Signs of a rebound relationship include not being in love, dating to make an ex jealous, not being over your ex, dating out of the fear of being single and using physical intimacy to soothe heartbreak's frustration. While you are the best judge of your relationship, this post elaborates on the practical side of these seemingly complicated emotions which often get the better of a broken heart. Find out if you have pushed yourself into a rebound relationship with your new boyfriend or girlfriend.
1) You still keep thinking about your ex and your past relationship
An obvious indication of the fact that you are in a rebound relationship is that you still think about your past relationship and your ex. Take a deep breath and ask yourself why you are dating again despite not being able to stop thinking about those painful memories.
It will be a harsh decision to tell your new date that he or she is your rebound. But better sooner than later because the last thing you would want to do is lead someone on and then face the guilt of dumping them just because they were your rebound.
2) Your started dating again immediately after your breakup
One of the most obvious signs of a rebound relationship is the fact that you jumped into one without giving yourself time to heal. There are no relationship handbooks which can prescribe a fixed number of months you should let go before dating again, but here are a few things you should watch out for:
- You should be over your ex
- You should not be thinking about having your ex back in your life
- You should be at peace with your past
- You feel ready to go out there and meet new people
Enough time should have gone by so that you are in a place where you have better things to do than rue over your past relationship. If you haven't given yourself this time and space to recuperate from a heartbreak, you risk getting into a rebound relationship.
3) Your friends have warned you way too many times
You might be in a rebound relationship if you have had some of these interactions with your friends:
- Your friends have asked you to calm down and gather yourself before dating again
- Your friends don't like your new boyfriend or girlfriend and think that you are compromising just because you don't want to stay single
- Your friends have specifically told you that they think you are in a rebound mode
- Some of your friends have distanced themselves from you because they have given up on trying to convince you
If you can relate to these situations, there might be substance to the warnings your friends have given. Give their caring words another thought.
4) You started dating to make your ex jealous
Whether people like to admit it or not, dating to make an ex jealous is not that uncommon. The very basis for jumping in a new relationship after a breakup is skewed if you too have succumbed to this false perception.
You may think that you will make your ex burn from inside by having a hot new date. But as the months go by it is none other than you who will be left emotionally scarred, yet again.
5) Your new boyfriend or girlfriend isn't someone you'd generally date
It is likely that you are in a rebound relationship if you have started dating a person who you think is somewhat of a compromise. In an attempt to mask your heartbreak, you may have forced yourself into a new relationship with a guy or a girl who you wouldn't normally date.
Questioning your own self is the only way to find the right answer to this situation. Ask yourself if you are dating someone despite a few habits which you would generally consider as deal-breakers.
6) Your new boyfriend or girlfriend looks like your ex
You may have unknowingly pushed yourself into a rebound relationship if your new girlfriend or boyfriend has an uncanny resemblance to your ex. You might have been attracted to your new date simply because he or she reminds you of your ex.
Your new date's resemblance to your ex can passively give you a sense of comfort and soothe your heartbreak on a deep emotional level.
7) Your relationship is more physical than emotional
It is generally believed that the emotional attachment in a rebound relationship is less than that of a regular one. At the same time, there could be lots of intimacy because you subconsciously might try to make up for the lack of an emotional bond by being intimate.
Instead on the usual intense romantic sparks that fly off in the beginning of any relationship, sex may be seen as an outlet for emotions in a rebound relationship.
8) You don't know a lot about your new boyfriend or girlfriend
When people fall in love, their emotions for each other bloom after getting to know who they are – not just on a superficial level but on a much deeper level. Looks, personality traits, behavior and a little bit of background on someone's past are the typical things that should ideally be the reason why you fell in love again.
If you have not given yourself enough time to heal before you started dating again, combined with the fact that you didn't know a lot about your new love before jumping into a relationship, you might be in a rebound.
9) You take out the frustration of your breakup on your date
There is a reason why you should allow the wounds of your breakup to heal completely before dating again. Giving yourself some time to get back in the groove stops you from channeling your frustration on to someone else.
The last thing you would want is to get into mindless arguments with your new date because your state of mind is a melting pot of nasty thoughts, anger, frustration and a bad attitude.
Do a little introspection and see if you are giving undue flack to your date. Think about whether your outbursts are a result of frustration that has been bottled up inside your mind and heart. If it is, you may still need some time to sort yourself out before you can date again.
10) You are dating a friend who tried to comfort you after your breakup
This usually happens when a friend tries to cheer up another friend after a breakup. A few cozy moments may lead to kissing and later, an impromptu relationship can bloom out of it. While it is not uncommon for friends to fall in love with each other, this situation might not necessarily be called 'falling in love'.
Are you in a relationship with a friend who stood by your side and comforted you during breakup? Your relationship could be based on dependency and need instead of love. Rather than driven by a raw sense of attraction, your new relationship could simply be a rebound.
11) You think about what you would do if your ex asked you out again
Just because you have started dating again doesn't mean that you are over your ex. That may not necessarily be true until you have completely stopped thinking about any possibility of getting back together.
If you have thought about whether your ex still loves you or what you would do if your ex asked you out again, you might have rushed yourself into a rebound relationship.
12) Your gut says that you are in a rebound relationship
No matter how much you try to convince yourself that you have started dating again because you genuinely love someone, you are probably in a rebound relationship if your gut tells you so.
Your gut feeling is based on what your heart thinks, not what your mind can convince you to believe. If your gut is constantly saying that you are in a rebound, you should ideally pause and do some introspection before you put yourself in yet another emotional mess.
13) You are happy just not to be single
People often start dating again just because they don't want to remain single. Jumping into a relationship could be a knee jerk reaction to the fear of being lonely and alone. Sometimes there is a false stigma associated with the thought of being single after being in a relationship for years together.
If you can relate to this and you started dating just because you did not want to remain single, it is pretty obvious that you are in a rebound relationship.
14) Ask yourself: Are you really happy in the new relationship
If you can't reach a conclusion even after introspecting and taking a bird's eye view of your love life, ask yourself one simple question – are you really happy in your new relationship. If the answer is no, there is definitely something amiss. Talk about this with your best friend or someone who you can completely trust.
On the other hand if your heart can sincerely say that you are happy in your new relationship and you are totally at peace with your past, you may be unnecessarily stressing yourself out.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Julian on September 02, 2018:
I found this really useful.
We kept getting told that I was on the rebound from a recently ended marriage, by well-meaning but fundamentally unenlightened friends. This article made me realise that happily, none of the criteria of rebound relationships apply to us and our new relationship.
Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on February 03, 2014:
Makes one think and be honest. Really good points. Voted Up!