with at the moment.
I Tried To Be Open-Minded About It Again
Last year I decided to try and be open-minded about the whole dating thing again, but it did not really go very well. For several years leading up to this, I had an online and offline involvement with a man who had been my childhood penpal, who came to the US four times per year on business trips. However, he never wanted to move to California and was not interested in pursuing a long term relationship with me. He encouraged me to be open to a local man, so I finally decided to do so around Christmas of 2018. There was a man I had known for a few years in passing, and I thought he was cute. I actually believed at the time that he liked me but turned out he just wanted my company because the woman he truly adored was upset with him. Apparently he was not ready for a serious relationship with that woman when she asked for one, so she started dating someone else around Christmas. I was not picking up on this at the time, but he just wanted to spend the days after Christmas and New Years with me because he felt lonely to some degree.
However, I should have used better judgment because he was constantly mentioning this other woman, but I was a little confused because one night in mid-January he called me, and professed that I was helping him feel things again. He whispered sweet nothings into the receiver into the wee hours of the night, which I would learn the next morning. It turns out that it was just an allusion he was starting to care about me because the very next day he was off to see the woman who had rejected him around Christmas since she was now breaking up with her boyfriend. He told me he had just drunk dialed me because he thought I wanted to hear nice things the night before and that we were just friends, but that did not mean he never wanted to date me. Of course, he never wanted to date me, and this interlude hurt me quite a bit. Looking back it should not have bothered me at all because he obviously had some deep feelings for another woman, and simply viewed me as a person to pass time with. After that experience, I decided to try online dating again, but I did not have a good time with the few people I met. This year I have remained single and I am not dating as usual. I do not plan to go on dates or use online dating sites in the near future, and I will just see what happens in life. I am probably going to be single for along time unless I run across someone I organically click with in my day to day adventures.
Mitchell Mahon on August 10, 2020:
For the present I feel women are all right provided that they're friends members of my family and on a professional basis but intimate love is forbidden territory.
Anonymous on July 21, 2020:
Women have just too many very high unrealistic expectations now more than ever unfortunately. And that is why so many of us men are still single today.
The Very Truth on July 17, 2020:
Well first of all with so many women nowadays that are so very high maintenance, independent, which they don't really need a man anyway, very selfish, greedy, spoiled, picky, gold diggers, cheaters, since they sleep around a lot, narcissists, and very money hungry as well. And that list just keeps on growing since these type of very pathetic women will never ever make a good wife at all to begin with anyway. These are very excellent reasons why so many of us single men can't meet a normal woman anymore today unfortunately.
Single mcgee on May 25, 2020:
Hey, I feel exactly the same way. I've been single for a couple years now. My last relationship was good but very emotionally exhausting, not to mention time-consuming and expensive. I've felt so free the last year or so it's been incredible. I finally have time to do what I want to do and focus on my own future. I adopted a dog too, so I honestly can't see myself dating while also caring for and spending time with my dog. I'm picking up new hobbies too. Everyone stuffs this idea down our throats that we need a relationship to be happy, and that's so wrong. I feel like I wasted so much time feeling lonely and depressed about not dating anyone that I missed out on a lot.
Thankfully, I now get to do that.
vinf on February 21, 2020:
I have to admit that the whole dating, meeting someone circuit seems to me a complete waste of time and energy and money. It seems like it is easier to pull teeth then to find someone that you are compatible with. It seems like people have so much emotional baggage these days. Women who have kids from 2 different guys, substance abuse, drugs etc. Ive come to the point in my life that the women I am interested in have no interest in me and the women that appear to be interested in me, I have no interest for. I cannot understand how people in the 50s and 60s found someone with no dating sites,tv, computers apps etc. Today with all the technology you would think it would be a lot easier to find someone, but for me it isn't. Im 55 years old, and I never thought that when I was in my teens and twentys that I would have given up completely on women and romance.I think I understand why people who are gay seem to be a whole lot happier than I am.
vnk on February 18, 2020:
I have basically given up on dating because it seems like more trouble than its worth. There is just to much competition out there. Too many men that are good looking and have money,(I have neither). Its difficult because when I see a nice looking couple, I get jealous and resentful. I never had a serious relationship and never will, now that I am in my late 50s. I don't believe in the saying that there is someone out there for everyone. I never liked myself much, why should anyone else.
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on January 14, 2020:
Thank you, Donna!
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on January 14, 2020:
I suggest maybe talking to a mental health professional. There is a lot to live for in this lifetime, even if you are single.
