Are Friends a Toxin to Your Marriage?

Are your friends ruining your marriage?
Are your friends ruining your marriage? | Source

Husbands Choosing Their Friends over Their Wives and Visa Versa

When two individuals decide to get married, a change occurs in their lives—hopefully for the better. But if people are not willing to place their partner/family above others, it can lead to devastating consequences, regardless of how wonderful the union began.

Friends will always remain a vital part of life. Their advice and support will guide you through good times and bad, and you can count on them for their shared joy during moments of triumph and their empathy during moments of pain. However, friends are the people who have the greatest capability of destroying a relationship. Friends have a close bond, and sometimes it's hard for them to let married friends spend most of their time with their spouses. The challenge comes when friendship interferes with marriage, and a choice must be made.

Can Too Much Time Be Spent with Friends?

This poll presumes your spouse resides with you and comes home after the work day ends. If your spouse works abroad, you don't need to participate. However, should you decide to, answer as things are when he/she is home.

How much time do you spend with friends, on a weekly basis, without your spouse being present?

  • 1-3 hours
  • 4-6 hours
  • 7-9 hours
  • 10-15 hours
  • 16 hours or more
See results without voting

Though it isn't true of all friends, there are some who manage to wreak havoc in the following ways:

1: Trying to Recreate "The Good Old Days"

Some guys expect a newly married friend to continue to be as committed to hanging out and doing things together as he or she had previously been. They feel let down when their friend declines to go out for whatever reason, and they may begin to resent him or her for getting married in the first place. Other times, the resentment is directed toward the spouse, who has "taken the friend away."

In situations like these, unless the married person is able to explain the new facts of life to his or her friend, there will always be tension where he or she will feel forced to choose between loved ones. If the married person can't stand up to the friends, his or her marriage will suffer. Hopefully, if it comes down to a choice between friends and spouse, the newlywed will honor the latter commitment.

2: Hanging around and Demanding Attention

Some women and men are famous for dropping in on married couples sporadically throughout the day, demanding immediate attention or lingering with no obvious purpose for visiting.

When couples don't get much time to themselves, it's easy for outside influences to gradually pull them apart. A demand here, another there, then another one and, before realizing it, the couples' time is all used up caring for the needs of their friends as opposed to tending to their own needs. They are often exhausted before the day is half over.

Even when a need arises for friends, or multiple friends, to visit, they should consider leaving at a respectable time so that couples can get time to relax together at the end of each day.

Granted, emergencies do arise with friends and everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. It's when these situations become routine—and occur just as couples prepare to spend alone time together—that they can cause damage.

On a personal note, when I want to spend time with my partner, I don't even want our children to interfere. We've spent time with the children and consider our time sacred.

Granted, emergencies do arise with friends and everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. It's when these situations become routine - just when couples prepare to spend alone time together - that can cause damage.

On a personal note, when I want to spend time with my partner, I don't even want our children to interfere. We've spent time with the children and consider our time sacred.

3: Treating a Spouse Disrespectfully

When friends show no respect toward their married friend's spouse, it creates strained relationships. When ill words are spoken, even in jest, they can resurface in a spouse's mind later. A seed has been planted that, if not cast aside, will be watered more and more until a joke has created a monstrous problem. Friends should always show respect to their friends' spouses. If they can't, they should simply stay away and remain quiet.

4: Spreading Gossip

Gossip is deadly.

The last thing a couple needs is constant exposure to gossip, and friends are often the source. Even though people know that situations become exaggerated with every retelling, some still tend to believe every word of gossip that falls on their ears.

As if this isn't bad enough, such friends may start spreading stories about the couple, as well. Too often, the other spouse gets the blame for talking when, in fact, it was an observation made by a friend that initiated the gossip.

Sadly, people who thrive on gossip don't know the difference between a friend or stranger when it comes to keeping their mouths shut, so married couples, beware! Steer clear of anyone who is constantly putting someone else down, for whatever reason. Gossip ultimately destroys peoples' lives and marriages. Yours could be next.

Old Habits Die Hard

When people choose to get married, often there is a compromise in certain areas. For example, if a woman doesn't want her husband drinking too often, or vice versa, she may ask him not to go out drinking with his friends every night. Likewise, if a man doesn't want his wife going to clubs alone, or vice versa, she can always pour a drink at home and avoid possible temptation from outside.

