Vinaya is an online writer from Nepal who enjoys researching and writing about family dynamics.
Dealing With Family Issues
We are social animals and thus don’t live in seclusion. However, while living with people, we also most of the time find ourselves in conflicting situations. Learning how to overcome conflicts in a family is a very important lesson in our life.
One of the most common conflicts is the disagreements that parents and children have. When there is more than one child in a family, sibling rivalry happens to be a common phenomenon as well. Last but not least is the conflict between the spouses. The husband and wife share a common life and they also are always in conflicting situations. To iron out the differences between family members, you have to learn how to overcome conflicts in the family.
You can take the first step to overcome conflicts in the family by pondering over the root of the differences between the members. Children always complain that their parents don't understand them. On the other hand, parents usually chide that their children disregard them. Similarly, a kid could be dissatisfied when his/her parents show more special concern to a child other than him/her. If it is not handled properly, conflict can be a cause of family disintegration. To overcome conflicts in the family, you have to learn how to manage conflicts.
This article touches on the following five tips for overcoming family conflict:
- Communicate with family members
- Build up an environment of trust
- Learn to manage stress
- Don't overreact
- Be tolerant of other family members
1. Communicate With Family Members
Communication is a very important aspect of family life, and more importantly conflict management. When there is a rift between the members, talking will help reduce tension. You must not only share your thoughts but also be willing to listen to others’ views.
Communication does not only mean spoken words. It is the tone of your speech, body language and choice of words. As you talk with the members of your family, you will release your perception and wait for their reaction. If there are differences in agreement, communication always resolves issues. Communication is the most important aspect of overcoming family conflicts.
2. Build Up an Environment of Trust
The root of conflict lies deep within the foundation of our society. Culture and tradition ask young people to respect their parents’ and elders’ decisions, whereas modern education teaches them to have their own view of life. Neither the educational system is wrong nor are the parents trying to harm their children. However, truth is, the difference in opinions creates family conflict.
Lack of trust not only buoys up conflict between parents and children but also between husband and wife. Distrust within the members widens the chasm. You have to build up an environment of trust to overcome family conflicts.
3. Learn to Manage Stress
To deal with the complications of life, everyone has his/her own vision. Every day your life appears more challenging, and you are burdened with stress. Nevertheless, you must not impose your attitudes and thoughts on other people. Imposing your views not only builds up conflict but also makes your life stressful.
Sometimes to overcome conflict, you have to maintain a certain distance from other family members. The space you give to your family members will help them manage stress, and in the long run, you will be able to overcome conflicts in the family.
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4. Don’t Overreact
To overcome conflict, don’t ever overreact. You cannot control your spouse’s or children’s perception. Your decisions are based on your emotions, so you have to understand other members of your family too, will make decisions based on their observations. When everyone begins to think only about his or her perception, obviously conflict will heighten.
Overreacting is always dangerous. You react after you develop a certain perception, and you have to learn to understand the concept of actions and reactions. With every action, there will be a reaction. Don’t overreact during critical situations; instead, focus your perception on managing conflict.
5. Be Tolerant of Other Family Members
Young people by nature are rebellious, and parents must be tolerant of their children’s strange behavior. They must remember, once they too were young, and they too had picked bones with their parents.
Tolerance is also significant to manage conflict between the spouses. Even though the wife may dislike her hubby’s certain behavior, or the husband hate certain things in his wife, they both must be tolerant to such things. To manage conflicts and overcome conflicts in the family, you have to be tolerant of other members.
These five points are time-tested. Try to remember these tips and apply them in your family to overcome conflict. Conflict is a natural phenomenon, but you have to learn how to manage conflict to live a better life in the family.
Five fingers in our hand are not equal. So, it is obvious, the members of a family have different attitudes and aptitudes, thoughts and perceptions. You have to have deference for other people’s point of view. Always be open-minded to overcome conflicts in the family.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Vinaya Ghimire (author) from Nepal on October 04, 2012:
@midget, appreciating others point of view is one way to eschew conflict. Thanks for your valuable comment.
@remaniki, conflict tends to arise in a family every now and then because of difference in opinion. Thanks for appreciating my work.
Rema T V from Chennai, India on October 03, 2012:
Great hub Vinaya. You have explained the ways to overcome conflicts in a family very clearly. Yes respecting the others' point of view is very crucial for maintaining peace within the family. Very well said.
Sharing socially. Cheers, Rema.
Michelle Liew from Singapore on October 03, 2012:
I agree with everything here, Vinaya. Everyone has different interests and perspectives. Overcoming them takes much patience and communication! Thanks for sharing this wonderful insight!
Vinaya Ghimire (author) from Nepal on October 02, 2012:
Alecia, thanks for reading and commenting.
Alecia Murphy from Wilmington, North Carolina on October 01, 2012:
This is timely advice. It seems like families are pushed to their breaking point more often than not.
Vinaya Ghimire (author) from Nepal on September 28, 2012:
I agree with you. Thanks for your comment.
