Rashmi writes about self, mental health and love. When she is not overthinking, you can find her discussing philosophy with her pup Sonu.
“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
Attachment is a choice, as is letting go of it.
As humans, we want love, happiness and acceptance. And we look for it in others, to fill it from their cup. But it does not work that way.
Our desire to control our outcomes shows up in the form of our attachment to people and outcomes, and anything that happens outside of our expectations appears like the end of the world.
The freedom we need to give ourselves is to let go of the grip we have. It changes our lives and helps us live in our most authentic selves. When we are aware of familiar patterns of attachments and practice letting go of them daily, we can observe some of the changes in our lives:
1. You Realize You Were Acting Out Of Fear, Not Love
When we are attached to someone, the cause is not our love for them, but fear: "What if they leave us?"
When we are working toward a promotion or succeeding at a job interview, the attachment to the result means that the energy is invested in fearing what would we do if it did not work out?
Setting goals is different, but when we are tied to outcomes, energy no longer goes to doing the job as well as we can, but to worrying about the outcome. We can not give our best version.
Same rule applies for relationships: Fear-based decisions stem from our attachment to who we are when our partner is with us.
And losing them means the end of the world because our identity, our approval is all attached to their presence in our lives
However, when we learn to let go, fill in our cup, and show up as our true selves, we can have real, long-lasting relationships and have fulfilling careers.
2. You Discover How Much Energy You Have!
All the energy you spent in obsessing over the text replies, looking for Instagram notifications, checking our call logs is now available.
There is enough time and energy to devote to all the things that took a backseat because that favourite person didn't respond.
So, take an instrument, a paint brush, take a run or your Xbox, curl up with your book, clean the cupboard - there are a million things to do because the energy to power it is with you.
3. You Put People In Their Right Place (Literally)
You stop trying to win people. You stop putting them on a pedestal. Your day does not become good or bad depending on how they treat you.
You stop explaining too much because you are not afraid to lose the medal they gave you. You feel comfortable in your place and respect and see people for who they are.
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You do not try too hard to keep them in your life and you do not do anything to please them because you are afraid of losing their love.
You show your love, but you are not attached to it. And in this way, you reach out to the rest of the world unconditionally.
4. You Set Boundaries Clearly
You say no, without guilt.
You know what adds value to your life, and you have the energy to pursue those goals. This naturally attracts people who are drawn to you. But not everyone needs your time and your best self.
Letting go of attachments helps you prioritise your life goals, make time for other people.
You stop fitting in with people's expectations of you or acting out of guilt.
5. Your Are More Mindful In Your Self-Care Practices
You realise that your self-love practice is your key to connecting with your inner self.
You begin to look for ways to show this in actions that nourish your mind, body and spirit.
This can be nourishing our bodies through exercise, eating healthy, or taking time to do things that make us happy. Once we let go of attachment, we realise that the lack of time for ourselves leads us to seek it from others through attachment.
We begin to use self-love as a means to appreciate and love ourselves for all that we are.
6. You Feel Less Stressed
We get into stress because attachment to something means we resist what it is and want a different outcome.
We have been taught that we have to work hard for everything in life. But this rule does not apply to love and a happy life. We can not work for happiness, it's not a goal we have to achieve, it's a state we are in now. Moreover, real relationships are formed when we are ready for them. The state where we are perfectly happy even if the relationship is not working. Letting go of attachment also helps us realise the power of abundance.
If you do not get someone else's love, it's not the end of the world, it's just not the right one for you. There are enough wonderful people in the world.
The same rule applies to everything we desire. When we let go of attachment, it puts us in a state of high energy, and that is reflected in everything we do. Unnoticed by us, people notice this and respond to us. And things begin to happen.
7. Your Blocked Creative Energy Is Released
Creative energy is precious and we all have it within us. But attachment to outcomes is a major creativity killer.
Our creative genius is scared when we write worrying if the article will make enough money or make YouTube videos hoping they will be viral.
Instead, when we show up to write for the sake of writing, for the sheer joy of sharing your thoughts to the world, magic happens.
Money, views, fame, subscribers will happen eventually. But it all starts with giving our unique gift to the world day in and day out. It may take few days or a lifetime. But what keeps us going is showing up daily.
And that comes from removing any attachment blocks we place it in the way of the releasing the creative energy within us.
We feel lighter when we let go of attachments.
When we accept the outcome of what we are striving for - a promotion, the nice house, the approval of parents - we are not in control of any of it.
We feel free when we let go of attachment to someone whose love means the world to us.
Nowthat we let go, we realize that we can not make anyone see themselves the way we see them. We cannot make anyone give love by proving our worth not we can have anything in life by obsessing over it.
Freedom begins when we let go of them.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 Rashmi G