That being said, when a guy comes banging on the door of a married couple's home demanding the husband come out and have a few drinks, the husband may be tempted to give in unless he chooses to honor a promise he made to his wife about that very issue. As time goes on, the right decisions are easier to make, but at first they can be extremely difficult.

Similarly, when a woman comes to the house asking for the wife to join her for cocktails at a bar, the wife may be tempted to go, thinking she's just going to enjoy some time with her friend. However, she should honor the promise she made to her husband, as she expects him to honor promises he's made to her.

Jobs change, children grow and focus on their own families, while many friends come and go.

Did you realize that marriage is the only earthly lifetime commitment you make?

Guard it with your life!

True friends will hold sacred the vows made between a man and his wife.

They will respect the decisions made and act accordingly.

If people are not capable of such respectful behavior, they were never really friends in the first place.

Any Other Ways?

Can you think of other ways in which friends can be toxic to your marriage? Please state them here.


Kelsey-Budden-16 profile image

Kelsey-Budden-16 6 years ago

Something that is also toxic is, when a friend or sister/brother thinks the world of that husband/wife's spouse. Not as in helping out with the chores and things like that. I'm talking about when they have strong feelings for the husband/wife. Things can get pretty nasty when that happens.

Lady Lorelei profile image

Lady Lorelei 4 years ago from Canada

My first sprinkling of angel dust on this lens has long worn off so I am back once again to scatter a little more. It is my quest today to bless all the lenses which I blessed in October of 2010. You are on this list.

anonymous 4 years ago

My wife is now diagnosed with Dementia and Narcissistic Rage. Her Friend does not believe it at all, tells my wife I am trying to have her committed and steal her money. This is sending my wife paranoid and my life into a nightmare. What can I do about this "friend"?

AuthorNormaBudden profile image

AuthorNormaBudden 4 years ago Author

@anonymous: Michael, taking the chance that you might read this, I'd suggest taking the time to consult the doctor about this situation. Perhaps he/she can clarify things to your wife's friend, though the friend may choose to live in denial.

Otherwise, you can research both medical conditions on the Internet and pass copies of what you find onto your wife's friend - not expecting her to read it right away, of course, but curiosity will get the better of her at some point.

These are just a couple of ideas which come to mind but, regardless of the present, when your wife gets to the point of not remembering her friend, the friend will have no choice but to accept the facts.

In the meantime, I'm sorry you have to carry such a burden alone and would strongly suggest you find someone you trust to talk to about the situation. I will keep you and your situation in my prayers...

anonymous 4 years ago

My husband's newer job has him developing relationships and friendships with mostly male colleagues, bosses, and coworkers not honorable to our marriage vows. They condone immoralities and share vulgar language and innuendos on a regular basis. On the phone, in person, and heavy texting. Very guarded conversations. They will call or text 24/7. And most of the time he will answer. We have precious little time together due to our job schedules. These 'friendships' have become first priority to my husband over our marital promises to honor one another . I pray he would have the guts to put us first again and stop engaging with these people in this way for the sake of our life we committed to each other over three decades ago! Prayers.

anonymous 4 years ago

A man shouldn't be sharing him and his wifes marital problems with anyone else and try to fix his marital problems with his wife only. Most women feel this type of man is disrespectful and not trustworthy.

anonymous 4 years ago

When you are never allowed time alone as a couple, because of a metalling old man. The guy can't take a hint to leave. He will just lay down on my couch and sleep until dinner.

anonymous 4 years ago

When they land up at home unannounced, stay over and expect the friend to be baby sitting all the time, and if that's not enough, walk into our bedroom when we are talking in private...I can't wear nightclothes...Constantly wait to be heard...And once they locked themselves in the room talking, didn't attend my calls and I had to hunt for dinner...We can't have a decent conversation because he is always around...When we're alone, he's always texting because he's going through a separation...And it's taken a toll on my relationship and communication...Taken to drinking more and gone back into my shell...

maryLuu profile image

maryLuu 4 years ago

The frends can become toxic when they are taking sides, when they are always present in your house and they like to spread what they hear or see in your family.

anonymous 4 years ago

When a friend hangs around a married couples home .but they know they aren't wanted there so often it can cause a lot. Especially when the person is younger and has not really understud the reall meaning of a married couples relationship. It can cause great distance for one of the two that are married . So please just take that into consideration . Even if you need to talk to your spouses friend do that as a couple so there is a clear understanding. But in some cases you have to be very cautious of the approach . Hope this was helpful .