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on September 26, 2012:
Communication and understanding is crucial
Vinaya Ghimire (author) from Nepal on July 04, 2012:
Conflicts in my extended family had once been reviewed by a court. Had there been serious communication to deal the case, court would have never intervened.
Getting away for the time being also helps. Thanks for sharing your story.
Cynthia Calhoun from Western NC on July 03, 2012:
It sounds like you speak from lots of experience, Vinaya. :) I have learned to overcome conflict in my own family...but I had to move 1500 miles away to do it. Because of the distance, though, it's possible to appreciate my family and deal with them in small doses. That way, I'm happy and they're happy. Haha. Thanks for sharing your point of view.
Vinaya Ghimire (author) from Nepal on July 02, 2012:
@Audra, it is easy to give advice but hard to work on those lines. Thanks for sharing your views and always being around. Thanks for sharing this hub socially.
@tillsontitan, you always read my contents and leave appreciative comments. Thanks for your generosity.
@Janine, thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your comment.
Janine Huldie from New York, New York on July 02, 2012:
I can truly relate to all of this and then some. The five points were well written and some very good advice here. Thank you for this valuable information and advice. Will share and vote up too!
Mary Craig from New York on July 02, 2012:
Five points that will definitely help overcome conflicts, not just in the family but anywhere and for everyone.
I very much like your definition of communication; "Communication does not only mean spoken words. It is the tone of your speech, body language and choice of words." So many people think talking at someone is communicating!
You never disappoint. I voted this up, useful and interesting.
iamaudraleigh on July 02, 2012:
Your piece is very importnt to read Vinaya. You put together a fine article too! The tone of your speech is something I often take hard when trying to communicate. I do not always take it the right way. I wish I could communicate on paper. It would alleviate some of the stress associated with tone.
Communication is important among every relationship! You said it best when you said "Always be open minded to overcome conflicts in the family"...so true!
Voted this up for well done!
Vinaya Ghimire (author) from Nepal on June 16, 2012:
@Natashalh, I agree with your view. Thanks for reading and leaving appreciative comment.
@Sueswan, thanks for reading closely and leaving valuable feedback.
Sueswan on June 16, 2012:
I remember when I was a child and would ask my dad why can't I do something. His answer was because I said so. It was very frustrating.
"Communication does not only mean spoken words. It is the tone of your speech, body language and choice of words." This is so true. There are people that don't realize the impact tone has on communications.
Voted up and away
Enjoy your weekend. :)
Natasha from Hawaii on June 15, 2012:
I think these are vey good tips not just for family, but for others you live with, too. For many of us 20-something college graduates in 'today's economy,' housemates are an unexpected reality. Just as you said with family, communication and managing stress are very important. Living with people you aren't related to is, maybe, even more difficult than getting along with family!
Vinaya Ghimire (author) from Nepal on June 12, 2012:
@ishwaryaa, in my extended family I have seen conflict arise many times and been solved because the members followed some conflict management ideas. Thanks for reading and taking time to comment.
@ivade, intolerance is one of the reason of conflicts. We have to be tolerant to manage conflict. Thanks for reading and taking time to comment.
@Millionaire, thanks for your valuable feedback.
@Alur, it is true that we don't choose our family, so it is necessary to avoid cracks in the family system. Thanks for your comment.
ALUR from USA on June 12, 2012:
Im happy to stumble on an informative piece such as this. Indeed family conflict-and conflict in general, requires a higher mode of thinking. Most of us are ruled by emotion and desperately seek to change others' perception. The most crucial thing I've learned is that power is often walking away from the poison of conflict and holding myself accountable to a better way of communication.
WE don't choose our bloodlines:)
You're welcome to read my versatile hubs:)
Shasta Matova from USA on June 12, 2012:
This is great advice, and we should be following it with all our interactions with all people, including our family.
ivade on June 12, 2012:
Good hub, with nice points. I think tolerance is the most important attitude that everyone should have. Every single person has his own strange behaviors, like my brother snores a lot when he is sleeping, or my mother enjoys singing when she is cooking, although her voice is not really good, i must admit. So, it is this attitude that keep us together and stay strong as a family under the same roof until now. Great hub and useful information.
Ishwaryaa Dhandapani from Chennai, India on June 11, 2012:
An excellent hub with well-highlighted points presented by you! I completely agree with the five points advocated by you concerning managing conflicts in the family. An extremely well-written hub! Well-done!
Thanks for SHARING. Useful & Awesome. Voted up & Socially Shared
Vinaya Ghimire (author) from Nepal on June 11, 2012:
I thank you all for the bottom of my heart. You have always been my loyal reader, great supporter and wonderful friends.
Thank you my dear fellow writers for reading and leaving valuable feedback
Shaly Criston from USA on June 11, 2012:
Interesting hub! Voted up :)
Anamika S Jain from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on June 11, 2012:
Awesome Tips! Wish everyone followed this... Great Hub, voted up and shared!
