10 Most Effective Tips to Make LDR Last
I was always a pessimist when it comes to long distance relationships. I have always believed that absence makes the heart forget and never does it make the heart grow fonder. After my failed relationship I decided to take life slowly and enjoy it as much as I can. I started traveling with my friends and I basically followed all the steps that I wrote in my previous article entitled “Tips on how to Forget an Ex”. For five years after my failed relationship, I rebuilt my self-esteem and rediscovered myself. I tried to improve myself physically and mentally. I changed the way I dress and I cut my hair and styled it in a way I never did before…
As I was busy transforming myself into a better version of me, I met a guy who was also in the same situation. He was a very intelligent man. He is self-reliant, financially stable, well-mannered, honest and well-travelled. I easily get bored talking to people who are not as opinionated as I am. I like to talk about anything and I am pretty open-minded about everything so I was very delighted to realize that this man is someone I would never get bored with so easily. There is one problem though…
He is across the ocean…
When he expressed his sincerity towards me, I didn’t believe it. I’ve always believed that long distance relationships don’t last for long and I very clearly told him that. The next thing he did surprised me. He went to the Philippines and visited me personally. That was more than 2 years ago…Now we are together in the Netherlands but I would love to share that long distance relationships can also work as long as both parties are willing to make the relationship last.
So here are a few tips that can make long distance relationships work:
1. Communicate Regularly
No matter the distance or the time difference, each of you should try to communicate with each other as regular as possible. It does not have to be a whole day chat or video call even if it is just a 30-minute nice and relaxing talk a day, it will be enough to keep you both closer to each other emotionally. Saying “have a nice day” also helps put the other person in a good mood each day.
2. Clear Any Misunderstandings With Your Partner
Long distance relationship is prone to problems and misunderstanding. The meaning of a statement written or typed by another person may be different to the person receiving the message from what the message is intended for. There are times when we feel offended by what the other person wrote so it is best to talk it out with the person so he/she can clarify what it means. Do not take everything literally. Let the person know how you feel about the message so he can explain it in a way that you better understand.
3. Agree to Be Exclusive and Stick to It
Some long distance relationships do not work because some couples failed to agree on their exclusivity. Knowing that you are officially exclusive gives a sort of assurance that you belong to each other. This lessens the likelihood of one getting involved with another.
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4. Make Sure to See Each Other Once in a While
I know it is not always possible to see each other very often especially if you are both living in faraway areas. In our case, I was in the Philippines and my partner was previously stationed for work in Africa. But since he is the one who can afford to travel across the ocean, he decided to visit me first. And since then we tried to see each other once in a while when our schedule permitted before we finally decided to live together. Seeing and holding each other is a million times better than chatting through skype and sending emails. The emotional attachment becomes stronger with simple physical intimacy which then helps strengthen your relationship.
5. Trust Each Other Completely
Long distance relationship is very difficult and complicated. There are times when you just feel that it will not work out. But if you choose to be in this kind of relationship you have to learn to trust each other completely. Do not do anything that will jeopardize the relationship. Trust is the most important motivation to make this kind of relationship work.
6. Be Honest
If trust is the most important motivation, honesty is the most important virtue. If you are honest to your partner he/she will trust you completely. Be honest not only in the monetary aspects of the relationship but more importantly with your feelings. Speak what you have in mind and always do it in a way that will not offend your partner.
7. Use Positive Scripting
I said I was a pessimist and indeed I am. I always express myself in a negative way. In a long distance relationship, negative words make problems worse because you only read the words and interpret it. If you talk over the phone then at least the other person knows your tone of voice and so even if your words are a bit negative the other person will not feel as offended. So choose your words wisely and say in a positive way like instead of saying “no” all the time then at least say “I would love to but…”
8. Be Playful and Naughty Once in a While
As an exclusive couple it does not hurt if you indulge in naughty and erotic talks at times. It adds spice into the otherwise boring relationship arrangement that you have. Being playful and naughty also makes you feel longing for each other and when you miss each other too much then you may just want to jump on the next plane and see each other or maybe just maybe you may feel the need to cross the ocean for good and live together.
9. Respect Each Other
Respect is necessary for all relationships to work and LDR is not an exception. More often it is much more needed because the couples involved are often from different social backgrounds, race, religion, education, political beliefs and family status. If you cannot learn to accept and respect these differences then the relationship will soon be over.
10. Love and Distance Make the Heart Grow Fonder
When you love the person, distance means nothing. In the end all long distance relationships will end in being together. When love is strong enough to stand the test of time and distance, certainly you will end up in each others' arms...
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