Julie gained weight after marriage and hopes to inspire other women to find confidence in their bodies, and in the way they dress.
Is your wife overweight? Do you love the way your partner looks no matter what, but are simply not enamored by her low self-esteem?
Be honest while answering these questions; it will affect the way you understand this article. I am a hefty housewife who got tired of feeling ashamed of my new plump figure, and I know all too well how it feels to be a hot mom gone fat. I can help you and your plus-sized spouse get past their weight issues.
Listen to Your Spouse
If your marriage is on the line, do not be lazy or afraid to ask what your spouse was thinking when they said that they would love you "in sickness and in health" during your wedding vows. Do not be surprised if they say that at the time, they were thinking of a physical illness, such as cancer. Unfortunately, mental health, such as depression, is seldom a consideration. Nevertheless, this conversation might just reopen the lines of communication between the two of you again.
Do not be argumentative—just listen. Though criticism can be very difficult to accept at times, you might just find it very rewarding to listen to your spouse about their weight gain.
When my husband and I took our vows, we unknowingly included any mental or physical conditions, illnesses, or ailments. It took me a long while to realize that maybe my newly developed low self-esteem was something that my husband thought I would never have. When I was my former size, I was an extremely confident woman, steeping in self-assurance. Not even I could have ever anticipated low self-esteem as part of my immediate future.
Learn to Accept Change
Change is a double-edged sword. Most men find it extremely difficult to deal with change. It is hard and somewhat upsetting for men to deal with the fact that their lover has become a gorgeous, plump BBW. On the other hand, I have a dear friend named Danny who hasn't been intimate with his girlfriend since she lost 50 pounds. "She took all my cushion away," he says. It is perfectly natural for men to feel confused when faced with change.
On the flip side, women are conditioned to embrace change. It starts the moment girls blossom out of their childhood and into puberty. That hormonal shift causes huge changes in a young girl's life—the way she eats, feels, looks, and behaves can all be affected by her menstrual cycle. Girls are forced to change their hygiene habits and must essentially become more responsible, regardless of their age at the time.
Maybe one person in your marriage does not understand the dynamics change, and this might be the root cause of many problems. This lack of understanding can lower a woman's self-esteem and can explain why her husband is being standoffish with her.
I was 11 when I started my period. I grew huge breasts overnight and became extremely moody. At times, I felt overwhelmed with all the changes taking place inside my little body. It was at this time that I learned to embrace and adjust to epic changes in life.
Liven Up Your Sex Life With Intimacy Exercises
Life creates uncomfortable circumstances that can sneak into the bedroom and disrupt intimacy. Naturally, gaining unwanted weight can be one of those disruptions. It is unrealistic to expect your spouse to feel comfortable with how you look at them when they are not comfortable in their own skin.
Try sensate focus exercises. Though these were initially designed for sexually traumatized people, researchers at Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri, discovered that applying these communication and touching practices helped spousal partners regain self-confidence and overcome many of their emotional restraints.
Many of the techniques in sensate focus exercises will help a spouse move past their insecurities and charge toward a renewed sense of self. Couples who have used these exercises have been able to see vast improvements in their marriage as a whole. This personal journey is a way for the two of you to begin tearing down confinements that keep the both of you content to slide backward. Complacency is a dangerous mindset to have in a marriage.
Plus-sized women are not always easily convinced that they are beautiful or sexy. It might be up to you to tell her what you want or need on an intimate level. If you love the way that she looks, fat and all, show her by touching her. I highly suggest that you give sensate focus a try.
Your Partner Can Be Overweight and Feel Sexy
Women have a tendency to become preoccupied with weight gain, failing to realize that they have the potential to be the goddess they always have been if they can maintain a certain mindset. This is where giving your spouse positive reinforcement is the most beneficial—pinching her butt or hugging her curves can really go a long way in helping her regain her sexy swagger.
Believe it or not, physical touch can easily help someone's low self-esteem. Rubbing your spouse's bigger, fatter belly can make them feel attractive. However, there are other times when no matter what you do or say, it is simply not enough. Most people seem to be like this—they don't have the right state of mind and refuse to even try to change their way of thinking.
Make sure your spouse knows that what is considered a "fashionable" body type is always changing.
Women and men tend to let society's standards dictate what terms and conditions they should live by. Unfortunately, being fat is an unacceptable standard in today's fashion industry. I, for one, am tired of fashion designers deciding what women's bodies should look like.
Before the 1980s, the average woman was a size 14. Today, women are forced to compete with the Calvin Klein waif look, and there are super skinny models dressing for fashion houses such as House of Halston, Valentino, Versace, and Steve McQueen. This tells teenage girls that men expect women to be unhealthy, weak, and superficial, which puts them at risk of developing an unhealthy body image.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
Question: How can I convince my wife that other people's comments do not matter?
Answer: Your emphasis enforced by your intimate actions towards her, will help her self image to flow as bright as your love for her. Touch her in public. Pinch her butt, rub a breast, kiss her neck, etc., these little actions tells her subconsciously your true desire for her, and should help her grow. Unfortunately you're competing against years of self degrading, and instense hazing which she has probably had to suffer with. What takes years to build takes more hours of love to tear down.
© 2009 Julie Grimes