Jessee R from Gurgaon, India on June 11, 2012:
Your hub encompasses all the necessary factors required to overcome conflicts in a family.
One must adhere to these points.
Melanie Chisnall from Cape Town, South Africa on June 11, 2012:
What a great article and an important topic! If only more families learnt the value of communication, I believe there would be a lot less conflict, because there would be a lot more respect! Voted up and interesting, useful :)
Rajan Singh Jolly from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar, INDIA. on June 11, 2012:
Great advice, Vinaya. Mutual understanding is very important. Thanks for sharing, Vinaya.
Voted up, useful and shared.
Mahaveer Sanglikar from Pune, India on June 11, 2012:
Great tips, thank you for sharing them.
Christy Birmingham from British Columbia, Canada on June 11, 2012:
Tolerance really is important. I agree that taking time to understand the root of the issue is an important first step. I like your hubs about family.
Vinaya Ghimire (author) from Nepal on June 08, 2012:
@Angel, I'm glad that you can relate with my hub content. Thanks for reading closely and leaving a valuable feedback.
@Radha, I love the way how you share your life experiences with you are commenting. Thanks for sharing your point of view.
@Rosa, you raise very important question in your comment. Perhaps, discussing the matter will solve the problem. Thanks for your valuable feedback.
@mckbirdbks, thanks for reading and leaving appreciative comment.
@Mike, I feel sad that you have lost so many family members. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
@Cathleena, as a young boy, I had problesm with my siblings and also parents. But as a grown up man, I see how stupid I was then. Thanks for reading and commenting.
@always exploring, thanks for always reading my hubs and leaving valuable feedback.
@Angela, thanks for appreciating my works.
@girish, thanks for your compliments.
@Frank, thanks for your wonderful feedback. Cheers
Frank Atanacio from Shelton on June 08, 2012:
VG -- what a useful hub.. although they say conflict builds character.. it can also deflate relations... This is a must read hub for college room-mates.. roomates, newly weds, older children still living at home ect...ect.. a great hub my friend
Girish puri from NCR , INDIA on June 08, 2012:
Very good analysis of the problems and their solution, nice hub, voted up.
Angela Brummer from Lincoln, Nebraska on June 07, 2012:
Amazing hub with important solutions and very attractive overall!
Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on June 07, 2012:
I view the points you have listed as essential for a healthy, happy family life. Thank you for sharing a much needed article as conflicts in families appear to be growing..Thank you again..
Cathleena Beams from Tennessee on June 07, 2012:
Great advice on overcoming conflicts within the family. I remember when my boys were kids how they would bicker over the smallest most unimportant things such as who got to sit up front with mom in the car and who's turn it was to sit in the back seat. The "He's touching me" arguments that parents have to try to put a stop to when both kids are sitting in the back seat together. It would be a long list indeed if I mentioned everything. I really enjoyed reading your tips for understanding, managing and dealing with these conflicts. Thanks for sharing!
Mike Marks on June 07, 2012:
My family is gone... my parents passed on... my only sibling passed from cancer... my only child, my son, passed on from a heart attack at age 16... my parents had conflict with my aunts and uncles so they and their children, my cousins, are hardly known to me... maybe I have friends, I don't know... if I could reexperience the worst conflict, the worst argument, I ever had with either of my parents, or my brother or my son, I would do it in a heartbeat... even what seems the worst of times at the moment are actually precious moments of interaction and touching...
mckbirdbks from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on June 07, 2012:
You have outlined some very important points. The subject matter is important and you have shed some light on a complex issue.
Rosa Marchisella from Canada on June 07, 2012:
You made a very important point about the need for trust in a family. This is something I've been strugging with for a few months: What do you do if you don't trust your family members because of the things they do and the unsavoury or dangerous people they choose to be around? What if you've tried communicating openly with them about how you want to be treated and put boundaries in place, but still treat you disrespectfully? ... I've sadly discovered that unfortunately, there are times when the only way to overcome conflict in a family is to get away from them to protect yourself.
radhapriestess on June 07, 2012:
Good article. There is one thing that needs to be pointed out that the use of violence is never okay to solve a problem. That is one thing which should not be tolerated. Sometimes you are with the wrong person which I found out with a former partner who would not help with the housework at all even though we both worked outside the home. To me that is an important value and shows consideration and love. I would not be happy living with someone who does this constantly, so I choose to move out. I guess what I am saying is that there are some behaviors that should not be tolerated because then the person does not take responsibility for their actions towards others. That is why they have laws against child and spouse abuse.
Angelme566 on June 07, 2012:
I can relate so much with this , siblings rivalry. This is but natural and happens to all families. Parents really have their own favorites in the family..it hurts so much but this don't make us less love them. Lucky for those people who can adjust so such situation but there are really others who can't so this cause big problem to the family , that's why parents must be very careful about it. Yes , communication is the key for a happy family. When all else have fallen , one thing left for you a Family , no matter what they are there for you.
As expected , a very well done hub..This hub deserves special merits.. pressing all buttons except funny..