5 Reasons Why Long Distance Relationships Never Work

Updated on December 12, 2016

People in long distance relationships are like the kid in your class who does the extra hard math problems at the end of each section just for fun. Or the person who wakes up at 4AM to run 16 miles every day, up a mountain in the rain. They're doing what most of us do, except they're making it a thousand times harder than it needs to be. Relationships are often confusing, brain-hurting messes of enigmas, even without 5000 miles in between you and your significant other. Add distance in and hoo boy, are you in for a bumpy ride.

Never is a harsh word. But it's easier to say than "More often than not, these relationships don't work out" or "In most cases, they usually don't work out." So what I really mean is: Here are some reasons why you should think twice before starting a long distance relationship. Because they, more often than not, in most cases, don't work out.

1) It's Hard to Trust Someone You Hardly See in Person

You're putting a lot of faith in someone far far away, who you often have no reliable means of checking up on (internet video chats don't count). Building trust is a key component in any relationship, and building that trust requires face time. It's being able to look into that person's face and see his commitment to you. Seeing it in person.

When it comes to trust, talk is cheap. Anybody can say they're trustworthy. Anyone can say they love you. But you need to see it to believe it. Real genuine trust is shown in a person's actions, not just words. In long distance relationships, you see each other so infrequently that it's tough to build up that trust. You visit each other, then go back to your separate lives, without a clue what the other person is doing while you're away for the next 5 weeks. How are you supposed to build long lasting trust?

2) It Usually Leads to Cheating

Unfortunate, but true. Not in every case, but in many. Let's face the facts: Your significant other is miles and miles away, you're lonely and depressed about it, and there are tons of single people in the town where you live. Statistically, you're probably going to think about cheating.

Unlike cheating when your significant other lives down the block, cheating in long distance relationships is slightly understandable. [Though by a very meager percent. Cheating is terrible, and I highly suggest not doing it to anyone.] You can't see your significant other whenever you want, unlike in most relationships, and you're only human. Most people would only be able to hold out for so long before the arms of somebody way more convenient (and local) start looking real good. If you're one of the good ones, you'll end your long distance relationship before it comes to the cheating stage. But it's easy to be tempted if you're thinking there's no way your significant other will find out about your straying.

3) Distance Leads to Frustration. Frustration Leads to Fighting. Fighting Leads to Break Ups. It's the Inevitable Cycle of Long Distance Relationships.

Nobody thinks about the distance in their relationship and goes, HOORAY! This is so much fun! It's frustrating, for everyone. You're starting off your relationship at a point of frustration. Yes, frustration leads to fighting, which leads to breakups in general, but you're beginning your relationship with frustration. Most relationships start off at a neutral point. If things get bad later, it's because differences and incompatibilities build up, creating a frustrating situation. With long distance relationships, the frustration is built right into the fabric.

4) These Relationships Go on Way Longer Than They Should.

In short distance relationships (nobody calls them that, but just go with it), when things start getting really bad, a break up usually happens shortly after. [A lot of short distance relationships also go on way longer than they should. People drag relationships out in general.] But the reason why long distance relationships almost ALWAYS go on longer than they should is because of the distance.

If you see someone every day and fight with them every day, you'll only be able to take so much before you snap and break up. If you see someone once a month and fight with them once a month, there's way more time in between for you both to cool down, forget why you were fighting, and think your relationship is still working well. And with the distance being so hard, it's easy to blame every fight you have (even the long phone ones) on the fact that you're so far away and missing each other. The fighting could mean that you're incompatible, but it takes way longer to figure that out when you have the easy scapegoat of distance to blame instead.

5) You'll Never Have a Future Unless You Live in the Same Place.

It's pretty hard to start a family when you live in different states. This is obvious, but it seems to be something a lot of long distance-ers don't truly think about until the relationship isn't going so well. You get frustrated by the distance and then it's "You need to move here or this isn't going to work." Well, that was always true...even when you were thinking about starting the relationship. In order to have a real future with someone, you have to live in the same place. Relationships are hard enough. Starting a relationship off without even having that simple requirement met makes it a zillion times harder.

If you really want a long distance relationship to work, it's best to have a plan to end the distance soon. Don't make relationships harder than they have to be, for crying out loud. Life is hard enough. Think twice before you bring a situation into your life that's going to make life even harder for you. The person better be "the one," with bells and whistles and singing birds, to be worth all that effort. Otherwise, take a stroll down to the local watering hole and find a date there instead. 

Your turn: What was it that made your long distance relationship end? Or, what has made your long distance relationship work? 

Questions & Answers


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      • profile image

        Les 2 weeks ago

        I just want to say thank you, I am not really much of a patient person and waiting around for someone to call is not my cup of tea especially when he goes offline after he says I will call you back in a little while. First time it happened I told him how I felt and I don't think he got it, this is the second time and I don't think he will be calling back and even if he does I don't think I will be answering. LDR is just too hard for me.

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        James 3 weeks ago

        My partner is 23 and I'm 30.due to circumstances in life I had to live my partner to work overseas.we had been good together for 6 years living together with our 2kids.the moment I left 2months later she started misbehaving by drinking and living the kids unattended.my partner and I we together again in overseas and I'm starting to feel hurtful of her actions and I'm seeking for help as to how to forgive her about this.please I'm seeking for advises

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        ex-ldr experienced 2 months ago

        It is really hurtful to say this to anyone who spends their time with ldr, but in best reality, it is better to find someone closer to you. Someone who is 5000 miles away, who you barely meet for less than a month in a year. I have faced several painful long distance relationships, which in fact were not toxic by our personalities, but because distance kills the mood entirely. When you get to the taste of sex, you will begin to realize that long distance relationship is waste of time. Even if you began meeting each other, it will cost plenty of money, money that you would probably spend more wiser, for example house loans or studies. Even if you moved with each other, you would bring along the toxicity that had stockpiled on your relationship after dating via internet for so long. Trust dies so fast even though you lie to yourself that it will work out eventually, sadly to say, it doesn't. Every time I dated in ldr, I noticed these signs way too often. One time you have romantic wave, then after it come the fights, and again romantic. It is a slippery slope that will only hurt your self-esteem the longer you stay in the loophole. Be truthful to yourself. Date with real people, who are actually there, who actually aren't those ghosts from miles away that speak to you in loving, or in disgust. You may thank me later.

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        Unknown 12 months ago

        As a matter of fact I as an old tradition thought have to agree with the fact that the most normal, from natures point of view too relationship is the one where the partners are close to each other. However nowadays a lot of people including me have change this idea making it possible to accomplish long distance relationship and made it possible enough to take place into the real world and not in the fantasy world as you wish to call it my dear. it is indeed hard for an Internet relationship to work out some of the time but not most of them. We neither know whether or not the possibilities of making one LDR are less than the ones of a cdr. And let's be completely honest here it is also a fact that cdrs don't always work out as imagined or planned by both or one of the partners. According to your article my dear I can see that most of the things lack evidence during to the unknown number of successes by the relationships that started from a ld. Yes life is hard and the real world is harsh, but letc not also forget that this real world that most of the people wish to call can be affected by many parts like politics and economics. there are people out there who did things out of imagination such as flying to the moon creating clone humans, inventing robots, finding cures for deadly viruses and turning the impossible into possible, so if you think for a moment if we compare all those which might seem kinda of unrelated but if you compare all those you can say that making an LDR is not really that impossible

      • profile image

        James 15 months ago

        I had a long distance romantic correspondence with very occasional meetings. As warned above, it kept going years too long even after I was "committed" to being with someone else. I put many romanticized feelings on the person who was far away but I never knew the real person behind the messages. You may feel that you really know, or even love, the other person but for me it was my own imagination that made the distant lover seem perfect. Be careful.

        If you begin to love someone who is near you while you secretly try to keep your ldr, its a mistake. Ask yourself honestly about whether you really just love what your imagination lets you see. If that may be the case, cut off your ldr and take the time to know whether you are happy with what you do have. If you are convinced you really want the ldr, then you get yourself near that person to see if it works in the flesh. Don't delay.

