How to Get Your Boyfriend to Let His Guard Down

Updated on January 4, 2017

Is your guy very guarded? Have you been dating for a while, and you still couldn't break through his walls and get him to open up his heart fully to you?

Here are a few tips on how to take his guard down:

  • Be patient. The first thing you need to realize is that it will not happen over-night. It will take a lot of time. You have to be patient and persistent. Don't give up mid-way.
  • Be nice to him. Be sweet and sincere, show him that you genuinely care. Be a loveable person.
  • Make him feel secure. Don't go on mistrusting him all the time, questioning him about little things, or flirting off with other guys. Let him see that you're here to stay. Show him that you trust him, and you can be trusted.
  • Don't criticize him when he tells you about his flaws. That will only make him put his guard back up. Be sympathetic and understanding, not judgmental.
  • Care about his family. Family is important to almost every guy. Inquire how his family is doing every now and then. Be nice to them.
  • Don't be too needy and clingy. While guys love to be the protector and fix your problems for you, give him enough space. Don't suffocate him, let him go out with his buddies for a drink.
  • Listen when he starts to talk. Listen intently. Don't look bored or distracted. Pay attention, nod and smile when necessary, and say whatever comes to your mind- be genuine about the words you speak, you can only fake it for so long.
  • Be a happier person. Laugh and smile a lot. Be cheerful. Take good care of yourself. Enjoy your life. Everyone likes a happy person!
  • Ask him about his ex-es. Not suddenly, but slowly, a little by little, on suitable times. Don't force him if he is not ready to talk. Try to see how they broke his heart, and see if you are doing anything that is mimicing their actions.
  • Don't accuse him. Sometimes it is ok to fight and give him a piece of your mind when he has let you down, but don't accuse him constantly about every little thing. That will annoy him.
  • Try not to fight after he has had a hard day- be it at work, or with family, or something else. Shelve the fight for the next day, when he isn't already down.
  • Don't try to be perfect. You will come off looking fake, and he will have trouble trusting you. Show him that you feel comfortable enough with him to let him see your flaws.
  • Do not whine about him to a third party. Word travels, and he wouldn't like to hear about himself from someone else. If you have to rant, talk to someone you can trust, who won't tell anybody.
  • Let him know that you're ok with taking it slow. Don't make him feel pressurized to make a move or a commitment.
  • Do little things for him that will make him smile. Like sending him a little text that says you're thinking about him. Or cooking his favorite dish for him.
  • Don't be too demanding. It's ok to have demands, but don't burden him with them so much so that he is afraid that he will not be able to live up to your expectations.

If you have been dating for two years or more, and he is still very guarded, for no particular reason (Eg. previous heart-break, or witnessing a troubled relationship closely), then it's time to rethink your relationship.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


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    • profile image


      6 weeks ago

      Is it applicable to my ex after i hurt him for being pushy and needy, but now 3 month after break up i change alot not for him but to be better me as a person who more understanding.

    • erorantes profile image

      Ana Maria Orantes 

      7 years ago from Miami Florida

      Thank you all for your wonderful articles. I like to thanks comicalequation 's article. How to love your boyfriend. Thank you for reading my article.


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