IllustratorFox on December 30, 2019:
Love this article. The thing is, I think that being single was so feared by previous generations because marriage was the only way most women could gain any kind of social standing and financial security. I’m not surprised to see that this is shifting now, and I think it’s great.
I was in big relationships back to back to back, from 16 to 33. I was always the one to end it. By the end of the whole thing, I was so desperate for some time to myself. I decided to take a full year off dating. Couples people reacted like I had three heads. They said “Whoah, why not a month or two?” It’s interesting for sure how saying you actually choose to be single triggers people’s insecurities.
By the end of that first year, I had absolutely no desire to date whatsoever! I absolutely loved the feeling of total freedom, peace, and independence. I love not having to worry about calling someone, making them happy, making decisions around them, negotiating with them, and basing my life decisions on someone else. I am madly in love with the feeling of my life being this amazing blank canvas where I totally get to decide every aspect of the art.
I’ve now been single for exactly two years (I’m 35 now), and I absolutely love it. Absolutely no plans to change that any time soon, if ever. I don’t actually want a relationship right now, or dating. I’m getting super into fitness and working out, building my finances, building my businesses, studying and learning skills I’ve always wanted, and I get to be creative every day. Some people can’t get their heads around this. They assume I just haven’t found “the one” (dear god), that I was badly hurt, that I’m scared, that I’m in denial, or some other variant other than the actual truth: I literally just don’t want a relationship at this time.
I only know one person who is in a happy long term relationship. She’s in her 40s and has been married to her husband since she was in her mid-20s. There are still issues. She pressures him to make more money, and he pressures her to tone down her drinking and partying. They don’t have sex often. They used to do drugs together. They are in a lot of debt. She has mental health issues. I think really, they have been together so long they can’t fathom anything else. She’ll ask me (about being single), “But don’t you miss a warm body in bed with you?”. I honestly love having a bed to myself. She’ll also say things like, “Yeah, I was like that, but then I found tHe RiGhT oNe”. I just don’t look at it like that. I don’t think relationships are about getting so lucky to find your “soulmate” or “the right one”. It’s literally a decision you make.
Donna Rayne from Sparks, Nevada on December 28, 2019:
Hi SweetiePie, What I like about being single is that I am not on anyone else's schedule and I can go when I please and do the things I have always wanted to do.
I'm not interested in dating due to I'm not fully divorced as of yet, because of money issues and such. I'm open to being friends and this marriage even though it ended badly, I do know all men are not smucks and liars and some can be trustworthy :)
Great hub, I enjoyed reading it :)
Alan on December 23, 2019:
It's best to just give up and shun everybody as much as possible. If I could stop the sex drive completely and move away where no one could find me, that would be fantastic. I've tried dating, but the women I dated said I didn't make enough money for them. I work as a $10 a hour janitor and I live in a dump. I'm over the hill at 47, never been married, no kids. I'll never be good looking, I wasn't cute when I was 21. I just get up and go to a job that has nothing to do with the two degrees that I got, shut my mouth, and pray that I don't wake up in the morning.
Slartybartfast on November 27, 2019:
Not trying to offend, but women are clueless into how much time, effort, Money and frankly, abuse, men must endure just to get a date.
In fact I've litteraly decided that the process, just the process of getting a date isn't worth it.
It's degrading and humiliating.
I'd litteraly rather go to the dentist for unnecessary fillings. It's cheaper, less painful and more importantly less risky.
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on November 21, 2019:
@Slartybartfast, I think it is sad people are materialistic and have long lists. I am not that kind of woman, and just put off dating due to a few bad experiences. Last year I decided to open myself up to a man who I thought liked me, but it turned out he just used me for the company when the woman he liked was upset he would not commit right away. He hurt my feelings because there he could spend New Year's with me saying romantic things, and then three weeks later drop me like a hot potato because his lady friend was breaking up with her short term boyfriend. I was sad about it, but then I realized he is not the person for me. I even tried dating a couple of people after that, but I have not had much luck. I going out of my way to date people at the moment, and I am just going to see what happens next. I am trying to be open-minded about it all, but considering a lot of people in relationships are not always happy, I think it is better to just be content with oneself. Recently I have been listening to videos about how we are more than enough, and we are perfect as we are. We do not have to go out of our way to entertain others or get them to notice us. We can enjoy every minute of our lives and live in the present, and we we feel content and do things that bring us joy, the right people will come into our lives.
Slartybartfast on November 13, 2019:
It's good to know I'm not the only one calling it quits.
Maybe I should get a dog?
