How to Commit to a Relationship Without Making Mistakes
If you're here because you feel that you want a permanent relationship to enjoy years of building memories, but miss the vision, the pointers I discuss below may help, so you don't end up spending your life alone.
First Thoughts to Consider
Think about it—you have no problem developing relationships. However, for some reason, you keep avoiding making that commitment.
The first step is to make up your mind. You have to decide if you want to be alone for the rest of your life or if you actually want a lasting partnership filled with love that grows with time.
When you come to terms with your true feelings and realize you do indeed want to commit to a relationship, give some attention to the following ideas.
Commit to Planning a Future Together
The biggest mistake you can make is not having a plan and focusing on the goal you want to achieve. You need to know how you want your relationship to proceed. You need to know where it’s headed.
Do you know in your heart what you want? You may be just letting time go by without any perception of building a lasting relationship.
There are reasons for this. First, answer these two questions:
- Do you want to be in a loving relationship where you and your partner manage life together as a team?
- Or do you want to remain single all your life and deal with life’s trials and tribulations all by yourself?
Whatever it is, it all goes back to knowing what you want in life. The easiest way to get in touch with that is to look ahead. Imagine how things will be in the future.
Visualize a Future With Your Partner
I made that mistake in the past. As long as I was happy in a relationship, I accepted the status quo. I didn't think about if it was what I wanted for the rest of my life.
That was a drastic mistake. If I had imagined my girlfriend as my wife, it might have given me the vision I needed to commit to an permanent relationship.
The act of visualizing your future in an existing relationship helps you appreciate what you've got. Otherwise, you might make the mistake of overlooking a great partnership.
Women won't wait around forever. If you don't decide, soon, that you want it to last, it will disappear. The next step is to talk about it.
Discuss Your Future Together
I let many years float along in a couple of long-term relationships that went nowhere. That is, we had no plan to build a future together.
If I had visualized the future, had imagined what might come of it, or had imagined my girlfriend as my wife, I might have been motivated to commit.
Sharing these thoughts and discussing a future vision together, a couple may have some solid bonds develop. That shows that you have a serious attitude, but it also lends itself to planning a future together.
Getting into discussions of what you both see as your future helps reinforce the relationship. You might even discuss whatever anxieties you have about it. You both probably have unspoken concerns. Getting it out in the open can have very positive results.
Pay Attention to Reality
Once we realize that we are involved with someone special, the relationship strengthens and can begin to grow.
That includes being aware of your feelings:
- Are you happy with your relationship?
- Is it something you desire to have the for rest of your life?
- Is there anything troubling you? If so, can you deal with it for the sake of keeping the positive aspects of it?
Being aware of reality can help strengthen a relationship. However, if we overlook the positive things and if we don't give any thought to the entire process, then we are just letting time pass by until the relationship eventually ends. Even a good relationship will end if there is no plan to make it permanent.
You need to keep our eyes open and be aware of what you’ve got. If you think about other things you expect out of life, then you might be fooling yourself. Expectations may never come to be, but what you have now is the reality that's already here. Hold on to it.
"A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be."— Albert Einstein
Beware of Life's Rude Awakening
Here is a concept that I came up with:
"The best relationship is with someone with whom you don't have a personal interest."
There absolutely is a meaningful explanation for why a relationship can be great if you have no interest in the other person. A psychologist friend of mine confirmed this idea.
It’s because there is no judgment. When you have no personal interest in someone, then you have no reason to judge that person. That can go a long way to having a happy relationship.
However, if you have no interest in the person, then where is the relationship headed? That’s why I refer to this concept as: “Life’s rude awakening.”
It's almost like a catch-22. Isn't it? Well, with a little appreciation for a committed relationship, maybe this can be made to work.
People can be devoted to a relationship even when they have no interest in one another, as long as they have an interest in building the relationship itself. Both of them can have different perspectives on life, yet can be 100% committed to each other.
That means you may not see eye to eye on everything in life, but as long as you appreciate each other for what you both are and you relate well with one another, why throw that away?
Consider What's Important
Even though we think we want to settle down with someone, we may not be conscious of a fear that stands in the way. We may have a fear of our destiny—not knowing what's ahead.
We may be dealing with some confusion in our minds because our "need" to settle down may not be as urgent as our "desire" for it to happen.
We need to determine what our values are:
- Do we value our freedom that comes with being alone?
- Do we enjoy quiet solitude in the evenings and when we sleep?
On the other hand:
- Do we feel better when we are one of a team?
- Do we enjoy being there for each other through thick or thin?
Think about it. That thought process might change your life.
Questions & Answers
© 2018 Glenn Stok