My name is Tatiana, but my friends and family call me Tutta. I like writing articles that help bring people closer together.
Communication Breakdowns in Marriage
“I do!” are the words that bind you to your chosen life mate for the rest of your lives. These two words change everything. They symbolize your utmost desire to be forever tied to this person, no matter what circumstances may come.
Life is full of surprises, so it should come as no surprise that marriage is also full of ups and downs, over and over again. It’s quite normal to have disagreements in a healthy marriage, unlike what the fairy tales present.
In fact, sometimes it can be hard to overcome such disagreements, and you might feel stuck from time to time, not knowing how or when to communicate to get past it. Intervention can mean in all the difference in saving a marriage or letting the ship sink!
Marriage Counseling Questions About Trust
Take turns asking and answering the following questions to help you start a conversation about trust.
- Do you trust me?
- Is there anything you feel you can’t trust me with?
- Have you ever felt the need the check my phone if I leave it unattended?
- Have I ever done anything to lose your trust?
- If you don’t trust me anymore, what are some steps I can take to regain your trust?
Relationship Counseling Questions About Happiness
- What makes you the most happy?
- When was the happiest period of time in our marriage, and what about it did you enjoy the most?
- Is there anything that I do that brings you down?
- Do you feel I care about your happiness?
- What can I do with you to share in your happiness?
How to Talk About Tension and Stress in Your Marriage
- Do I stress you out?
- What do you find the most stressful?
- Do you feel you can come home to me after a stressful day and feel better?
- What are some ways I can help you feel more at ease during stressful times?
- What do you feel are the biggest stressors in our marriage?
Starting a Serious Discussion With Your Spouse
- Do you feel like you can talk to me about anything?
- Do you feel like I listen to you when you are speaking with me?
- Do we make love as often as you would like?
- Do I fulfill all your needs physically?
- What is something I could do to make our relationship more intimate?
Relationship Therapy Questions to Ask Your Spouse
- Have you ever thought about seeing someone else?
- Have you ever seen someone else while we’ve been together?
- If so, what caused you to be unfaithful?
- Do you still communicate with other(s) you have been with intimately?
- What do you feel like we can do to avoid this happening again?
Marriage Counseling Questions About the Past
- Is there anything that happened between us in the past that still bothers you?
- If you could change one thing about the past, what would it be?
- Would you say our relationship has been mostly good, mostly bad, or somewhere in between?
- Are there any conflicts from the past that you feel have not been resolved?
- What are some fond memories you have about our past?
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Discussing the Future With Your Spouse
- Do you want to remain married?
- Where would you like to see us a year from now?
- Where would you like to see us five years from now?
- What goals would you like to see us accomplish together?
- Can you describe what you envision our life to be like in the future?
Couples Therapy Questions About Love and Appreciation
- What is one thing you have always loved about me?
- If we could take a vacation together, just me and you, where would you like to go?
- What is something I do that makes you smile?
- What is your most cherished memory of “us”?
- What is something about our marriage that you wouldn’t change for anything?
When to Seek Counseling
Sometimes it can be difficult to get your spouse to talk about the issues you’re both experiencing. It’s important to remember that it might not be a matter of them not wanting to talk about things, but rather them not knowing exactly how to talk about them. This is where a marriage counselor might come in handy!
If ever you feel like you’re having a hard time communicating, it’s a good idea to seek out a marriage counselor. Marriage is hard, and sometimes help is needed. And that’s okay. Taking the big leap for marriage counseling will reinforce your desire to remain committed to this person and show that you really want to learn how to reopen those channels of communication.
Perhaps the hardest part is getting both people to admit that they indeed need outside help!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Marie on July 25, 2018:
I am in a second marriage, where my husband inspite of giving a fat alimony wants to still keep supporting his wife and children, at the age of 55 now he has taken a loan for his son to send him for higher studies, no amoint of fights and making him understand works. As a result i have become very bitter and keep fighting with him all the time.Result which my health is suffering. Please advice
Pj and Beth Page on March 05, 2018:
This is a great, well written article Tatiana. Thanks for the advice! ☺️
Annie on February 13, 2018:
Where im going to marry soon but he s elder to me v have 8 years differance could u help me will dis works ..
Tatiana (author) from Florida on June 15, 2017:
I definitely agree that choosing the right mate is the most important part to having a great marriage. If you guys are totally wrong for each other, no amount of counseling will be able to fix that! That's why it's definitely important to make sure you know your significant other very well before marriage, and get married for the right reasons, not the convenient ones. Marriage can be amazing if you do it right!
Thanks for taking the time to write such an awesome comment!
dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 07, 2017:
Marriage is Forever - Not when there is a 50% divorce rate. Human beings make mistakes! (Including choosing spouses!)
Top three reasons for divorce.
1. They chose the wrong mate. (Too incompatible!)
2. Someone committed a "deal breaker" in the eyes of the other.
3. They fell out love over time/stopped wanting the same things.
When to Seek Counseling - While you're still "in love" and care!
Truth be told most people don't seek counseling until their marriage is in stage 4 cancer mode.
Essentially couples counseling is oftentimes just another "box" to check off on the way to divorce court. "We tried counseling."
Whenever someone feels like they can't be their "authentic self" in a marriage or relationship they are not going to be happy.
Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air screaming: "I'm looking for someone to change me!"
Most people want to be loved and accepted for who they are.
Compatibility trumps compromise!
Communication is the GPS for relationships and marriages.
It lets us know if we're "growing together" or "growing apart".
There is no amount of "communication" or "work" that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you do.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.
One man's opinion! :)
Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on June 07, 2017:
These are really great questions and can really be beneficial to the couple's marriage health. Very helpful!