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        Andrew 15 months ago

        This is a load of crap. LD CD whatever love is love. I never intended to fall in love with someone in Australia. Living in the US makes that about as LD as you can get. However, the best part of this relationship is really what I just said. I absolutely never intended to fall all in love with someone 8000 miles away from me. But it happened and I'd be a fool not to work my ass off to make this work until one of us moves. You may only be blessed with true love once. If it's real it will work!

      • th0ught profile image

        th0ught 3 years ago from Central New York

        They certainly are difficult, but as I mentioned in my hub, not impossible. :)

      • profile image

        Jaime 3 years ago

        My husband and I did the whole long distance thing for about one and a half years before we got married. I lived in the States and he I'm Europe. Yes the distance was hard and there were very many days where I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. But what made it all worth it was the knowledge that the day was coming when he and I would never have to be separated by distance again.

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        Donp 3 years ago

        Any relationship is hard. It does not matter whether you 10 miles apart or a state away. Trust is trust. I know many long distance relationship that work because they had a plan to come together. It is about getting to know one. I know many couple in the same city who does not spend any more time that two people in different states.

        When two people love one another and talk to each other planning and making goals. Then All things are easy. First you have to find out what do each one wants out of the relationship and go from there.

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        Wilma J 3 years ago

        I met a man 9 months ago and when we met he did tell me that a move was in the pipeline due to a very profitable business promotion. Of course at the time I did not give it too much thought as we did not realise at that stage that we would fall in love with each other. He relocated 2 months ago and it's been simply awful. When he comes to me or if I go to him we still don't get quality time together as he is always busy with work, clients etc. red flags did pop up initially eg I have two small Pekingese dogs that he is not too keen on, he is addicted to the TV..... Now however they have become huge issues. I think we broke up via text messaging last night, but I'm not even sure of that. Lol.

        If your man is a good communicator maybe it is easier, but in my case it is really an aweful experience. We may have not worked out anyway but the agony is being stretched now......

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        Philip 3 years ago

        Pardon me for saying this but the above article if i may call it an article is a loosely written piece with absolutely no reference to what experience these alcoholic ramblings of the author originate from. I have never read a more one sided argument in any subject whatsoever. And to go to the extent of saying that cheating is understandable? It is ABSOLUTELY NOT..So am i to believe that you are ok with your boyfriend sleeping with another woman or your girlfriend sleeping around with other guys while on a business trip or out of town simply because he/ she is lonely and depressed?. Cheating represents the betrayal of emotions and can be as simple as an ''innocent lie'' said to ''protect'' the other or can go as far as sleeping with another person.Both are incredibly wrong and exceedingly stupid. I hope this isn't the way you really feel about LDRs and i REALLY hope you just posted this piece as a dare from your friends to write something funny.

        I would go as far as saying that i find this article to be discriminatory and no one gives you the right to talk down to people in LDRs. These relationships are as true and REAL as any other and they do last but yes it takes hard work and yes we choose to do the extra math problem and run the extra mile ...you know why? cos its a feeling somebody as juvenile as you can never understand. I feel sorry for you.

      • ezzly profile image

        ezzly 4 years ago

        I married my long distance relationship this year. It was slightly different because he was in the army but the trust thing was hard because of a girl he'd been with. When he went home for Christmas she posted loads of pics of her hugging him and they even stayed in the same hotel room! I have to say, me and him did see eachother every two weeks though because we were both in Europe even though 1000 miles apart.

      • Grace-Wolf-30 profile image

        Grace-Wolf-30 4 years ago from England

        The kid in class who does the extra hard question just for fun turns out to be a mathematical genius, with a really great job, and the person who wakes up at 4am every morning to go for a 16 mile jog, regardless of the weather, has a healthy heart, fantastic lung capacity, and a calm mind. Every relationship is unique, and should be treated so. You know in your heart what is right and what is wrong for you. Nothing worth having comes easy.

      • lifeintheworld profile image

        lifeintheworld 4 years ago from The World

        Meh. I was in a long distance relationship for three years. Ended up moving to the same country, still together today. If the people are worth it and put in the effort, it will work.

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        Radhika 4 years ago

        My boyfriend and i were together in the same place for 10 moths before we had to get into a long distance relationship to accommodate our studies. Its 2 years now and we have 2 more years to end this distance. All i would like to say here is that it doesn't matter if its long distance or not. its all about who you are with and how loyal you both are to each other. i love him alot and i know he loves me the same. And our relationship is so beautiful till we sometimes forget that we are in a LDR. It only hurts when you cant hold each other and hug each other...

      • profile image

        gggg 5 years ago

        I am in one (LDR) now....45 days to be exact today, eish its the most painful thing and mine is collapsing and i did all i could to save it and its driving itself now, i gave up...LDR has its own people,not everyone is meant for it.

      • TatsySkr profile image

        TatsySkr 5 years ago

        I could write about how my boyfriend and I have been making it through with a whole ocean separating us - or you could just read about it here: http://surviving-thedistance.blogspot.co.at/

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        peke2luv 5 years ago

        Everyone who is saying they are in a long distance relationship fail to mentinon who is moving? so you're in one.....and? eventually someone has to move. And for those who's LDR worked...did you move? there is no way its going to work because resentment will start to build up..You will want that person here with you through the good times and especially the bad.

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        jessmess 5 years ago

        My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. About 3 months ago, he moved 7 hours away from me for schooling. So I do agree with this article in that our frustrations lead to lots of fighting. Long distance is difficult, very difficult at least for me. We facetime twice a week. He isn't very comfortable with me going out on the weekends. I'm also not comfortable with going out on the weekends.

        But this past weekend, I did something horrible. I went to a concert and drank so much alcohol. After 8 or 9 shots, I was making out with a guy who came with me and my girlfriends. I ended up telling this guy that I find him really attractive and that him and I would be good together as a couple.

        Unfortunately, it didn't end there. Since then we've been texting each other. He came to visit me last night at my workplace, and we ended up kissing each other and making out.

        I just feel so confused and horrible at the same time. My girlfriend thinks I cheated because of the lack of physicality from my boyfriend. I knew I wasn't strong enough for a distance relationship. I kept trying to tell my boyfriend in the beginning that I'm skeptical in having a long distance relationship - but he kept forcing it and said we will turn out fine. I don't know what to do. I have always had a hatred toward cheaters, but now I feel as though I am a part of them :(

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        JesBailiey 5 years ago

        I no vanessajoie! It's very lonely and your rite it is like a marathon! Only thing to do is to keep busy I find. Skype is great though we talk on it nearly every night talk about our day to each other.

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        vanessajoie 5 years ago

        my SO and i met last 2008 and had a whirlwind romance, we were separated by distance after 6 months because he went to the states and im left here in the Philippines (imagine the miles apart) we stayed in touch and after a year he came back but was only able to stay for less than 2 weeks, again we didn't see each other for 2 years but the love and communication is still there. last april 2012 he came to see me again for 3 weeks. He's now back in the states and wont be able to see him again for 2 years.We've had marriage talks so we can be together finally but something makes the situation complicated everytime.he loves me and i do too. seriously, i feel like a marathon runner that's nearly reachin the end of race only to be told that they have moved the finish line further. . :(( we'll be celebrating our 4yr anniversary this september and 4 years in a row that we have had never celebrated it together. Im still holding on and he does too but i admit im hurting that i cant be with him as often as i want too. Its gettin so lonely for me now.

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        Janisse 5 years ago

        Looks like my whole marriage, which started with seeing him for the first time in person at our 7th "monthsary" then the second time after our first anniversary, is a lie then.

      • ThisisShe profile image

        ThisisShe 5 years ago

        This is a very interesting article, and you've definitely made sure to make it as controversial as possible. I used to believe that long-distance relationships were impossible. I went through many in my life and they never worked out. I always felt I needed that physical companionship.

        My current partner and I have been separated by and ocean for almost two years now. Although it is impossible difficult and I've had several moments of weakness, especially for physical companionship, we are still going on strong. I suppose a part of this is due to the fact that we have a daughter together. We are also very close to reuniting and that keeps us both motivated to keep going on.

