I'm a professional freelance writer who has been writing about breakups and relationships for over eight years.
After a few cycles of bad dates and dead-end relationships, I started to think, "Oh my goodness, I'm going to be alone forever. There must me something wrong with me!" Then, of course, years went by, I slapped some sense into myself, and I found a great partner, but I also realized how widespread this fear is.
Everyone I know is either trying to find someone, forget someone, or deal with someone. The desire for loving attachment is one of the most basic, enduring, and natural human needs. A lot of people out there feel like they will never find love. They have a nagging feeling that maybe they are "doomed" to be alone forever, or maybe they are too "flawed" to be loved—and that, my friends, is a very painful thing to feel.
I want you to believe you are a worthy person. I want you to believe that you deserve to be loved and to find a romantic partner that will cherish you. Get rid of the fear of being forever single. Remember fear is just an emotion that you are having, a belief about your future—it's not reality.
10 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Being Single
- Stop criticizing yourself.
- Feel good about yourself.
- Realize that you have something valuable to offer.
- Change the way you think and feel about the opposite sex.
- Change the way you think and feel about being single.
- Focus on the things you already have.
- Schedule activities.
- Don't idealize other people's relationships.
- Don't be jealous of other people's relationships.
- Seek professional help.
1. Stop Criticizing Yourself
Take an honest look at how often you put yourself down during an average day. How often do you criticize yourself by telling yourself things like: I'm so stupid. I'm too fat. I'm too old. I'm ugly. I'm damaged goods. I always screw things up. I'm an idiot. And so on and so forth. Rings a bell? Well if you talk to yourself in this way, your mood will drop, your fears and insecurities will increase, and you are basically conditioning yourself to believe you are an unworthy person. Your thoughts have a direct impact on how you feel.
It's simple. Think good things: feel good. Think bad things: feel bad.
You are doing this to yourself! Stop it! Be gentle with yourself. Maybe someone else made you believe you were unworthy through criticism, abuse, or rejection. Don't give your power away just because some fool criticized you. Honey, you're the bomb! Who was this fool, anyway? Forgive yourself for making mistakes. When the voice of negative self-talk comes on, try this: Tell the voice to leave you alone; tell your inner voice to stop pestering you; say to yourself: I'm a worthy person. It's a no brainer, hot-stuff: if you keep focusing on your perceived shortcomings, you'll trick yourself into believing no one will ever want to be with you.
2. Feel Good About Yourself
This cannot be said enough. Imagine you walked into a car dealership and the salesman told you he had a car for you. He says, "Well, it's kinda old and beat up. It still runs, but it's high on gas, there's a few scratches on the paint, and I'm not sure how reliable it is." Now, how much would you want to buy that car? You'd be out of there in a New York second and looking for something better in no time, I'm quite sure. Why? Because if the person selling you the car doesn't even believe in the quality of the car, why should you?
This is exactly why you need to increase your confidence and self-esteem. If you don't believe in what you are selling, then why should others? Confidence is attractive. If you believe you have something valuable to offer, so will others. The more you truly love yourself, the more convinced you'll be that you will find your soul mate.
3. Realize You Have Something Valuable to Offer
What are some of your great qualities? Are you an honest, hard-working, sensitive person? Are you an athletic, artistic, family-oriented individual? Are a relaxed, easy-going person, or an organized, efficient person? Not only can you find someone who shares the same interests and qualities that you hold, but you can also complement (not complete with!) your future partner by bringing in your own strengths to the relationship. Basically, don't think only about what you want from a relationship, but think about what you bring to a relationship and how someone will be happy to benefit from your great qualities.
4. Change the Way You Think and Feel About the Opposite Sex
So many individuals hold false beliefs about the opposite sex. Because you've had bad experiences, your way to appraise the opposite sex has changed.
What are the beliefs you hold about the opposite sex? Do you think things like:
- All men are jerks.
- Men only want sex.
- Men fear relationships.
- Men can't be faithful.
- All women are gold diggers.
- All women are emotional explosions.
- All the good ones are taken.
Well, that's simply not true. Men want love and marriage just as much as women do. There are still plenty of great, fun-loving, charming, and gentle people out there. If you hold these negative thoughts about the opposite sex, your fear of staying single forever multiplies because you are constantly telling yourself that there is no one for you out there. I know a ton of great single males and females who would love to be in a reciprocal loving relationship. A ton!