anonymous 3 years ago

I have had some vile people in my life. Some real stirrers. I don't call them friends. I have about two good friends. And the rest mean nothing the rest are just mates.

anonymous 3 years ago

Based on the fact you wrote article, you're clearly experiencing some issues. It's hard to tell if your views are directed at multiple friends or one individual in particular. I would advise that you discuss the situation with your partner and if it still can't be resolved seek further assistance as a pair (counselling etc). I don't mean to sound brutal but I don't think it's the "friend(s)" that are the underlying issue. Hope you manage to sort things out.

anonymous 3 years ago

My husbands friend always calls always drops by and always has something that he wants to take him away out of the state to do.. Belittles me in front on my husband and acts like I do not matter. He is a divorced single man and is bitter. He has no regard for my feelings and our marriage. My husband drops everything to take care of what his friend has rather than to take care of our relationship.

Gez 23 months ago

my wife and I have been together for 13yrs now and have two beautiful daughters we had our ups and downs but got wife now has this friend she has known for just a few months and already the changes have got out of wife now has to have every Friday night with this friend and ends up blind stinking drunk coming home at all hours.this friend buys my wife gifts and always makes sure the drink is in.she knows I have issues with my wife getting too drunk but this seems to fuel her to do it even more,my wife has even had matching tattoos done with this woman and seems to spend every spare moment with her even though she talks to my kids like dirt sometimes.i think this woman has a gay fixation on my wife but she can't see it. I don't want this poison in our lives no more and I told my wife it's me or her and it would seem my wife has chosen her over our marriage.any advice would be great.

guest 23 months ago

My husband keeps talking to my female cousin. I've expressed my concern but neither of them care obviously bc they keep talking and texting. He's lied about being at her house when we were not to be speaking to her. Now she's single and my worry is stronger than ever. I love him and we've got 13 years into this marriage. Nothing seems to work :(

annonumous 21 months ago

My husband is an extrovert. We never entertain people at home. But he will see his friend 2 to 3 times a week for coffee. When he is at home with me he would rather be on Facebook than be with me in a conversation. I have to fight to have his friendship no matter how nice I am or loving I am. Is this normal. ?

anonymous 20 months ago

After my husband.s mother died he became friendly with a gay male couple further down our street. At first i wasn.t keen but after a while i sort of got used to the situation. To cut a long story short eventually we saw them almost every day. We were scarcely ever in our own home in the evenings and i couldn.t plan meals any more. They were heavy drinkers and a very bad influence. My husband was also for a while drinking heavily. It wasn.t always bad. I had some very good times with them but i became tired and worn out by the situation. They interfered too much with our relationship for example criticizing long standing arrangements we have. We were arguing all the time and there was no one i could tell howhoe unhappy i was. I am catholic. I prayed to mary and asked for their influence to be reduced. A miracle happened. My husband had a disagreement with them over something trivial which blew up into a huge row. Then we were away on holiday. They seemed to begrudge us out time alone away from them. When we got home we saw them again for drinks but one of them made advances at my husband which offended him very much. Thank god that was the end of the situation. We have our normal life back again. Looking back i don't know how i coped. I think they were mainly interested in him and just toleratEd me as A necessary appendage. This were three of the worst years of my life. A tug of war that i had no chance to win. Always being the odd one out in the situation because of my sex aNd my religion. Being treateD with total lack of respeCt by them. LaugheD at down the pHone when i called to say dinner ready. We are now happy again thanks be to God.

Tabatha 18 months ago

We recently moved back to a town where my husband had an old friend that he was always getting in trouble with. We have been together for nearly 11 years and we have always been best friends. We made friends with another couple in our old town just so we could spend some time with other people. Now he is lying to me about going to the old friends house, staying out till 3 or 4 in the morning, turning off his phone so I can't get in touch with him, and giving him money we don't have. I don't know what to do.

