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To an Old Man Who Wants to Marry Again

MsDora is a Certified Christian Counselor. Her views on premarital and marital issues are influenced by her Christian beliefs.

Marriage proposal during the senior years is a reality

Marriage proposal during the senior years is a reality

This is not an advertisement from an old woman seeking a marriage proposal; it is information for the old man seeking a woman he hopes would say yes. Marriage proposals during the senior years is a reality, and the uncertainty of the future reduces the certainty of how to respond, but those who wish to may think about it.

For every one of the following statements, there may be individuals who have opposite opinions. And why not? We are free to click on different likes and dislikes and to exercise varied judgments. However, we learn from each other when we explain what works for us. This is one old woman’s response to a proposal from a suitor of a similar age.

I am happy being free and single.

I will only say yes to your proposal if I believe that I will enjoy your company as much as I enjoy the company of the few, but genuine, friends I have now. I can choose between social empowerment with them or quiet reflections alone. I can be lazy when I feel like it, sing and dance for as long as I like the music, travel or stay home according to my mood. Give me one good reason to let you change this happy status.

I’m more than “just another woman.”

If you’re looking for just another woman to fill the gap left by your previous wife, or to help out in areas where you just can’t manage anymore, I’m not the woman you want. I can be an asset to you, as I expect you can be an asset to me, so please don’t treat me like I’m just the next woman in line. Take time to know me, so you can value my unique strengths. Don’t force me into your life as usual, but allow us to form something positively different.

More than just another woman.

More than just another woman.

Spirituality tops my list of values.

We do not have to be on the same spiritual level, but spirituality must be a passion in both of us, and I’d like for us to show that passion now. It will help if our trust in God heightens as our personal independence declines with age. Mutual interest in prayer, meditation, and devotions together will help us maintain other important values like patience, honesty, kindness, respect and most of all, our love.

Sex will not be our relationship appetizer.

I want to connect with you spiritually, mentally and emotionally before I imagine myself in your bed. Sharing the same values, communicating with understanding, celebrating each other’s joys and being sensitive to each other’s pain only add to the pleasure of physical intimacy. Deep, meaningful conversations will be our main preparatory course. Dessert is the ultimate event.

Purpose is my priority.

Some say that young people marry for love and older people marry for companionship, but my reason for getting married will not be limited to one or both. As long as we live, fulfilling our individual God-given purposes is our priority. If we plan to support (at least, not hinder) each other’s purpose, that resolve will strengthen the love and joy in our marriage.

A sense of purpose can lead to love and happiness.

A sense of purpose can lead to love and happiness.

I insist on healthy boundaries for exes.

Whether she is an ex-wife or just an ex-girlfriend, I can understand a civil relationship between you. Please clear up misunderstandings, complete legal matters and financial arrangements with her before you propose to me. I expect cordial greetings and respectful exchanges when you meet in public, whether or not I’m around. What I don’t expect are secret meetings, phone calls, messages or anything you think you have to hide from me. I’ll treat you similarly.

Children are always welcome.

Our children and grandchildren will have ample space within our relationship. Be willing to give your children the attention and help they need, and allow me the same favor toward my children; but none of them will become consultants or advisors in our private matters, without our joint consent. There will be mutual respect between us and our children and it is our responsibility to keep open for them, ready access to our home and our love.

I want to be proud of you.

These issues are important to me, and there may be others that are important to you. Don’t pretend to agree with everything I say, just to please me. I want to be proud of your honesty and openness. I want to be proud of your leadership, your stand for your convictions, and your willingness to reason. I want to be proud to introduce you as the old man who offers me a new level of joy and comfort.

Stats on Marriage Among Older Americans

Marriage among older folks has increased.

Marriage among older folks has increased.

The following facts were reported in 2018 by the Institute for Family Studies:

  • During the past five decades, marriage has increased among adults 65 years and older.
  • In 2016, the majority of marriages were among older adults.
  • Americans are marrying later than ever.

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2021 Dora Weithers

Comments

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 19, 2021:

Ann, thanks for sharing. Seems to me that your relationship is built on a solid foundation with wise principles. Congratulations on your success which I think not even marriage can spoil after 30 years. Best to going forward.

Ann Carr from SW England on January 19, 2021:

Love the humour in this, Dora, as well as the wisdom. I totally agree.

I've been married twice so I have no intention of doing it again, even though my partner and I have been together for 30 years. We are fine that way and I don't want to spoil it! I guess we're doing what you suggest, though, so the principles are the same.

Lovely hub and so well-written, as usual.

ANn

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Ajodo, thanks for reading and commenting. Hoping that you get the blessing of a good marriage in your prime, and that you stay married.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Thanks, Manatita. Perhaps it seems direct because I have so much to say in a limited space. Glad that the message comes through.

