How to Show Commitment in a Relationship Without Making Mistakes
You want a permanent relationship to enjoy years of building memories, but for some reason, you miss out on the vision of a lasting relationship.
Think about it—you have no problem developing relationships. However, for some reason, you keep avoiding making that commitment. It gets more difficult as time goes on and the older we get, so the sooner you figure out what you want—the better.
The first step is to make up your mind. You have to decide if you want to be alone the rest of your life or if your goal is actually to have a permanent partnership that improves with time.
This list of solutions will help with a commitment to your relationship as a lifelong pursuit.
Commit to Planning a Future Together
The biggest mistake you can make is not having a plan and focusing on the goal you want to achieve. You need to know how you want your relationship to proceed. You need to know where it’s headed.
Do you know in your own heart what you want? It’s possible that you're just letting time go by without any determination to build a lasting relationship. Does that make sense?
There are reasons for this. First, answer these two questions:
- Do you want to achieve the happiness of being in a loving relationship where you and your partner are managing life together as a team?
- Or do you want to remain single all your life and deal with life’s trials and tribulations all by yourself?
Whatever it is, it all goes back to knowing what you want in life. The easiest way to get in touch with that, is to look ahead. Imagine how things will be in the future.
Visualize a Future With Your Partner
I made that mistake in the past. I tended to neglect considering the future. My pattern was that as long as I was happy in a relationship, I accepted the status quo without actually having any desire to imagine if this is what I wanted for the rest of my life.
That was a drastic mistake. If I had imagined my girlfriend as my wife, it might have given me the vision I needed to commit to an ongoing relationship. The act of visualizing your future in an existing relationship helps you appreciate what you've got.
Discuss the Future Together
I discovered this concept much later in life, and I let many years float along in a couple of long-term relationships that went nowhere. That is, we had no plan to build a future together.
If I had visualized the future, had imagined what might come of it, or had imagined my girlfriend as my wife, I might have been motivated to make a commitment.
Sharing these thoughts and discussing a vision of a future together, a couple may have something concrete to develop.
Getting into discussions of what you both see as your future helps reinforce the relationship. That not only shows that you have a serious attitude, but it also lends itself to planning a future together.
You might even have the opportunity to communicate whatever anxieties you have about it. You both probably have unspoken concerns. Getting it out in the open can have very positive results.
Pay Attention to Reality
Once we realize that we are involved with someone special, the relationship strengthens and can begin to grow.
That includes being aware of your own feelings:
- Are you happy with your relationship?
- Is it something you desire to have the rest of your life?
- Is there anything troubling you? If so, can you deal with it for the sake of keeping the positive aspects of it?
Being aware of reality can help strengthen a relationship. However, if we overlook the positive things and if we don't give any thought to the entire process, then we are just letting time pass by until the relationship eventually ends.
Even a good relationship will end if there is no determined plan to make it permanent and for both parties to agree to that. I can say that, from my own experience. Most of my relationships have been good ones. I just wasn't allowing myself to be aware of reality. Don't make that mistake.
You can build a strong relationship by being in the moment at all times. You need to keep our eyes open and be aware of what you’ve got. If you think about what you expect out of life, rather than focusing on what you already have, then you might very well be fooling yourself. Expectations may never come to be, but the reality is already here. Hold on to it.
"A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be."— Albert Einstein
Beware of Life's Rude Awakening
Here is a concept that I came up with:
"The best relationship is with someone with whom you don't have a personal interest."
There absolutely is a meaningful explanation for why a relationship can be great if you have no interest in the other person. I had a psychologist friend confirm this idea.
It’s because there is no judgment. When you have no personal interest in someone, then you have no reason to judge that person. That can go a long way to having a happy relationship.
However, if you have no interest in the person, then where is the relationship headed? That’s why I refer to this concept as: “Life’s rude awakening.”
It's almost like a catch-22. Isn't it? Well, with a little appreciation for a committed relationship, maybe this can be made to work.
People can be devoted to a relationship even when they have no interest in one another, as long as they have an interest in building the relationship itself. Both of them can have different perspectives on life, and yet can be 100% committed to each other.
What this means is that you may not see eye to eye on everything in life, but as long as you appreciate each other for what you both are, and you relate well with one another, why throw that away?
Consider What's Important
We need to be clear with what we want.
Even though we think we want to settle down with someone, we may not be conscious of a fear that stands in the way. We may have a fear of our destiny—not knowing what's ahead.
We may also be dealing with some confusion in our minds because our need to settle down may not be as urgent as our desire for it to happen.
It takes some deep thought, and requires honest consideration, to determine what our actual values are:
- Do we value our freedom that comes with being alone?
- Do we enjoy quiet solitude in the evenings and when we sleep?
On the other hand, is it more relevant to feel we are one of a team of two? Two partners who are there for each other through thick or thin.
Think about it. That thought process might change your life.
Two Ships That Pass in the Night
That’s an old adage, but it has a lot of meaning here. It’s not often that the right one comes along. When she does, it’s helpful to know it. It’s essential to recognize that we have an opportunity to create a life we want with a great partner.
Don’t let her get away!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
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© 2018 Glenn Stok