Guidance and Suggestions for How to Handle Your Immature Husband
‘Infantile love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved. Mature love follows the principle ‘I am loved because I need you. Immature love says: I love you because I need you. Mature love says: I need you because I love you.’ –Erich Fromm
I was watching with fascination a bullock cart driven by two bulls. One bull was energetic while the other bull was lethargic and sluggish. I could visibly see the energetic bull straining his muscles to pull the cart as he had to do the work of the lethargic bull also. My mind immediately connected the relativity of marriage with a cart driven by the bulls.
Marriage is all about contribution from you and your husband. When the contribution is equal you find it easy to handle your family life with ease.
But suppose your husband is immature! Your life is a struggle to pull the family along as you bear the brunt of all responsibilities.
What does an immature husband actually do?
- He does not accept mistakes
- He does not care for the family
- He throws tantrums at the drop of hat
- He is selfish
- He is indecisive
- He does not have aim in life
- He is not accountable
- He is not committed
It is terribly upsetting when your husband does not share the family commitments and you have to shoulder it all alone. Immaturity in a child can be tolerated as he does have the age and experience to mellow, but immaturity in your husband who knows all about life can be a tormenting experience.
Let us now see how he torments your life!
He is irresponsible
He lives for the day and does not plan for the security of the family. You might reason with him, but he would not listen and goes about living as he wants to. He spends money on whatever that catches his fancy, but if you ask him money for family commitments he would not budge.
You should not let him have his way and bear the burden all by yourself. Most of you play mother to your husband and feel protective towards him. Do you know he takes advantage of your kindness and understanding?
You should tell him firmly that he too has family duties and he should share your commitments. He will revolt against it, but you should not give in as your life becomes torturous when you have to single handedly handle all the problems.
He stubbornly refuses to accept mistakes
He will never own up the mistakes he commits. He feels comfortable to thrust all the blame on you. He has innumerous feeble reasons to defend himself while he lists out your faults with ease and blames you to be the cause for all family issues.
Reason with him and make him understand his inaccuracy. If he creates a scene, you must realize that he knows he is in the wrong but wants to prove himself right. Maintain stoic silence to his meaningless tantrums and when he realizes that he cannot have his way, he slowly relents.
He lacks confidence
He has inferiority complex and suffers from many complexities. It is a terrifying experience to live with such a person. He makes your life a drag by being unreasonable, shouts at the top of his voice while you cringe inside that his abusive words will be heard by others. Your uneasiness becomes his sadistic pleasure and he revels inside in merciless joy.
He throws tantrums
Have you seen a child? He throws tantrums to have his way. It is the same with your immature husband. If you deny him his way, he creates scenes trying to force you to have his way. Never give in to such coercion.
He is utterly selfish
He wants you to do everything and relaxes in irresponsible negligence. He does not commit himself to any family issues and does not feel it his duty to be accountable to his faults. He is self centered, selfish and hides his cowardice by behaving highhandedly with you.
The crucial thing you should do is to do your work and let him handle his own. When he threatens you with dire consequences completely ignore him. He will now understand that you mean business and with whimpering cowardice will try to do his work.
Actually the continuation of his immaturity has you as a culprit. Your love makes you feel protective towards him and he takes advantage of it. Let him also share his duties as a husband so that you straighten your drooping shoulders to have some life for yourself.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
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© 2013 mathira