How to Stay Happily Married After Having Children

Updated on July 16, 2018
Robie Benve profile image

Robie is an artist that believes in positive thinking, a mother, a wife, and an incurable romantic.

Tips on how to stay happily in love for years to come, even after having kids.
Tips on how to stay happily in love for years to come, even after having kids. | Source

Relationships Change After Having Children

When there are children to care for, love is more than hugs, kisses, back rubs, and sex after the kids go to bed. In a relationship, a big part of love is in recognizing and caring about the details. It’s in doing housework when it’s your turn, or when your partner is too tired or busy; it’s cooking, dish-washing, wiping the counters, sweeping the floor, and changing the sheets.

Not the idea you had of romance, huh?

A marriage needs the daily little attentions and deeds as much as an engine needs oil. Never forget to show care for each other, making the other one feeling appreciated.

Let the little things count.

Keeping the Romance Alive

How do you keep the romance in your marriage when your life has been thrown upside down by those lovely little people that depend on you so much, and make sure you know it every minute?

For a couple with children, the recipe for a happy relationship is similar to when you have no kids, but with a bigger family, you need more dedication and sense of sacrifice to accept the hard work that is implied on being a good spouse and a good parent, while retaining your identity and get some self-realization.

The great thing is that the hard work is very rewarding, especially when you see your happiness increase, and your family serene and thankful for what you do. The bases of a healthy relationship are love, commitment, and trust. If both spouses bring these elements to the table, they are more likely to find good reasons to stay together and work as a team every day.

How to Keep a Marriage Happy

Below are some ideas on how to keep love alive after kids, some are from my experience and some were inspired by conversations with friends.

You can maintain a loving and respectful marriage that can survive and thrive with children through:

  • Ingenuity
  • Thoughtfulness
  • Sense of purpose
  • Fervent devotion

Time spent together as a family is precious. Simple things are the best, like having a lunch or dinner together on a regular basis.
Time spent together as a family is precious. Simple things are the best, like having a lunch or dinner together on a regular basis. | Source

Be Your Spouse's Teammate

Always work with your partner as a team on a unified front. Having a united front when it comes to making any decision, big or small, provides the much-needed love and predictability to the children. “Let me talk to your father” is my response to requests when I’m not sure what he would say.

Work together to bring love, commitment, and trust into the relationship. Work as a team and do your part to create a balanced family life, every day.
Work together to bring love, commitment, and trust into the relationship. Work as a team and do your part to create a balanced family life, every day. | Source

Find Agreement How to Discipline a Child

Avoid confrontation and power struggles in front of the children. If he says something I do not agree with or gives a punishment I deem too severe, I wait until the kids cannot hear me pointing it out, and so does he. Showing disagreements to your children can confuse them and give them tips for ways to circumvent the rules in the future.

Nurture Love

Nurture that primary relationship, for it is the foundation upon which the whole family rests. Without a loving, sound relationship with your spouse at the base of your family, anything else you do to keep the family together and happy is a vain struggle.

Fun Dating

Have some “you and I” time with your partner. Maybe a date night scheduled regularly, or you meet for lunch often, or, as we do, play games together when the children are in bed or busy with something else.

Sometimes just a date to grab a coffee together can be what you need to feel connected.
Sometimes just a date to grab a coffee together can be what you need to feel connected. | Source

Physical Closeness

It’s ok to hug, kiss, caress, hold hands, sit close to one another, and snuggle in front of your children. It shows them affectionate exchanges are a good thing and are normal in a loving couple. It’s a non-verbal communication that you love each other and enjoy each other's company.

The Gift of Rest

Give your partner a break after an existing workday by taking the children out of the house and let him or her rest.

Cute Messages

Send sweet texts, emails or phone calls out of the blue, for no particular reason, avoiding the topic of work, bills or kids.

Being Apart

Take a trip, separately. Be away from your partner once in a while, giving each other the chance to miss one another.

Fun Times

Laugh together, as a family and as a couple. Sharing good laughs is a wonderful way to bond. Find and create occasions to laugh together: family dinners, game nights, etc. but don’t forget to get some good humor going also when you are with your spouse alone.

Keep it fun, keep it sexy.
Keep it fun, keep it sexy. | Source

Keep It Sexy

Last but not least, an advice that I got from a friend after her husband divorced her: never, ever stop having sex with your spouse. Keep your sex life active, fun, and fresh. Find things to do for the children and sneak into the bedroom – thank God for those cartoon DVDs!

A Healthy Relationship Is the Foundation of a Happy Family

All the romantic ideas are icing you put on an already tasty cake. If the foundation of your marriage is shaky, you need to get that in order first. How can you even think of rubbing your wife’s back when you are full of resentment? Why would you want to get a bubble bath and candles ready for your partner when you are angry that he’s not pulling his weight in the family department?

Nurture the magic spark of your love.
Nurture the magic spark of your love. | Source

What We Learned from our Parents' Marriage

My hubby and I are only in our 18th year of marriage, parents of two, and looking forward to the rest of our lives together. I’m the third child of a workaholic couple that has been happily married for 59 years, going on 60. My husband is the oldest of three children, and his parents recently celebrated 53 years of joyful marriage.

We learned from our parents that the paving of love is never smooth, there are many challenges and bumps that pop out of nowhere sometimes, and you need to be flexible and understanding, stick together and fight strong.Sometimes you need to suck it up and move on. But when there is deep love, respect, and honesty you can overcome anything. Oh, and add lots of patience in there too.

