Kaitlyn has a background in psychology and writes articles that teach you how to lean on your body, mind, heart, and on those around you.
Are you wondering if you should commit to a long distance relationship? Are long-distance relationships right for you? What should you do to make your long-distance relationship work?
Maintaining a long-distance relationship can be very challenging, and many people will choose to break up because they’re afraid the relationship won’t work out. But not all long-distance relationships fail. Many survive the distance, and these couples usually become closer together as a result.
Who knows? Maybe you and your partner could be one of these couples.
Here are five signs that a long-distance relationship is right for you.
1. You Are Not Afraid of the Future
Being in a long-distance relationship is often a scary thought for couples because they're scared of what may happen in the future. But ask yourself this:
- Do you feel that being apart is only temporary?
- Do you feel that distance will not impact your relationship because you value commitment?
- Are you sure about each other?
If you answered yes to these questions, then it’s very likely that your love will survive through a long-distance relationship. Feeling secure about what the future will hold for the both of you is the key to keeping your relationship strong despite the distance and difference in time zones.
2. You Trust Each Other
Trust is a keystone in a stable relationship, but there are many times when it can be hard to trust your partner due to personal insecurities, anxiety, or baggage from failed past relationships. This is when open communication, honesty, and mutual understanding become pivotal to the health and success of a relationship. These qualities become even more important in a long-distance relationship.
If you and your partner put the effort and time into fulfilling the need for communication, and actively try to be more patient, honest, and understanding with each other, then there is a good chance that you will succeed in a long-distance relationship.
3. You Share Similar Goals
For a long-distance relationship to succeed, both you and your partner need to be sure about what you want in a relationship as well as your goals in life. Relationships often fail because partners realize too late that they want different things in a relationship or are striving for different goals in life. One partner, for example, may want to start a family complete with a white picket fence, while the other dreams of climbing the career ladder and partying it up in the city.
So it’s essential for a couple, especially when dating long-distance, to have a discussion with each other regularly to see if they are on the same page as they grow together. Do you want kids? What are your thoughts on marriage? What are your career goals? Where do you want to live?
Remember that when you’re reunited permanently, your relationship won’t be this grand fun adventure all the time.
4. You Are Committed to Each Other
Do you both value commitment in your relationship?
Do you both invest time and effort into the relationship even while having separate lives in different cities?
Do you do things to express your commitment to one another?
Commitment is what separates a serious relationship from casual dating. Long-distance relationships require more commitment because both partners don’t see each other as frequently. Ideally, you and your partner should build a solid foundation for a healthy relationship where compromise is frequently accepted before going long-distance.
5. Your Relationship Is a Priority
How important is your partner to you?
The more you value each other, the more likely your relationship is to survive the distance. Here are some questions to help you and your partner figure out whether your relationship is a top priority:
- Do you respect and value each other’s beliefs and values?
- Do you remember details about each other?
- Do you enjoy nurturing your relationship on a consistent basis?
It’s essential for your partner to be just as invested in the relationship as you are for it to survive. This is especially the case for long-distance relationships.
6. You’re Comfortable Being Bored Together
Of course, you would want to go on wild adventures and long romantic dates whenever you see each other in person. After so long without being able to enjoy each other’s physical presence, it’s understandable to want to do as many exciting things together as possible before you have to separate again.
While this is wonderful, it’s not the best nor the most realistic for building a healthy long-term relationship. Remember that when you’re reunited permanently, your relationship won’t be this grand fun adventure all the time, so you need to be comfortable doing the mundane everyday things together as well.
7. You Go Beyond Just Texting
Texting is an efficient and convenient way to communicate, but it shouldn’t be your only form of communication between you and your partner. The closer you can get to recreating the feeling of being physically together, the better. So video is the best form of communication for long-distance partners, followed by audio, with texting coming in last. A few “I love you” texts throughout the day is great, but nothing can replace looking into your partner’s eyes and hearing their voice.
So if you and your partner are comfortable with committing to make time for regular Skype sessions where you can hang out, have dinner together, or even take a walk outside while connected, then there’s a good chance you will both thrive in a long-distance relationship.
© 2018 KV Lo
Lucy from Leeds, UK on April 12, 2020:
Great article - LDRs are definitely not for everyone, but can work for certain people with a specific mentality. If I were to add one point to your list, it'd be the following: neither member of the relationship can be prone to impulsivity or possess a deep desire to connect with many different people romantically. This archetype of person (myself probably included!) is never going to be satisfied or content in a LDR past the initial period of novelty.
Agreeing with your comment below, I believe that LDRs only work and are only healthy if a). there is a clear end date in place or b). the couple are certain that they are both working towards and desiring being in the same place ASAP.
Having said that, there are benefits to a LDR in this day and age. Since evolution has allowed us humans to go gone far beyond mere survival i.e. feeding, reproduction (a topic I could ramble on about all day as a neuroscientist), perhaps there ARE benefits to having the comfort of 'knowing' you're in a relationship but being able to fully immerse yourself in your work and social sphere.
However, the issue is there is also often typically a disparity between how each person experiences the relationship. One person is bound to pine more and spend more time wrapped up in their head consumed by thoughts of the other person, while the other is less attached and able to embrace their local environment...
KV Lo (author) on August 09, 2018:
@dashingscorpio: A LDR is definitely hard to sustain when a couple doesn't have a plan for when they'll move back together permanently. Thanks for the input! :)
dashingscorpio from Chicago on July 30, 2018:
In my opinion the #1 sign is there's a plan for one of you to relocate!
Long distance relationships were meant to be temporary! The goal is to be with the person you love. When there is no "light at the end of the tunnel" whereby someone will be relocating it's usually a matter of time before the couple eventually drifts apart.
It's the counting down of the months, weeks, and days until one is finally done with the inconvenience of being in a long distance relationship that keeps it strong!
The only real reason to enter into a LDR is the belief he/she is "the one". If you're only dating someone for the "fun" of it you might as well do that locally. One man's opinion! :)