How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship With a Military Man

Updated on August 11, 2012

To women who find themselves in the love shackles of a military man, we know all too well how difficult it is to survive a long distance relationship. Whether the distance is a deployment, OCS, boot camp, TBS or living in different cities—we significant others (wives and girlfriends) can find ourselves feeling “off” at times.

There are things we can do to improve our relationships with these men when they are with us and when they are not. It is important to remember that happiness is always a conscious choice, no one is ever going to slap us in the face with the happiness stick and cause us to become magically upbeat, positive individuals. Assuming you’ve already made the conscious choice to be happy, and maintain happiness in your relationship with one of the finest men in the USA, here are some tips and tricks that you can use to keep your relationship (whether that be a courtship or marriage) a happy one:

1. Don’t play the “who has it worse” card. Ever. This is crucial. When you start to indulge in your feelings of: “oh, I have it so bad, my significant other is always away, why can’t I just have a ‘normal’ relationship,” things can get messy. We, as women, know that men tend to keep negative thoughts and feelings to themselves, you have NO IDEA what he is going through on a day-to-day basis. Your best bet here is to remember to always make the conscious choice to be happy and upbeat. If you’re bored, and feel like you’d like to cry a river, that’s fine, but that’s not doing anything for the health of your relationship. Just keep in mind that he does know how you feel, and he feels bad that he can’t do anything for you.

2. Stay strong for him. Stay strong for him. Enough said. Again, he knows that you’re lonely without his company. He is lonely without your company. Keep focused on the fact that soon, you will be together again. Stay strong and focused on that goal.

3. Tell him how you feel within reason. You shouldn’t have to suffer in silence (contrary to what you many have believed that I’d have you do given the past pointers). No, you don’t have to suffer in silence, if you’re having issues, and you miss your man, by all means let him know. However, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT harp on how miserable you feel and how shitty your situation is EVERY single time you get a chance to converse with your man. This will make matters worse. It has been said that misery loves company. It doesn’t help the relationship if both parties are miserable.

4. Get creative. Obviously, since you’re separated you cannot be physically intimate. This can be difficult for you, and for your military man. Get creative when it comes to being intimate, this may include but is not limited to: sexy texting, sending pictures, and writing naughty letters. Trust me on this one.

5. Don’t cheat on him. I know this seems like a no-brainer. A lot of military couples cheat on their significant others. Why is this? Because everyone starts to feel a little bit lonely and crave physical contact. I don’t need to go into further detail as to why this is wrong. No only will you feel even more miserable, but you will surely ruin your relationship in the future with this behavior.

Just remember, you CAN make a long-distance military relationship work. It is probably easier than you think once you make the conscious choice to be happy. If you’re happy, chances are, he will be more happy to know that you’re supportive of his service. Plus, before you know it, he’ll come back to you, and you’ll get that amazing, service-oriented man in uniform all to yourself!


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      Jahannae Melecio 3 months ago

      Thank you. I feel a little at ease with all of those advises. been dealing this loneliness for to long due to distance.

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      Kathleen Cochran 8 months ago

      My soldier hubby and I were at a party with all civilian friends. They played The Newlywed Game (asking one spouse a question, then seeing if the spouse knew the answer they gave too see which marriages knew each other the best) We won! We were amazed because we averaged being apart every 3rd night of our 10-year marriage. What we learned is that you talk more when you are apart.

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      Blake 3 years ago

      Accurate. 100%