sadfriend 18 months ago

I was shocked to see a post from 5 years ago nearly identical to what I am about to write. A friend becomes toxic when he/she cannot discern between love/lust and admiration of your spouse. My best friend literally worships the ground my husband walks on and it makes him very uncomfortable. She comes from a good place, but her behavior has started to ramp up into a more sinister mode. When she comes to visit, she goes out of her way to wear very provocative clothing and even wore a silk and lace long nightie around the house...thinking this was appropriate attire. Who does that? She told me recently that she compares all men to my husband and cried when she told me this. My hubby gets road rage every now and then (I know...a truck drivers curse) but it bothers me. The three of us were in a car together and he yelled at someone so the next day I apologized to her on his behalf. She said, I never picked up on his rage, only your reaction to it. Really? I think people in the next state heard him yell. My husband like to make cabochons for jewelry and I showed her a heart that he made me. She had the nerve to ask him to make her one. He said, no thank God. He said that it was only for his special girl (me.) Anyhow, long story short, I have been somewhat honest with her and told her that we need space and no visitors for a long while. He wants me to cut it off completely because she causes me so much angst pre visit and post visits. I haven't heard from her in two days, so this is a very good sign that she is not happy with the request for space. That's her M.O., she shuts people out and doesn't speak. Very abusive in my opinion but I'm so over it!! Thanks for letting me vent.

pict 16 months ago

I know what that is like. My bad and I and our 2 kids moved across country for his work. Last minute I found outhis his buddy I never met(as he lived in another province) was coming to help. That turned into staying with us. While my husband is at work he just sits in our living room all day that I want to hide in my room.c when he does get off his ass he has'suggestions' how things should be done around here. He waits outside for my husband to come home from work than follows him around all day like a puppy. Now the only time I get with my husband is when we go to bed for the night. At this point it feels like those 2 are the 'partners' and I'm just the maid/cook. But my husband throws a fit when I bring it up. Now that I'm on the other side of the country with my kids I don't know what to do.

AdelineFrances 14 months ago


I'm in a similar situation. My husband started his own business and hired this guy about a year ago. The employee lives out of state. They speak frequently as they are really the only two running the business and spend all of their time on work. By frequent toy I would estimate 10-20 times/day.

I found out that he was in town. At the same time, I find out he's moving to our city, and wants to be "close by."

Backing up the story a tad: For a decade, I was the underling's wife and would go to settings with the boss and the boss's wife (same profession). I am very familiar with how they work. So I put on my boss's wife hat for the dinner to mee this employee and his fiancé. The employee of my husband couldn't have been more messed up. First off, they were both extremely hungover, and kept complaining about it. I tried to make conversation but it was like pulling teeth, and when the employee finally spoke up, it was to tell me that this woman seated next to him was not his fiancé, but another girlfriend, and he still lives with the fiancé. And then I ask the girlfriend what she does for a living and she said she works for the husband's employee (so sort of works for my husband, too, right?). Then he goes on to bask my hometown, well knowing I grew up there, and then he goes on to say how crappy my alma mater is, and makes no apologies when I inform him that I went to school there. Plus he kept talking about how awesome he was...

Clearly, I thought the guy was a major jerk. Husband doesn't seem to care, and that is nothing new. I certainly don't want him living out here, nearby, and given how unprofessional he was at our dinner, I can't imagine he is much different with clients?

I'm rambling, but I think, in the end, it comes down to hubby. Why does he tolerate people like this? Why does he gravitate toward people like this? And why doesn't it bother him when someone shows disrespect for his wife? It's not the friend/employee, really. It's the husband. When this happens, and happens repeatedly, it makes you question your spouses' true personality. And that is what bothers me when "bad influences" show up. Because if hubby was truly a first class hubby, he'd not tolerate such people.

It's been over a year with this guy and my husband talking all day every day, and I do see a difference in my husband. Retrospectively, since having that very unpleasant dinner, I can see where husband's debbie downer/disrespectful attitude has come from. But the hard truth is, if he were a stand up guy, he would think that his employee was a creep and wouldn't emulate or be influenced the way he is. Maybe he gravitates toward these people for a reason.

If that makes any sense. It's been a recurring problem since we met over 13 years ago - these "bad influences."

Concerned 6 months ago

My hubby insists on remaining running over to his best friend house as much as he can when I've exposed to him how this makes me feel uncomfortable because he has cheated twice with the sister of his best friends wife. Am I asking too much to ask him to let that environment go?

anonymous 3 months ago

my husband prefers to be with his bestfriend after our store hours,it kills me and makes my day a bullshit whenever i insist to have dinner with him at home together with our daughter for he makes a lot of the way we are married 20 years now,he always makes me feel unwanted.he laughs a lot when his bestfriend is around,often times they go out together to have coffee and merienda leaving me and my son at the store.he would rather choose to spend spare time with his bestfriend talking about non sense things than spending the night with me and our daughter.