Slartybartfast on November 09, 2019:
It's been nineteen years since my divorce. At first I really didn't think about trying to date. I married someone I met in high school and we didn't have any children.
Then I moved to a very rural area in Florida and simply didn't meet anyone my age.
Now in back living in a city. I tried online dating but after reading through profiles it made me think I was just not what women are looking for, they have lists, big long lists of qualifications.
I sent probably a dozen messages to women with no response before calling it quits.
Now I'm sorta getting used to the idea of being single the rest of my life and giving up on the idea of marriage and family .
Slartybartfast on October 29, 2019:
I called quits on dating when I turned 30. As a guy it's easy to do as just getting a date is a long, demeaning and expensive waste of time. Dating for me was like a job interview, no fun at all, like I was just there till someone better comes along and it was my privilege to pay for their night out.
Yes, I would have liked to have had a family but I find the whole social contract that I as a man am required to accept is simply not worth it.
In fact, I gave up on women entirely and am better for it.
Slartybartfast on March 12, 2019:
18 years and counting. It's easier for a guy to not date as just getting a date is such a long involved and often degrading chore.
So say a guy is feeling a bit lonely he would have to go out over a period of days, weeks , months etc actively looking for, approaching etc women. After a while the feeling passes and he starts thinking about why he chose to not date and he stops and stays single.
Women ( I'm guessing) still get asked out. So if a man she finds attractive asks her out at the point she is feeling lonely etc..
It's the difference between working overtime at a hated job or finding money
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on September 23, 2018:
@iamtanmay I actually have had people tell me I am beautiful, and I know I am attractive. This has nothing to do with looks at all. I wrote this awhile back. Choosing not to date or not to be in a relationship has nothing to do with someone's looks. Some people who are considered very plain looking are in relationships, and most average people are not "super models". I am sure you were just trying to be nice when you opened that way, but just wanted to clarify this is not about looks. Sure you were not looking to offend anyone, and I am trying not to take it this way. Looking back I actually feel blessed I have skipped most of the dating and marriage scene because I like being single. I have never felt sorry for myself, maybe some of your insecurities taint the way you perceive how others feel.
Wendy Golden from New York on September 16, 2018:
Thank you for this. I feel the same way. I am happily single, and I realized a while ago that the people I dated were looking to fulfill their own needs, not necessarily interested in my needs. Being able to pursue my own interests with the added benefits of a peaceful, quiet life is heaven.
Meeee on August 25, 2018:
After what I have been through with my marriage and then after that, dating an a-hole and being lied to about things I found out the truth about.... I honestly NEVER EVER EVER EVER want to date anybody ever again. My life is my kids. Ive heard the garbage "not everyone is like that" well, so far I haven't ran into someone who is different. No such thing as true love in this world anymore.
iamtanmay on June 18, 2018:
So, I looked at your video, and to be honest, you are definitely not unattractive ! You might not be a supermodel, but you are not ugly in the least !
I know how shitty it feels. I am a 30 year old guy, and I am a virgin (not by choice). I have spent years to improve myself in every way, from personality to wardrobe to fitness.
I became a dance teacher (I dance 14 different styles), an improv comedian, a street acrobat, a singer in restaurants, and a classical guitar player. I worked tirelessly to have a good traditional career while still improving myself on the side.
What sucks as a guy is that women only want and respect you if other women want you. If you are unpopular, its a vicious cycle. Women are so sensitive to status, that they won't give a guy a chance if they think other women don't want him.
I have had 2000 upfront rejections in 3 years (without a first date). When I do get first dates, the local girls have basically used me to kill time and get free entertainment (I can tell). Its the foreign exchange students and so on, who ever gave me a fair chance.
I am dating a woman in her 30's like you. But to be honest, I am fairly unhappy about it. I would like to date a girl who is younger and more attractive, because I feel I never really got to experience that my whole life.
I know it sounds unfair for me to say that, but I also cannot force my feelings towards a woman who is older than me. I think it would be best for her to find an older man.
I just found out that another one of my latest date was using me. Sucks. Really does.
But such is life. I as a man, must take it on the chin, pretend that it doesn't bother me, and act the part of a popular carefree guy. Otherwise I lose whatever minimal chance I have with other women.
Tough as it is, I also would tell you not to give up. Try something new - a different ethnicity/nationality/age group. Keep mixing it up.
You can always feel sorry for yourself when you are older. Now that you are still young, you shouldn't give up !
