How Do You Know You’re Ready to Get Married?

Updated on November 29, 2017
Kaitlyn Lo profile image

Kaitlyn has a background in psychology and writes articles that teach you how to lean on your body, mind, heart, and on those around you.

If you’re asking yourself this question, I congratulate you. That means that you’re taking this seriously and have enough common sense not to jump into a marriage on a whim.

We live in a society where getting married before your 30s is becoming increasingly rare. In fact, the titles “husband” and “wife” are increasingly being pushed to the sidelines by alternative labels like “live-in boyfriend/girlfriend” or “long-term partner.” In a society where marriage seems to be the biggest milestone you could ever take in life, trumping even deciding your career path and whether or not to buy a house, it’s understandable that many of us have trouble committing.

At some point, many of us will ask ourselves:

“Do I love him or her enough?”

“What does it mean to love someone?”

“Is this relationship the real deal?”

“Am I ready to get married?"

To help you answer a few of these questions, here are a few signs and red flags to help you decide whether or not you’re ready for marriage.

By StockSnap. CC0 Creative Commons.
By StockSnap. CC0 Creative Commons. | Source

Poll: Marriage and You

What does marriage mean to you?

See results

7 Signs You're Ready to Get Married

1. You feel secure
A little jealousy is normal in any relationship. But if you trust your partner, jealousy becomes a thing of the past. A healthy relationship will make you feel secure, and should never make you feel like you have reason to be suspicious or to second guess your partner. When you’re ready for marriage, you’ll be secure within yourself and the relationship.

2. You feel ready for "till death do us part" and not just the wedding
It’s easy to get caught up with the idea of a big, fancy, fairytale wedding. You want the dress, the cake, the extravagant venue, the flowers, etc. But that’s not what a marriage is. The wedding is the beginning of a life-long relationship that will go through ups and downs, and not an end to the struggle. When you’re ready for marriage, the wedding itself falls into the background. It’s the marriage that matters and the thought of spending the rest of your lives together is much more exciting than fulfilling your dream of walking down the aisle in a million-dollar dress.

3. You know that your partner is not responsible for making you feel complete, fulfilled, and happy.
Marriage is not the answer to all your problems. If you’re unhappy now, getting married will not make you happy. A healthy marriage is when two, whole, and healthy people join together to grow, learn and support each other through life. If you’re hoping that marriage will solve your problems, it’s best if you solve those problems first before walking down the aisle.

4. You know how to deal with conflict in the relationship
Successful relationships require good communication and openness on both sides. It’s normal to have disagreements, but if every tiny disagreement turns into a full-blown fight, then you may need to reassess the way you communicate in the relationship. If you can talk through disagreements respectfully and arrive at a satisfactory compromise, then you can be relatively sure that you have a good foundation for a healthy marriage.

5. You have the same core values
It’s okay if you don’t have the same interests, hobbies, and likes to have a strong marriage, but there are a few core values that you have to agree on. These core values are religion, children and parenting, money, and time spent with family. You don’t have to share the same views on these (though that wouldn’t be a bad thing), but you do need to know how to handle these issues when they come up in the future. Before you get married, it’s best to have a serious talk with your partner to make sure you come to an agreement or understanding in regards to these values, if you haven’t done so already.

6. You don’t miss being single
Being in a relationship will limit your options in some respects. Whenever you make a decision, you will have to take your partner into consideration. Going out on first dates will never happen again either, and you may never experience the same heart-thumping puppy love again. This is what it means to commit to one person for the rest of your life. If you’re fine with that and don’t miss the dating scene and enjoy including someone else in your decision-making process, then you’re ready for the long haul.

7. You understand that being "in love" is very different from "infatuation."
Infatuation is when you feel in love all the time, are blind to your partner’s flaws, and you expect this feeling to last forever. Unfortunately, no one is perfect, and that rosy “in love” feeling won’t last. When you’re in “love” with someone, you love your partner for who they are with full awareness of their imperfections.

Poll: Are You Ready?

Do you think you’re ready for marriage?

See results
By Inna Lesyk. CC0 Creative Commons.
By Inna Lesyk. CC0 Creative Commons. | Source

3 Major Signs You’re NOT Ready for Marriage

1. Divorce is no big deal
Divorce should never be a Plan B - something to fall back on if the marriage doesn’t work out. While divorce is a legitimate solution to serious marital problems, you shouldn’t resort to divorce over every hiccup. If you’re thinking that you could just get a divorce if you don’t end up enjoying being married, take that as a big red flag indicating that you’re not ready to get married in the first place.

