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Words of Affirmation Love Language: Top Tips and Examples

Updated on December 7, 2016
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Ebonny writes to share her thoughts, observations and opinions in the hope they may be of interest, or give pause for thought, to others.

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Words of Affirmation

This article centres on the "Words of Affirmation Love Language" from the book The 5 Love Languages, and discusses ways to fill a partner, husband, or wife's 'love tank.'

As well as a list of examples, there is also advice for those who cannot readily think of anything great to say about their partner! Also, see below for a variety of ways to convey words of affirmation, how to accept affirmations and compliments gracefully (very important), and what readers of the The 5 Love Languages have to say about the book—why and how it helps.

Words of Affirmation Examples for Men or Women

  • I love being addicted to you.
  • You did a difficult job really well.
  • I look forward to waking up with you every day for the rest of my life.
  • I love being in love with you.
  • Thank you for looking after me.
  • Thank you for always being there for me.
  • I love the unique way you giggle.
  • I can’t get enough of you.
  • I don’t know what I’d do without you.
  • You are simply gorgeous.
  • Thinking of you makes me smile.
  • It makes me happy when I remember the time when we went to... / when we did...
  • You have the cutest nose, ears, eyebrows...whatever.
  • You mean the world to me.
  • I love the way you pay attention to detail when...
  • You’re doing great—don’t give up.
  • Your effort and persistence is astounding.
  • I’m so glad you chose me.
  • I really appreciate how I can always rely on you to...
  • I admire the way you...
  • You look great.
  • You smell delicious.
  • Thank you for listening.
  • Your support means so much.
  • You’re a great mother/father/stepmom, etc.
  • Thank you for going the extra mile.
  • No one does it quite like you—you’re the best.
  • I’m here for you.
  • You have a talent for...
  • I love you, need you, want you.
  • I feel blessed to have you in my life.
  • You are the love of my life.

IMPORTANT: ONLY say what is heartfelt and genuine. Therefore adapt, omit, and add to the examples on this page as required and develop the habit of offering words of affirmation every day—whatever the initial response.

Finding the Right Words

If you cannot readily think of anything positively noteworthy to say about your wife, husband, or partner, you are likely taking him or her for granted. It's worth taking the time out to stop, reflect, and comment on how a wife or husband enriches the lives of others, be it their partner, children, extended family, friends, colleagues, and/or community.

It’s good to notice and acknowledge the little things as well as the more obvious things, and give thanks for those everyday routine things that are mostly taken for granted. For example, "Thank you for getting me my favourite...every week—that's so thoughtful."

Aim for at least a couple of genuine heartfelt compliments, words of appreciation, and encouragement daily.

How to Convey Affirmations to Your Partner

Thankfully, where words of affirmation are concerned, it is possible to fill the “love tank” in a variety of ways:

  • the spoken word face to face
  • a text (e.g. let your significant other know that you are thinking of them)
  • an email (e.g. tell them how much you enjoyed spending time with them at the weekend.)
  • a short love note in an unexpected place where you know they will come across it (e.g. saying “missing you - can’t wait till you get home”.
  • a hand written letter expressing genuine heartfelt love and admiration
  • cards, handmade or bought, with a personal message


The above methods can be used to

  • give compliments,
  • offer encouragement,
  • acknowledge a job well done,
  • speak kind words,
  • express that efforts are valued,
  • offer emotional support,
  • and/or to give some of the reasons the spouse or partner is loved, appreciated, desired, and cherished.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

It’s a myth that simply introducing “date nights” will turn around a flagging relationship.

Often there comes a time where one person feels they have tried everything to get back that initial spark but their partner doesn’t respond. At such times, a reassessment of the way love is communicated and received is in order.

In his book entitled the 5 Love Languages, author Gary Chapman puts forth the premise that different people feel loved and fulfilled in different ways. One person may get the feeling that they are literally bending over backwards trying to do things for and/or with their partner to kick start those loved up feelings formerly enjoyed. However the other party barely notices and the apathy remains intact. In these circumstances, and where strategies like date nights etc are not working long term, the book can help in a big way as explained below and confirmed by readers of the book who have rated it 4.7 stars out of five based on more than 2,000 reviews.

