The Good, the Bad, and the Truth about Being Single

Updated on June 21, 2016

Like it or not, people are born single, and though education sometimes skims over this rather obvious aspect, it is a fact of life. People are born single, yet most people are eventually not single. It's the getting from Point A to Point B that somehow causes the difficulty, at least for me.

Everyone, being born single, will at some point in his or her life wonder whether it is worth it to remain single. Many singles experience loneliness and even depression. They wonder if they'll be alone forever and if they'll ever find the one. Valentine's Day comes around and they send themselves flowers. Friday night comes around and the closest thing to love is the double fudge ice cream in the freezer. For many, being single just plain sucks.

There are, of course, plenty of arguments condoning singleness, praising the independence that comes with it. You can do what you want when you want. Besides, relationships take time and can often be messy. The divorce rate has skyrocketed over the years, causing many to doubt whether marriage and committed love are as beautiful as they're hyped up to be by all those Disney cartoons they watched when they were innocent unsuspecting children.

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Guarding Your Heart

Perhaps guarding your heart is the hardest part of being single. A cute guy winks at you, a handsome stranger is spotted across the room.... is he the one and only? Or just another disappointing, disappearing dream?

Our hearts are not chalkboards; words and thoughts and feelings cannot be erased with a swipe of the hand. What has once entered your heart will make a permanent impression, whether for good or for bad. It is important to keep your heart pure, to keep your thoughts clean, to save yourself for your future spouse.

Me, Myself, and I'm Lonely

Being currently "single" myself, I find it very easy to wander into mental questions of singleness: is it a good thing? am I wasting my time? etc. etc. Not that I am really "choosing" singleness. It just so happens that I am unmarried, and nothing that I can say or do at this point is really going to change that reality today. The question that I'm asking myself is, "Am I OK to be single? Am I OK to be alone?"

Perhaps these self-questions are a bit odd, seeing that I can't really help the situation by talking to myself and overanalyzing my OK-ness. It might also seem odd in a world where singleness can often be seen as more appealing than marriage.

I've found that the mentality of singleness is fairly rampant throughout our culture, even more so than singleness itself. How many times have you heard the excuse when someone gets a divorce: "He (or she) deserves some happiness." As if being alone, being away from someone you once loved, was the best option. The above statement doesn't make sense if you view marriage as a joining of two people into one.

Our society is very individualistic, without a doubt. The family is deteriorating over time and giving way to the all-important self. Every day, each member of a family will go his own way: each parent to work, each child to school. Rarely do we find families actually living and working together.

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My home growing up was a little different, though I admit it wasn't perfect. My father worked very hard, and for many years, he has worked from home. My mother worked just as hard, making our house a home and educating her children. We kids were raised with the idea that we were a family, made up of individuals who did things together. We didn't always do things the right way, but at least I grew up knowing the importance of family, of togetherness.

And yet I know that there is more to life than the security of my parents' home and the glory days of my youth. Even with the love of a great family, I know that there is a different kind of love out there, one I believe is found in marriage, in spending the rest of your life with someone you choose to love. And still I ponder...

The Uncommitted Culture

Recently I read an advice column in which the columnist compared a 23-year-old choosing her life companion to a 6-year-old choosing a career. The columnist was attempting to answer the question of "Hung Jury" who couldn't decide whether she should stay with her boyfriend whom she loved, or should "date around" just to make sure he was the one. The columnist advised the woman to make like the Amish and practice a bit of Rumspinga, dating around a little, since she simply wasn't mature enough to make a commitment yet. According to this advice writer, your twenties are your "Who am I?" years, meant to be spent discovering your individuality, while pushing a relationship commitment to the side.

Source

This advice column made me not a little concerned. Why must anyone date around for years upon years before he or she can be certain of which one to marry? Why are we as a society so afraid of commitment and so concerned about our own individuality that we waste our twenties with all the wrong ones in order to find the right one? There has to be a better way to spend your single years.

Satisfaction of Contentment

So how should we then live? Is my time redeemed, even though I am not married or committed to a relationship? Am I good at being single? Not quite. I have much to learn, but the road is winding, and I don't know exactly what is around the corner. But I believe there is a joy to be found in living life to the fullest, no matter what condition you are in. I want to spend my single years serving God, saving myself for marriage, and striving for contentment. Contentment - easy to say, hard to learn, but not impossible. I'm talking to myself again, so feel free to ignore me. God give me to grace to live with a satisfied heart, with the gentleness of wisdom.