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on May 28, 2018:
I think you speak a lot of truth miaketurah. There is a lot of work that goes into relationship, and the effort is not always worth it. I would only want to be with someone where things happen naturally.
email@example.com on May 25, 2018:
I can identify with you. I have decided to give up dating and relationships the rest of my life. I get attached too quickly to men who do not want me and are not interested. I feel like I am not good enough and do not measure up. I envy the women who they prefer. I feel like a piece of crap. It will be better for me to avoid the dating and marriage thing. I hate when people tell me to get out of there and have to help yourself in finding a mate. I feel like it would be more peaceful and tranquil being by yourself. You do not have to worry about the headaches of a relationship and the compromises you have to make. Also, a spouse and a significant can cheat on you because they are not happy. You can be lonely in a relationship. Also, I am tired of the rejection and pain. I do take some responsibility for this. I engage in fantasy and do not like men who want me. I apologize for not mentioning this earlier. I stopped fantasy and saw the truth. The men I desired did not want me. Why waste my time? I will be 50 and I am content not being in one. It is fault for bring too forward and then trying to avoid me. To me, it is b.s. trying to date to get love.
tonysam on April 22, 2018:
I am a 63-year-old woman, and I came to terms with my being never married many, many years ago, when I entered my early thirties. I had moved away from where I grew up, and when I relocated, I realized there were no men whatsoever in this new location who were available and stable. Not a single one in the 26 years I lived there, and I had decided at that point to focus on myself and my interests. I do not have a "glamorous" career and will likely have to work into my seventies, but I have lived life on my own terms. I no longer centered my life in a futile pursuit for a dude who was never going to materialize.
Sarah on March 18, 2018:
This is now my 4th year of being single and in this time I have learned a lot about myself, I have learned to truly heal from the toxic relationships I'd had in the past, I've learned to truly love myself for the first time. I'm 41 years old and from the time I entered this world I have suffered all forms of abuse, which in my time of being single I have learned to heal from this too. Looking around at others I see the same pattern people too afraid to be alone so desperate to validate their lives in another, which of course Doesn't work !
I think it's healthy to allow yourself time alone to learn about yourself, who you are , to learn to be your own best friend to learn to truly love yourself, the saying no one will love you if you don't love yourself I see that now and believe it.
No one no matter who will never know you as well as you yourself ! A relationship between two people should never be about dependency. This lesson has been my greatest and has bought the peace I have sought for so long.
Love yourself :)
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on February 21, 2018:
I think you are more mature than you think. Many people who are in relationships are immature and selfish, and are simply using others to make themselves feel better. Being on your own can be a positive thing. If you want to be in a relationship later, I think spending time cultivating your own hobbies and interests will help you meet a like-minded person. I am still single and happy, but now that I am a bit older I realize I would rather be in a relationship with someone I share interests with, and who is emotionally mature.
Alex on February 13, 2018:
I just don't think I'm the kind of person that can handle being in a relationship, so I never tried. I have severe abandonment/replacement issues and I do not think that another person would be able to handle me. I know that my feelings are wrong and I feel very childish for feeling this way, which is another reason why I do not feel mature enough for a relationship.
I always feel at peace when I am alone. Like I do not have to compete for affection or worry about pleasing someone else, or not pleasing them enough. These feelings really put my mind in a tailspin. Although, I am not totally alone. I have a puppy and without sounding sappy, she is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Latonia on February 10, 2018:
I've been single for a little over 2 months and I think I will remain single. I was only with him for 6 months but that relationship had a huge impact on me and now has caused me to put everything I've believed about relationships and men in question. I've become painfully aware that people are never as they seem and u can be replaced in a second without a 2nd thought. I'll never look at relationships the same and the hurt, pain, rejection and disappointment I feel in this very moment will keep me single. I've always been very optimistic about relationships but I think it's time for me to be alone and enjoy my life with my little one.
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on February 06, 2018:
I respect the views of the majority who want to be in a relationship. I do not think the long vision of this article is for everyone, that being alone in life is okay. I actually think that since most of my life has been happy when I was single, and the few times I tried to date people it was not for me, that I am happy being single. I am not going to have kids at this point, and one of the main reasons I ever thought getting married would be if I wanted to have a family with children of my own. This is actually not really a priority. I agree with the commenter who said a pet probably can provide the most unconditional love that many humans are not capable of. Plus, who says you have to be lonely just because you are single. There are social groups and meetups around activities, and many people in this are single, or just there for friendship.