 

How to Accept Words of Affirmation

Simply accept without argument, suspicion, or excessive bashfulness. For example:

  • Say, “Ah, thank you” with a smile or wink.
  • Blow a kiss as a thank you.
  • Say, “I'm really pleased you notice—thank you.”
  • Say, “That’s very encouraging—thank you.”
  • Give a hug as you thank them.

The above are examples of how to graciously receive compliments or words of affirmation from a partner or spouse. It's very important to avoid negativity which might discourage further affirmations.

The 5 Love Languages - MEN's Edition

The Five Love Languages Men's Edition
The Five Love Languages Men's Edition

This publication is available in a number of formats, including paperback, Kindle, and unabridged audio CD (great for listening to together, alone, in the car, etc).

 

The Five Love Languages Can Help a Relationship Move Forward

When one person is bending over backwards to please the other and the effort goes unappreciated, it can lead to entrenched relationship-killing resentment, so efforts to rekindle will need a distinct change of direction. Often people wonder if it is possible to get things back on track or progress to a relationship that is even better than it was before.

Being educated about the five love languages and how each person in the relationship best appreciates and feels loved, it is possible to channel and harness efforts in the direction that will be most noticed, valued, welcomed, and effective. This can ultimately rekindle the lost love.

Laying the Right Foundation and Further Tips

  • Make it a habit to look for the positive in a partner and acknowledge it to them on a regular basis. This way on those occasions when a negative has to be worked through, it can be done in perspective and not seen as condemnation.
  • Make a point of noticing the good things in life generally everyday and share these thoughts with your significant other.
  • When complimenting, add specific details that will let a spouse know that they are genuinely appreciated. For example, "You look great in that suit—I love how the colour brings out your skin tone, eye colour," or "You're such a patient and caring parent—I especially like how you ... " give a specific example(s).
  • Remember that asking your spouse about their day, how they are, and/or how they feel affirms concern in their well being and shows interest and care. Make the effort to listen actively and respond with understanding.

The author of The 5 Love Languages advocates affirming the good qualities a spouse possesses to third parties, which could well make a spouse positively beam when the news gets back to them. Of course, you can directly compliment your spouse when others are present too. Dr. Gary Chapman gives many many other examples, tips, and solid advice on speaking the Words of Affirmation Love Language, and of course the other four love languages.

For those committed to boosting their chances of going the full distance with the love of their life, The 5 Love Languages is a worthwhile read to say the least.

What Do Readers Say About the Book?

Readers have said that it helped them understand their own reasons for doing particular things with and for their partner, and how both they and their partner show love in ways which they were unaware of. One five star reviewer said the book made “life changing good sense”. It's about how to relate and convey love to a partner in the way that they can most feel and accept. Each of the five love languages is explained in detail, and broken down into dialects that individuals can relate to. Help is given for ascertaining a partner's love language even if they do not do the quiz designed for this purpose.

Some felt the book could be thought of as a "training ground" to rekindle romance and bring about a significantly happier and more fulfilling marriage/relationship. Indeed it is aptly described as the secret to love that endures forever.

Reviewers say that the book can certainly help those in committed relationships and marriage and some also observed it could give a heads up to people who are currently single so that they are armed with the tools to make their next relationship more fulfilling.

Some have said they now regularly give the book as a wedding gift to family and friends, such is their belief in its principles.

Some commented that they do not often read books, but were happy to read this twice: such was the impact of the book they wanted to get the most out of it. As to reviews of the book: 94% give it either 5 or 4 stars and overall its rating is 4.7 stars out of 5.

More Examples and Ideas

  • I couldn't have chosen a better woman/wife/mother, man/husband/father.
  • You're the one I love—just can't help myself!
  • You are the love of my life.
  • I just can't explain how deep my love is.
  • Even when you make me mad, I still love you.
  • Even if I tried, I could never stop loving you.
  • You are the perfect man/woman for me because...