In Conclusion

As you can probably tell since you've made it this far in this article, I don't have all the answers. I'm not an expert at being single; I don't have a degree in how to be alone. I am still learning this path that I am on, not sure of where it will lead. Marriage is a good thing, and maybe I will someday be blessed with that. But singleness can also be a good thing, if the time spent is spent wisely.

Questions & Answers

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      • profile image

        Scott 2 months ago

        Been married since I was 21 and now 54. I feel truly grateful to have found the love of my life. She have enriched my life beyond my imagination. I hope everyone can find true happiness. I can honestly say that even after 33 years of marriage I love my wife more now than when I married her, and I know she feels the same way.

        Good luck out there...

      • profile image

        Mr.D 3 months ago

        It's best to be single according to me as this will help you to live only for your mother, father, brothers, uncle-unties, ect. So obey me and stay single for your entire life and never think to marry or girlfriend or else you be responsible to fuck your own life your selves..........

      • Maria Cecilia profile image

        Maria Cecilia 8 months ago from Philippines

        I was ok to be single forever, but what bothers me lately is having no one to inherit my belongings...and I am thinking of nephews and nieces or who among them... anyway the words are always like this, get married so someone will take care of you when you get old, which for me is weird because if my fear is to get old alone then giving in to that fear I can just marry any man without thinking

        Being single is not a disease but anyone fears to be one, the human fear of solitude, to avoid the stress, just don't think of marriage when you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend yet because it would be hard to imagine marriage without special someone yet.... don't give in to peer pressure...

      • profile image

        Steve 11 months ago

        Well it really does take two to tango these days as the old saying goes since unfortunately many women nowadays are very extremely picky when looking for love. There are many of us good men out there but most women are never aware of that since most of the time they will choose the bad boy type of men or the rich men that have money anyway most of the time. Today most women will want the very best of all and will never settle for less since they're so very greedy, selfish, spoiled, and especially very money hungry as well which tells the whole story right there why many of us men can't meet a good woman at all to Accept us for who we really are since many of us don't make a lot of money. Notice that i said the word Accept which most women like i just mentioned will never Accept us unfortunately since it is always about them all the time. The very sad thing though is that many women which is a great majority of them will take advantage of men with money anyway which is real sad that they're like this today to get the things that they really want which is a real shame. Women that take advantage of these men anyway are nothing but Users And Losers altogether which makes them so very Pathetic as well. I really feel very bad for these men that have been very hurt by these type of women since i have been there myself. It is very obvious why many of us men are still single today with these type of women that are everywhere nowadays unfortunately since many of us men really Aren't Single By Choice. A very completely different time we live in today that has really Changed these women now compared to the Past.

      • profile image

        Connor Brenard 11 months ago

        I have been in four relationships, and I can honestly cay that I was not 'happy' in any of those particular relationships. Each relationship had meaning, but not enough to last, therefore I believe their is truth in the phrase that you cannot love another person unless you first learn to love yourself. No one should feel guilty about being single, it is not your fault, the person for you will come eventually, but you need to be patient. Don't just chuck yourself at anyone that you thing you love, no one knows what true love is to them unless they feel it thoroughly, and this can take time.

        Love is not an emotion to be played with, therefore I would not recommend a person to dive into a relationship, unless they truly believe that they could live the rest of their lives with that person.

      • profile image

        Nikkala 15 months ago

        You want to live your life to the fullest? Then you need to empty it completely first.

      • profile image

        Good Single Man 16 months ago

        Well being single all the time is a very bad and can make you very unhealthy as well not having a loved one to share your life with especially since there are many of us men looking for a good woman to settle down with. Being alone for me really does suck especially when many of my friends were Very Extremely Blessed to have met their loved ones which they're all settled down now since i am still Not Yet. It is even worse as you get older since it definitely can make you Very Depressed not having a Love Life at all.

      • Sami Hanson profile image

        Sami 3 years ago from Kansas

        Great hub! I enjoyed reading it, and I also found it helpful considering I've been living the single life for about 1 year now.

      • profile image

        Absolutely55 4 years ago

        well being single certainly sucks for me, especially when i am trying to meet a good woman to settle down with which is much better than being alone all the time. then again, with so many very nasty women out there these days it is very difficult finding a good one that isn't so stuck up too.

      • Raitu Disong profile image

        Raitu Disong 4 years ago

        I am still a single guy,

        It's hard sometimes being alone....

        but there is something cool about being a single,...

        I know one day, I'll meet someone special...till then i am going to say single rocks!

        Great article Rose!

