It's very difficult for women to understand men and for men to understand women. We're totally different physically, mentally, and emotionally. There are times when a man suddenly withdraws from a relationship and his partner starts to freak out—if this describes you, there's no need to worry. Your partner needs his time on his own to regenerate his love for you.
What You Can Do With Your Time Alone
I used to fear those moments when my man needed his time, but I eventually realized that my husband needs time to himself in order to give me more love. We ended up setting aside a special part of the house as a "cave" where he can do his "manly" things. I'm supporting him the best I can by doing the things that I love to do!
1. Have Fun!
When he's off in his cave, I have fun with my girls. I go out and shop from one mall to another. It's utterly useless to be sad about his need for solitude. You need time to yourself too—but maybe you'd rather spend it with your pals.
Stop waiting for him to go shopping with you—you can go shopping on your own, hang out with the girls, work in the garden, plan a surprise for him, or do anything that you've always wanted to do. Just have fun! Men honestly appreciate it if you're happy while they hide in their cave. They want you to be happy.
2. Do a Makeover
I love doing a makeover. Be it getting a haircut, reorganizing my wardrobe, or creating a new makeup/beauty routine, I just frickin' lovin' it. Appreciate yourself, sweetheart. Take a bath, apply your nail polish, look at your wardrobe, and plan your outfits for the whole week.
Watch youtube videos on how to apply makeup and learn the techniques. Time flies when you watch those videos—just keep your makeup a collection and a mirror in front of you. Oh, and don't forget your brushes!
You may not be young anymore, but that doesn't stop you from being fabulous. No matter how old you are, you deserve to look good and stunning. Dare to challenge yourself and create a new look. It might be a surprise for him to see how dazzling you are after the makeover, but after a while, he'll adjust to it. We're focusing on YOU.
3. Visit a Friend
Your girl's nights may be over, but, you can still visit one of your lady friends. Talk about the fond memories you have together, or chat about celebrities. It's never too late to rekindle your friendship. Maybe bring the kids along and have a barbecue.
For ongoing visits, start a simple project together or help her with things around the house—it'll be fun! Take some pictures and post them on twitter. Lending a helping hand will help you forget about your problems. It always makes me feel better, and my friends appreciate me a lot.
4. Build Your Own Sanctuary
If he has his cave, why don't you create your own sanctuary too? Keep a space for yourself in your house, like a craft room. DIY is a big trend right now, and Pinterest has a lot of ideas that you can work with. I'm very into arts and crafts, so I make my own mess in my private sanctuary area.
Decorate your space with candles or pops of color, and that will be your space to go to when he's in his. When you're planning for your space, think of what its function will be and what kinds of things you're going to do there. This is your private arena and you have the power to design it. Focus on yourself! If you have limited space, then you could combine this area with your wardrobe. Just make sure that you don't clutter it with something else.
Writing means expressing yourself, no matter the form—blogging, keeping a journal, or writing letters. I find that when I have a project going on, my mind is more occupied. Keep yourself busy so that you always have something to write. That way, you'll think less about your relationship. Your man will definitely be grateful for this because you're focusing on yourself and not on him.
The priority here is your happiness. Don't worry about him. If he needs you, he'll come to you. That's how men work. You don't need to write about your relationship problems—keep them private if you want.
6. Go Out of Town
Babes, we're not talking about disappearing. We're talking about having a weekend getaway without your baby-boo. Women should be independent. Go solo or with your besties to places you've never been.
If you can't afford to go far, visit interesting places in the area. Plan it like it's a grand tour, take tons of pictures, and make a scrapbook about the day. Seize your freedom, take a chance, and enjoy the day!
Things You Can Do When You're Together
If organizing is your thing, offer to help him organize his cave. I found that my husband loves it when his stuff is organized, but he's too lazy to do it himself, and he's happy to have my help and company. Also, if you need help with your sanctuary, go ahead and ask for it! However, if he doesn't want it to be organized, leave the space alone. You wouldn't want him to rummage through your craft room or makeup bag without permission, would you?
Here are a few things you can do together around the house:
- Arranging cords and cables of appliances around your house
- Filing manuals for any appliances and gadgets you may have
- Decluttering and cleaning the house
Getting back together after being apart can be tough sometimes. Be happy that he's back and re-energized! Don't tell me you don't enjoy your time on your own. You had fun, didn't you?
pink on April 10, 2015:
hello lola and thanks for info its very useful
Dalila C (author) from Denver, CO on June 02, 2013:
Thank for your comment Kathryn! I agree. It is very healthy to have some time apart. Plus, there will be more things to talk about when we're doing different activities. I'm glad you found something to keep yourself preoccupied. How can we miss someone if we don't spend at least a minute apart? :D
Kathryn from Windsor, Connecticut on June 02, 2013:
Years ago, I would be anxious when my man (at the time) was gone, or retreated into his own space. But I have become much less needy in the past several years. I think it is very healthy to have some time apart from my boyfriend, and I always find fun things to do to preoccupy myself. I have fun with him, but there are many other things I like to do that he doesn't necessarily like to.
I like your opinion on this matter, and you have provided several good options for doing things on your own.