What to Do When You Don't Get the Response You Expected

Perhaps your spouse lets embarrassment or self worth issues get in the way of appreciating a genuine compliment. Part two of this article contains essential observations about the impact of inadvertently offending, insulting, or interrogating the person giving the compliment. It also discusses the consequences of this behavior, why some people find it difficult to accept words of affirmation, and how they could eventually start to feel warm and accepting.

About Counselling?

The strategies advocated by The 5 Love Languages are a powerful way of making a difference in your marriage. However, if you are experiencing extremely profund relationship difficulties you may want to consider how counselling might benefit you in addition to applying the love languages.


© 2013 Ebonny

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    • Ebonny profile image
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      Ebonny 7 months ago from UK

      Hi Passionatelearnr

      Many thanks for sharing your views. I agree it's great to express love in a variety of languages and in focusing on a particular language(s) would not entirely exclude the other languages. I guess it's all about juggling emphasis with balance.

    • passionatelearnr profile image

      passionatelearnr 7 months ago

      I think Love should be expressed in all the five languages, why just one or two?.

      It's hard for me to understand that for some people just acts of service is enough to make them feel loved.;-)

    • Ebonny profile image
      Author

      Ebonny 8 months ago from UK

      Hello John G

      I appreciate you getting in touch and, to be honest, I'm sure there may be a good many people who are jealous of your wife - in that she has a partner who has taken time to look into how he might uplift her and the relationship. Now off you go and put this into action. I feel sure your consistency will pay off. Thanks again.

    • profile image

      John G. 8 months ago

      Thank you for this article! Even though I am a trained public speaker, I am often times not very good with how to respond to my wife's need for words of affirmation. This article is full of great examples and resources. Thanks!

    • Ebonny profile image
      Author

      Ebonny 19 months ago from UK

      Many thanks for your feedback Theresa

    • profile image

      Theresa 20 months ago

      Loved the article.

    • Ebonny profile image
      Author

      Ebonny 2 years ago from UK

      Hi Jamie

      My feeling is that words of affirmation in a text, e-mail, note, letter or whatever can be just as powerful as the spoken word on the telephone or face to face. Sometimes I think texts etc. can be even more poignant as when we write things down we have more time to consider our words carefully and find just the right way to best express our deep feelings of admiration, praise, encouragement or whatever.

      Also, some people find it embarrassing to give or receive a compliment face to face and having it done via the written word can take away some of that uneasiness for the giver or receiver.

      But of course we're all different and some may prefer to hear affirming words face to face, given the choice. When you don't have a choice, as in your situation when your boyfriend is on the road, seems to me it's a good option. Plus another nice thing about stuff written down is that you can go back and read it over and over, adding to the "feel good" vibe. I guess it's why we tend to keep old "love letters" and revisit them for years to come. If your boyfriend is a words of affirmation person, I'm sure he'll be more than happy for you to text in these terms so do give it a try if you haven't already. Many thanks for dropping by.

    • Jamie Boudreaux profile image

      Jamie Boudreaux 2 years ago

      My boyfriend is a trucker and is gone for 90% of the month so we rely on texting, and social media to communicate until he is home. Phone calls don't happen very often when he has to focus on driving.

      His love language is words of affirmation.

      My question is;

      When physically speaking to him isn't always doable, are text messages at least once a day with words of affirmation in them as powerful and meaningful as verbally speaking them?

    • Ebonny profile image
      Author

      Ebonny 4 years ago from UK

      So Words of Affirmation is certainly a primary language for you and if those around you know and practise this you must be a very happy bunny!

      I do agree giving the book is a great gift for a couple, be they at the start of their relationship or much further down the line.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 4 years ago from The Caribbean

      Four percent (4%) of the population learn by what they hear (not what they see). I happen to be one of them and I have to hear in order to respond effectively. Words of affirmation keep me alive, and in turn I give them readily. I've bought and given away several copies of Chapman's book because it is a relationship saver. Thanks for this study.