        It is the most difficult thing to ever experience, but I believe that if you do truly love someone, then it is possible to make it work up to a point. As human, we all need physical companionship and can only go so long without it. So you are right to say that they don't -usually- work out, but they certainly may if you really work at it and want it. As pointed out before, long distance relationships should be a means to an end that results in you actually being together. Not a permanent factor in your 'relationship'

      • dashingscorpio profile image

        dashingscorpio 5 years ago

        You made some excellent points. #5 probably is the truest of them all. The best relationships are between people who actually spend time together! I've known people in LDRs who claim they have been together for a year. However they are confusing "calendar time" with actual time. If you only see someone one weekend a month then out of 12 months you have seen them 24 days out of 365 day year!

        LDRs were meant to be temporary. At some point for things to last someone has to decide to move!

      • Rebecca2904 profile image

        Rebecca 5 years ago

        Interesting hub! I think what's important to remember though is that a lot of long-distance relationships don't start out that way, they do start when you're living in the same place or relatively close by, it's just that life might drag you apart. In this case, I really have to disagree with the first two points you made. It's not hard to trust someone you love, and if it is then you probably shouldn't be with them in the first place. And if you truly love someone, then you won't even think about cheating on them.

        Obviously LDRs are frustrating and you can end up feeling terribly lonely sometimes, but I honestly believe if you love each other and know that you want to be together again in the future then there's no reason why it shouldn't work.

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        Silas Kessler 5 years ago

        Honestly, this article has no concrete backbone to support itself on. It makes it seem like EVERY person in a LDR is gonna cheat, lie, fight, etc... People are people, and we all have different ways of coping with things. I am currently in a LDR with a girl in South Korea, and I'm in the US. I'm 19, and have never had a relationship. (Short or Long distance!) I've had many, many chances, but I'm just picky. This girl on the other hand is special. She is so different than any other girl I've met, so i highly doubt I'll get sick of her, and go to the "watering hole" to find some cheap slut, because I wouldn't let my girl go for anything. Distance is nothing, and the day we meet will be like nothing else. We will savor every second together, rather than take it all for granted.

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        JesBailiey 5 years ago

        Hi! I have been in a long distance relationship for Feb 2010. We started chatting on Facebook and then Sype and then I finally went to meet him while he was back packing round the Far East in the May. We where madly in love!

        He called it a day Just after New year 2012. I found it very difficult. I persuaded him after 3 months to get back together! I love him very much but we have big problems. He live on an island and I live on the British main land. I have 5 children one of which has left home. I still have the other 4 who are dependant on me, because I have been a full time Mum for a long time I need to go back to education so I can find a well paid job. This will take me a further 4 years. He hates where I live and doesn't want to live over here with me so the only other option is for me to live over there but it looks almost impossible for me to do that because house prices are so high where he lives. The money from the sale of my house wouldn't even get a 1 bed flat where he lives. He lives with his parents still because of this! There is no room at his parents for my family. I don't go out much because I don't want to attract the rong sort of attention because I still have my looks! I feel Totally isolated and lonely! I find this way of living very difficult!

        My Mum had a stroke 1 and a half years ago. My only sister died 9 years ago and my Dad.I had aunts and uncles die in the last few years too! I just feel life is to short what should I do?

        Feel like I'm in a no win situation!

      • M. Rose profile image

        M. Rose 5 years ago from Orange County, CA

        I think Lawrence pretty much has all these comments covered. Thanks for looking out, buddy.

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        Andy-Laa 5 years ago

        Lol, glad to be in the minority then.

        England-Australia long distance. In a relationship for coming up to 4 years now, applying for permanent residence with my partner as a sponsor in Australia on Monday.

        Feels good to be awesome.

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        Ulrike 5 years ago

        A really good blog. So true what Lawrence says, and also so much true in all comments.

        I have been a LDR over 3000 kilometers for 10!!! years, but now it seems we are breaking up. He wrote a mail saying he needs a break, and I do not really know why now, except that our love had cooled down gradually over the years. Maybe because no one could ever see him or herself moving to the other country. The trouble is, now we are not the youngest anymore, so I doubt if I will ever have a partner again, and I am really afraid of getting nowhere again in a relationship.

      • Lawrence63 profile image

        Lawrence63 5 years ago

        Some people seem to regard their staying power in a LDR as a measurement of their capacity for love. I think it's very unlikely that one's willingness to have little or no physical contact for months or even years is a measurement of one's "love quotient." Rather, it seems more likely that it's a measurement of how low one rates one's chances of attaining a fulfilling in-person relationship.

        I've personally known several individuals who've had largely incorporeal relationship for years (and have experienced this myself). It strikes me as in large part being about playing a romantic game - a game where one can pretend to be experiencing this great romance that involves constant hungering for the other that is never quite fulfilled (or even partly fulfilled) - but in reality you're actually avoiding true romance, which requires lots of up-close and personal interaction, commitment to making your lives together work, and so forth.

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        dionne wilson 5 years ago

        so true, its nice at 1st but unless some1 eventually relocates its a dead deal

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        Liam 5 years ago

        Got to say this blog is crap. I was in army for 6years with my girlfriend at home in uk me in Germany and we managed 6years and now been out 4years and since then her job takes her away for 3or 4 months then back for 1 then away for 3months and were still together. Secret is if u care about each other from the start and give each other time to live there life's as they choose but keep in contact when it apart then it works.

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        Claudia 5 years ago

        I'm in LDR myself, its still early days though. We met during the festive season and it was love at first sight. We spent about a month together before he had to leave to another country. We've been together for 5months now and haven't seen him in 4months. Its really hard I must say, not for the faint-hearted. We chat everyday via Skype, txts and phonecalls even though its expensive. We love each other dearly and not a second passes without me thinking about him.

        I love this guy and I really wanna spend the rest of my life with him...and yes, we'v had pretty heated arguments and its very frustrating. Everyday I wish he was here with me but I need to get used to it since he won't be moving back for atleast 5years....and by the looks of things we'll only be able to see each other max 2times a year, as it is very expensive.

        Sometimes I ask myself if its really going to work...but i'm willing to give my all to make it work. I know he loves me and he knows I do too. I trust him with all my heart, he's an amazing person.

        I cry myself to sleep most days because I miss him badly, i'm always hurting. He always comforts me when we talk and it helps only for that time. I can't wait to be with him and be in his arms again....I look forward to the good times we going to have when we meet again :)))

        So all of you who are in LDRs, hang in there! However, if you feel its not working for you, don't waste yo time, move on. All the best to everyone! xoxo

      • profile image

        Rezz 5 years ago

        The author of this blog was in a LDR that didn't work. Evidently.

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        Chris 5 years ago

        Complete bull, they can work, it all depends on how devoted you both are to maki g it work, my girl and i have been in a long term for a good while now, I trust her more than i trust my own friends here, we spend every minute of our days with each other. Video chats don't count? Like hell they don't, we spend every minute knowing where each other is, we see each other go to sleep, we see each other go to work and we see each other come back from work. We share our psysical intimate emotions and act them out woth each other frequantly. We basically keep a permanent connectio. Over skype, like literally when shes at work, i see her empyty bedroom and we get the feeling that they are never really that far away, it feels like were always close by. Then when they come home, its like how every other couple is like when one comes home from work :)

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        james 5 years ago

        i found this interesting,but not all couples that having long distance relationship cant work out,..just right now,my fiancé and i longed for two years and still going strong,you have to learn to trust each other,accept the mistakes,and to stay happy..everyone knows what's the best for ourlives..

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        N16 5 years ago

        Wow! This blog has gotten far! It was posted 2 years ago? Or so. But still heating up!

        Anyways, i am too in a ldr and weve been together for 1 year and half now. The reason why i read this blog is because it catches my attention, just like most of you guys. I cant see anything wrong on what the blogger wrote. We just have to respect her on her opinion. :) if that's what she belive in, then so be it. But you see, we know what's going on in our LDRs right? Yes its hard, yes its confusing at times, its a bit frustrating. But i smile while reading this, it makes me proud on my LDR because i know in my heart and in my mind that may boo and i have a strong kind of relationship and does not fall into what the author said. You see, even if i tell you our story and why ldr work for us, you wouldn't really get to feel it because you are not in my situation. And its only US who knows the real score between us. :)

        As for the author! I say, good job! It means your topic is interesting! :)

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        Thara 5 years ago

        It's very interesting. I am married, and on my 1rst year of marriage. Since my husband and I met we were leaving close to each other (just have to cross the street) than I move to another city, we got married a few months after that now he left our hometown and live in Africa now.

