Human sexuality has been a lifelong study for me. Why do we feel passion for one, but not another? Come with me on my journey.
The word passion is defined as a very strong, compelling emotion and encompasses both love and hate. For the purpose of this article I will focus on the love component. Keeping a strong and passionate love alive in our relationships is often difficult. Time constraints set upon us by children, family, work, and friends often leave us with too little time for each other. However, passion requires time and an emotional investment into our relationship.
Included in the definition of passion is the concept of intense desire. Passion carries the connotation of love, lust, ardor, and enthusiasm. A lively interest, fervor, zeal, craving, and infatuation all are included in the word passion. But how, in our busy worlds, do we keep this craving for each other, this infatuation with the other alive and well?
Tip #1 - Forget Preconceived Notions
Men Do Want More Than Sex
Although it seems that men want sex more than women, I feel that for two individuals in a stable relationship, the need for sex is equal. Men are more inclined to have sex without intimacy. Whether this is due to societal training, hormones or some other reason, I am only making an observation I have learned during my life. I have had many good friends that are men and many that are women and this is what I have determined.
Even if men are more inclined to have sex without intimacy, that doesn't mean they enjoy this type of sex more. Men and women both seem to find more enjoyment when the sex is with a partner they trust and respect. This mutual trust and respect allows them to make their needs known without fear and allows them to become vulnerable.
Women Do Like Sex
I find most women today are far from the stereotypical little woman who is timid and submissive. Women like fun, women like excitement and women like sex. But women, more often than men, must have the trust in their partner to fully explore this world. Again, be this societal or hormonal, I'm just stating my observations.
In a relationship based on mutual trust and respect, women are far from timid. They find the freedom to express themselves in ways they may not have previously. As the relationship grows in trust, many women find their pleasure increases. This is true even if extreme pleasure existed from day one.
Tip #2 - Touch Often
A loving touch will leave us feeling happier and calmer than we had felt the previous instant. A hug, a kiss and/or a massage all release endorphins which increase our sense of well-being. We all crave that which makes us feel good, and what could feel better than the loving touch of the one we love.
We all see the new couples who cannot keep their hands off one another. Why does this craving seem to fade over time? Some people feel silly "acting like a teenager" especially in front of others. They may fear it is inappropriate to show affection in public. But a gentle touch, holding hands, even brushing the hair out of your loved one's eyes will never be inappropriate. These simple actions show your love in a very concrete way.
My man will put his hand on the small of my back when we are out. This makes me feel protected and special. We often hold hands when we walk. I feel more connected when we touch. With a gentle squeeze, I'll know that I am the focus of his attention.
A Loving Touch
Tip #3 - Be Playful
As George Bernard Shaw said, "We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing". This addage of life works for relationships also. If your relationship seems to be the same old, same old, you need to increase your playfulness.
Playfulness is a spontaneous mood lifter. Laughter boosts our moods and puts life in perspective. A playful partner is interesting, enjoyable and lively. Playfulness adds zest to the relationship and keeps us in the here and now. Be spontaneous, be unpredictable, be zany and have fun together.
Silly, little, fun things that you do together take on great meaning. These begin with spontaneous playfulness, but over time become codes that have special meaning. Your attractiveness increases when you smile and laugh, and as you laugh and play you feel better about yourself and the world around you.
"The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart."
— Saint Jerome
Tip #4 - Look Into Their Eyes
Modern science has shown that when we are attracted to another, our eyes dilate. These studies also show that when someone looks at us with dilated eyes, especially if they are smiling, we find them more attractive. No talking is needed, all is said in a look.
Spend time gazing into your loved one's eyes. As they gaze back, you both will feel a bond strengthening. You will feel their love and affection for you, and they will feel your love and affection for them. The giving and recognizing this look of love has been ingrained into us. Our hearts know what our brains may not admit.
Melissa Manchester - "Looking Through the Eyes of Love"
Tip #5 - Sex, Sex and More Sex
Whether you want to call it sex, making love or by some other term, it is the greatest gift given to two people who love and respect each other. Don't keep this gift to yourself, share it with the most important person in your life. As they say, practice makes perfect. Frequent love-making allows people to explore what they like and to learn what their partners like. This learning and exploring leads to a more fulfilling sex life.
Frequent sex has health benefits also. People who frequently have sex live longer, have lower blood pressure and healthier hearts and women report fewer menopause symptoms. These are just a few of the benefits! It seems having frequent sex allows people to live healthier and happier.
If you are having a hard time thinking up new ideas, check out this article. Some of the entries may make you blush, but...others may give you an idea or two on how to add a little fun into your love-making.
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."
— Frederick Keonig
Tip #6 - Appreciate Each Other
Life is such a fleeting moment, do not waste it...say "I love you", say "Thank you", say "You are wonderful". Each chance may be your last chance to show your partner what they really mean to you. Do not ever pass up an opportunity. All that you give will come back to you threefold.
We all want to be appreciated for what we do. Appreciation (in accounting terms) increases the worth of something. Appreciation (in relationship terms) increases the worth of how we feel. Be grateful for the things your partner does. Recognize their contributions to your life. Admire their strong points. They may forget exactly what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.
Live, Love and Have Passion
I sincerely hope that you find and keep passion alive in your relationship. Our time with each other can never be taken for granted.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2017 Katie Butler