Ajodo Endurance Uneojo from Lokoja, Nigeria. on January 16, 2021:

MsDora, I was forced to think that old people have better marriage goals. Thank Goodness I still have vacancy to learn, apply and fill up.

Beautiful article, I must say. Thanks for sharing.

manatita44 from london on January 16, 2021:

A bit of a direct one, Dee.

Still, it's filled with the sincerity, loyalty and decency of a righteous woman. Guruji used to say: 'I know not where my Lord will carry me, whatever he commands, most devotedly I shall follow.' For me, that seems about right. A very concise piece and filled with clarity. Peace!

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Chitrangada, I value your input. Thanks for sharing your view on the importance of companionship in old age.

Chitrangada Sharan from New Delhi, India on January 16, 2021:

Excellent article, though a little bit different, about which there can be divergent views.

I believe, it’s in the later years of life, that companionship becomes very important. One needs someone to talk to, to share common thoughts, especially when the children are all grown up and busy in their lives.

You have made some important points. Thank you for sharing this insightful article.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Peggy, I love your comment. You expressed my wish, and I'm sure the wish of many others, perfectly.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Thanks, Bill. How blessed you and your wife to have each other. God's best to you going forward.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Thanks, Brenda. I appreciate your encouragement. I wrote on topics like this when I first started here on HubPages, but I've taken many detours..

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

True, Devika. We need love and companionship at every age and everyone deserves it.

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on January 16, 2021:

It is wonderful if older people who are single can find someone to share the rest of their life with in the manner you described.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on January 16, 2021:

I loved your viewpoints on this issue, and your insistence on attaining a life of value and substance. Well done, my friend, and blessings to you always. I, for one, am incredibly grateful for my wife.

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on January 16, 2021:

Ms Dora,

I love this article!

It is great to see her standing up for her beliefs first & foremost.

He must fit into her life...not the other way around.

In the beginning asking what he can bring to the relationship is awesome.

A different kind of writing from you, but a great one.

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on January 16, 2021:

Hi Dora relationships never stop and at any age it is possible or those who choose to live that way.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Thanks, Pam.Whoever thought that older folk would still be dealing with new relationships? Your agreement means much to me.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Jason, "sweet" makes my heart smile. Thanks for your affirmation.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Rosina, thank for weighing on this older folk's issue though you seem to be younger. I appreciate your comment.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Umesh,thanks for your kind encouragement. I find that writing from real life situations create an authentic tone.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Flourish, I'm happy for you. Congratulations on your happy, long-term relationship. Thanks for understanding those who may not be so fortunate.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Thanks, Linda. We deserve to be happy and marriage is not a prerequisite. At the same time, I pray that we make the decisions that are best for us.

Dora Weithers (author) from The Caribbean on January 16, 2021:

Happy New Year to you, Jackie. It is great to hear from you. I miss you. Your comment made me smile. Yes, such a man may not be in the majority, but I think there are still a few around. Looking forward to seeing more of you this year, God willing.

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on January 16, 2021:

This is an very good article, Ms Dora. You wrote about all the important aspects for a new relationship. I agree with your sentiments.

Jason Behm from Cebu, Philippines on January 15, 2021:

Upon reading the title and the summary, I feel it is sweet. And I agree to all what you have and it is very wise.

Rosina S Khan on January 15, 2021:

This is a beautiful article about older men wanting to marry again and older women's perspectives on the matter. I enjoyed it and agree with most of the women's views. Thank you for sharing such a superb article, Dora.

Umesh Chandra Bhatt from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on January 15, 2021:

Dora, this is a very nice piece of writing. Though it is a creative writing but is full of practical aspects. I am spellbound with your Frank, straight and precise narration. Well done and God bless you. Keep on writing such beautiful articles.

FlourishAnyway from USA on January 15, 2021:

I can’t imagine marrying again if anything ever happened to my husband. At most I might have a committed long-term relationship. For me, there would be no need to get the law involved in tangling up our two estates and possibly divorcing down the line (as subsequent marriages are more divorce prone). However, I can get why some people would want to do so.

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on January 15, 2021:

This is an excellent article, Dora. Thank you for sharing some very important points about marriage in our later years. I hope you stay happy, whatever you decide to do.

Jackie Lynnley from the beautiful south on January 15, 2021:

Sorry, Dora, this man does not exist. Haha

It's possible and if Christian these other things may fall in place. It is what we should look for in our youth but not many of us are that smart or have the foresight. .

I will just say, few exist, in all honesty.

You really have made it clear it is near impossible, so many issues! But I do know of older people have married and spent many good years together so maybe I will confess to once in a blue moon!

How are you? Busy looking?

Just kidding. Great to read you again.