        We talk on the phone sometimes, send e-mail, but the feeling of having him around me is quite different, I haven't seen him for like 6 months and he came last Christmas and went back again til now.

        This is very hard

      • Lawrence63 profile image

        Lawrence63 5 years ago

        Hi, Melissa. You sound like a girl after my own heart. ;) I love writing as well - especially about relationships.

        There are many possible problems in a relationship, as you and others have noted, and long distance definitely adds a degree of difficulty to an already difficult process. However, I think there are worse issues - for example, basic incompatibility, dishonesty, temperament or personality problems.

        A key point that others have made is that you should not enter a long-distance relationship casually - which is one reason why it really can only work for those looking for a serious relationship - which among other things means that you should be willing in principle to relocate. If you're not willing to relocate - stop, do not pass LDR Go. ;)

        The strengths of a LDR is that if forces you communicate at length with your partner, and thus to build a relationship in large part on communication. Not being distracted by physical desire has its pluses and negatives. Positive: it allows to focus on getting to know someone deeply without sexual distraction. Negative: it may waste your time by postponing the inevitable question of whether you feel sexual chemistry or not. You can experience pretty good "phone" or "email" of "skype" chemistry, but that is not the same.

        I just emerged from an LDR. We didn't break up because of long-distance, though that probably accelerated the process.

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        Roysat 6 years ago

        Last comment you must be joking

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        Anonymous 6 years ago

        I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years now, and we haven't met at all in this time. we stay in touch through every mean possible, and to be honest this is the best relationship i have been eve. There is trust and whenever we talk we have so much to share and we also send presents and letters to each other to keep the romance going! our relationship is not based on sex and physical togetherness, its more spiritual and completely based on communication. We talk everyday and always have so much to say!

        I don't completely agree with the author, obviously they couldn't build on the LDR. It takes time and a lot of patience to make it work! Especially if you have plans for the future, a little shouldn't get in the way! If you love each other and trust each other, and are more like friends then a relationship will work, whether its a long distance or CD.


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        Katy 6 years ago

        My long(ish) distance relationship has lasted all year, I'm pretty surprised. However, we did have almost a year of seeing each other every day, all day prior to being 100 miles away. It wouldn't be that bad of a distance if we didn't have class.

        What works with ours is that we skype each other, and don't flake on each other for visits. We alternate visits based on gas money, finals, etc.

        Something that I noticed was that the time away from him actually gave me more perspective on how much he meant to me (because I miss the days we spent all day together), and vise versa.

        We are only going to different colleges now, but after we graduate it will be no problem to live together again. :)

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        Ayla 6 years ago

        I was once negative about LDRs. I could never understand why people would willingly enter one when there were so many challenges. I certainly never thought I would. Yet I have, and almost by accident.

        I met my boyfriend 3 years ago, when we were living in the same town. We shared 2 wonderful years together and grew very close. A year ago, circumstances meant I had to move to the other side of the country. As much as we loved each other, neither of us thought we could cope with a long distance relationship, especially as we were used to being so close. It would be too hard. We decided not to officially break up when I moved, but to allow things to gently drift apart, communicate less and less, slowly going back to our individual lives.

        Did that happen? No. We found that we couldn't possibly stop talking, skyping, sharing things with each other. And there was no way we could bring ourselves to finally go our separate ways. We were simply too in love. And now, a year later, I of all people am in a thriving long distance relationship.

        And now I have first hand experience that LDRs CAN work. Admittedly we were together for 2 years before hand, but I'm sure it can be true too for those meet when distance is already an issue. The most important factor is that you are with the right person, whether in a CD or an LDR. If you trust that person, enjoy sharing your life with them, and receive the same in return, love will take its own course.

        I prepared for the worst, and was totally blown away by the best. True love will ALWAYS find a way :')

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        Heather 6 years ago

        There is absolutely nothing wrong with Long Distance Relationships. I'm in one right now and I couldn't be happier. People think they don't work but they do. I know someone who met their girlfriend online and they got married and have a beautiful baby boy. Me and my boyfriend have our arguments but its NORMAL in a relationship. The moving in together is easy. He wants out of his house and I want him in mine. No matter the distance whether its next door or 1500 miles apart, you are bound to have the occasional argument. Happens in every relationship. Whether you get over it or not is the question. I couldn't be any happier with my life where I stand. My boyfriend is currently sleeping online and the only reason I'm on here is because I just had a conversation with a friend telling me I'm stupid because 99.9% of LDR's don't last. So I am doing research. I love my boyfriend and I wouldn't change anything in the world. Also sex is not the key to a healthy relationship. Sex has ruined my past relationships actually. So FYI, I'd sooooo rather have an adorable loving conversation with my man than have sex. Sex means nothing except sex. Unless you are trying to have a baby there is really no need for it. I'd rather cuddle in bed and watch movies than have sex. So for people saying LDR's are bound to cheat I say BS! Have the willpower to stay true to your girlfriend/boyfriend and everything will be fine. Don't let anyone tell you different. With all that said..Time for me to go to sleep with my honey. Goodnight all!

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        gracefulme 6 years ago

        Hi. I'm in this incredible, yet amazing situation. I'm finally dating a dear friend with whom we realized we shared mutual feelings unknowingly until after I finalized my divorce... we were both shocked once the talks began but felt comforted and giddy about our new dynamic. My former marriage had been over for years unfortunately... basically I was cheated on from the start and there was never a 'true marriage'. I never legally left for fear of the traditional 'disrupt' of family wholeness for our children... I came to embrace my strength of leaving and finding someone for not only myself but also saw my decision as a wonderful future step for my children as well... It took so long for me to reach this place, and I embrace it now with comfort and enthusiasm... now, amazingly, I feel as if I've been given a chance for future love with someone who has always shared my values, and we simply 'just get each other'... the problem is, our new relationship has just begun, just a month and a half prior to his military relocation midway across the US. due to my divorce, it is actually convenience as well as a good omen for my children and i to move as well. I happen to have such flexibility and timliness to be able to begin a new life somewhere else. why should I not move closer to my new boyfriend to give things a chance to grow? i have no intention of cohabitating of course, but i truly feel in my gut that i want us to have a chance to grow. my guy has mentioned that he is wary of longdistance relationships and he is so hopeful of settling down one day soon and beginning his own family... we talked about this many times during our 'solo friendship'... i don't want to weigh down our beginning relationship with what could be interpreted as a 'mighty gesture' however i don't want to adolescently end what could grow into a great thing and i have the mobility and convenience to move near him when he moves... how do i approach this? i have every intention in doing things 'traditionally' bc i want a good man in my life to stay this time around. thank you for reading and i look forward to your responses.