5. Change the Way You Think and Feel About Being Single
Have you noticed how being married and having children has become a measure of personal success and worth? There seems to be tremendous social pressure to be in a relationship, especially for women. No matter how successful a woman is, if she's single, people think she's either unhappy or so difficult to get along with that she can't make a relationship work. This makes being single look like some sort of personal failure. You are not a failure. Your personal value is exactly the same whether you are single or in a relationship. Honestly, you could be in a relationship today if you wanted to. It probably wouldn't be a great relationship, but you'd be in a relationship. So being single just means that you want to wait for Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now; or it can mean you have taken time to heal from your previous relationship (which seems wise).
6. Focus on What You Do Have
Be grateful for friends and family. Your fear of being alone makes you feel and act desperate (I know—I've been there, too). But nobody wants to fill the position of the interchangeable boyfriend or girlfriend. People want to know you love them for who they are, and that you don't just need someone to take care of you. Be grateful for all the beautiful things that you do have. Focusing on the one thing that is missing from your life makes you miss the larger picture: You have tons of great things going for you already!
7. Schedule Activities Every Week and Enjoy Yourself
Make the most of your time alone and enjoy yourself. Being in a relationship leaves less time for hanging out with friends, reading books, scheduling activities that are just for you (no matter how great your new boyfriend is, I doubt he'll want to go have bikini wax with you). See this as a relational-vacation time! Go out there and have some fun. By filling your life with activities, you won't focus on the "emptiness" as much. Instead, you'll see that you have a rich life, and you'll feel happier. Being happier will make you an instant date-magnet! People want to be around happy people. Confidence is the most attractive outfit.
8. Don't Idealize Other People's Relationships
Unfortunately, feeling loved and building a significant relationship is so important that a lot of people will prefer to stay in a bad relationship than to be single. Some people build relationships before they get rid of their fear of being single and alone, before they identify what they want, or before they heal the hurt of past relationships. Are you part of those who try to heal the hurt from a previous relationship with the next? Some people who do this are lucky enough to find a good partner, yes, but not everyone. Some fall into relationships that don't correspond to their personal needs and they wake up 10 years later caught in the middle of a relationship full of turmoil. Not all couples are happy ones. Be grateful that you have something new and shiny to look forward to—you can wait and choose the kind of partner that really corresponds with your needs.
9. Don't Be Jealous of Other's Relationships
Do you feel a pang of bitterness when your colleague tells you she's getting married? Or when your friend tells you about an amazing date that she's had? You might be thinking "Why her? Why not me?"—and there goes your day. Feel happy for people who find their soul mate, send out positive thoughts out to happy couples you meet on the street. When you see a happy couple holding hands, think: "How lovely, that's what I want! I can't wait to see who'll be the person holding my hand soon!" This positive thought automatically shifts your perspective and formulates an optimistic view of your own relational future.
10. Seek Professional Help
If you need a bit of extra support in building your self-worth, why not seek help from a therapist? On your path to building greater love and respect or yourself, a little of support and validation can go a long way. Going to therapy doesn't mean there is something "wrong" with you; it means you've decided to take matters in your own hands and to recruit a professional to help you reach your goal.
Thanks for reading. All the best, and don't forget to love yourself!
Anonymous on July 21, 2020:
Today unfortunately just saying good morning or hello to a woman that many of us single guys would like too meet has really become very dangerous now for many of us, and we really have to be very careful now since these type of very pathetic women are looking to nail us with sexual harassment. So how in the world can many of us single guys find love today, now that a great deal of women are really like this? Funny how most women many years ago were very easy too meet since the times back then were very different than today. So the fear of being single today is very real for many of us now, considering that many of us never expected this to happen to us to begin with.
Peter on April 19, 2020:
Articles on dating and relationships almost all explicitly assume that people have dated and/or had relationships in the past. For those of us who have never been on even one date (I’m 43) there is little meaningful advice out there. Although I have many woman friends, I have never seen any evidence whatsoever that any woman is interested in me romantically and so have never expressed feelings to any woman - even those I find very attractive. Since no woman ever gives me signs, I conclude I am of no sexual interest to women. I don’t express interest because I would undoubtedly be seen as a complete creep or worse.
Jim on March 31, 2020:
It is very unfortunate that most women nowadays have very high expectations when looking for a man, unlike the old days when most women weren't like that at all which is why many of us men can't find love today. Love was real easy to find back then, which now many career women that are making a very high salary will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less. So unfortunately it is these type of women today that are really to blame for so many of us men that are still single now, and we really have no reason at all to blame ourselves either since the women today have really changed since the past.
