5 Things I Learned in the First Month of Marriage
Argument vs Conversation
Don't argue. Of course, it's so simple! However, there is a 65% divorce rate in the United States. Why? Lack of communication. The words we say to another person have an impact on them as well as the relationship.
When your significant other leaves their socks on the floor or their dirty dishes in the sink, you become full of anger and annoyance. Of course! Most people would react and start a massive argument - over socks and dishes! There may or may not be a back story as to why they would do such a thing, but the point is that they did something that made you angry.
The beautiful thing is that you have the choice to react or not. The first month into my marriage, I realized this fast. Instead of saying passive aggressive comments while he was watching TV, I simply asked that he clean up his socks - and he did! No argument needed.
Listening to One Another
When I talked to my husband, I would try to prove to him that my way was always better. Later on, I realized he was right about where the bed should go.
Responding to what someone is saying is so much easier than actually listening. Have you noticed that when you voice an idea and your significant other just says 'no', you feel like they aren't listening to what you're saying?
You do it, too!
Humans want to be right about everything - it's just how we are. But this is also how arguments start. Instead of reacting to their words, really listen with an open mind and take it into consideration.
I was so excited to get married so I could have someone to go on bike rides with, have breakfast in bed, help me with cleaning, play card games, watch scary movies, workout, and go on adventures with! Hate to break it to you - that is an 80's montage, not reality.
We haven't done any of those things together (besides cleaning). The married life is so different than how our teen selves imagined it, and that's not bad. He has his hobbies and I have mine. Alone time is a must have when you are spending the rest of your life with someone.
Do you and your SO share the same hobbies?
I am the money spender in the relationship while my husband saves every penny he finds. This was a huge barrier we both kept running into. When I was single or engaged and I craved chocolate, I just bought it. I was paying all my bills and putting money away into a savings account, so I was never worried.
But I never thought about buying a home. . .or taking care of kids.
I shoved it out of my mind every time it came into my head because it's just so much money, and it stressed me out. He loves money and how it works, so I trusted his education on finance and we made a budget.
Because of that budget, I don't have to be stressed anymore or worry too much about our future. Opposites attract!
The lovely frilly love you had before marriage is good, but nothing beats the love that happens after marriage. There aren't butterflies in your stomach or judgement when you cry at the movies. A sense of comfort and full acceptance grows that wasn't there before. You depend on each other in other ways than you did before.
A new love emerges - one that is truly unconditional - and nothing beats it. Absolutely nothing.