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        me 6 years ago

        the key is patience some people are just meant to be no matter situations like this

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        Linda 6 years ago

        Ive been in a long distance relationship for four months now. i haven't even met my fiancé, although i do know i love him very much and he means everything to me. we communicate by talking on the phone and texting alot. he lives in California and i live in Indiana. he ask me to marry him and i said yes and we plan on living where hes at, although i know this is going to be hard on my kids. i have been divorced for over four years now and i have been searching for my soul mate and i know hes the one for me and i love him with all my heart and soul and I know he feels the same way about me. hes suppose to be coming to visit me within the month and im very excited but i also feel torn, because my daughter doesn't want to move there. she is fourteen and has all of her friends here.i have dated several people where i live and i have never felt so much in love as i do with my fiancé. i know most people would think i was crazy, sense we haven't met, but in my heart i know hes the one for me and i want to be with him and we plan on marrying in about a year. i was very hurt in my divorce and i have made many mistakes dating the wrong guy and i believe god has put us together. i have waited along time to feel happy again and i feel i deserve to be happy again, but my kids are depressed about moving and my daughter gets very angry when i talk about it, i don't want to hurt her but im totally in love with my fiancé and i want to be with him, am i doing the right thing by moving? were suppose to move back to Indiana when his daughter graduates school in about five years. he has joint custody and doesn't want to leave his daughter that's why he wants to stay where he is, although he feels bad about my situation as well. please give me some advice my daughter is 14 and is going to be in high school and her friends means alot to her. i try to explain to her that she will make new friends but she doesn't want that and threatens me and tells me that she will move in with her dad and gets very angry at me when i mention moving. am i being selfish to wanting to be happy and move so far away when i know its upsets her so much. i don't want to loose my daughter, but i also don't want to loose my fiancé. please if anyone could give me some good advice i would appreciate it greatly. thank you

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        Danielle 6 years ago

        Im in a long distance relationship iv been with my boyfriend for a while n the past 3months he's been gone. we've only had one fight n it wasn't a bad one. Yes its very hard not seeing him I miss him like crazy but trust is a very big part I trust him n he trust me I no he don't want anyone but me n same goes here if u really love someone it can be done. Just talk as much as possible. And if u really love some one distance only maters to the mind not the heart

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        Karthik Kashyap 6 years ago from India

        I will have to agree with you Op. I guess it won't be so hard on people who haven't spent some good time with each other. The girl I recently asked out, we were flat mates for 3 months. When she moved back to her country, I was really sad. We kept in touch for quite a few months once or twice every week. We always have been close friends. Recently after a few days of asking her on a date (she never rejected it and told me that she had expected that this was coming), we had a misunderstanding and had a bad fight. The sad part is that both of us hold on to our anger for quite some time and we are not talking to each other for some time (though I apologized). I just keep wondering how things which were so good became so ugly. I think this is one thing which makes LDR difficult.

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        Cathy 6 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

        This is an interesting subject to me. After being in a 9 year relationship, my boyfriend was transferred to the east coast. It lasted for about two more years and collapsed four days before Christmas. We remain friends because we share a lot of history including losing parents. It's a healing process. I go from thinking I have the storybook because it was a great relationship and longlasting one. There are so many emotional elements involved with a committed relationship. When it no longer involves the "committed" part, you put on your big girl pants so you can hold your chin up and embrace memories that were positive and the valley, well, who likes to cling to the valley? It's sad and sad and it needs to heal from an unexpected heart earthquake.

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        Op 6 years ago

        I wouldn't think that long distance relationships are difficult is those people never been actually lived together before. Well i'm saying that because right now i'm having a very hard time because my bf wants to take a job which is very far away from where I am, i can't go with him because I still need to finish my university. Anyway we had lived together for about 4 years, but now he decided to go, it seriously is killing me. I really don't know what to do. So depressed,

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        Jack 6 years ago

        LDR can be very hard. Im kinda in one right now, and things started off wonderful, but each day goes by and I become more sad and frustrated. Ive never met anyone I felt like this for, and at times i feel its hopeless, but at times I feel there is a lot of hope. I do think they can work out if you have the two right kind of people. LDR's are not for everyone and a lot of trust and dedication is needed. I spend many nights secretly in tears because I just wish I had the money to go see him, even for just a few days. Im just about always in a state of heart ache. But I have faith in my heart that in the end it will work. You just have to have faith and trust and determination. And both sides of the relationship must want the same things, being on the same page. Its understandable why many don't believe it would work. Its not something everybody can do. Good luck to anyone in a LDR.

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        M. Rose 6 years ago from Orange County, CA

        Wow, there are some heated comments up in here. Let's all try to be nice, shall we? This is my only hub that makes me want to stop responding to comments. You guys are killing me here!

        karthikkash: Thanks for helping me out and responding to these comments! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts in a kind way.

        Tman: I'm not really sure what to say to you. The title is an attention grabber. In the 2nd paragraph, I wrote that I don't mean to say that LDRs NEVER work. I even bolded it for you. If you can't read that far down, that's not my problem. And how dare you compare this article to an article telling suicidal people why they should commit suicide. That's incredibly offensive, and I'm saying NOTHING of the sort. Yes this article is opinionated. It's MY OPINION. You don't have to agree with it. You don't have to like it. But don't come on my article and tell me I might as well have been telling suicidal people to kill themselves. I'm not even telling people in LDRs to break up! Where did you get a comparison like that? Lord help me.

        Jacko: Man you're just as bad. Calling people idiots for believing in LDRs is just as mean as the person above who called ME an idiot for writing this article. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions. I agree with a lot of what you said, but please try to be nice when you leave a comment.

        Andrew: BE NICE. Your comment isn't going to help anyone because it was written in a mean tone. You can write the same thing without being mean. HOKAY?

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        Zee 6 years ago

        Bullshit :) mine works perfectly fine, we never argue and we fall in love more deeply every day. He lives on the other side of the planet, which is 9 hours flight, and it's really expensive to visit eachother, minimum: about 3.000$, but we still make it, cause the love is so true. Im about to turn 17. Now what are you bullshitting about? Mabybe its just you.

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        Cherrylips1993 6 years ago

        Thank you so much @karthikkash i really appreciate that

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        Karthik Kashyap 6 years ago from India

        It really depends on both of you Cherrylips.. If you both are willing to make it happen, it may work. There will be a lot of difficulties, but if you both are willing to hang in there, then it may work.

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        Cherrylips1993 6 years ago

        hey i really need help well my boyfriend is about to go into the airforce for 4 years and i will be finishing up college im going to school for nursing i really love him and he really love me but i really wanna know if our relationship will work out long distance?

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        Karthik Kashyap 6 years ago from India

        cannot say Annie. Don't assume that he is falling for you. I have a friend who is one of my closest friends. I think about her everyday. Been in touch with her almost every week. We have spent a few weeks traveling together, partying and everything. However, I have never thought of entering a relationship with her (not that I didn't find her attractive). I love someone else and still love her though I get extremely pissed off with her sometimes and feel like quitting on her (by the I am not in a relationship, I recently asked her out and it is long distance).

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        AnnieH77 6 years ago

        A guy I like has a girlfriend in Portugal and he lives and works here for the past 6 years, he never mentions her AT ALL, he has worked with me for 7 months and today was the first time he's mentioned her, he went home in August and not again until xmas, and then went home at the weekend but I mentioned I loved a certain hot chocolate (back in January as a random chat we had) and he has a terrible memory usually but he came in today with a bag of the brand of hot chocolate.....now he is very friendly with me and nobody else at work, we chat outside work and his body language indicates he likes me (mirroring actions, standing close, smiles and staring for long periods of time while chatting, etc) and I like him too. He has said he trusts me, etc.....and he tells me a lot about his days off/weekends/etc and then he goes home to see her yet takes the time to think of me whiles he's there to go out and buy me that!! Is that a LDR failing or what??

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        Yves 6 years ago

        PS. Having said that, if I fell in love with someone from a different country, I would try an LDR anyway (despite the setbacks)...However, one or the other would have to move nearby - probably within a year or so.

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        Yves 6 years ago

        Apparently, this hub has hit a raw nerve for many of our fellow readers. How interesting. And I wonder why? Here is what I am concerned about with regard to long distance relationships: They are a bit like make believe. When LD lovers are together, everything is lovely because they have missed each other and they get to keep experiencing the honeymoon. When they are not together, they get to imagine everything is lovely, primarily due to not having been around to see the other person's really annoying habits. In day to day, same city relationships, we get the real deal - the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'd rather have that. That way, I know who I'm really dealing with...and I can decide just how worthwhile he is.(By the way, 78% of men will not admit to cheating.) I enjoyed your post very much and I agree with you. There are exceptions to everything, but I suspect they are rare indeed.

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        Karthik Kashyap 6 years ago from India

        Though I agree that LDRs are extremely difficult, I won't agree on the part of cheating. Cheating is very subjective to the person. Only a person totally messed up in the brain would cheat. If you say that a "breakup is imminent", I would be more inclined to agree, though I would not completely.