Anonymous 2 months ago

My husband and I have only been married for a year but he does a few things that bug me. A lot of his friends are still single so the places they like to hang out at are usually places that are a bit odd for a married man to be at. When they do go out, it's always for hours and he ends up coming home very late in the night. Another thing is when one of the guys is over, he makes a big deal about me being around. I'm not the type of person who would interfere in their conversation or sit between/near them, but I find it disrespectful that he wants me to be in some other room the entire time his beloved friend is over. I get that they need their privacy but it's my home (not his friends) so I don't think I should have to wait in another room for hours just because his friend is over. Is this common? When I have someone over I don't force him to do that.

Prakash J 2 months ago

My wife spend too much time with her female friend and feels happy when she is around . I don't feel good when she come my home and stays for many hours together gossiping..I am kind of person who speaks less and contributes when required ..Now a days I feel that she is very happy with her friend and her husband who often comes to my home along with his wife .. this has now becoming very frequent ..Her husband ( Female friends')most of the time comes to have drink with me ..I finished the drink and gossip and usually go back if there is anything urgent on offcial work during weekend ... he continues to sit with my wife for 2-3 hours in my absence .. .Which I feel very bad as I think she does not enjoy my company anymore ..may be she does not neet at all ....I believe they have become toxin in my life..What should I do please advise ?

Lulu 8 weeks ago

My husband's "friend" told him that he didn't need to take anti depressants and should never have been prescribed them! My husband hides his mental health issues so people don't understand how hard he is to live with or he awful his moods are. Thanks to this friend my husband stopped his meds and put my family through hell. Not fair on me or our young children to be treated so badly because my husband values his friends opinion over mine and his doctor. Wrecking our marriage.

Bruno 8 weeks ago

My wife believes it's ok to spend more time with other men than me. She says they're just friends and she needs "me" time and doesn't get along well with other women. She actually planned a weekend of camping with a guy friend and his friends on her birthday!

Nick 6 weeks ago

Constantly texting when you know your friend is with her spouse.

Karina 6 weeks ago

My husband and I have been married for a year and the only problem we have are his friends. They call or text him late the night before or the day of expecting him to drop what he's doing to hang out with them. Weekends are usually the only time we really get to spend together as we both work and that's when his friends also try to get ahold of him. None of his friends are in committed relationships and have already caused problems between us. Very frustrating because I've already communicated that he doesn't need to hang out with his friends every single weekend or every time they call but for some reason he feels otherwise. Like he's letting them down instead of me. I don't know how much longer I can put up with it.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Tell Us about the Impact of Your Friends on Your Relationship

    Travel back in time a little if you have to. If you've had experience in dealing with this, I would love to learn how you resolved the situation.

    Have you had friends which were toxic to your marriage?


    anonymous 3 years ago

    I recently had a friend of both me and my spouse who was coming to a wedding on the other side of the country. She decided to join us - which I wasn't really OK with but didn't want to be the one breaking up the party. So, I sucked it up and thought I would sacrifice my desire to spend quality time alone with my family and try to be cool. But, the problems started when my wife insisted that we share the rental car and drive the 4 hours from the airport to the wedding site. This friend is quite bossy and oblivious to difference and often, disrespectful of me. the weekend started out nicely but ended poorly. By the end of the weekend, I hadn't spent as much quality time with my wife and daughter as I had hoped for and it got to me. I yelled a bit to my wife and our friend and was venting my frustrations. About an hour later after I cooled off, I apologized. I was under the impression all was forgiven and I was moving forward with that.

    Fast forward 6 months. I thought I was on the mend with this friend. I thought things were OK when we saw her this weekend. Apparently not. She lives in another city now. She's still been coming up to New York but is keeping some distance with my wife. Obviously, since she is such a close friend of my wife, my wife has noticed the distance and asked her why she didn't stay with us this weekend. The friend said she "doesn't want to interfere with our marriage" and didn't feel comfortable staying with us. My wife was blaming me yesterday and said she was angry after I asked her why she was crying when I surprised her with flowers. Otherwise, I would have no way of knowing. My point is, my wife feels that she is losing her friends and I feel guilty that it's all my fault. On this particular friend, she said I was the only one at fault. I was so mad that I took a long walk and ended up sleeping in a different room. I ask if our friend doesn't want to interfere with our marriage, well she's done a great job of interfering. Does anyone have any sage wisdom

    anonymous 3 years ago

    I have that right now. Wife's friend demands all of her time. Shows up enexpectedly. Stays for two or three days at a time. Bitches at our kids for waking her when they are getting ready for school. Shares her immoral lifestyle with my wife through stories. Calls all hours of the day when she isn't at our house. Big mouth, foul mouth, ignorant, alcoholic drug user.