LaTrice from Las Vegas, NV on February 04, 2018:
After ending the relationship with my ex-boyfriend, and grieving over my mom's death, I decided to remove myself from the dating scene for a while. My mindset isn't where it used be, so I'm mentally and emotionally a "hot mess." I want to seize the opportunity to get my head straight, and focus on adjusting to the new normal of not having my mom around. Although it's been six months, the pain is still raw.
This is a good article. However, life is too short to spend the rest of your life as a single person.
Beth on January 29, 2018:
Gladly took myself off the market years ago. I've been in love with someone who was hurt terribly and thinks that he can only love her when she is incapable of love. Also I think human love is incredibly flawed and a waste of time. If you want unconditional love, get a dog.
Eric on January 01, 2018:
I wouldn't want to date again unless it's with the same person that I started with . My life with someone was set and I had an amusing relationship and we practically shared amazing moment and created many memories that will carry on . We broke up and every day I only think about that one person ever since they left . I wouldn't want to date again because I don't want to her heart broken by someone who you really love and someone who you think will be with you forever.
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on December 01, 2017:
I wrote this about seven years ago, but I do share and update the post because I know it still have relevance. I have never re-entered the dating scene, but it is not because I do not want to meet someone. I just realized over time dating is not the way for me. The best relationships I have seen out there that last the course of a lifetime are when people just meet and click. So perhaps I am holding out for that, but that is what I want. This person does not have to be perfect or look like a model or make a six-figure income, I just want to meet someone where we feel we always want to be together. And I know from watching the couples with good relationships that you do not have to date to find that. So I would be okay being single for the rest of my life if this does not happen rather than trying to have a string of relationships where we just put up with each other.
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on December 01, 2017:
Well Paul that is great. I actually would not have a problem getting married at this point in my life if I found the right person. So do what is best for you, but having lots of friends with benefits arrangement is exactly why I choose not to date. I know it is possible to join groups and get out there to meet lots of people, but that is not my thing. So I would rather be single with good friendships than just seeking out sexual encounters with my friends. So do what is best for you, but what works for you might not work for everyone else.
Paul on November 30, 2017:
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but no dating? How is a person supposed to take care of their biological sexual needs? Don't you appreciate the warmth of a person besides you in bed occasionally? How about the challenge of putting up with someone's quirks? I am just wondering. I'm introverted, but do date women who are committed to staying single, so we're just FWB's.
Candace on August 25, 2017:
I'm in my thirties and have officially stopped dating. And lookong forward to a future of singledom. Alas I have decided its just not for me. I am happy and healthiest over the long term on my own. And that is what matters most. I have traveled the world Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, Mexico, France, Belgium, Germany, Greece, Turkey and all over Canada (My home...British Columbia, Alberta, North West Territories). If I could offer my younger self advice persue your passions fall in love with life and chase your dreams. To my future self dont be afraid of boredom and loneliness. Things in life are temporary....and this too shall pass.
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on August 22, 2017:
I am still single, and I do not really date. I think writing this helped me at the time, but it is not really even something that comes to mind much these days. I am happy with hobbies, just like you were saying, Nina.
Nina Woods on August 02, 2017:
Is the author still single? :)
I am considering a life of singledom. I already go years without a date or a boyfriend. I'm thinking of a more permanent change. Dating for me has been a waste of time and sometimes dangerous. Relationships were one sided, and happy times were fleeting.
I haaate when people encourage me to get out there.
"Just talk to people." For what?
"You'll regret this when you're older."
Being married at 30 doesn't mean you'll be married to them in old age!
I have my own life with hobbies. The best part of being single is being yourself all the time!!!
Smarmy2 on July 24, 2017:
I gave up at 30, been almost 17 years now.
I always thought I'd be a good dad, guess I'll never get to find out.
Dandy on May 17, 2017:
I am also done with dating. In my early 20's had 2 "serious' relationships with selfish, narcisistic men, had my son when i was 22 and dumped his father 2 months after he was born because he never helped us out, and treated us like crap. Been on a handful of blind dates that have gone nowhere but no relationships. I found out the hard way that men don't want single mothers, or at least they don't want me. I'd like to find a roomate at some point to help out with bills and fix stuff around the house, other than that i really don't care anymore.
DonFram on April 25, 2017:
Divorced dad here. I can state that a lot of the single dad's that I have met along the way simply do not have the energy, drive nor the passion to deal with dating. Bring an active parent raising my child along with work, I like having time to relax once in awhile without having to perform another task. That's what dating is, a task. Raising my daughter is incredibly enjoyable, fun, stressful and I wouldn't miss any of it for another person. Add a 50 hour work week, after school activities, PTA stuff and our Mondays thru Fridaysome are full. Saturday is sleep late day, bike riding, swimming or whatever my daughter and I collectively feel like doing or not doing. Sunday is church, then more free time to have and flexibility until Sunday evening when we make our lunches, laundry, boring stuff that sets us up for success Monday morning.
