5 Things I Learned in the First Month of Marriage

Updated on May 29, 2017
Bri Timpson profile image

Briana went to one semester of college and then dropped out because she knew her calling was in the arts - music, drawing, etc.

Argument vs Conversation

Don't argue. Of course, it's so simple! However, there is a 65% divorce rate in the United States. Why? Lack of communication. The words we say to another person have an impact on them as well as the relationship.

When your significant other leaves their socks on the floor or their dirty dishes in the sink, you become full of anger and annoyance. Of course! Most people would react and start a massive argument - over socks and dishes! There may or may not be a back story as to why they would do such a thing, but the point is that they did something that made you angry.

The beautiful thing is that you have the choice to react or not. The first month into my marriage, I realized this fast. Instead of saying passive aggressive comments while he was watching TV, I simply asked that he clean up his socks - and he did! No argument needed.

Listening to One Another

When I talked to my husband, I would try to prove to him that my way was always better. Later on, I realized he was right about where the bed should go.

Responding to what someone is saying is so much easier than actually listening. Have you noticed that when you voice an idea and your significant other just says 'no', you feel like they aren't listening to what you're saying?

You do it, too!

Humans want to be right about everything - it's just how we are. But this is also how arguments start. Instead of reacting to their words, really listen with an open mind and take it into consideration.


I was so excited to get married so I could have someone to go on bike rides with, have breakfast in bed, help me with cleaning, play card games, watch scary movies, workout, and go on adventures with! Hate to break it to you - that is an 80's montage, not reality.

We haven't done any of those things together (besides cleaning). The married life is so different than how our teen selves imagined it, and that's not bad. He has his hobbies and I have mine. Alone time is a must have when you are spending the rest of your life with someone.

Do you and your SO share the same hobbies?

See results


I am the money spender in the relationship while my husband saves every penny he finds. This was a huge barrier we both kept running into. When I was single or engaged and I craved chocolate, I just bought it. I was paying all my bills and putting money away into a savings account, so I was never worried.

But I never thought about buying a home. . .or taking care of kids.

I shoved it out of my mind every time it came into my head because it's just so much money, and it stressed me out. He loves money and how it works, so I trusted his education on finance and we made a budget.

Because of that budget, I don't have to be stressed anymore or worry too much about our future. Opposites attract!

Real Love

The lovely frilly love you had before marriage is good, but nothing beats the love that happens after marriage. There aren't butterflies in your stomach or judgement when you cry at the movies. A sense of comfort and full acceptance grows that wasn't there before. You depend on each other in other ways than you did before.

A new love emerges - one that is truly unconditional - and nothing beats it. Absolutely nothing.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Bri Timpson profile imageAUTHOR

      Bri Timpson 

      3 years ago

      Thank you for your reply! I do agree that there are many different factors that go into why the divorce rate is so high - Lack of commitment to one another, choosing the wrong mate, etc. There's so many! Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago from Chicago

      "However, there is a 65% divorce rate in the United States. Why? Lack of communication." - I tend to disagree.

      I believe the top 3 causes for divorce are:

      1. Choosing the wrong mate.

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least there is a mutual depth of love and desire for one another. Compatibility trumps compromise!

      2. Someone committed a "deal breaker" in the eyes of another.

      Whether it's cheating, physical/verbal abuse, criminal activities, drug/alcohol addiction, causing financial instability..

      3. Fell out of love over time/stopped wanting the same things.

      We're either "growing together" or "growing apart".

      Communication is the GPS for relationships and marriages which lets you know which direction you are headed in.

      Too often people make the mistake of thinking that communication means "Ask and it shall be given." Some people also believe communication means "taking action".

      The reality is communication is nothing more than one person expressing a thought/idea and the listener acknowledging they heard and understood what was said. That's it!

      Another belief many have about "communication" is it's a method to get someone to "change". Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air and screaming:

      "I'm looking for someone to change me!"

      The vast majority of people want to be loved and accepted for who (they) are. The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want in a mate. This is one of the reasons why many people choose to cohabitate before getting married.

      Generally speaking people don't change unless (they) are unhappy. And yet some people believe: "If you loved me you would change" not realizing others believe: "If you loved (me) you wouldn't try to change me."

      There are 2 basic reasons why your mate doesn't give you what you've asked for or have complained about not getting.

      1. They don't have it to give. (In other words it's not who they are)

      2. They don't believe (you) are worth the effort to give it to.

      Ultimately only you can determine if not getting whatever it is you're asking for is a "deal breaker".

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

      One man's opinion!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)