2. You have the same arguments over and over again
If you can’t come to a healthy compromise and work through conflicts, that’s a sign that you’re not ready for the big commitment yet - especially when the same argument or problem comes up over and over again without any sign of resolution. Since respectful, open communication where both parties are heard and understood is crucial to a healthy marriage, it’s a good idea to hold off on marriage if neither of you can do that yet.

3. You’re getting married for someone else
Sometimes people get married because they think that it’s their only chance at love or that what they have is as good as it’s going to get. Some may even get married out of guilt or fear of hurting people’s feelings. If you realize that you’re getting married for any reason other than because you love your partner and want to spend the rest of your life with them, then you need to take that as a sign to take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. It’s never okay to make a significant commitment like getting married for anyone else but yourself.

Poll: Divorce

Have you been divorced before?

See results
By freestocks.org. CC0 Creative Commons.
By freestocks.org. CC0 Creative Commons. | Source

Questions & Answers

    © 2017 KV Lo

    Comments

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment

      • profile image

        Dee 

        2 months ago

        I've been married for 16 years now, and i never regret it, ever

      • profile image

        Adea Ademi 

        4 months ago

        This topic hit right at home for me because I'm so ready to marry my man.

      • profile image

        Gemma 

        6 months ago

        You offer some really good points to think about in relation to this topic. I love the polls you used too with the results.

      • profile image

        Marjie Mare 

        6 months ago

        Although we should not enter a marriage lightly, I feel like you will never fully get prepared. People usually enter marriage when they are happy, young, and when there are no issues. I have been married for 24 years, we went through so many up and downs and I could not say I was ready. We are committed to each other and ready to share joy, challenges, and everything else.

      • profile image

        Wendi 

        6 months ago

        I love this post and the little polls you included with results. It makes this post not only informative but also interactive. Marriage is a big deal and I waiting a very long time to take the plunge (mid-thirties). It took a long time to find my "one," and I wasn't going to settle. Thank you for providing some great information to couples before they say "I Do."

      • profile image

        Kathy 

        6 months ago

        We've been married 40 years this coming April. You have to be determined to work hard, because marriage isn't easy. You're going to have great times, you're going to have horrible times, but you have to persevere. For me, divorce was not an option. Can't say I didn't toy with it sometimes, but it always got better in time.

      • profile image

        Tiazim 

        7 months ago

        I am getting married next year. im really excited about this and this post really came along at the right time. thank you for sharing!

      • profile image

        Robyn 

        7 months ago

        These are very good points you bring up. I think there is too much pressure for people to get married, when so much of it ends in divorce. Pointing these simple things out is an eye opener and I love your honesty with it.

      • profile image

        Marie 

        7 months ago

        There still seems to be so much pressure in getting married nowadays. Marriage is not for everyone and there is nothing wrong about this.

      • profile image

        RamblingRomany 

        7 months ago

        Marriage used to be forever but unfortunately people are so casual about it these days.

      • profile image

        RAWLINGS 

        7 months ago

        I love this post. Your insight here is so truthful. You did a nice job by making one know where he really belong to and what he/she wants

      • profile image

        Cassandra 

        7 months ago

        This is a very needed and insightful post! I believe marriage is a commitment to one another no matter what. This was good for me to read to evaluate my own relationship.

      • profile image

        Ann 

        7 months ago

        All things stated here should be considered. Marriage

        is sacred and and a lifetime commitment that need lots of evaluation. An old adage says, it takes two to tango!

      • profile image

        Jessica Burgess 

        7 months ago

        I married my husband at 19. I had no idea how hard it was going to be. It definitely is not just about being in love! I look back now and realize I was not ready for marriage. I'm grateful that we go through so many arguments and misunderstandings etc. We have grown a lot together. Still not perfect but we work on it every day.

      • Deni Kidwell profile image

        Deni Kidwell 

        7 months ago

        Great info. So many people think that's it's just ok to get married as they can always get a divorce. It's just a quick easy fix. Marriage is work!

      working

      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://pairedlife.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

      Show Details
      Necessary
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Features
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Marketing
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Statistics
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)