Throw in a workout 2-3 mornings during the week at 5am. I have never understood how single parents find all of the time to go out 2 or more times a week and socialize, wake up tired, hung over and want to keep chasing the party life. To each their own. Just different mind sets.
Maybe when my daughter is grown up, completed college/trade school, has left home, maybe then I might look at dating. But I hear from the older women that men their age are lazy, tired, cranky, no sex drive and boring.
I've dated 2 women since the divorce 6 years ago. I realized that I just didn't feel the need tof bother with it. My life is full. I have finally convinced enough of my friends and family to let my daughter and I live our lives they way we want to and stop asking the dumb questionstuff around dating or attempting to set me up.
I am Just a Guy Wanting to Give Some Input on February 27, 2017:
I accept that most people on here have given up on dating or just flat out don't want a relationship, but let me give another perspective for what it is worth. But, once again, if you have no interest in dating ever again that is totally fine and you don't have to even consider this take. A lot of this dating stuff has to do with how a person responds to those around them (if you think that no one is really interested, well you may be believing something that is completely false). Sometimes you may want to just give people a chance unless you truly have given up on relationships. I truly accept that some people never want to date again and will end up remaining single for life. If you ever did decide to give dating a chance again it is better to be cautious in dating. In other words, make sure there is a mutual interest before you ask them out (if they ask you out there is probably an interest, but don't always assume their motives are wrong). Maybe before you accept their date you might say "how about we just not call it a date but get coffee or go for a walk in the park?" This way it will be more like a casual friendship or acquaintance.
There needs to be a clear hint that they are really interested. If you do ask them out and they say no, then you know. If you get to know them then you can understand better at where they stand or if they are in another relationship. I think the bigger challenge is thinking that a person is not interested when they really are. You can test this in many ways...by seeing how they respond to you. But, sometimes it is just best to rule out certain people from the outgo and not even go for them. If someone is well beyond the half age plus 7 rule, then just rule them out and move on. Don't even consider them. Then, if there is an exception you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt what that exception is...the other person will make themselves clear to you...and then you have to decide if you will move forward or not. But, if you do decide to give relationships a chance my advice is to just stay away from people too young and you will avoid potential problems or misunderstandings. If you just want to be single for life that is an admirable goal. Maybe you got kids and you realize that it would be better for them to not have you remarry while the other parent is still living. Or, maybe it doesn't matter who dies first...you just want to remain single. Or, maybe you have been single your whole life and have hardly dated. Maybe you have never dated. Maybe you have decided to never date. This is all ok. But, just know that you can give dating a whirl again...even if you get turned down...at least you know you tried.
LBCC on February 11, 2017:
None of the men I've ever dated, and even the one who married me, ever really loved me. Despite all of the times they said they loved me, they were only saying it to get me into bed. I'm absolutely done with men forever. I wasted 21 years trying to be a good wife, girlfriend, lover, friend, etc. to the men who lied to me and said they cared. But NEVER again. I just turn down every single man who asks me out now. I am so done, and it's not like it's a loss to men. They never cared anyways.
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on April 25, 2016:
I am in my thirties, and love being single. I am not saying I will never date anyone again, but I have not for years because I am not part of the dating scene. I feel energetic and full of life, and not like I am missing out on everything. If dating was a priority I might pursue this, but I really do not feel like it.
Meh on April 12, 2016:
I never dated much in my life, my last relationship pretty much took it out of me, to the point of my weight being 90lbs, being a 5 foot 6 woman, 90 lbs is VERY thin, The day I left I felt like a million chains had slide off of me, there was no more that could be done to me, I had hit rock bottom, and felt like this person took me on a trip down the devils throat, well now 3 years later I am healthy as can be expected. At 35 years old I have no desire to date ever again, I feel in my 20's and 30's all I worried about was dating, now, I will spend my 40's to 80's living my life my way!