Matt on June 29, 2019:
Thank you for your response I really appreciate it. however it's very difficult not to feel cynical when I hear responses such as yours. over the last 25 years I lost count of the number of people who have said exactly what you said to me. the one person I did date told me (just as she was leaving me) that I wasn't capable of loving another human being. But others have said that that's not true every person is capable of love and of being loved. I often wonder about victimhood: when people are rejecting you because they don't like you aren't you a victim in that case? aren't you being victimized by others? People always say stop playing the victim but the reality is there actually are real victims in this world and people who victimize them, why deny that fact?
Road to harmony (author) from Montreal on June 29, 2019:
Thank you for your emails and comments.
I can feel how painful and discouraging your situation must be. But there is always light. Always.
It’s hard at times and you might feel like you want to give up or that you’re « cursed » when the same patterns keep repeating themselves.
I think it’s very very important not to wallow in self-pity, not to play victim and to rise up saying to yourself ok: these are my cards in life, Im gonna learn how to best play them. Meaning, focus on what you do have, focus on gratitude and focus on self-improvement in every possible way. For you! Make your life rich and full. Start with small things. Then challenge yourself outside of your confort zone. Walk 10000 steps a day, join a free dance class, write positive affirmations about yourself, read more books, learn something new, meditate or pray, practice smiling more at strangers throughout your day. Heck go to therapy if you can afford it.
A partner will come to add to your life, focus on building a happy life of your own and thinking about what you can uniquely bring to someone. Compassion, kindness, a listening ear, laughter etc.
Then you need to get out there. Not just to find a date. Simply to meet people, make new friends and get some support. Go to church, join a game night, join community events or concerts, volunteer, join a class, just get out there and meet people. Make friends! They might be the ones to introduce you to your next partner.
Love does not belong to lovers.
Love is all around. It is in you already.
And it is in the kindness of a friend, in a helpful coworker, in a sympathetic family member, in the gestures of service that we do for strangers. Go recruit and grow love in various ways to amass every little bit of love in the treasure chest of your heart.
And mostly. Believe that you are worthy.
You need to have absolutely zero doubt in your mind. You are worthy of being loved. If your love is not reciprocated, carry on your merry way. What you seek is also seeking you.
I most sincerely wish you the absolute very best. May your life be blessed in many way. Love exists. It exists for you also.
The author :)
Gupi on June 29, 2019:
Very good advice. Thanks for sharing.
Matthew George on June 29, 2019:
I'm almost certain that you probably receive thousands of messages every week but I just wanted to write you anyway because I'm feeling such despair I'm a 45 year old male who has been in only one relationship which was over 10 years ago and lasted for exactly two months I have never dated other than that and often wonder if I will ever meet someone who will be interested in me I often lay here alone in bed at night feel suicidal but I would never kill myself I have received a number of responses from women over the years and most of them fall into the I just want to be friends category or they claim that they're dating someone else are they tell me they are not interested in a relationship at this time I don't know how to respond to comments like that except to say okay that's fine I understand it has been a pattern for over 25 years anyway thanks for reading this I hope you respond in some way I could use some suggestions thank you
Allen on May 22, 2019:
"I want you to believe you are a worthy person. I want you to believe that you deserve to be loved and to find a romantic partner that will cherish you." OK - but based on what evidence? I'm 37 and no woman has ever shown the slightest interest in me as a romantic partner. Any woman I might approach would very likely be offended and I would run a high risk of being accused of / charged with a crime, just for smiling and saying a friendly but polite "Hello".
Jade Anibor on April 19, 2019:
Feel good about yourself, is a very good advice. Self love is very important to appreciating singleness. Remember, singleness is a gift!
Forever alone memes on March 04, 2019:
Or last tip: mentally prepare to be single forever, this can help with depression, nobody also says you need alot of friends, or any ig
After being depressed for almost 10 years now I started thinking about it this way, it does have its perks - you are alone! if you can get over the feelings you will find out being alone usually means more money and less drama, just accept it and enjoy what life has given to you.
Cackus on February 28, 2019:
When I turned 30 I realized that like most of my friends I had been treated very badly by the women I had dated.
Part of it was the area I lived in. It has a much larger population of men then women and the majority of the women (not the men for some reason) were grossly obese. The few normal sized or just moderately obese women had very high standards and know they can demand what they want. The choice for me and my friends was an easy one.
A few years ago I moved across country. Wow, suddenly I was in an area with equality. The women kept themselves reasonably fit, but more importantly they treated their boyfriend's not like a disposable utility but like real human beings!
