Sometimes Marriage Is Challenging

Updated on March 8, 2017

Introduction

Let's face it, we all know our relationships can be challenging. But, sometimes that is what keeps things fresh. We are different from our spouses, and that is why we argue or have difficult times. Well, at least that's why I argue. My husband can be so stubborn at times but that is really what makes me love him more. Some of the problems we all face may not be so easy to come to terms with, however.

Poll

Have you ever been in a situation where, if you looked back now, you wish you could've fixed things?

See results

When things get difficult in your relationship, who do you go to when you need to discuss it? In a national study in (Confiding About Problems, 2015), it was noted that most of the problems people face within their marriages are money, infidelity, physical violence, emotional abuse, or one (or both) spouses were not getting enough attention from the other (Confiding About Problems, 2015). You may feel powerless when these situations come about, but there are so many ways to combat these inconveniences. It takes a little time but it is so worth it.

First thing's first, talk to each other! Try to sit down and discuss things in a mellow tone. It will be challenging to speak in a normal tone because you will eventually get defensive, or offensive. Just hear your spouse/significant other out. It sounds silly, but sometimes my husband and I have to hold something (like a pen, or something) to take turns talking. We both like to interrupt each other, and that isn't the right thing to do when you are trying to come to an agreement on something. So, when we hold something, that tells us that it is not our turn (and it works!). Another thing you can do is make a list. If you don't want to bring it up to your spouse yet, then make a list. I have personal experience in this, and it worked in my benefit. However, the problems in the marriage are between the both of you, so don't make it solely about your spouse.

Make a list
Make a list | Source

I know you may not like hearing that, especially if infidelity is the issue. However, I have dealt with that situation too, and I had to come to terms with it was not just my husband's fault. There were things that I could have done differently, as well as he. Don't go down the road of "I didn't do enough", "It's my fault". That will just send you into a mountain of depression. So, do yourself a favor and think about the things you can change for the better. I promise if you change yourself for the better, your spouse will want to change themselves for the better because they see you are trying. Another thing is, get to the point and TELL THE TRUTH.

We have all heard the saying of "the truth hurts", well it does. You owe it to each other though, to be honest. No matter how long you have been married, being truthful is only setting both of you up for success. You can be kind about it, though, that way it is better than worse. One last thing, remember the people you looked up to when you were younger. Think about the positives and negatives that you noticed with them. Did they get better with age, or did they get worse. Did they ever mention to you that they had a lot of disagreements in their life together?

There is room for improvement in all of us, no matter how good or bad they are. No one is perfect, and that is a fact.

If you are not comfortable in speaking with your spouse about the problems you face, then that's another problem entirely. You should talk to a professional about these things, and they will be able to help you get through this together. You don't even have to have your spouse there if you don't want them to be there. However, not having your spouse there may cause problems though, because they don't understand what the problems are you both are facing; and you’re going to confide in someone else. They may feel like you are leaving them in the dark about what is going on, and that would be an awful feeling. I'm sure you wouldn’t want them to leave you out about the problems in your marriage. After all, it is the both of you that are in it.

Conclusion

In conclusion, think about how you feel at this moment. Do you want your marriage to work?

If both parties in the marriage are willing to change for the better and do the work required, then all marriages can be saved. It will take a lot of work, and possibly years to do. But, if you love each other then it shouldn't be a problem. If you choose to separate, then try to do it on good terms. It can be difficult on the children, if you have them. I hope you can all find it in your hearts to work it out. Marriage is a beautiful thing, a relationship that can last a lifetime. We all want to eventually grow old with someone. If you ever need any other advice, I am willing to help as much as I can. But, keep in mind that I am not a doctor (not yet, anyways). I am a psychology student, trying to receive a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy. I hope you found this information helpful, and I look forward to helping you more in the future.

Growing old together
Growing old together | Source

Scholarly Reference

Lind Seal, K., Doherty, W. J., & Harris, S. M. (2015). Confiding About Problems in Marriage and Long-Term Committed Relationships: A National Study. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 42(3), 438-450. doi:10.1111/jmft.12134

Poll

What are some things you and your spouse fight/disagree about the most?

See results

© 2017 DM Heaberlin

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://pairedlife.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)