Nicole on January 16, 2016:
I am happier being single. I dont ever want to date again it is just not for me. I get to travel and do a lot of fun things by myself. Society should not make people feel bad about themselves or weird because they are single and choose that lifestyle.
unknown on June 21, 2014:
lately I've thought of if something is wrong with me cuz i barley ever dated i know there isn't but you just think cuz ppl just judge and talk abt guys more then you care for cuz they want you to date cause in their eyes its normal you date get married have kids n so on but its not normal if you feel just fine on ur own and the idea seems ok sometime but in ur heart you know you always been best on your own cuz you always done best and you just wish others could just understand and not think you weird or possibly lonely for wanting this but just is who you are....
deniedmind1 on March 05, 2013:
thankyou for posting this. i never really had a gf after trying and falling for many girls doing crazy things to get there attention i never found that girl who wanted me. i would always get told i was never good enough. i am generally a very happy person. but there are those day i would think about woman and wonder " what is wrong with me" or is it them. i realise the only time i ever get sad is when i think about woman and love and dating. i think the only reason i ever wanted a girl friend was because i was told i couldn't have one. i think it woud be best i don't worry about it anymore . woman have only brought me sadness and my need to be accepted by one. giving up is not weakness sometimes letting go is real strenth
GWL on January 31, 2013:
I definitely agree with what you have wrote. I have a different take about this. I honestly think that some of my "attached" friends want me to date and get into some sort of serious relationship because of jealousy because I have the freedom to choose what I want to do and they cannot because of commitments that were promised by their other half. Whenever I even start to consider dating someone, I always remind myself of the past and how unhappy I became because of a lack of the freedom I previously had and a choking feeling like someone was restricting my freedom of movement. I really don't understand these studies that say married people live ;onger than singles.
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on January 27, 2013:
I wish people would stop inferring people who do not want to date are anti-something because in all honesty, a lot of us are just pro ourselves. Even when in recent times I remotely considered dating again, I usually put that idea back on the shelf when I realized that person was not interested enough in my own comfort. I do not expect someone to cater to me 24/7, but if an individual cannot even do simple rudimentary things that I think are just about respect, then why would I want to date him? I think we all have to hold out for what is best for us, and why should we ever settle for anything less?!
laxl on January 27, 2013:
Could not agree more. I'm not anti-man... I just realize at my age that there are probably no men out there that can give me what I want, or that I will give them what they want. I have a great job, great friends, close family members, and have arranged my life in a way that makes me happy and I think I provide other people with happiness, as well. After much reflection, I realize that when in relationships, I bury my own needs/desires and then become resentful when my partner does not respect them. So, best thing for me is to be true to myself and embrace life. There IS a life without a spouse/significant other!
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on June 11, 2012:
You did the right thing Brian. Maybe you should start a blog to help other single parents get their priorities straight, or at least focused on what is most important: their kids.
BrianP51 on June 10, 2012:
You are right on SweetiePie in that the focus of those of us who are single parents should be their kids. I was astonished when I tested the dating waters that it wasn't the case among the single moms I encountered, and a far off concept to the one career single woman i was set up with. I was even accused of being selfish for choosing to attend the Friday night football game last year all three of my girls were playing in the marching band together for the first time and going to their schools band competition the next day rather than go on a weekend getaway with her. She had found a place to stash her kids for the weekend and pointed out mine were old enough to be left alone. What I couldn't get her to understand was that I live for these school events. This is where I see the payoff for all of the music lessons and the times I waited for them to get done with volleyball practice and such. The window is closing faster than you think on getting to see my girls do these things. Two years from now, this will be done when my youngest graduates. She kept saying there will be other games, I say I want to see them all. She got walking papers right then and there and maybe went on her trip alone. No loss for me, my girls didn't like her anyway. I don't need a significant other in my life to complete it. Who need that kind of stress? And this was one of the good ones.
I am glad to see that someone agrees with me. Twenty years from now, the woman I ditched to go to a high school football game will unlikely remember or care that she was upstaged by my girls. My girls will remember and laugh because their dad didn't get pressured into doing something he did not want to do with someone he didn't care all that much for to begin with.
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on June 10, 2012:
You sound like a good dad. I wrote another hub awhile back talking about how divorced parents should focus on their kids rather than just dating, which I hear a lot of kids complain about actually. Even growing up kids my age would complain about how their mom's new boyfriend or dad's new girlfriend was getting so much attention, so even though you are not divorced, your situation is similar in that you are raising the kids on your own. Some people never seem to realize maybe their kids could be their companions, but I think it is cool that you do. Your kids will grow up knowning that you cared, and that they are not just an obligation for you until they turn 18.