        I have a very close friend who is in a relationship for the past 8 years. Her boyfriend is working in a different country. They see each other once in 6 months. She once told me that though she hangs out with a lot of guys, it has never ever crossed her mind to either cheat or breakup with her boyfriend. I know her boyfriend and I for one, know that he is never going to cheat on her nor breakup with her. Having said that, she tells me that it does hurt a lot not seeing for so long. They talk to each other very regularly.

        So yes, LDR can be very painful, but can workout if both are willing to sacrifice certain things.

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        Andrew 6 years ago

        Yeah Jacko's right. Its laughable to see people right that they have met online and are waiting to meet up. That they talk via phone and that they are in love more than ever. Idiots! You cant love someone you've never met in person, you purely lust for them because its a challenge them being so far away and you cant wait to meet this person who "is amazing" as soon as you do, all that build up will be gone, and the challenge over. That's not love you fools. Go and get some balls and meet someone (a real person, not words on a screen) and learn what real love is! It takes time with a person. And other fools who right that they trust someone they met overseas on a holiday, and cant see them much. Well hello, you fell for the guy who was hot and nice on holidays, who tells you hes so into you and you say the same. Hold out for someone you've met and gotten to know. I bet had you actually had a real face to face relationship, you would realise they have flaws and they arent just awesome. But your holding out for them because you think things will be great, like they were when you met, forever. Christ its called the honeymoon phase, except this ends and you learn to love your partner for their flaws and their pros. You cant love someone you met for a week and haven't seen in months. Get over it and stop wasting time

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        Jacko 6 years ago

        And to those of you who think ive got no clue and am opinionated, ive been with my gf for 4 and a half yrs. She moved 5 hrs away a few months ago for uni, we still make sure we see each other once a week. And even that is difficult. All the love for her i have, i can not guarantee we will be together in a yr. If she was here with me i could guarantee that. We trust each other completely, are best friends, but if we saw each other any less, it wouldn't work. Im a realist

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        Jacko 6 years ago

        This article is right. You people are idiots who disagree. Up top Karringtyn wrote saying shes in the best relationship shes ever been in. Hmmm sorry to say but seeing someone once every 6 weeks is ridiculous, if that's built the best relationship you've ever been in then that's sad. And others who say it gives you a chance to "not take them for granted" to "focus more on communication and not sex" um hello but sex is one of the most important factors in a good relationship. As is trust. If you have trust in someone but don't have sex, they might as well be your friend. If you don't have good sex, you arent going to be satisfied, every person has needs, and when you lack good quality sex your relationship will end. No one remains satisfied in a relationship where the sex sucks. Long distance relationship means no loving, or little loving. Hence why when those needs are not met, people tend to cheat. You can trust your partner 100%, but if you don't see them enough, you cant be physical and a good relationship needs physical and mental love. A long distance relationship can work if you still see each other in person at least a couple times a month, but even then that's going to make it hard. Quality time together is what makes you compatable, not computer chat or video chat. So stop kidding yourselves, if you want to make distance work, go and see your partner more then once every 6 weeks! You both deserve that, and if you don't and honestly think they arent going to stray, good luck thinking that long term. Once every 6 weeks is not a relationship pfft

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        Tman 6 years ago

        Lol, you say "I merely wrote this to show why LDR are hard"...I'm sorry..is that why your title reads "5 Reasons Why Long Distance Relationships NEVER Work". Did you forget the "never" ;) it's okay, I forgive you for your ignorance. As far as your article, most times I would say "I respect your opinion, but disagree" everything you've mentioned is bias and opinionated. You basically put something out here that couokd potentionally damage than do good. You might as well have told suicidal people "5 Reasons Why You Should Pull The Trigger". I think this article is extremely bias coming from a person who seems to know a little bit about LDR but yet has never been in one or exepericenced it through another..per se... Friend, etc. I guess I could go off and tell gay people "5 Reasons Why You're Not Normal". No, I don't know you, but lady I know enough from reading this to get an idea :) speak I'll of it if you wish. I don't care about you. But just know your stuff and gather facts before you make bold claims such as the ones I came across here today :) thank you for your time it was very "insightful". I learned how bias people are about topics they know nothing of..what's that called..ignorance :)

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        Karthik Kashyap 6 years ago from India

        All the best for that Skinny :) I can related to the exact scenario. I was in touch with that special one through skype, facebook and phone. But then I found one thing that though I wanted to take it further, there would be too many practical issues which had to be handled apart from the distance. I had certain ambitions and I found that the LDR I was contemplating was really not worth it when compared to them. So I eventually had to drop the plan. I would prefer a relationship with someone living in my own country however far she is. At least, it will be easier to travel and meet each other.

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        skinny 6 years ago

        (cntinue)... But now she had to went back to her country because she finished her employment contract... therefore we are now a ldr.. its been 4 months since october 2011.. I've never been in a ldr before... We maintain contacting each other via phone, skype, facebook and etc. Hope we work it out this relationship..

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        skinny 6 years ago

        (cntinue)... But now she had to went back to her country because she finished her employment contract... therefore we are now a ldr.. its been 4 months since october 2011.. I've never been in a ldr before... We maintain contacting each other via phone, skype, facebook and etc. Hope we work it out this relationship..

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        skinny 6 years ago

        My girlfriend and i have been together for 2 years... she lives miles from my place... I came to know her because she is working in my country.. we get along fair enough... ups and downs

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        M. Rose 6 years ago from Orange County, CA

        Marisa: Sorry that you're going through a tough time. Time will tell if your love will prevail.

        Julie Thomson: I understand your point, but relationships are about more than trust. Yes, trust definitely helps with the first few points I made. But there are problems that can arise in a LDR that aren't present if you date someone near you (like the moving problem). Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

        MR: What you wrote is a good example of a problem that an LDR may experience that doesn't involve trust (i.e. what I wrote to Julie above). I can't even imagine seeing your significant other only once or twice a year. That's really hard! Hope things work out for you.

        Vinaya Ghimire: Happy to help!

        Samantha: (i'm using caps for emphasis, I promise I'm not internet yelling at anyone.) FOR THE RECORD, I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. I wrote this article from an observational point of view, which I know is hard for some people to believe because most people only write about what they've personally experienced. This article doesn't have any of my personal experience in it. Anyway Samantha, I honestly wouldn't consider 3 hrs apart to be a LDR. Sure that's a little bit long to travel to see each other...but that's a distance you can drive. It's nothing compared to someone who has to fly to see their significant other. I'm glad that your relationship has worked out, but yes the point of this article is to be biased. It's about why LDRs are difficult. Hence the title.

        rungirlsl: Thanks for commenting! I enjoy the comments on here that aren't just yelling at me for saying something bad about LDRs.

        Mr J: UK to Australia?! I'd say you CERTAINLY win the LDR badge. You may pick it up at the next window. :)

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        Rawr 6 years ago

        I feel sick because my gf moved 9hrs drive away and I know that all of the above is true, it's been a year now and its slowly getting more and more frustrating for me.

        I hate it, I hate the inevitable thought of a break up because it took me 19 years to find someone like her, I don't want to wait another 19 :(

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        Leee 6 years ago

        Im in my first LDR right now, i met the guy when i was on holiday over summer, in August, it was love at first sight as we intantly fell for each other. The thing is we spent ONE day together and im young, im 18 and hes 17. We have been doing this relationship for 6 months now, i feel more connected to him than ever, i really really feel something, i don't know how to explain it and i don't know if its love, still to this day i get butterflies when we talk over the phone. My parents tell me that im to young to know what love is but this feeling for him is so strong, i mean i have not been tempted once to cheat and its weird because before i left for that holiday i was the most boy crazy teeneger anyone could ever meet, now when im with my friends and they see a 'hot' guy i don't know i just get an image of my boyfriend and im just like yeah guys, MY BOYFRIEND IS HOT. I'm really happy because this way i know for sure im not being used because theres no sex involved, we talk 24/7, when hes at a party he calls me so that im 'ther with him'. Im not gonna get to see him until June, its REALLY hard though im not gonna lie and im not speaking about trust because i trust him 100%, the only hard thing is missing him, especially when im at work and i see couples everywhere, but im staying strong cause i have this feeling inside that this is right. I talk to his sisters (who iv never met before) over the phone, facebook, skype and they too believe that we are doing the right thing and asure me they have him on check lol, Im going to University next year in the city he's in, i hope that it does work out and i want to thank all the people who shared their positive stories of LDR, i feel very motivated now. Thanks

      • karthikkash profile image

        Karthik Kashyap 6 years ago from India

        I have never been in a long distance relationship. However, since I have a couple of closest friends in other countries, it holds true with that. In fact at one point of time, I had contemplated a long distance relationship. I liked that person so much but eventually had to drop it since we both were in different countries. Though I knew that she liked me, it was pretty evident that it was not an easy task for either of us to move to the other's country.