They didn't have a list of other guys on their phones, they didn't demand high salaries and expensive gifts and outings. They even had jobs of their own!
For me it was to late as I was turning 40 and IMHO that's to late to start trying to have a family. But it was good to see that at least in this area things weren't so off and that a normal guy could date a normal woman.
Now I'm back in my hometown, I look around at all the guys and can't decide who is more miserable the guys in relationships or the ones who are left single because of the numbers.
Samlanda on February 07, 2019:
My first and probably last relationship was 7 years ago when I was 22 he was 28 and he was highly educated and he was a 4th cousin things didn't work out but i still insisted on the relationship to work. We weren't a match it was way too obvious I must admit I was clingy and desperate he started ghosting and lost interest. last date was on our third date and he took advantage of my feelings kissed me and groped me i was such an idiot to think that he loved me but he said you should stay away from me and he said he wasn't in love with me i was so dumb and desperate that I offered to stay only friends but that didn't work too the next day i texted him to say i regreted seeing him and i didn't want things to lead to kissing and all . Anyway i had signs of PTSD for more than 5 years. I never entered another relationship because I was afraid that I would get some panic attack if some man touched me again. There were tens of men who wanted to marry me but I turned them down out of fear.but at least I've learned few things :
Men and women can't be just friends
A woman should never lower her standards to get a man because if she does the man will think oh she's easy to get so why don't I take advantage she will love me no matter what. Which is wrong.
Though he isn't sorry for what he's done I'll forgive him. I'm turning 29 next month and I'm really cool with being single except for the part that I really wanna raise my own kid while I'm still young.
Mimi on January 02, 2019:
Am a single mother of 27 and I feel lonely all my friends are married and happily in relationships,it hurts a lot more especially cos my baby daddy dsnt help me financially,am depressed
Becky on December 21, 2018:
I do have days where being single sucks. I'm on winter break, so that means I have spent more time thinking about it. I found out today that one person I used to be dormmates with just gave birth to her first child. One of my friends recently got her first boyfriend. One of my other friends just got into another relationship. While I feel jealous, I'm not an asshole, so I do the right thing and congratulate them. This year really sucked for me because I tried getting into a relationship but was told that I wasn't good enough. It would have been my first relationship ever. I'm 21. I've never gone on a date before, either. I feel like since that day I was told that, I've lost hope in dating and tried going on dating apps to connect with someone, but my anxiety and lack of confidence have been stopping me from talking with anyone. I also have high functioning autism, which makes me extremely shy and socially awkward. I go to counseling to improve on my social skills and anxiety. I'm also really weird and have gotten comments from people about it. Because of this, I feel like a freak and try to act as normal as possible. I guess some *positive* traits I have are that I'm kind and compassionate, I like helping people, and I like to make jokes and sarcastic comments if I'm feeling comfortable. But I can't be that person if I'm going to be depressed because I've been miserable about being single this year. It's also Christmastime and I don't want anyone seeing me upset. I just want 2018 to be over, and hopefully 2019 will be so much better for me.
Adam on December 01, 2018:
I can't help but hurt when I see happy couples. You hear songs about love every day on the radio, see it on TV, see it in games, see it when you go out. It's glorified. It's such a vital part of people's lives, and I've never had that. I want someone to want me back for once. I can distract myself all I want with the "I'm a great person, I can be confident" stuff, but at the end of the day it doesn't change the fact that I'm not wanted. But hey, the future can pull a sneaky on ya. Gotta keep on keepin on!
Anand on November 26, 2018:
I'm 24 and never had a girlfriend what worries me most is that I'm easily the most good liking amongst the bunch, passionate (Guitarist and a motorcycle racer), rich enough and talented.Despite all of that I'm still single. Whats even more depressing is that, Nobody believes me that I'm single.
Dee on October 10, 2018:
This is bull..
Realtruthis on October 05, 2018:
It really does suck to be single and all alone for many of us that never expected this to ever happened to us at all, especially when so many millions and millions of other people are all settled down with their loved ones which makes their life so very complete.
Dom on June 17, 2018:
I feel like I'm too young to be saying this (i'm 16). But I don't have faith in ever being in a relationship. I have a couple of disorders or whatever they're called such as ADHD, Aspergers, and TICS. If I honestly had a girlfriend, I would try to be as Supportive, Honest, and Loyal to them to the best of my ability. I know that i'm probably doing this to myself because i'm telling myself these things, and idk what I can do about it. I'm not afraid of committing suicide because i am TERRIFIED of anything that can kill (who isn't). But I know i wouldn't kill myself, but I feel like i'm wasting my life just isolating myself from the outdoors, my friends, people, almost even my family.
