Earning Trust in Relationships

Updated on December 29, 2016
Lack of trust in relationships is one of the leading causes of break ups.
Lack of trust in relationships is one of the leading causes of break ups.

Trust Relationships

In relationships, trust must be earned, and not given. After it is earned, you then must aspire daily to maintain what has been established. However, once trust is lost, the attempt to rebuild it can seem almost impossible at times.

One of the key components to any healthy, stable, and long lasting bond is trust. Without it, the foundation in which your relationship rests on, is more susceptible to cracking, and eventually crumbling. Being able to trust relationships with others relies partly on your previous life experiences. Scenarios including infidelity and lying, are two of the biggest occurrences which cause trust issues between couples.

Whether you're earning, maintaining, or rebuilding lost faith, lack of trust can cause more than an unstable foundation. Use the tips included here to focus on gaining trust, as well as avoiding a lifetime of relationship problems.

Earning represents achievement of anything rewarding. You can build a sandcastle, but to be considered big, important, life-changing, or beneficial, it must be earned.

- Lucas James, on what does it mean to earn trust.

Earning Trust



1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

2. confident expectation of something; hope.

Depending on the person, trust can have a variety of definitions, and being able to trust relationships depends partly on the person's preconceived notion of the word. It can be the security of watching your spouse leave for work, without the worry of a secret affair. Trust can be watching your child step onto the school bus each morning, knowing that they will arrive safely. It can mean loaning a friend money, with the expectations of being repaid.

Whatever your definition of trust may be, think about what brought you to that point of trusting that person or situation. Perhaps repetitiveness? Your spouse has never arrived home late from work with the scent of someone else; Your child has been riding the same school bus for several years, and has always arrived safely; You've been repaid every penny you've ever loaned.

Lack of trust is developed, not just a given. Much like earning it. You and your partner's life experiences, your bond, and honesty is what aids in earning trust, or the lack thereof.

Being able to trust relationships means finding a balance of reliability, honesty, and faithfulness.
Being able to trust relationships means finding a balance of reliability, honesty, and faithfulness.

How to Earn Trust

Earning trust in relationships can be a difficult, yet a very rewarding satisfaction once achieved. Being consistent with the people in your life is the best way to earn trust. The tips below are simple, and following them will prove to your partner that you're reliable, honest, and faithful.

  • Never break your word. If you tell your partner you're going to do something, even if it seems insignificant to you, simply do it. Over time your partner will see that you keep your word, and you're dependable.
  • Never feed off your parnter's insecurities. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, especially when you're feeling hurt or attacked, it's easy to throw out slurs which you know will hurt the other's feelings. Eventually your partner will feel they can't tell you their inner thoughts or matters which bother them.
  • Never intentionally lie. Small white lies can even cause mistrust in your relationship over time, and your partner will begin to wonder what is truth and what isn't.
  • Never cheat. No matter what happens within your relationship, cheating is never acceptable, and is an instant trust breaker. 

Once You Gain Trust

Once you gain trust in your relationship, it is very important to maintain it. Depending on your personality, earning trust may only be half the battle. In the beginning of relationships you naturally try to see the best in the person you've chosen to be your partner. This will help the process of earning trust initially, but maintaining will help to keep the foundation in which you're building to be more stable.

Lack of trust in relationships is one of the leading causes of break ups. With time comes accusations, doubts, worry, stress, and fighting when trust is lacking. This is why working hard in the beginning to earn trust is vitale to the success of your relationship, and ultimately, happiness for you both.

Things to remember about trust:

  • Trust is earned, and not given.
  • Once trust is earned, aspire daily to maintain what has been established.
  • Building trust with your partner can help your relationship's foundation become more stable.
  • Lying and infidelity are two of the biggest causes of trust issues between couples.
  • Figure out what your definition of trust is.

Trust Tips:

  • Never break your word.
  • Never feed off your partner's insecurities.
  • Never intentionally lie.
  • Never cheat.
  • Consistency in your relationship can help to earn trust.
  • If you lack in trust, try to figure out why, and then work on gaining from there.

Patience and time is the best remedy for those with trust issues. Again, every person is different, and being able to trust relationships can be scary, especially depending on what your definition of the word means. In terms of relationships, trust is definitely worth working for. It can be a rewarding experience, and possibly the factor in which keeps your bond stable and happy for years to come. It's okay to be a bit leery of trusting, but one of the most satisfying achievements you can obtain in a relationship is trust.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2011 Heather Lea


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    • profile image

      Cedric Mwatse 

      17 months ago

      Trust is granted not earned

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I want to go back with my ex but she told that I have to earn trust.

    • Loco Life profile imageAUTHOR

      Heather Lea 

      8 years ago from Tennessee

      Lol, okay, you've got me there! I like to know the truth when it comes to whether certain clothes make me look less than appealing. LOL @ Hattie! I think WillStarr will put it nicely whether your butt is shapely or not haha.

    • HattieMattieMae profile image


      8 years ago from Europe

      hmm...willstarr, now come on, what if that dress doesn't make my butt looke shapely! lol

    • WillStarr profile image


      8 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      The only lie that's acceptable is whether or not that dress makes your butt look big. (That's OK, because we like a shapely butt!)

      Without trust, there is no relationship.

      Great hub!

    • Loco Life profile imageAUTHOR

      Heather Lea 

      8 years ago from Tennessee

      Bob, it's easy to lose trust in those which fail us repeatedly, and yes, even harder to ever obtain after being burned.

      As the saying goes, "once bitten, twice shy."

      I hope that someone comes into your life that can help you to learn to trust again.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      "Talk peace and keep your powder dry" This is the philosophy I employ towards trusting fallible humans. Been burned too many times I guess...Bob

    • Loco Life profile imageAUTHOR

      Heather Lea 

      8 years ago from Tennessee

      Thank you both! I'm very flattered, and glad you enjoyed it.

      RJ, loved loved the hub in the link you left. I shared it on my Twitter as well.

      Again thank you both!

    • samanthamsmith profile image


      8 years ago from Small Town USA

      Hi Loco Life,

      I liked your hubs and best of luck to you!

    • Reynold Jay profile image

      Reynold Jay 

      8 years ago from Saginaw, Michigan

      Trust will cement any relationship. It’s great to see a new HUBBER and welcome to HUB writing. I found I enjoyed this very much. You have this laid out beautifully and it is easy to understand. Keep up the great HUBS. I must give this an “Up ONE and awesome.” I'm always your fan! RJ

      Based upon your HUB, you might enjoy this HUB…


    • Loco Life profile imageAUTHOR

      Heather Lea 

      8 years ago from Tennessee

      Thank you very much : )

    • HattieMattieMae profile image


      8 years ago from Europe

      Beautiful hub! Very true! :)


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