    anonymous 3 years ago

    Yes, we are a very happily married couple and our "toxic friends" are another couple we have known since the beginning of our marriage. They use us as an emotional buffer when they are fighting, and now they are facing a divorce. My husband and her husband go out drinking to help solve his marital woes. Now the problems that should have remained privet for them is a toxic issue my husband and I let intrude on our bliss. In this case another couple have taken on the traits of a frenimy team. without cuting off this friendship we are facing the front row seats of uneeded pain and drama the likes of which we have never felt. We are attempting to protect our hearts by strengthining our couples boundaries, every couple should openly disscus where these boundaries lay.

    anonymous 3 years ago

    Bromance was toxic to my marriage. Always undermining me. Disrespecting me.

    veronica133 3 years ago

    I am really grateful for the miracle that Dr Ubiato has done in my life in this past one week because today Sunday is making it one week that i ordered a reunite spell from him and i have really see a good result from his work my husband that have stop coming home for the past 1 month has totally come back and also apologize to me that he did not know what came over him and he is really showing me what really love is never thought that he will be able to love me like this again now i believe that spell do work and all my thanks goes to Dr. Ubiato Email: if any is in need of help

    anonymous 3 years ago

    Yes, I just found out my husband's best friend is making him decide to spend his first new year as a married man with her at a club. Ive had a bad feeling about her so I wanted to investigate more and saw the texts like she wanted me to do all at christmas including new year celebration and him all to her on new years. when I told him that he said she's a good friend. But honestly, to me that was disrespectful since he even let her make decisions and call my holiday plans "fruity stuff" but at least mine doesn't involve getting drunk.

    anonymous 3 years ago

    Yes I have. I would never call them friends. One girl caused so much trouble between me and my ABUSIVE ex, she ruined my life at that point. She told him things I had said to her, yet she told me things. He went as fur as slating my mother... Who was a good mum when she was alive. I will forgive this girl but will never ever trust her again. She obviously either enjoyed my pain, or wanted my ex!! My man comes first now. However there are times when my true friends need me I am there because that what friends are for.

    anonymous 4 years ago

    Brown Sugar-- im in a committed relationship however my man is 55 and want to drink every weekend and wants to hang out with his buddies. I don't mine but his buddies never comed and visit him he has to go see them. There is where i have a problem because if they ate your buddies shouldn't they vice vera.

    anonymous 4 years ago

    they don't realise it, because they haven't made the same comittment. But i think as a friend to me, they should at the very least respect how important my marriage is to me.

    anonymous 4 years ago

    I have 10 years of marriage. 3 kiddos. We moved to the state where his best frien lives.. At the beginning I was afraid that he will be out a lot with him. But never happened. Instead he invited him home for barbecues or hang out. At first, I said its better than having him out of the house. Later started annoying me. He is maried but his wife and kid are always out visiting their family in Mexico. So he comes by himself most of the time. One day he was drunk and told me he liked me since the beginning. I was in shock. I let some kissing happened and I regret. Now I have to see him every time he comes. And is really uncomfortable.

    anonymous 4 years ago

    I told my husband that if he keep up with the partying and going out with his newly divorced friend, he would end up the same way... Nothing has changed so I've decided that I too can enjoy life and do the same go out with friends ..

    anonymous 4 years ago

    Yes, recently my husbands best friend moved closer to us and now it seems as is all they do is spend time together, the little time we have left after taking care of our toddler, seems to be their quality time. We used to have a great marriage, but now we have grown further apart, there's lack of communication. Not to mention his friend just got divorce so they go out to the bar more often

    anonymous 4 years ago

    My hubby's friends, yes, he makes new friends almost everyday, some are married with kids, others are single but they always need him for any reason on earth - to accompany them to buy stuff for their car, bring a spare part, fetch another or just to hang out, this is straining our marriage, his buddies are the macho type, we're from a village so I can imagine that, when I call my hubby asking him where he is and when he's coming back home, they must be telling him things along the line of :"your boss is calling you etc" and this can have a negative influence on my hubby. I think maybe he feels that he should actually 'show' me who's the boss and stick around his guys just to prove his manhood. That's simply ridiculous. When we fight and I succeed in making him see that as long as he spends reasonable time with us he can enjoy his friends too.