Josh on May 25, 2018:
32 years old and still single. Women prefer taller, cooler, better-looking guys who aren't total dorks. It wouldn't surprise me if I do wind up alone forever.
Maya on February 04, 2018:
I am 26 and I will be single forever. Regardless how good I feel about myself and how many activities I participate in,all men see in me a failure. Yes I am not gorgeous, but I have a beautiful soul. I am tall, skinny, clever. But all these men see is a girl good enough to sleep with and then ghost. I have been ghosted by men who are under me in terms of character and I do not have any luck in finding an honest decent man.
Unaa on January 21, 2018:
I'm 20 this year (still not official). Yea yea i know, im still young, still got a long way to go. I just wanna share my story to all and why I'm becoming so much in negativity and sadness. I have this thought in my head that saying I will never find a perfect guy who will treat me right and not asking me to change whoever I am.
I met this one guy online and we have been in a long distance relationship. It was crazy as we never met in real life. Only through screen. And you must be wondering how we actually keep up with each other in terms of intimacy and stuff like that. Like I just told you. Through screen. Well we've been together for a year and 2 weeks.
Throughout that period, I vividly remembered how many times he asked me for a break up. 5-6 times. Plus minus the unsure attempts. And things still went okay as he couldnt let me go and so did I. During those times too, he met a other girl and started saying that he liked her and thinking of letting me go as he thought that this is not gonna work. Well, we did broke up and becoming friends. But still contacting each other. After weeks, he came back to me saying he wanna be with me again. (Just so you know, I did asked about her girl. He told me stuff like who she was and bla bla. But I never really asked him how the relationship went and tup tup he came back to me) Fuck I was so stupid.
And as times went by for 2 months, he started dissappearing and I texted him. Making sure he was doing okay. He was sick. Permanent injuries. Sometimes he went all gloomy and moody because of that.. But usually I tried cheering him up. So come back to the missing in action part, all of sudden, he texted me back saying, I found someone else, I'm sorry.
I know from the first beginning, I was just his back up plan. He was using me for his need and whenever he found a real girl to hook up with, then he left.
He always asking me to go to his place as we lived across the world from each other. And never said anything about his making efforts of meeting me or even helping me to get to him
Maria on December 14, 2017:
I fear of being alone forever that's why I asked my boyfriend to me and he said he will but I'm not sure if when he said we are still not ready we need first to settle everything before we get married he has too much plan and by hearing his plan I think it will really take a while. This feeling of being not assured is killing me I feel like I was waiting for nothing I'm not too young to settle but I want to marry him I just want to marry because I feel alone and no companion at all. Because of this we fight and I don't know if I will talk to him or no but it's really hard to feel alone I have a boyfriend but I feel alone. It's very hard to feel this way I feel like crying every time In feel the loneliness.
Jeremy on November 09, 2017:
It's been two weeks since I have been single and to be honest, it stinks. I come home night after night alone with thoughts that I will never have someone love me for me. The relationship I had lasted a year and a half. Things at the beginning were perfect. She was perfect. I didn't want anything to ruin it. However, it doesn't last. That is what most people call the Honeymoon phase.
At the start of this year, 2017, I have began to feel more and more alone due to my girlfriend's schedule followed by illness. I have supported her biggest hobby; teaching snowboarding to children. However, she would come home exhausted and not in the mood to do anything. Not even being romantic. This would go on for at least 3 months. Eventually, winter came to an end (Thank God! I hate winter) So, I figured things will get better.
We both went to a retreat as part of a Catholic group. It was time well spent and enjoyable. Good food, good people, and good memories. Once the retreat was over, both of us drove back to her sister's place where she lived and nobody said a word. We didn't have time to go do groceries, so we went out to eat at the nearest and available restaurant. Then, she breaks the ice like the Titanic; she wanted to wait to get married before having sex again. That came as a shock to me as we both enjoyed having sex. I thought it had something to do with the retreat and I was %100 right. I didn't take her proposition very well and things got real bad. We ended up fighting and she was trying to change my mind. It felt like I was being manipulated.
I had to leave for a while. I spent time with my friends and family. They always make me feel better. Over time, I have tried to mend things with my girlfriend. But, she was getting more and more sick. She was the type of girl that would feel jealous or unhappy in her skin because she has suffered a traumatic experience in her past life.