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        Mr J 6 years ago

        I think I win the long distance relationship badge, I live in the UK, she lives in Australia! A long 5 months ahead!

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        chriszones2012 6 years ago

        LDR aint that baad...... lemme tellya m in an LDR with mah gurl for the past 5 years i met her on a blind date in december 2006 online and m still with her we've met 6-7 times in these five years......me loves her nd she loves me .................but i dnt call it love ITS SOMETHING MORE THAN LOVE .......



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        rungirlsl 6 years ago

        Long distance relationships DO NOT work unless one of the parties involved is, or is planning on relocating. And, I must point out, most of the posters on here who claim success have only been in a long distant 'relationship' for an average of two years, which is not a long time at all. I would be convinced if couples were together for 5 or more years, but that doesn't seem the case. Trust me on this; if your significant other runs into someone who lives closer to them, and they're attracted to them, they're going to bolt from you to be with someone who's a little more convenient. And, you can't blame him/her either.

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        partini 6 years ago

        I had this LDR'S with spanish guy and i were in England.and its failed.lots of promisess he made, and he even asked for money and i did sent him a money.how stupid i'm.and now i fall in love again with a guy who is in australia.i was afraid to fall in love again as i really don't wanna get hurt.and he made me fall in love so madly and i really want to be with him for the rest of life.we are just about to meet next week,but seem his love is fading.its hurts me so much again and i really don't want this relationship failed.

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        Samantha 6 years ago

        Why do I feel like this blog was written by someone who has never truly gone through an LDR before, with their whole heart in it? I am in an LDR, 3 hours apart, met online, and he is the best man I have ever known. We plan to be married, and I can say that I am so thankful for him, and this LDR has allowed me to rely on communication and openess in a way I have never even experienced in my past CD relationships. This blog is biased.

      • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

        Vinaya Ghimire 6 years ago from Nepal

        I don't believe in long distance relationship, but I never thought about the reasons. Thanks for sharing.

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        MR 6 years ago

        You do bring up some interesting points, I find Ldr's to be difficult, they can work but the Difference to people commenting in here and mine is the fact that my girlfriend and I were together for six months in Canada, her visa expired and she had to go Back to Russia and now we've been apart for three months with a hopefully coming back in a month for a month then she's off to the states to pursue musical aspirations, luckily we both are musicians but she wishes not to live in Canada but see me maybe one or twice a year. I find it very hard to be in a relationship with someone who only has enough drive to see you once or twice a year and doesn't want to live in your country.

      • Julie Thomson profile image

        Julie Thomson 6 years ago from Connecticut

        My husband and I were LDR for three years while I was in college (me WA, him CT). I can see where some of the points you made might be legitimate but it seems more likely that you were burned by an LDR to me. I firmly believe that you have to trust the other person, and that means not having to check up on the other person, no matter how far away they are. If you can't trust your significant other than why does it matter how close they are? Again, I can see some of the points your making but this seems more like something meant for someone with trust issues. All of this can be just as easily applied to someone living close, as if to say "people will stay in close distance relationships longer because it's easier." It almost isn't fair to say without a legitimate study to back it up.

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        Marisa 6 years ago

        I am currently in a long distance relationship and it's just 2 cities away and everything this article stated is something I went through or am going through its difficult and I still do ask myself is the love strong enough to keep us together or is the trust issues stronger to just keep pulling us apart?

        He doesn't understand all of my frustration because he has way more patience but it frustrates me to the point where I am always so mad at him. I don't know what to do.

      • M. Rose profile image

        M. Rose 6 years ago from Orange County, CA

        JustKeepSmiling: Your question is a hugely complicated one to answer. It's one of those topics that people could write books about. Do you start preparing yourself for an impending heartbreak before it happens or give your all in your relationship while it's going well? I don't think there is a right answer...I think it's whatever you want to do, whatever you feel more comfortable with, whatever your heart is telling you is right. But you know what? I'm more apt to say give your all. If you've decided to continue being in this relationship for now, that's what you should do: Be in the relationship. I've learned that trying to prepare yourself for bad things to happen NEVER works...the bad things end up hurting way more than you could even imagine, even with your preparing. So live your life for today. Appreciate what's happening in the now. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, so enjoy your relationship as it is currently. Leave the heartbreak for when it actually happens (if it does). Best of luck to you.

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        JustKeepSmiling 6 years ago

        My current boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years, and our relationship has pretty much been rock solid. I go to boarding school in the UK and he goes to boarding school in the states, and we both live in Hong Kong. (I know, I know, we're young! but I think 2 years is proof that this isn't some kind of puppy-dog love/fling, right?) We usually get to see each other a few times during Christmas and a few times during the summer. There were slight ups and downs but overall it's been amazing.

        Last night was his last night before he had to leave again, and he suddenly asked me, "Am I worth it?" I asked him what he was talking about, and he told me that it would be at least seven years before he could come back home to live here permanently, and that it was impractical for us to have to miss out on so much on life because we'd sacrifice going on holidays with family/friends and stuff just to see each other. The thing is, it wouldn't be such a big problem if it weren't for the fact that he's starting university coming september and...well, we all know what american university (colleges?) can be like when it comes to partying and drinking etc. It's a totally different lifestyle, and we'll probably get to see each other even less than we do now.

        I asked him whether I was worth it, and he paused and said, "I don't know." I know he loves me, and he told me that one of the reasons he wants to break up is because he doesn't want to hold me back, and that he knows there are people out there who are better for me because of the shorter distance. After some discussion, we agreed that we'd try for another year (until next christmas, 3 months after he starts uni/college) and then see whether it still works. My problem now is...Do I start distancing myself to prepare myself for the potential breakup, which could increase the risk of breaking up, or do I give it my all and throw myself into it etc but then be doubly crushed if it doesn't work out anyway?

        I suppose you might say that I'm young, and I might get over it, and that I'm not even an adult yet etc, but love is still love, and pain is still pain. Heartbreak is still heartbreak, and...I just don't really know what to do.

      • M. Rose profile image

        M. Rose 6 years ago from Orange County, CA

        Missing him: Honestly, it's up to you whether you contact him or not. I don't see any real harm in you contacting him again, from what you wrote (unless you're wanting him to commit to something he's not ready to commit to). It sounds like you hit a typical LDR problem and the distance got to be too much. Maybe you could try being friends and see how that goes...good luck to you.

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        djsdiva 6 years ago

        I have to disagree with your reasons. Long distance relationships can work if both people are on the same page and believe in each other. My fiancé left in 2009 to work overseas and has been gone ever since, and our love is stronger now then it was the day he left. If its meant to be its meant to be

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        Jenny 6 years ago

        I definitely disagree with this !! Ldr aren't negative .. Let's just say if it's meant to be it'll be !!

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        Missing him 6 years ago

        I was in a LDR with my ex of one year. We met last Christmas, and we hit it off really fast. But I had to move back to my home country two months into the relationship. But my ex called n texted almost everyday so we were fine, but then I didn't have a job then, so we had all the time to chat. I went back to his city 3 months later, his families and friends like me a lot. I stayed at his city for 1 month then I went back to my home country. Things started to fall off when I start my job since we had less time to chat. So in one incident, we fought over the texting thing, and he asked I I wanted a break from us, I asked him for his opinion, he said that this long distance thing is getting tough on us. So I asked if he wanna call time on it, he said it might be time to take a time out of it. I replied ok. Later he texted saying I was being more than patient, understandable n reasonable. The next day I texted him " thank you for the good times and sorry for the bad, I wish things were different, and that I wish him happeness". He replied" hey, there were no bad times, I am sorry for being distant, I haven't learnt to let work go, I don't wanna give u false hope, I am who I am. Change possible but slim. I have serious commitment issues, which are not healthy for relationships." I replied" wish u success at work, bye" He replied" wish things were different too.. Take care... Keep smiling" I miss him a lot. Don't know if I should contact him again. I know I like him n he does the same. I kinda want to get back with him, don't know if he feels the same. I know he isn't ready to commit to marriage. And he said he is holding me back. I miss him, Should I contact him?? Help !!

