The Good, the Bad, and the Truth about Being Single

Like it or not, people are born single, and though education sometimes skims over this rather obvious aspect, it is a fact of life. People are born single, yet most people are eventually not single. It's the getting from Point A to Point B that somehow causes the difficulty, at least for me.

Everyone, being born single, will at some point in his or her life wonder whether it is worth it to remain single. Many singles experience loneliness and even depression. They wonder if they'll be alone forever and if they'll ever find the one. Valentine's Day comes around and they send themselves flowers. Friday night comes around and the closest thing to love is the double fudge ice cream in the freezer. For many, being single just plain sucks.

There are, of course, plenty of arguments condoning singleness, praising the independence that comes with it. You can do what you want when you want. Besides, relationships take time and can often be messy. The divorce rate has skyrocketed over the years, causing many to doubt whether marriage and committed love are as beautiful as they're hyped up to be by all those Disney cartoons they watched when they were innocent unsuspecting children.


Guarding Your Heart

Perhaps guarding your heart is the hardest part of being single. A cute guy winks at you, a handsome stranger is spotted across the room.... is he the one and only? Or just another disappointing, disappearing dream?

Our hearts are not chalkboards; words and thoughts and feelings cannot be erased with a swipe of the hand. What has once entered your heart will make a permanent impression, whether for good or for bad. It is important to keep your heart pure, to keep your thoughts clean, to save yourself for your future spouse.

Me, Myself, and I'm Lonely

Being currently "single" myself, I find it very easy to wander into mental questions of singleness: is it a good thing? am I wasting my time? etc. etc. Not that I am really "choosing" singleness. It just so happens that I am unmarried, and nothing that I can say or do at this point is really going to change that reality today. The question that I'm asking myself is, "Am I OK to be single? Am I OK to be alone?"

Perhaps these self-questions are a bit odd, seeing that I can't really help the situation by talking to myself and overanalyzing my OK-ness. It might also seem odd in a world where singleness can often be seen as more appealing than marriage.

I've found that the mentality of singleness is fairly rampant throughout our culture, even more so than singleness itself. How many times have you heard the excuse when someone gets a divorce: "He (or she) deserves some happiness." As if being alone, being away from someone you once loved, was the best option. The above statement doesn't make sense if you view marriage as a joining of two people into one.

Our society is very individualistic, without a doubt. The family is deteriorating over time and giving way to the all-important self. Every day, each member of a family will go his own way: each parent to work, each child to school. Rarely do we find families actually living and working together.


My home growing up was a little different, though I admit it wasn't perfect. My father worked very hard, and for many years, he has worked from home. My mother worked just as hard, making our house a home and educating her children. We kids were raised with the idea that we were a family, made up of individuals who did things together. We didn't always do things the right way, but at least I grew up knowing the importance of family, of togetherness.

And yet I know that there is more to life than the security of my parents' home and the glory days of my youth. Even with the love of a great family, I know that there is a different kind of love out there, one I believe is found in marriage, in spending the rest of your life with someone you choose to love. And still I ponder...

The Uncommitted Culture

Recently I read an advice column in which the columnist compared a 23-year-old choosing her life companion to a 6-year-old choosing a career. The columnist was attempting to answer the question of "Hung Jury" who couldn't decide whether she should stay with her boyfriend whom she loved, or should "date around" just to make sure he was the one. The columnist advised the woman to make like the Amish and practice a bit of Rumspinga, dating around a little, since she simply wasn't mature enough to make a commitment yet. According to this advice writer, your twenties are your "Who am I?" years, meant to be spent discovering your individuality, while pushing a relationship commitment to the side.


This advice column made me not a little concerned. Why must anyone date around for years upon years before he or she can be certain of which one to marry? Why are we as a society so afraid of commitment and so concerned about our own individuality that we waste our twenties with all the wrong ones in order to find the right one? There has to be a better way to spend your single years.

Satisfaction of Contentment

So how should we then live? Is my time redeemed, even though I am not married or committed to a relationship? Am I good at being single? Not quite. I have much to learn, but the road is winding, and I don't know exactly what is around the corner. But I believe there is a joy to be found in living life to the fullest, no matter what condition you are in. I want to spend my single years serving God, saving myself for marriage, and striving for contentment. Contentment - easy to say, hard to learn, but not impossible. I'm talking to myself again, so feel free to ignore me. God give me to grace to live with a satisfied heart, with the gentleness of wisdom.

In Conclusion

As you can probably tell since you've made it this far in this article, I don't have all the answers. I'm not an expert at being single; I don't have a degree in how to be alone. I am still learning this path that I am on, not sure of where it will lead. Marriage is a good thing, and maybe I will someday be blessed with that. But singleness can also be a good thing, if the time spent is spent wisely.

