I'm passionate about seeking out light and goodness in the world wherever I can find it, and when I find it, I love to share it with others.
Two Books That Hold Some of the Most Coveted Secrets of The Relationship Kingdom
For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men and its companion book For Men Only: A Straight Forward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women have been used professionally as suggested reading for couples in premarital counseling as well as for couples who are struggling in marriage.
Personally, I had two different people that I respect tell me these books would be beneficial to every couple (thriving, struggling, or in between), and I thought that even though my marriage is great, if there's a way to make it greater, I'm open to learning about it. I'm glad I was so open-minded (and that my hubby was willing to be a good sport about it).
Not only have these books fostered greater understanding between my husband and I, but as we've applied the principles we've learned in these books, our already flourishing marriage has become even more fun, and we've done a better job of fanning the flames of our romance and intimacy both emotionally and physically (I'm sure the physical part got the attention of a few people that were ho-humming through this book review a few seconds ago. There's no reason to be embarrassed. Physical intimacy is definitely a key ingredient of a thriving marriage).
Now, it's time for a quick explanation of the books. For Women Only is a book about the inner workings of men's heads and hearts, and For Men Only is along those same lines only it goes into detail about how women think and feel.
Of course, not all women think and feel exactly the same way as all other women, and the same thing goes for men. However, these books were compiled based on a significant amount of research after surveying thousands and thousands of males and females to discover major trends in the way the two sexes think and feel.
I was a bit skeptical about how accurate the portrayal of women would be in the For Men Only book, but in reading it myself, I found that I have a shocking amount in common with the majority of women. My husband felt the same way when he read For Women Only.
Here's one secret that may or may not be surprising from these books. Most men recognize that women are a mystery to them, but although most men are mysteries to women, the majority of women fail to recognize that they don't understand what makes men tick. Think of how that affects the average relationship.
These books are written from a Christian perspective, but the principles in them will be beneficial to heterosexual couples from any belief system. I specifically mention heterosexual couples, because the research and surveys these books are based upon focused on the scope of heterosexual couples and may not be as applicable in other circumstances.
(Amazon links are provided for your convenience closer to the bottom of this article if you feel these books could be beneficial for your relationship).
The Root of Relationship Frustration is Often Simple Misunderstanding
Whether you're in a thriving relationship or a nose-diving relationship, you've probably had the experience of seeing your significant other do something that is absolutely mind-boggling to you, and at least some of the time these mind-boggling deeds probably leave you feeling frustrated (maybe even infuriated).
There are many times when words and actions, or even the lack of words and actions, can be interpreted as cruel, uncaring, illogical, incompetent, or any other number of negative descriptors when really they are a sign of misunderstanding on the parts of one or both of the people involved.
The more you understand the way your significant other thinks and feels, the more you can show love and respect in ways that will be easy for them to receive. Not only that, but you can appreciate them and give them the benefit of the doubt when you know they are experiencing circumstances that are especially challenging for them.
When even one person involved in a relationship makes the effort to get a better understanding of the other, the relationship will improve.
When both people involved invest the time and effort to figure out how the other person thinks and feels, miraculous things can happen very quickly. All of the sudden, you've got one amazing powerhouse couple on your hands! Guess what? You and your significant other can be that powerhouse couple!
As misunderstanding and frustration transform to a greater level of respect, love, and appreciation, you can strengthen your relationship and take it to a level that you might have never dreamed possible.
Listen to the First Chapter of For Women Only Here!
A Quick Preview
I'm not going to give away all the details of these books (because I'd have to write a book myself, and you need to read these great books yourself), but I will give you a quick idea of some of the topics these books cover.
Some main topics in For Women Only include:
- The difference between respect and love, and how men feel about these two components of a relationship
- How sex is more emotional for men than physical (that may be a shocker for some)
- Some key male thought patterns that most women don't understand (for example why men don't like to ask for directions and why they have a need for a man cave and some zoning out time)
- Differences in how men see romance as opposed to how women see romance
- What it really means when people say men are visually wired (This could be an eye-opener for many women as well)
Some main topics in For Men Only:
- Some key female thought patterns that most men don't understand (a guide to understanding thought processes that may appear completely random and illogical)
- What's really going on in women's minds and bodies when it comes to sex
- The words and actions that women crave in a relationship (and they aren't that hard to say or do once you recognize what they are)
- Some great tips about how women communicate (because let's be honest, I'm a woman and it even confuses me at times)
Listen to the First Chapter of For Men Only Here!
A Suggested Study Method for Getting the Most Out of These Books
Someone recommended to me that my husband and I read the books intended for each other before reading the books intended for ourselves so that we could make notes in them before our spouse read them. I thought that sounded like a brilliant idea, and my husband agreed so that's how we studied these books.
I read the book for men first, marking the parts that were the most applicable to the way I think and feel. I thought I would cross out parts that I didn't agree with also, but I at least somewhat agreed with everything in the book (It turns out that I fit the female stereotype a lot more closely than I thought I did). My husband also made note of parts in the book for women that he most wanted me to understand about him, and there was one specific part where he felt that his feelings differed a lot from what was represented in the book (that was valuable information too).
We both found this to be a valuable way to study these books. To be honest, I think we found reading about ourselves to be as valuable as reading about each other. For example, as I read, I discovered patterns of thoughts and feelings that I identified with but had never really pin pointed before, and it was beneficial to think about why I think and feel the way I do.
Obviously, I thought these books were valuable, or else I wouldn't be suggesting them, and I would never have heard about them if some friends hadn't have recommended them to me, but the positive reviews don't stop there.
Since reading the books, I've given away a copy and let a few people borrow my own, and the reviews have all been positive.
That being said, the review I appreciated the most was from my husband. He said he thought the information in For Men Only, was so important that he wanted to listen to the audio version every six months or so in order to keep the information fresh in his mind. That made me feel good about the book, and it made me feel great about how much my husband cares about our relationship. Two wins right there!
Now it's your turn! Read the books, and see how they strengthen your relationship!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2018 Rebecca Young
Rebecca Young (author) from Renton, WA on October 30, 2019:
I think you're absolutely right about pride and selfishness being huge stumbling blocks in relationships. As soon as pride creeps in, selfishness and competition seem to be a natural consequence.
Personally, I think that both genders have a lot of patience and humility they can learn through experiences with each other.
Mark Richardson from Utah on October 29, 2019:
I think I listened to either both or just the men's one years ago. I agree about intimacy.I have learned so much as I have been married that I have turned into a philosopher and often try to help younger people with marriage and relationships. I have learned that the biggest problems come from pride and selfishness. I think men are here to teach women patience and men are here to learn humility from women.