Ms. Dora is a Certified Christian Counselor. Her views on singleness, premarital and marital issues are influenced by her Christian beliefs.
Marriage Proposals in Later Life
This is not an advertisement from an old woman seeking a marriage proposal; it is information for the old man seeking a woman he hopes would say yes. Marriage proposals during the senior years are a reality, and the uncertainty of the future reduces the certainty of how to respond, but those who wish to may think about it.
For every one of the following statements, there may be individuals who have opposite opinions. And why not? We are free to click on different likes and dislikes and to exercise varied judgments. However, we learn from each other when we explain what works for us. The following topics are one old woman’s varied responses to a proposal from a suitor of a similar age.
I am happy being free and single.
I will only say yes to your proposal if I believe that I will enjoy your company as much as I enjoy the company of the few, but genuine, friends I have now. I can choose between social empowerment with them or quiet reflections alone.
I can be lazy when I feel like it, sing and dance for as long as I like the music, travel or stay home according to my mood. Give me one good reason to let you change this happy status.
I’m more than “just another woman.”
If you’re looking for just another woman to fill the gap left by your previous wife or to help out in areas where you just can’t manage anymore, I’m not the woman you want. I can be an asset to you, as I expect you can be an asset to me, so please don’t treat me like I’m just the next woman in line.
Take time to know me, so you can value my unique strengths. Don’t force me into your life as usual, but allow us to form something positively different.
Spirituality tops my list of values.
We do not have to be on the same spiritual level, but spirituality must be a passion in both of us, and I’d like for us to show that passion now. It will help if our trust in God heightens as our personal independence declines with age.
Mutual interest in prayer, meditation, and devotions together will help us maintain other important values like patience, honesty, kindness, respect and most of all, our love.
Sex will not be our relationship appetizer.
I want to connect with you spiritually, mentally and emotionally before I imagine myself in your bed. Sharing the same values, communicating with understanding, celebrating each other’s joys and being sensitive to each other’s pain only add to the pleasure of physical intimacy.
Deep, meaningful conversations will be our main preparatory course. Dessert is the ultimate event.
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Purpose is my priority.
Some say that young people marry for love and older people marry for companionship, but my reason for getting married will not be limited to one or both. As long as we live, fulfilling our individual God-given purposes is our priority.
If we plan to support (or, at least, not hinder) each other’s purpose, that resolve will strengthen the love and joy in our marriage.
I insist on healthy boundaries for exes.
Whether she is an ex-wife or just an ex-girlfriend, I can understand a civil relationship between you. Please clear up misunderstandings, complete legal matters and financial arrangements with her before you propose to me.
I expect cordial greetings and respectful exchanges when you meet in public, whether or not I’m around. What I don’t expect are secret meetings, phone calls, messages or anything you think you have to hide from me. I’ll treat you similarly.
Children are always welcome.
Our children and grandchildren will have ample space within our relationship. Be willing to give your children the attention and help they need, and allow me the same favor toward my children; but none of them will become consultants or advisors in our private matters, without our joint consent.
There will be mutual respect between us and our children and it is our responsibility to keep open for them, ready access to our home and our love.
I want to be proud of you.
These issues are important to me, and there may be others that are important to you. Don’t pretend to agree with everything I say, just to please me. I want to be proud of your honesty and openness.
I want to be proud of your leadership, your stand for your convictions, and your willingness to reason. I want to be proud to introduce you as the old man who offers me a new level of joy and comfort.
Stats on Marriage Among Older Americans
The following facts were reported in 2018 by the Institute for Family Studies:
- During the past five decades, marriage has increased among adults 65 years and older.
- In 2016, the majority of marriages were among older adults.
- Americans are marrying later than ever.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2021 Dora Weithers