    ChaunyWrites 5 years ago

    I have had those types of friends in my past when I was young, I now realize that friendships can't take presidence over marriage.

    Retro Loco 5 years ago from USA

    Marriage, no, but relationships, yes. I had a "close" friend for many years who was toxic to every relationship I was in. She somehow managed to get the phone number of every boyfriend I had, and she would call to chat with me while I was on a date, and she would even call when she knew I wasn't with my boyfriend at the time so she could chat with him, usually about me! "Best friends" can turn into leeches and sap you of every ounce of energy, calling at any hour of the night with an "emergency" almost every night! Remember the Little Boy Who Cried Wolf? For these reasons and many more, I am no longer friends with that person. It was a difficult decision, but I know I am better off without that particular friendship, and I know she would have been toxic to my marriage if I had been married. She even asked me several times if I would have sided with her or my husband when I got married! Geez!

    momto4 lm 6 years ago

    I had a friend that I worked with that for some reason hated my husband. I could never go out with both of them at the same time because they would always argue. We eventually drifted away. It's been years now since I've seen or talked to her.

      Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment


      anonymous 3 years ago

      Hello my name is Marry from Australia, My love is back! After 6 years of marriage, my husband left me with my two kids. I felt like my life is about to end i was falling apart. a friend of my introduce me to this great man Dr Orissa, I contacted him I explained my problem to him, he solve the problem peacefully In just 24 hours my husband come back home to show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. thanks Dr Orissa you solved my issues, and we are even happier than before you are the best spell caster, Dr Orissa i really appreciate the love spell you casted for me to get my husband back in my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work Thank very much Dr Orissa. in-case you are in any problem you can contact him via email (

      maryLuu 4 years ago

      No, but my best and oldest friend didn't take very well the fact that I was getting married. We've solved this problem after all.

      ajgodinho 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Well, I've never been married, but can see how friends can become a wedge between a married couple. I think it always helps put oneself in the other person's shoes. Do unto others, as you'd like them do unto you, is a good principle to live by! :)

        Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

        0 of 8192 characters used
        Post Comment

        Toxic Friends Guestbook 15 comments

        poptastic profile image

        poptastic 6 years ago from Quezon City

        This is a very important topic you tackled on here Norma. My husband and I agreed at the onset of our relationship to stop hanging out with people who were dragging us down as a couple. Even if it was a difficult period of adjustment in the beginning, I can see that it's paid off beautifully. *blessed*

        AuthorNormaBudden profile image

        AuthorNormaBudden 6 years ago Author

        @poptastic: Your comments delight me. It's nice to know there are couples willing to do whatever it takes to place their relationship above any relationship outside of the home.

        momto4 lm profile image

        momto4 lm 6 years ago

        Great lens! It really makes you think about friends and marriage. I think the wrong kind of friends can be toxic to a marriage.

        AuthorNormaBudden profile image

        AuthorNormaBudden 6 years ago Author

        @momto4 lm: I agree with you completely. As far as I'm concerned, any friend who makes an attempt to undermine your marital relationship, or to force you to give in to their desires as opposed to doing what you know and feel is right, should be approached with caution. In time, the friendship will likely fade if the marriage commitment is first priority.

        Kelsey-Budden-16 profile image

        Kelsey-Budden-16 6 years ago

        Wow. I think I could fill the whole slot in up above! Love the lens!

        Lady Lorelei profile image

        Lady Lorelei 6 years ago from Canada

        Great article and just oh so unfortunately true on occasion. This lens is blessed by a squid angel this morning. Have a wonderful day :)

        ajgodinho profile image

        ajgodinho 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

        All relationships are important, but priorities change once married and everyone needs to be cognizant of that fact. Marriages are difficult enough, so friends should learn how to be there rather than be a wedge. Great makes you pause and think! :)

        Philippians468 profile image

        Philippians468 5 years ago

        thank you for sharing this informative and interesting lens! had much to ponder over now..cheers

        Retro Loco profile image

        Retro Loco 5 years ago from USA

        Great lens and a very important topic! I see so many people who do not take their marriage vows literally. I could write an entire book on toxic friendships!! Been there, and I don't plan on going back.

        maryLuu profile image

        maryLuu 4 years ago

        Very nice and interesting lens. Thanks!