I would always treat her and cared about her. I even gave her what I thought was an incredible first Valentine's Day ever. I took her to her favorite restaurant, made her a card, got her a cadeau, and paid for everything. During dinner, she gave me trouble all because I was not ready to move in with her in Ottawa. I have a place of my own in Gatineau and she does not want to live there. She only wants me to live in Ottawa when it came clear I was not ready nor desire to move there.
The only thing that kept me staying with his girl was the hope that she would get better health wise and that she would accept me for who I am. Unfortunately, things came to a halt a few months ago when I decided to go on a break. Then, after her birthday, she wanted to break up. It was a mutual break up. However, like any break up, it never gets easy.
I am in no condition to start a new relationship. So, I decided to start looking and dating.
Not Single By Choice on April 27, 2017:
Well unfortunately we live in a totally different time today since this isn't the 40's and 50's anymore when real love back then really did happen for the men in those days that were very lucky to be born at that better time. And for many of us men looking for love today is like looking for a needle in a haystack and like trying to win the lottery which our chances are very slim since the women of today have really changed for the worst of all and are so very pathetic altogether now adding to the problem unfortunately. Now since the women of today which many of them are making a very high salary and will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less since they have become so very greedy, selfish, and very spoiled now more then ever. They really think that they're all that which is very funny since they have their nose up in the air all the time when many of us good men will try to start a conversation with them and they will be very nasty to us and walk away which really makes them total losers to begin with. It is very sad how the women of today have really changed from the old days since most of the women back then really did put these women today to real shame and most of the women back then had a much better personality and were certainly much nicer too meet which many of them had respect as well. It is very obvious why so many of us men are still single today when we really shouldn't be at all since it does really take two too tango these days since most of us men aren't too blame at all.
Truth Is on February 16, 2017:
Love does really come very easy for many other people but unfortunately Not for everyone.
Paul on December 03, 2016:
It's easy to give advice after you've found a great partner, isn't it. Congrats on finding them - I wish you every happiness. Please just accept though, that no matter how much some of us may try to follow your guidance, we will never find a great - or for that matter - any partner. No woman has ever seen me in *that* way - and none ever will, no matter how much I try to change my thinking, and no matter what I do. "Feel good about yourself", you say. How is that remotely possible when I wake up every morning knowing that no matter how many groups / clubs / activities I participate in (and I have things 3 nights a week) no woman will ever notice me as a potential boyfriend? For some of us, being chronically single is a curse we're born with - and it never goes away.
Rage91 on September 22, 2016:
Not everyone needs professional help, suggesting that can be insulting to some.
HonestlySpeaking on June 18, 2015:
Well in my opinion that many of us good men are still single today is that with so many very high maintenance, independent, selfish, and very spoiled women out there certainly has a lot to do with it since many of us men are Not single by choice. And i am very sure a lot of other men will agree with me since it was so much Easier years ago finding love which many of our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were very Blessed by God to find the love of their life which many of them are still together as i speak. And my aunt and uncle are now starting their 68th year together.
steven on August 22, 2014:
Perception is not reality. It seems that you have to offer things in a relationship that not everybody has. For some people it's logical to feel like they will be forever single especially if they don't know what they should offer...
dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 23, 2013:
Essentially, "perception is reality". Our thoughts and beliefs affect our outlook on life. There are over 7 billion people on this planet! You have to like your odds that there is more than one person who would find you to be their type. Go to any public place and you'll see couples everywhere that made up of people who are tall, short, skinny, fat, odd looking to ugly in your opinion and yet they found a mate!
Most people tend to (exclude) rather than (include) when it comes to dating and love. If for example I say my mate must be of my own race that could eliminate 6 billion people site unseen! The same could be true for religion. If I say they must presently live in the U.S. that would eliminate 6.7 billion people, and then we narrow it down to a particular state or town and before you know it we've gone from 7 billion people down to 25,ooo or possibly up to a few million if you live near a major city. This all before you get to height, weight, occupation, education, hobbies/interests, and sexual compatibility. Last but not least we say, "The one" must be loved or liked by my friends and family and vice versa. Is it any wonder why you have so difficult of a time to finding love!
The few options you allow for yourself the more difficult it's going to be.
Another major factor that keeps people from finding love is a lot of them HATE the dating process!
Your subconscious mind will never allow you to succeed at anything you despise.
Dating is supposed to be FUN! No one is asking to decide on whether to cut the red wire or the blue wire. At the very least it's important to enjoy the activity, event, meal, movie, or whatever else is date affords you. People who don't enjoy meeting and getting to know other people will always have a more difficult time finding a mate. One man's opinion! :-)