Guidance and Suggestions for How to Handle Your Immature Husband

Updated on November 29, 2016

‘Infantile love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved. Mature love follows the principle ‘I am loved because I need you. Immature love says: I love you because I need you. Mature love says: I need you because I love you.’ –Erich Fromm

I was watching with fascination a bullock cart driven by two bulls. One bull was energetic while the other bull was lethargic and sluggish. I could visibly see the energetic bull straining his muscles to pull the cart as he had to do the work of the lethargic bull also. My mind immediately connected the relativity of marriage with a cart driven by the bulls.

Marriage is all about contribution from you and your husband. When the contribution is equal you find it easy to handle your family life with ease.

But suppose your husband is immature! Your life is a struggle to pull the family along as you bear the brunt of all responsibilities.

What does an immature husband actually do?

  • He does not accept mistakes
  • He does not care for the family
  • He throws tantrums at the drop of hat
  • He is selfish
  • He is indecisive
  • He does not have aim in life
  • He is not accountable
  • He is not committed

It is terribly upsetting when your husband does not share the family commitments and you have to shoulder it all alone. Immaturity in a child can be tolerated as he does have the age and experience to mellow, but immaturity in your husband who knows all about life can be a tormenting experience.

Let us now see how he torments your life!

He is irresponsible

He lives for the day and does not plan for the security of the family. You might reason with him, but he would not listen and goes about living as he wants to. He spends money on whatever that catches his fancy, but if you ask him money for family commitments he would not budge.

You should not let him have his way and bear the burden all by yourself. Most of you play mother to your husband and feel protective towards him. Do you know he takes advantage of your kindness and understanding?

You should tell him firmly that he too has family duties and he should share your commitments. He will revolt against it, but you should not give in as your life becomes torturous when you have to single handedly handle all the problems.

He stubbornly refuses to accept mistakes

He will never own up the mistakes he commits. He feels comfortable to thrust all the blame on you. He has innumerous feeble reasons to defend himself while he lists out your faults with ease and blames you to be the cause for all family issues.

Reason with him and make him understand his inaccuracy. If he creates a scene, you must realize that he knows he is in the wrong but wants to prove himself right. Maintain stoic silence to his meaningless tantrums and when he realizes that he cannot have his way, he slowly relents.

He lacks confidence

He has inferiority complex and suffers from many complexities. It is a terrifying experience to live with such a person. He makes your life a drag by being unreasonable, shouts at the top of his voice while you cringe inside that his abusive words will be heard by others. Your uneasiness becomes his sadistic pleasure and he revels inside in merciless joy.

He throws tantrums

Have you seen a child? He throws tantrums to have his way. It is the same with your immature husband. If you deny him his way, he creates scenes trying to force you to have his way. Never give in to such coercion.

He is utterly selfish

He wants you to do everything and relaxes in irresponsible negligence. He does not commit himself to any family issues and does not feel it his duty to be accountable to his faults. He is self centered, selfish and hides his cowardice by behaving highhandedly with you.

The crucial thing you should do is to do your work and let him handle his own. When he threatens you with dire consequences completely ignore him. He will now understand that you mean business and with whimpering cowardice will try to do his work.

Actually the continuation of his immaturity has you as a culprit. Your love makes you feel protective towards him and he takes advantage of it. Let him also share his duties as a husband so that you straighten your drooping shoulders to have some life for yourself.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

    © 2013 mathira


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      • profile image


        2 months ago

        My situation is almost driving me crazy. I've been seriously considering divorce but each time i look at my 2 lovely daughters, i just think i should remain in the marriage for their sake.

        All read here is exactly my situation or even worse. Right now i've lost every sense of affection for him. I struggle with work and cathering for my family. Am always stressed out at the end of the day yet i have to check my kids school work etc. I've wished and prayed severally for time to go back so i can remake my marriage decision.

      • profile image


        10 months ago

        My husband is immature. He nags, keeps malice and even hits me at any slightest mistake. He can't take decision on his own:

      • profile image


        10 months ago

        I chucked mine out no more of him doing exact what he wants when ever he wants to do it threatend to leave and take a girl from work out for a drink so I said do it she can have ya tried to come back 3 times don't want that life anymore bet she's wondering what the hell have I got here I'll tell her what she's got a child

      • profile image


        19 months ago

        I have same problem.He never accept his fault.shout on me.very selfish.never serious about my health.

      • profile image


        22 months ago

        this enlightened me..

      • profile image

        Shahana thakur 

        24 months ago

        We are in fifties. But my husband still reminds me of a spoilt boy of 5.

        He gets hyper whenever he finds children are not doing well in exams or life.

        He starts cursing, shouting. At times life becomes so very difficult.

        I stay calm and cope with everyone because i want my children to remember love not anger. I try . Though at times it becomes difficult.

      • profile image


        3 years ago

        My husband is a example of immature man.he is younger than me 1 year.

        1-love to lie,never know and want to be truthfull in life.

        2-love taking advantage of situation

        3-No aim and goal plus motivation in life

        4-love easy way and hope for something which unsure

        5-never will agree to own mistake,he is always correct for himself.

        6-Depend on my hardwork and refuse to let me to move my way

        7-too slow in movement,unable to make decision,all up to me and if fails will be blame on me.

        8-over react infront of his mum.

        9-never once sit diwn and discuss about future with me.

        10-Not a man of words

        I am happy before than now,i am just waiting for the right chance to leave this man.

        Oh ya,lastly he is jobless and before married he told me that he is working in IT Industry ,but that was lie.and i was earning few hundred daily in tourism industry as city guidebut today jobless,no iteraction with friends,i am an movement and achievement in life,zero woman of today generation and i start hatingmy self.

      • profile image


        3 years ago

        I have recently realized this. And i dont know what to do. He aint selfish or jobless.. He does realize his family duties. But emotionally he cant support me. If i break down he gets angry n let me knows all problms he is having, so evetually what i am going through is lost.. I feel terrible and tired..

      • profile image


        3 years ago

        I'm just discovering why my husband acts like that-he is emotionally still a child! I was told I need to be sympathetic to him and talk to him like he is a child! Time will tell if I can do it

      • profile image


        3 years ago

        An exact description of my husband. i want out. 8years of pains and frustrations.

      • profile image

        Now what 

        3 years ago

        The question is what do you do? I've tried to deal with mine, and it's impossible. He uninvites himself on vacations, outings, going out with friends for the stupidest reasons. He has no intentions of "not going", he just wants his way. As long as it's his way, he's fine. Any little thing he doesn't like, and he thinks he might not get his way...he finds a way to cause a disruption. I love the guy dearly, but I'm dying to find a way to get him to grow up

      • profile image


        3 years ago

        My husband is everything you described here and more. It is a very frustrating experience.

      • profile image


        3 years ago

        My husband is everything you described at times it gets very fusterating to the point where i want to leave

      • Bishop55 profile image


        5 years ago from USA

        Welcome, it was interesting to read that. I would never be able to tolerate a husband like what you've described! lol. I'd probably choke him!

      • mathira profile imageAUTHOR


        5 years ago from chennai

        Thank you for the visit, Bishop55.

      • Bishop55 profile image


        5 years ago from USA

        Interesting hub. I'm so thankful I don't have a husband like this!


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