Questions & Answers

    © 2012 Robie Benve

    Comments

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment

      • Robie Benve profile imageAUTHOR

        Robie Benve 

        3 months ago from Ohio

        Thanks a lot Kimberly, married life can surely get tricky in the long run, sometimes I feel like I need to to re-read my article to remind myself how to put things in perspective, lol. I'm very happy to hear that you found some valuable advice in there too. Blessings!

      • Kimberly1209 profile image

        Kimberly Johnson 

        3 months ago from New Jersey

        Hi Robie,

        Thank you for this article. I think this is full of great advice and will definitely keep all of this in mind. Very Helpful!

      • Robie Benve profile imageAUTHOR

        Robie Benve 

        5 years ago from Ohio

        Hi Louisa, our families are far away and the kids are always with us too, "grown-up time" is truly something to conquer and defend nowadays! :)

        Thanks a lot for reading and your comments. :)

      • Louisa Rogers profile image

        Louisa Rogers 

        5 years ago from Eureka, California and Guanajuato, Mexico

        I think you are absolutely right on about taking time to renew your own relationship when you are in the midst of child-raising. My husband I offered to babysit the grandkids and the parents came back in less than half an hour! There are much softer edges these days between adults and children-- children often go everywhere with their parents, and 'grown-up time' in many cases has disappeared. I think we have gone a bit overboard.

        Thanks for coming by and connecting with me! I look forward to reading more of you, & congrats on your awards.

      • Robie Benve profile imageAUTHOR

        Robie Benve 

        5 years ago from Ohio

        Hi g-girl11. good yo hear that I'm on the right track. I always look up to people that mait through and make it work. :) Thanks a lot for reading and your comment.

      • g-girl11 profile image

        g-girl11 

        5 years ago

        I agree with everything you say here--my husband and have been married for 22 years, and have been together for 28. (We were hs sweethearts!) We have two teenagers and have been through a lot together, but we are always a unified front, like you say. Good advice!

      • acaetnna profile image

        acaetnna 

        6 years ago from Guildford

        Awesome - a brilliant read - thank you.

      • Robie Benve profile imageAUTHOR

        Robie Benve 

        6 years ago from Ohio

        Hi adjkp25, supporting each other no matter what, what a wonderful recipe for success! :) Thanks for sharing. :)

      • adjkp25 profile image

        David 

        6 years ago from Northern California

        My wife and I got married young but we are just about to hit our 16th anniversary. Things definitely change when kids are introduced into the relationship. We try to always support each other no matter what, it has always helped us.

        Voted up and useful

      • Robie Benve profile imageAUTHOR

        Robie Benve 

        6 years ago from Ohio

        Hi Summerberrie, I'm glad you liked my hub, thanks for reading and leaving a comment. :)

      • profile image

        summerberrie 

        6 years ago

        Robie, what a nice hub. My kids are nearly grown and I can say the investment in the marriage matters a healthy future with your spouse. Thanks for sharing your helpful insights and tips on keeping a healthy marriage.

      • Robie Benve profile imageAUTHOR

        Robie Benve 

        6 years ago from Ohio

        Thanks for the addition Middle Player, that's good advice.

        "Happiness is a heroic" daily conquer, I like that! :)

      • profile image

        Middle player 

        6 years ago

        Everything correct. I would add: do no allow the unavoidable past mistakes to affect your present and your future. Happiness is not a given but an heroic daily conquer.

      • Robie Benve profile imageAUTHOR

        Robie Benve 

        6 years ago from Ohio

        Marcy, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Thanks!

      • Marcy Goodfleisch profile image

        Marcy Goodfleisch 

        6 years ago from Planet Earth

        Awww - what a sweet love note! Having children is a huge blessing, but it definitely changes the dynamics of romance for a couple. Very important information here - voted up and up!

      • Robie Benve profile imageAUTHOR

        Robie Benve 

        6 years ago from Ohio

        Jagerfoods, I can only start imagining. Children's emotions are difficult to handle even in the first marriage, especially through the teenage years. A blending family situation could make it even more complicated. Good luck to you guys, may the boiling pot cool down.

        Thanks for stopping by and sharing. :)

      • jagerfoods profile image

        jagerfoods 

        6 years ago from South Carolina, USA

        Awesome hub. My wife and I were both previously married and we each brought children from previous relationships into the mix. What we ended up with is a boiling pot of different emotions and feelings. Bottom line: it's anything but a Hollywood ending.

      • Robie Benve profile imageAUTHOR

        Robie Benve 

        6 years ago from Ohio

        @ sadie423, I used to want 5 children, but we started too late, and stopped at two. Better that way, I don't know if I could have done it. Kudos to you sadie, you are some kind of a hero to me! :)

        @ jasontoheal I looked at your blog on Being a Dad, very nice. I like your style a lot. :)

        Thanks both for your comments! :)

      • sadie423 profile image

        sadie423 

        6 years ago from North Carolina

        You've given some great tips! We have 5 kids, and it can be hard to focus on us at times, but it is something worth spending time on.

      • profile image

        jasontoheal 

        6 years ago

        Great Hub. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. I like to blog about being a Dad and a husband as it helps me get my thoughts together and pushes me when things are tough. It's great to have parents encouraging each other. Thumbs up!

      working

      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://pairedlife.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

      Show Details
      Necessary
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Features
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Marketing
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Statistics
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)