Extreme Marriage Concept
Before you write this article off as being too extreme, please note that my husband and I have been happily married for almost 10 years. Regularly checking in with each other on our expectations and feelings regarding the others contribution to our marriage and household has really played a big factor in improving our marital satisfaction.
This performance review is very similar to the reviews that I have used in a professional setting as a Project Manager. The tasks have been changed to reflect household responsibilities. Not every task will be applicable to every person. For example, some spouses work outside of the home while some are homemakers. Some families have children, while others do not. Should you choose to do the evaluation, choose the items that work best for you and go from there.
Marital Performance Quick Poll
Before Completing your Appraisal
Take a moment to:
- List the main areas of responsibility
- Note what your spouse has done well
- Note what your spouse needs to improve on
- Note what you can do to help your spouse do better
Remember to avoid:
- Halo Effect: tendency to overrate your spouse to spare an argument
- Horns Effect: tendency to rate your spouse lower than circumstances warrant
- Recency Error: letting outstanding tasks [or unsatisfactory situations] immediately prior to the evaluation offset an entire year of performance
|Rating Level||Rating Description|
Rate Core Responsibilities
Using the table below, insert a whole number (1-5) using the rating scale above. Be objective and record the number best defining specific actions observed by you and as listed below. It is recommended that you provide a comment for each rating.
Providing Monitarily for the Family
Perform Household Chores
Spend Quality Time with Spouse
Spend Quality Time with Children
Resolving Conflicts with Spouse
Care for Pets
Administrative Items: Paying Bills, Scheduling Household Appointments, Sending Out Birthday Cards, etc
Money Management: Keeping to a Budget, Not Overspending
Time Management: Comes Home on Time, Makes it to Appointments on Time, Dinner at a Consistent Time, etc
Leisure Activities with Family
Spiritual Guidance and Education
Providing Emotional Support
Social Engagments (hosting guests, going out with friends, etc)
Relationship with In-Laws
**Insert Additional Tasks/Responsibilities if Applicable**
Overall Rating (Overall score divided by number of rows/responsibilities)
Areas to Improve and Goal Setting
Once you've reviewed your score with your spouse, you have probably noticed that there are some areas that could be improved. Identifying areas to improve and setting goals to improve them are the next logical step towards improving satisfaction in the marriage. It is most effective for the person being reviewed to identify his or her areas to improve and note measurable goals that they can set out to achieve. If the spouse who is doing the evaluating also tries to set the goals, it could lead to unrealistic expectations and discontentment.
|Areas to Improve||Action Steps to Take in order to Make Improvement||Desired Outcome|
Tips for Conducting Review
- Make sure that BOTH partners/spouses agree to doing the performance review prior to completing them. Do not ambush your partner with a review.
- Print out this article or copy/paste into an Excel sheet or Word document to modify to your liking prior to printing.
- Fill out the same performance review for yourself prior to your spouse giving you their evaluation of you. See how your reviews match up.
- Stay calm. If tensions or arguments break out, the exercise will not have its intended outcome.
I'd Love Your Feedback!
Please feel free to comment and let me know what you think of the article. Also, if you have ever conducted a similar review or plan to try out the method above, I'd love to know. Additionally, any suggestions for items to add to the list of performance items above would be appreciated.
Thanks for reading!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.