      • M. Rose profile image

        M. Rose 6 years ago from Orange County, CA

        Josephine Falnor: I'm glad that your relationship works well. However, your one positive experience doesn't negate the fact that sometimes LDRs are tough. And sometimes they don't work. I wrote this article to merely point out the reasons why they're hard. Thanks for your comment.

        Dave: Yes, it does depend a lot on the people involved. Everyone has different experiences in life, and no 2 people are the same.

        John: Thank you for taking the time to share your story about how hard LDRs can be. Your story touches on some of the points I tried to make in this article, so it's nice to see a real example on here.

        caramelsky: Great story. And you brought up a good point about having a plan to move/move in together...this is the best way to ensure that a LDR survives the distance. Thanks for commenting.

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        NR 6 years ago

        I also agree that this article annoyed me. I've been in a long distance relationship for 2.5 years. Never once thought about cheating nor has my fiancé and we talk all day everyday until he goes to work.

        We have a better relationship than anyone other couple we know that are actually together.

        If there is trust then you have nothing to worry about and skype video calling makes it easier.

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        ako 6 years ago

        i don't know what to do

      • caramelsky profile image

        caramelsky 6 years ago from the Central Coast

        You bring up a lot of interesting points in this article, and a lot of them are true. I've been in a LDR for about a year now, and I feel more connected to my mate than I ever did with any CDR's I've been in. He lives about 5 hours away and 20 minutes from some family I have up north whom I visit often. The only problem is we're 4 years apart, and I'm too young yet. I'm looking forward to being able to move out soon.

        Our relationship is mostly based on trust, communication, and personality. I've only seen him around 10 times over this year, and yes it can be hard, and yes I miss him sometimes... but I believe it's beyond worth the small wait when you meet someone so special. That one or two years waiting isn't anything compared to the life you could spend with each other later once you officially got together. I plan on moving up there after school to attend a community college while he joins the Air Force.

        It takes a great deal of strength and patience (I'm not the best at either of those, haha)... but remembering that something and someone so special is waiting for me makes it easier to endure the space between us.

        Wonderful article though, and great view points. Even with all the bad things that could happen, there are always the long distance relationships that do work. They just take two loyal and faithful people who are willing to wait for each other.

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        John 6 years ago

        I met a girl online about a year and a half ago.... she is from Spain and I am from New Zealand. After chatting for about a year I flew over to see her and stayed with her for a month... I guess in this time we really fell for one another even though it was a short period of time... we said that we were in love with each other after I guess 3 weeks but we had been communicating for a year, and I really did fall in love with her. anyway I flew back to NZ about 6 months ago and I haven't seen her since and in this time we talk on the net but she is a uni student and cannot afford to fly here to meet me so I have been saving to pay for her. well to cut a long story short (girls your gonna hate me) a few weeks ago I went out on the town and got really drunk with some friends and when I was in a really drunken state of probably not being able to communicate to a 5 year old child I fell into the temptation of another woman, which my body has been craving for so long like an earth pounding beat inside me and regretfully I slept with her. When I woke up in the morning I felt like throwing up (and it wasn't the hangover). I didn't even know her name and she didn't know mine.. I asked her what happened last night and she said we were drunk and she was on the rebound. I didn't know what to do so I called her a cab and sent her home.. I didn't even ask for her name because I didn't want to know and I will never see her again in my life. This happened about 2 weeks ago and in the meantime I have booked a ticket for the girl who I am in a long distance relationship with to fly over to see me from Spain. When we talk on skype now I feel a sick feeling in my stomach and I look at my face in the little window with discust and can't believe how I could do that to her... I have really started to hate myself and develop depression. I don't know if I should tell her because I know it would break her heart, and we would have no chance of being together.. but all my friends who I told it about are telling me that I am not even in a proper relationship so just tell myself it was a mistake and never do it again.. just move on and leave it in the past where it belongs. So that is what I am trying to do now but the bad feeling wont go away... I have no idea why I did it.. I know drinking is no excuse...I guess I just needed to fill something that was missing in my life that my body was craving. Anyway that is my story and I will tell everyone now that Long distance relationships are freakin hard. I don't go to nightclubs anymore because I am not exactly an ugly guy and woman are always trying to flirt with me. I know she will never find out..but I HATE to keep secrets from her I am her first love and she is so beautiful and pure... to make it worse I was thinking of proposing to her when she arrived but now I cannot bring myself to do it... I think I will wait at least another 6 months and then see. My advice for guys in LDR's is don't ever let yourself get into a vulnerable position especially if you are drinking and have not seen your LDR girlfriend for ages.. If you are missing the touch of a woman stay away from nightclubs or anywhere that involves alcohol!

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        Dave 6 years ago

        Suffice to say it depends on the people involved.

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        Josephine Falnor 6 years ago

        My goodness. This is one of the most inaccurate things I have ever read.

        I met my girlfriend online in March, 2010. We immediately connected and spent the next several months growing closer to each other.

        In July, we took a step to texting. We texted every day, and we still text every day.

        We just celebrated our one year anniversary on October 3, 2011. There is nobody whom I have more trust in than my girlfriend. We live 640 miles apart, but I wouldn't trade her for anyone else, no matter how close they lived to me.

        We have had several visits, which started the December after we got together. Every one of these visits is amazing, and I love her more every time I see her.

        Yes, trust is important in a relationship, any relationship. My girlfriend and I have never had any trouble with trusting each other, because we have never given the other a reason not to trust us.

        Also, to act as though long distance couples do not "see" each other except for when they are together physically is ridiculous. I talk to my girlfriend every day through texts, we AIM and Skype at night. We do see each other every day. We have arguments sometimes, but not many. It is entirely possible to fight while being long-distance. We love each other, and we work through our disagreements, just as any close-distance couple can do.

        Nobody sets out to live far away from their significant other. It is painful, heartbreaking, and one of the most difficult things a person can do. I can only assume that you have never experienced true love, as if you truly love somebody, you will make it work, whether you live a block away from them, 644 miles away from them, or 3000 miles away from them. I love and adore my girlfriend with all my heart, and because of that the distance is something I can handle. No, it isn't perfect. I wish my girlfriend lived with me. That isn't possible right now though, and we are mature enough to live with that fact.

        I hope that you can find someone who means as much to you as my girlfriend does to me, and that you are faced with the decision to break up, or live long distance. It would be beneficial to you to realize for yourself that being a long-distance couple does not mean that you have little to no chance of making it.

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        Sierra 6 years ago

        i believe LDR sometimes work!!!

      • M. Rose profile image

        M. Rose 6 years ago from Orange County, CA

        Victoria: Thanks for sharing your stories. Very insightful!

        dashingscorpio: Your point about older people being in a better position for LDRs might be a good point. Having the flexibility and money to see each other more often would probably help. What you wrote was very sweet...true love always does find a way :)

        Lily: Dear, your one experience with LDRs isn't equal to every LDR in the world. Everybody has different experiences, and all I'm writing is one opinion here. If somebody's thinking about starting an LDR, reads this article and then decides they don't want to enter an LDR, they probably didn't want to anyway. All I did was give them reasons why they're difficult. From all the comments that people have left here about their successful LDRs, I'm not influencing anyone as heavily as you're worrying I am.

        Andy and Author Cheryl: Thanks for sharing your stories.

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        Author Cheryl 6 years ago

        Any relationship is just what you make it. I met my husband who was 430 miles away from me. We did just fine and are happily married. You can be in the same house with someone and not get along, fight, not trust each other and be miserable. If your LDR didn't work you cant say that for everyone because mine did very well.