BrianP51 on June 10, 2012:
I am single again due to being widowed after being married 19 years. I gave dating a shot when I felt ready. It really is not for me. Being a single parent as well, I really am not "alone". The last thing a middle aged single parent needs is someone else adding pressure and making demands from you. I'll have to say the last 8 years of my marriage were filled with pressure and anxiety that at times was debilitating. It was not my late wife's fault, she could not help it. That's part of your marriage vows. But now that time has past and those wounds have healed, I don't see a good reason to "put myself back out there" again. I had rather focus on getting my kids raised and on their feet in the world instead and take care of myself for a change. The companionship bit is grossly overrated in my opinion. I don't want the responsibility of making sure someone else is happy. Things can change, someone may fall out of the sky and knock my socks off as my friends say. I'll believe it when I see it, but I certainly won't go out chasing my tail looking for her. I will be content seeing my daughters through high school to college and going to their band concerts and sporting events in the meantime.
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on May 24, 2012:
Glad you enjoyed this hub Mariah. Actually, I think the country is catching on a bit because I just read something in Marie Claire talking about how more people are choosing to be single these days, and it is not the horrific thing our grandparents made it out to be. Yes we are still surrounded by friends and acquaintances who always need to be in a relationship, or pursuing marriage as a life goal, but there is a very good likelihood a lot of those people will not be together in a few years anyway. It is better to focus on your own life rather than just trying to fill the void, so to speak.
Mariah on May 24, 2012:
I've had this problem all my life. My friends always want me to "get back in there." Well I can't do all the things I want to if I'm in a relationship. Its too complicated, dramatic, and too much compromising. I just want to spend my life as a fun, adventurous bachelorette, doing the things that I want to do in life. :) thank you for the Hub. It really encouraged me.
Alex Singleton from Surf City USA CA on November 10, 2011:
karmapolice71 on September 24, 2011:
I can completely understand your viewpoint and give you much respect for having the guts to go "against the grain" of what society says we should be doing and constantly rams down our throats. Being a 40 yr old male, I've never really given marriage much thought until recently and I have to say that my heart weeps for you just a little bit (not pity in any form, just a slight spiritual sadness), even though I know you don't want that. I've really been working on getting to know myself lately and am finding that when I am able to quiet my mind, my inner voice seems to be guiding me, without me even being conscious of it. Even though I've have been betrayed horribly in past relationships, I'm starting to feel a longing, a sense of incompleteness that I've never felt before. The more negative energy that I expel from my life, the more positive my outlook becomes. This "positive energy" has been compounding on itself and the resulting "build-up" seems to resonate with everyone I come into contact with. As a result, I now believe that the "Law of Attraction" is not just a myth, but a Universal truth. All I'm trying to say is that I believe, no matter how much you may think you don't want something, the universe just might have a different opinion and may in fact, change your thinking altogether. I say this now, because I am experiencing it as I write this. Sorry if I got too metaphysical, I just felt compelled to reach out to you...that's all :) Wishing you love and light.
iBeieveInmeFinalLY on August 07, 2011:
Hi, first timer on a hub.
I agree with this so much and really wish I could meet more people who felt relationships aren't for everyone. I just wish to finding a balance and life for myself and not worrying about how to make my needs mold and conform for another. Seen three divorces this month in my family and best friend. I just do not wish to feel any of the let down and pain that will follow. So why not be happy in solitude?
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on July 28, 2011:
Never understood why some have to say, "Oh you have to get back out there". No, there are plenty of break-ups, bad relationships, and divorces in the world, so if you just prefer being on your own and not dealing with that drama, I think it is a lot easier actually. Even in the best relationship I always hear nagging and complaining between both parties, and as an outsider looking in, that does not strike me as a picnic.
SueMi on July 28, 2011:
Thank God! finally an article that dostn twist this idea of being a lifelong bachelor/ette into "don't worry honey, the pain will pass and you'll want to date again"
lock guy on February 16, 2011:
I am 35 male been single all my life an hope to be that way. I have dated some girls.I never found the right girl so I gave it up.
SweetiePie (author) from Southern California, USA on November 28, 2010:
I decided to update the hub because I realize I am most likely going to be a life long single person, and I would like to remove the stigma of that. People say some really odd things to you if you decide being in relationships or a relationship is not for you. Some how their fears of one day being "all alone" are encapsulated in your decision to be single, and they just have to confront that head on. Three weeks ago when I got sick I made myself soup and took care of myself, and I was just fine. Maybe because I have always done things this way it seems perfectly fine, but I know to some people this is the scariest thing imaginable.
Tatjana-Mihaela from Zadar, CROATIA on November 28, 2010:
It is very OK to be single and you stated here very important points. Some people feel much more themselves when "alone" and I very much admire that.
I admire you for this Hub and wish you a lot of luck, whether you decide to continue to stay single or not.