        Blessing 23 months ago

        what a wonderful world we are living, i still doubt this spell caster how he did it!!!

        My mouth is full of testimony, Am blessing my husband left the home for two years to south Africa for a tourist,he meant a prostitute and he was bewitch be the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a newspaper about a powerful spell caster called and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 3 days my husband came back to me and started crying that i should for forgive him, i,m so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my husband..ijebu of is the best spell caster in the whole wild world.

        Sarah 21 months ago

        !!! How To Get Your husband Back & Avoid Divorce !!!

        My name is Sarah am from Texas, am a woman who love and cherish my husband more than any other thing you can imagine on earth continent. My husband was so lovely and caring after 3years of marriage he was seriously ill and the doctor confirm and said he has a kidney infection that he needed a kidney donor, that was how I start searching for a good Samaritan who can help,doctor has given me a periodic hour that he will live just 26hours left, that was how I ask the doctor if I can be of help to my husband that was how he carried out the text,the confirming was successful, I was now having this taught that since 3 years now we got married I have not be able to get pregnant can I be able to get bring again? That was the question I ask the doctor, he never answer his response was did you want to lost your husband? I immediately reply no I can't afford to lose him. After the operation my husband came back to live and was healthy I was also ok with the instruction given to me by the doctor, after 3months my husband came home with another lady telling me, that is our new wife that will give us kids and take care of us, that was how I was confused and started crying all day, that was how my husband ran away with his new wife cluaralle. Since then I was confuse don't no what to do that was how I went back to the doctor and tell him everything, he told me that, this is not just an ordinary it must be a spiritual problem that was how he gave me this email ( that I should tell her all my problem that she can help that was how i contacted her and I do as instructed. After 3days and I have done what she ask me to do, my husband start searching for me and went back to the doctor, that was how we well settle she also told me not to worry that I will get pregnant, this month making it the fifth Month I contacted her am now 3months pregnant. These great spell cater is a great man, if you are any kind of problem you can contact him here on his email ( website address:

        anonymous 18 months ago

        My husband has chosen his friends over our marriage countless times. Hes gotten to the point of leaving the house for 2 days to be drinking out. Hes a truck driver and is out on the road a lot a month at times! And instead of spending time with our 7 month old he rather spend the days he has home with his so called friends...he doesn't understand how hurtful that is and how disrespectful. This past weekend i actually had to go look for him! He actually pushed me away and told me to leave him alone. He thinks when i tell him Im getting fed up and hes pushing me away. My love towards him is fading and fading im literally on the edge of giving up!

        Anna 9 months ago

        I am with a recovering alcoholic/addict... Part of recovery is supposed to be saying good bye to old friends with the same habits, but he refuses to cut contact completely. Still talks to them daily on the phone, which takes time of his away from me.

        His other friend who is also a recovering addict hangs out with him occasionally, but every night they play video games online for at least an hour (usually two).

        He thinks I'm greedy and whiney when I get upset about him not spending quality time with me. I handle it terribly usually, it gets so frustrating, he doesn't understand how insulting it is to me that he makes the time every day for phone calls and video games, yet doesn't really reserve time aside for me. Just because I'm in the house while he's on the phone or playing games doesn't mean we are spending time together. It feels like I'm on the back burner.

        Tonight's example :

        I'm pregnant and wanted to have supper watch a movie at home after work today... We managed to watch 30 minutes in two hours because he kept answering his phone and talking to people so we'd pause. Finally his friend who he plays hockey online with calls and asks to play. He agrees. I got upset, I just wanted to finish watching it with him... But no, that can wait, and he tells me that I am being the unreasonable one. So frustrated and hurt that I am not a priority.

        How do I get through to him!? In his defence, he doesn't visit friends anymore without me around because all of his friends are addicts. I wish he had sober friends but he doesn't. Trying to restrict his video game and cellphone time he makes me feel like I'm greedy.

        Garlynne 8 months ago

        My wife had several friends who were constantly bugging her. While i was at home this one was sitting on our porch. She didn't say anything when I arrived home and I knew she was infatuated with my wife. it really bothered me. I truly feel that this kind of weird obsession was toxic to our marriage. These people need to be dealt with firmly and quickly, or else they will eventually undermine your relationship with your spouse.

          Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

          0 of 8192 characters used
          Post Comment

          No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

          Click to Rate This Article