Comments 16 comments

Jeannie 5 years ago

Very interesting article. We need to quit stressing about not being in a relationship and celebrate it instead. When you're single, you're so busy worrying about how you're going to meet "the one" that you forget that you should be enjoying life. I wrote a book about all the virtues of being single. It's called "365 Reasons Why I'm Still Single." It's a great reminder for every day of the year of why it's great to be single (and it makes a great Valentine's Day gift for your single friends!)

You check it out on Amazon: or be a fan on Facebook!

Wanderlust profile image

Wanderlust 5 years ago from New York City

It is a human nature wanting to share life with someone. And I agree with your point that in a process of finding this someone we are kind of missing life. I think the best way to look at life as an adventure. Being single has a hudge advantage - you don't know who you will meet tomorrow and how your life can change. I personally think it is very exciting!

Jane Grey profile image

Jane Grey 5 years ago from Oregon

Great article. God said, "It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper comparable to him." This reminds me of what Martin Bucer, the reformer, said numerous times to his congregants: that God established marriage as the way He would build society and make each person in the marriage more profitable to His kingdom. I liked what you said about guarding your heart... I need to work on that.

Rose West profile image

Rose West 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Hi Jeannie, thanks for reading and commenting! I believe marriage is a truly blessed thing, something that most people should be able to enjoy. But I don't think that marriage in and of itself fulfills life. On the other hand, being single can be good, but being single for singleness sake can be bad as well. No matter whether we are single or married, we should strive to live fulfilling lives that honor God - which is the only way to be satisfied with life, I believe.

Rose West profile image

Rose West 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Wanderlust, yes, life can be very exciting, and we don't know what lies around the corner. I think one of the points I'm trying to make is that contentment is very important. If you are discontent with life as a single, you will most likely be discontent with life as a married person.

Rose West profile image

Rose West 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Jane, I think we would agree that marriage is something that we naturally desire, because God created us that way. But I do believe that marriage doesn't in itself make you more profitable to God's kingdom. From man's perspective, being married may make life easier in a way. But from God's perspective, I think the value of a person to His kingdom is the same, whether married or not. I guess what I'm trying to say is: marriage isn't the goal of life. Being a single, and especially a single woman, can be looked on as a somewhat lower existence than a married woman. But living for God and being content in your position is more fulfilling than marriage or singleness. And now I'm rambling... the part about guarding your heart was sort of me preaching to myself too :)

prairieprincess profile image

prairieprincess 5 years ago from Canada

Rose, I enjoyed your thoughtful approach to this subject. I was single for many years, and I, too, found it a struggle at times, but a blessing at times. I also agree with you that, as a culture, we date around too much, which is a waste of time.

I love being married, but I also think being single has its real benefits, too, like being free to pursue opportunities, and the freedom to live your life as you want. Either state can be something that God uses to grow us. Again, very lovely. Take care!

Rose West profile image

Rose West 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Thank you for your thoughts, prairieprincess! I appreciate your feedback, especially since you've seen both sides of the picture. Singleness and marriage both have their ups and downs - it's how we deal with them that matters. I've found that being single doesn't mean that I have to wait around to live. Right now God wants me to serve Him in what ways I can. His plan for my life is better than anything I could come up with. I eagerly look forward to marriage in the future, but I have to be careful not idolize it. In whatever state I am, I strive to be content. Thanks again for your comments!

SanXuary 5 years ago

We currently live in a very selfish culture and finding someone else is how we leave it. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to be a part of a social group in America. Anyone in a relationship often excludes those who our not. We are way to judgemental and making friends from ordinary people who our perplexed by ordinary life we often see little value in knowing others. Time, money and a place that includes any decent social group that judges no one is hard to find.

Rose West profile image

Rose West 4 years ago from Michigan Author

Hi SanXuary, thanks for reading! I agree, our culture is very self-centered. Relationships that work are centered on serving each other.

Marvin 4 years ago

These is great material. Am single with no regrets

Rose West profile image

Rose West 4 years ago from Michigan Author

Hi Marvin, thank you for reading!

Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

People's different perspectives are interesting. I'm in a committed long-term relationship, but we're not married, nor do we live together. I love being single, and I enjoy being alone. I crave it, actually. I think marriage might drive me crazy! I guess it's just what a person is used to, perhaps. Interesting. I was just working on a hub about the great things about being single and came across yours. I enjoyed how you explored the topic. Well done!

Raitu Disong profile image

Raitu Disong 3 years ago

I am still a single guy,

It's hard sometimes being alone....

but there is something cool about being a single,...

I know one day, I'll meet someone special...till then i am going to say single rocks!

Great article Rose!

Absolutely55 3 years ago

well being single certainly sucks for me, especially when i am trying to meet a good woman to settle down with which is much better than being alone all the time. then again, with so many very nasty women out there these days it is very difficult finding a good one that isn't so stuck up too.

Sami Hanson profile image

Sami Hanson 2 years ago from Kansas

Great hub! I enjoyed reading it, and I also found it helpful considering I've been living the single life for about 1 year now.

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