Is It Wrong to Date a Married Man? How to Date a Married Man the Ethical Way

Updated on June 26, 2017
thehands profile image

Jorge's relationship advice is based on experience and observation. He's seen many people—including himself—get seduced and hurt by love.

How to Date a Married Man Successfully

So you've found yourself interested in a guy who is already married. Maybe this is a pattern for you. Maybe for some reason you find yourself turning to married men for romance, and you can never understand why.

Is it wrong to date a married man? Should you avoid dating him because he's already taken?

This really depends. Are you planning on being shady and sneaky about it, or are you considering ethical non-monogamy?

That's right, there is an ethical way to date a married man. The key here is that his wife must know what's going on. If you keep it a secret, you will invite all kinds of drama and the situation is bound to blow up in your face.

I'm not here to judge you, but it's the truth: If you help someone cheat and lie, the bad karma will eventually come around to bite you. However, if you're willing to help a couple expand their relationship and make it more open, then it's possible for this arrangement to be beneficial for all parties.

Here is what you can do to openly date a married man without guilt:

Step 1: Make Sure His Wife is On Board

Don't take his word for it. Speak to his wife yourself.

Unfortunately, there are people in this world who cheat on their spouse and convince others to help them by spinning a story about how the relationship is "open" when it really isn't. Verify this for yourself if you want to avoid drama and keep from becoming an accomplice of someone else's dishonesty.

In addition, try to figure out if his wife really is happy to share him with another woman, or if it is just grudging obedience. If she seems to only be doing it because he convinced her, then bow out. It really won't be worth the explosive emotions that are bound to bubble up.

Ethical relationships with married men are possible, but only if his spouse knows.
Ethical relationships with married men are possible, but only if his spouse knows.

Step 2: Try to Figure Out If Non-Monogamy is Something They Decided On Before You Showed Up

Sometimes a couple will be uninterested in non-monogamy until someone hot shows up, then magically the issue comes up. Is this the case for the married guy that you're dating?

If so, this might spell trouble. He could be uninterested in actually leading a life of open relationships, and more interesting in jumping ship to another woman. You might be okay with this, but keep in mind that you could end up being the "home-wrecker" unintentionally.

Step 3: Evaluate if the Married Guy is Mature Enough for Non-Monogamy

Has this guy's marriage really evolved to the point where it can handle new people? Is he making a mature decision to open the relationship up to other intimate connections? Does he see you as an addition to an already great relationship? Or does he have an immature view of the situation, and is only looking for something new and exciting because he's bored of his wife?

If he's just looking for adventure and wants to get away from the old battle ax, his wife won't take too kindly to this. Drama is bound to happen.

On the other hand, if the idea of having an open relationship is noting new to them and it was established from the beginning of their marriage, then your presence is much more likely to be welcome. This is the sort of situation where you can date a married man successfully and his wife will even be happy for you.

Step 4: Does He Have a Good Marriage With His Wife?

You might think it would make sense for him to look outside his marriage for fulfillment if his wife doesn't do it for him, but this is actually a recipe for trouble. Don't let yourself be the band-aid for their marital problems. Again, the ideal situation is that you're becoming part of a mature and well-established relationship.

Unfortunately, many people who decide to have an open relationship do so for the wrong reasons. For example, they may decide to be non-monogamous as a response to cheating in the marriage, instead of addressing the actual root cause of the lies and deception. Don't get involved in this kind of circus.

Your Experience With Married Men

Have you ever dated a married man?

See results

Step 5: Consider the Married Man's Whole Family

Both you and the married guy might be tempted to compartmentalize your relationship, but the truth is that there's no way he can keep you completely separate from the rest of his life.

Consider how your relationship will affect his marriage, his children, and both of your everyday lives in general. If you response to this idea is, "I don't care," then you're probably not mature enough to get into a relationship with a married man who already established a life with someone else.

Are you jealous?
Are you jealous?

Step 6: Evaluate Yourself for Jealousy and Other Sticking Points

Are you possessive and jealous? Are you going to attempt to compete with his wife and steal him away? Does the fact that you're not his "main woman" wear away at your ego?

If so, do yourself a favor and don't date a married man. Unless you want your life to turn into a soap opera, it's better to focus on single men until you are able to exist in an open relationship without your insecurities rearing their ugly heads. Try practicing ethical polyamory with people who aren't married or in serious relationships while you get over these problems; you will cause less damage.

Step 7: Be Willing to Let Go

Ultimately, if you are dating a married man, chances are low that you will be his first priority. Recognize this and be willing to let things go if he can't give you the attention that you need. Understand that if he has a wife and family, getting dramatic and clingy will affect more than just the guy that you're dating.

In fact, this is a pretty good argument for avoiding dating a married man altogether. If you want to have a long-term relationship and aren't willing to basically form a triangle with his wife and become part of the family, your relationship with him will only be able to go so far.

When you date a married man, always be willing to let go. Many times, his family will come first.
When you date a married man, always be willing to let go. Many times, his family will come first.

Are You Addicted to Dating Married Men?

Clearly you're interested in knowing how to date a married man for a reason. Maybe this is your first time in a situation like this, or maybe this is something that you've done before.

If you find yourself falling into these scenarios over and over again against your will, take a break from dating for awhile and consider some hard self-reflection. Is there something about unavailable men that turns you on? Do you like competing with other women and feeling like you stole their man? Does it feed your ego?

This is a huge problem. Besides making enemies of perfectly innocent women who were just trying to have a happy marriage, you are putting yourself into very negative patterns filled with pain and drama. Don't you think you deserve better than that?

While dating a married man isn't wrong per se, as long as his wife knows, most of the time this won't be the case. Know how to smell trouble and don't let a guy convince you to help him cheat. Your relationship prospects will be much better if you just find a guy who isn't already taken.

Open Relationships

Would you ever be in an open relationship with a married man?

See results

Questions & Answers

    © 2017 Jorge Vamos

    Comments

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment

      • profile image

        lady t 

        2 months ago

        i am in love with the married guy and i have been trying deny my feeling for him........and i cant take it anymore

      • profile image

        Nay 

        3 months ago

        Had a good relationship n love the guy,but the real question is for how long will i keep it a secret.

      • profile image

        li 

        6 months ago

        Thank you for your article.

        Dating married man is equally stepping into a TRAP. Good luck with that.

      • thehands profile imageAUTHOR

        Jorge Vamos 

        7 months ago

        @ok

        "Why? because it just is."

        Haha, quite the compelling argument you have there.

      • profile image

        ok 

        13 months ago

        Is it wrong to date a married man? -YES (NOT MAYBE)

        How to date a married man in the ethical way? sorry but there is no such ethical way no matter what angle you are looking at. You really try to push it-

        Why? because it just is.

        So what if you felt in love with a married man unintentionally? what if he kept chasing you and won't let you go knowing you are in love with him or he is in love with you?

        No matter what if - the only question here is are you strong enough to be able to get yourself out of the situation? you get yourself in then only you can get yourself out. Other than that there are consequences for dating married man, bad karma and it's bad all over from all different angles. Learn to live with "You can't always have what you want" so learn to live with disappointment - but it's part of life. and you are not exclusive.

      working

      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://pairedlife.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

      Show Details
      Necessary
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Features
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Marketing
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Statistics
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)