Physical IntimacyRelationshipsFriendshipDatingBreakupsRelationship ProblemsSocial Skills & EtiquetteGender and SexualityRelationship AdviceLoveCompatibilitySingle Life

5 Things I Learned in the First Month of Marriage

Updated on May 29, 2017
Bri Timpson profile image

Briana went to one semester of college and then dropped out because she knew her calling was in the arts - music, drawing, etc.

Argument vs Conversation

Don't argue. Of course, it's so simple! However, there is a 65% divorce rate in the United States. Why? Lack of communication. The words we say to another person have an impact on them as well as the relationship.

When your significant other leaves their socks on the floor or their dirty dishes in the sink, you become full of anger and annoyance. Of course! Most people would react and start a massive argument - over socks and dishes! There may or may not be a back story as to why they would do such a thing, but the point is that they did something that made you angry.

The beautiful thing is that you have the choice to react or not. The first month into my marriage, I realized this fast. Instead of saying passive aggressive comments while he was watching TV, I simply asked that he clean up his socks - and he did! No argument needed.

Listening to One Another

When I talked to my husband, I would try to prove to him that my way was always better. Later on, I realized he was right about where the bed should go.

Responding to what someone is saying is so much easier than actually listening. Have you noticed that when you voice an idea and your significant other just says 'no', you feel like they aren't listening to what you're saying?

You do it, too!

Humans want to be right about everything - it's just how we are. But this is also how arguments start. Instead of reacting to their words, really listen with an open mind and take it into consideration.

Hobbies

I was so excited to get married so I could have someone to go on bike rides with, have breakfast in bed, help me with cleaning, play card games, watch scary movies, workout, and go on adventures with! Hate to break it to you - that is an 80's montage, not reality.

We haven't done any of those things together (besides cleaning). The married life is so different than how our teen selves imagined it, and that's not bad. He has his hobbies and I have mine. Alone time is a must have when you are spending the rest of your life with someone.

Do you and your SO share the same hobbies?

See results

Budgeting

I am the money spender in the relationship while my husband saves every penny he finds. This was a huge barrier we both kept running into. When I was single or engaged and I craved chocolate, I just bought it. I was paying all my bills and putting money away into a savings account, so I was never worried.

But I never thought about buying a home. . .or taking care of kids.

I shoved it out of my mind every time it came into my head because it's just so much money, and it stressed me out. He loves money and how it works, so I trusted his education on finance and we made a budget.

Because of that budget, I don't have to be stressed anymore or worry too much about our future. Opposites attract!

Real Love

The lovely frilly love you had before marriage is good, but nothing beats the love that happens after marriage. There aren't butterflies in your stomach or judgement when you cry at the movies. A sense of comfort and full acceptance grows that wasn't there before. You depend on each other in other ways than you did before.

A new love emerges - one that is truly unconditional - and nothing beats it. Absolutely nothing.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Bri Timpson profile image
      Author

      Bri Timpson 5 months ago

      Thank you for your reply! I do agree that there are many different factors that go into why the divorce rate is so high - Lack of commitment to one another, choosing the wrong mate, etc. There's so many! Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 months ago

      "However, there is a 65% divorce rate in the United States. Why? Lack of communication." - I tend to disagree.

      I believe the top 3 causes for divorce are:

      1. Choosing the wrong mate.

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least there is a mutual depth of love and desire for one another. Compatibility trumps compromise!

      2. Someone committed a "deal breaker" in the eyes of another.

      Whether it's cheating, physical/verbal abuse, criminal activities, drug/alcohol addiction, causing financial instability..

      3. Fell out of love over time/stopped wanting the same things.

      We're either "growing together" or "growing apart".

      Communication is the GPS for relationships and marriages which lets you know which direction you are headed in.

      Too often people make the mistake of thinking that communication means "Ask and it shall be given." Some people also believe communication means "taking action".

      The reality is communication is nothing more than one person expressing a thought/idea and the listener acknowledging they heard and understood what was said. That's it!

      Another belief many have about "communication" is it's a method to get someone to "change". Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air and screaming:

      "I'm looking for someone to change me!"

      The vast majority of people want to be loved and accepted for who (they) are. The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want in a mate. This is one of the reasons why many people choose to cohabitate before getting married.

      Generally speaking people don't change unless (they) are unhappy. And yet some people believe: "If you loved me you would change" not realizing others believe: "If you loved (me) you wouldn't try to change me."

      There are 2 basic reasons why your mate doesn't give you what you've asked for or have complained about not getting.

      1. They don't have it to give. (In other words it's not who they are)

      2. They don't believe (you) are worth the effort to give it to.

      Ultimately only you can determine if not getting whatever it is you're asking for is a "deal breaker".

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

      One man's opinion!