14 Things You Will Never Be Able to Change About Your Partner

Updated on March 16, 2018

Being in a relationship isn’t something that is built in a day. It is a slow, gradual process of building trust, understanding, and respect, of getting to know each other, and of making a bond that you will cherish for life.

But that only happens when you accept each other the way each person is rather than changing them or manipulating them into being something they are not comfortable in. You should always accept someone the way they are. So, here are some points that, despite everything, you will never be able to change in someone.

1. Sense of Humour

There are different types of humour like anecdotal, dark, ironic, slapstick, farcical and many more. Everyone has their unique type of humour they are fluent in or some don’t have a funny bone. It is necessary to accept the way your partner is: with or without humour. Also, a compatible relationship needs humour to keep it alive. So, think in advance if you can live without a funny partner.

2. Dreams and Goals

There is going to be a constancy in what people want to achieve in their life. So, it won't change because you enter into a relationship. Of course, there is going to be some adjusting and changing of priorities but that doesn’t make it impossible to achieve. If you decide to embrace the person, you also decide to embrace their dreams and goals. You embrace everything and not only little parts of them.

3. Past

This is one of the biggest things in a person’s life—what they have been through. It is a part of them. You can never go back in time and change it or wish it wasn’t there in the first place. Their past makes them who they are today and you have chosen to accept that person in all their glory so, there is no going back. There also isn’t space for “what ifs”. Try accepting the way they are.

4. Beliefs

You can never change a person’s belief, be it religious, spiritual or moral. They have been believing in that for years or probably since their childhood. They are completely adamant on that particular belief. So rather than trying to change it, respect it. Because there is no question in disrespecting if they are doing nothing but respecting your beliefs.

5. Physical Appearance

It does not matter if the person is thin, fat, small, tall or any other way. You accept them wholly in spite of their physical appearance. If they are not comfortable and want to change themselves to be accepted by the social norms, it is your duty to step in and uplift them. Make them feel beautiful for who they are and not for who they are not.

6. Friends

This is one of the major problems in relationships wherein one of you tries to make the other change their friendships. This is a complete NO. Just because you are uncomfortable or jealous doesn’t mean that you force them to change their friendships. It is a matter of talking and understanding. If the company is bad, it is altogether a different case.

7. Family

Another major setback appears in a relationship, when your partner tells you to minimalize your family time or cut off the family connection. It is not acceptable at all. Family is a major chunk in a person’s life. They know that person through and it is probably to be in their good books.

8. Hobbies

Hobbies are a part of one’s life. They are a kind of deviation that you need in your life. So, it is a fact that your partner cannot change his / her interests to suit you. Their hobbies define them and help them in creating their own identity.

9. Personality

Personality consists of the person’s traits, behaviour and the way they carry themselves. It is them as a whole. You have to accept them. Their personality can change over time but after a certain age it is set in stone.

10. Disorder

If your partner has any type of disorder, be it mild or extreme, it cannot be undone. Over the time, with some medical help, it can be cured. But it will somewhere always remain a part of them.

11. Addictions

It is a possibility that your partner can kick back their addictions but the fact that it takes a lot of hard work still looms over. There are times wherein after being clean for some time, they start craving and fall into the cycle again. So, for some it works but for some it doesn’t.

12. Flaws

Nobody is completely good or bad in this world. You have a mixture of both. You also have some flaws which should be embraced by you completely. I often tell people that if you cannot love yourself, then how can you love someone else. It is necessary to accept yourself completely before you try to make space for someone else.

13. Me Time

Everyone needs space in their life. You cannot keep clinging or be dependent on someone or something to keep you sane. It is necessary to have some alone time and gain experiences. You need to understand and provide the same space for your partner too. And to a larger extent, it also helps in building self-identity.

14. Introvert / Extrovert

It is a possibility that your partner may fall into either of these categories or somewhere in between. So, it is really not your choice if your partner is an introvert or an extrovert. It is only important that they are comfortable in their own skin and so it shouldn’t make a difference as to which people they mingle with or what is their personality trait.

© 2018 William MarkStone

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 months ago

      Excellent advice!

      Most people don't change unless (they) are unhappy.

      The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.

      Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air screaming: "I'm looking for someone to change me!"

      Most people want to be loved and accepted for who (they) are.

      If you or your mate has to change your (core being) in order to make a relationship "work" you're probably with the wrong person.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

      Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

      The choice is up to us. Choose wisely!

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