      • Victoria Lynn profile image

        Victoria Lynn 5 years ago from Arkansas, USA

        People's different perspectives are interesting. I'm in a committed long-term relationship, but we're not married, nor do we live together. I love being single, and I enjoy being alone. I crave it, actually. I think marriage might drive me crazy! I guess it's just what a person is used to, perhaps. Interesting. I was just working on a hub about the great things about being single and came across yours. I enjoyed how you explored the topic. Well done!

      • Rose West profile image
        Author

        Rose West 6 years ago from Michigan

        Hi Marvin, thank you for reading!

      • profile image

        Marvin 6 years ago

        These is great material. Am single with no regrets

      • Rose West profile image
        Author

        Rose West 6 years ago from Michigan

        Hi SanXuary, thanks for reading! I agree, our culture is very self-centered. Relationships that work are centered on serving each other.

      • profile image

        SanXuary 6 years ago

        We currently live in a very selfish culture and finding someone else is how we leave it. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to be a part of a social group in America. Anyone in a relationship often excludes those who our not. We are way to judgemental and making friends from ordinary people who our perplexed by ordinary life we often see little value in knowing others. Time, money and a place that includes any decent social group that judges no one is hard to find.

      • Rose West profile image
        Author

        Rose West 6 years ago from Michigan

        Thank you for your thoughts, prairieprincess! I appreciate your feedback, especially since you've seen both sides of the picture. Singleness and marriage both have their ups and downs - it's how we deal with them that matters. I've found that being single doesn't mean that I have to wait around to live. Right now God wants me to serve Him in what ways I can. His plan for my life is better than anything I could come up with. I eagerly look forward to marriage in the future, but I have to be careful not idolize it. In whatever state I am, I strive to be content. Thanks again for your comments!

      • prairieprincess profile image

        Sharilee Swaity 6 years ago from Canada

        Rose, I enjoyed your thoughtful approach to this subject. I was single for many years, and I, too, found it a struggle at times, but a blessing at times. I also agree with you that, as a culture, we date around too much, which is a waste of time.

        I love being married, but I also think being single has its real benefits, too, like being free to pursue opportunities, and the freedom to live your life as you want. Either state can be something that God uses to grow us. Again, very lovely. Take care!

      • Rose West profile image
        Author

        Rose West 7 years ago from Michigan

        Jane, I think we would agree that marriage is something that we naturally desire, because God created us that way. But I do believe that marriage doesn't in itself make you more profitable to God's kingdom. From man's perspective, being married may make life easier in a way. But from God's perspective, I think the value of a person to His kingdom is the same, whether married or not. I guess what I'm trying to say is: marriage isn't the goal of life. Being a single, and especially a single woman, can be looked on as a somewhat lower existence than a married woman. But living for God and being content in your position is more fulfilling than marriage or singleness. And now I'm rambling... the part about guarding your heart was sort of me preaching to myself too :)

      • Rose West profile image
        Author

        Rose West 7 years ago from Michigan

        Wanderlust, yes, life can be very exciting, and we don't know what lies around the corner. I think one of the points I'm trying to make is that contentment is very important. If you are discontent with life as a single, you will most likely be discontent with life as a married person.

      • Rose West profile image
        Author

        Rose West 7 years ago from Michigan

        Hi Jeannie, thanks for reading and commenting! I believe marriage is a truly blessed thing, something that most people should be able to enjoy. But I don't think that marriage in and of itself fulfills life. On the other hand, being single can be good, but being single for singleness sake can be bad as well. No matter whether we are single or married, we should strive to live fulfilling lives that honor God - which is the only way to be satisfied with life, I believe.

      • Jane Grey profile image

        Ann Leavitt 7 years ago from Oregon

        Great article. God said, "It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper comparable to him." This reminds me of what Martin Bucer, the reformer, said numerous times to his congregants: that God established marriage as the way He would build society and make each person in the marriage more profitable to His kingdom. I liked what you said about guarding your heart... I need to work on that.

      • Wanderlust profile image

        Wanderlust 7 years ago from New York City

        It is a human nature wanting to share life with someone. And I agree with your point that in a process of finding this someone we are kind of missing life. I think the best way to look at life as an adventure. Being single has a hudge advantage - you don't know who you will meet tomorrow and how your life can change. I personally think it is very exciting!

      • profile image

        Jeannie 7 years ago

        Very interesting article. We need to quit stressing about not being in a relationship and celebrate it instead. When you're single, you're so busy worrying about how you're going to meet "the one" that you forget that you should be enjoying life. I wrote a book about all the virtues of being single. It's called "365 Reasons Why I'm Still Single." It's a great reminder for every day of the year of why it's great to be single (and it makes a great Valentine's Day gift for your single friends!)

        You check it out on Amazon: http://amzn.to/efDMiC or be a fan on Facebook!

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