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How to Stay in Love and Keep Your Relationship Strong

Updated on July 5, 2015

How to Keep Your Love Alive with Your Boyfriend, Girlfriend, or Spouse

Love is many things. It's both painful and beautiful, burdensome and protective. Most people want it, some people find it, and a few die never experiencing it. This guide will help you keep the love in your life magical, lasting, and extraordinary.

Valentine's Day, in all its commercialized glory, will come and go, but at the end of the day it's just you and your soulmate. If you put time, effort, and love into your relationship, life as a couple will become even more wonderful than it was when you were single.

The most vital elements of happy, committed relationships are:

  • Communication
  • An open mind and heart
  • A willingness to forgive and work together for a strong, more lasting relationship

Above all, relationships are not easy, but they are absolutely worth the struggle and effort.

Communication: Not Just a High School Class Anymore

Most people know that communication is a vital part of a relationship, but both partners, in their own ways, have trouble actually opening their mouths and talking about their problems. Here are some common issues each gender has with the other.

Guys: How to Understand Your Girlfriend's or Wife's Communication

You may think we talk about anything and everything. How could we possibly have trouble communicating? The truth is, we fear rejection and being alone more than the average guy does. The result is that most girls will talk about everything except what's bothering them most, out of fear of our significant others leaving us or being angry with us.

  • The cure: Reassure her that you love her and will not leave her over a fight or relationship issue. At this point, your love should be strong enough to withstand most things, bickering and fighting included. Tell her that all long relationships have fights, and the most important thing is solving problems to avoid building up resentment that could damage the relationship.
  • Do not: Tell her she is being irrational for her fears of you leaving. While we know that you mean it in a reassuring sense, that you would never leave her over something so insignificant, she takes it to mean that you don't respect her opinions or emotions, and think she's a silly little girl. Her emotions, while probably irrational, are what she truly feels and, as such, are valid. Treat her with the respect she deserves.

Do romantic things together, without any distractions or worries.
Do romantic things together, without any distractions or worries.

Girls: Stay Close to Your Boyfriend or Husband with Open Communication

Guys feel a constant pressure to perform and compete, and they constantly feel like their ladies are judging them. If they're with you, they think you're the most beautiful, most amazing thing under the sun, but they have trouble constantly reaffirming their affection. To them, what's true is true and does not need to be constantly addressed.

  • The cure: Tell them what you want from them. Guys hate guessing games and are not very good at them. If you want something for Valentine's day, have a heart and at least give them some hints, like, "I want flowers, but I want you to pick out what you would most think I would like, and not roses like everyone gets." Praise them, and tell them how much you enjoy it whenever they do something unexpected for you, so they don't have to constantly wonder if you enjoyed what they did, and if they should do it again.
  • Do not: Expect them to constantly be thinking about you, every second of the day. The fact that they love you, to them, is so obvious that it doesn't need constant reassessment. Also, girls communicate so much more non-verbally than guys do, but you've got to open your mouth and speak if you want to communicate with your boyfriend/husband. They hardly ever realize something is wrong unless you tell them.

Next time you have a fight or are even upset with your boyfriend or husband, take a step back and see if some of the problem is caused by your two very different communication styles. If you can begin to see where your other half is coming from, that's half the problem resolved already!

Keeping the Magic in Your Relationship: Maintain Intimacy

Loving physical contact is a great way to keep the love in your relationship.
Loving physical contact is a great way to keep the love in your relationship.

A common complaint, and one that too many people panic over, is when people incorrectly believe their relationship is failing because that initial rush is gone.

  • "The magic just isn't there anymore."
  • "He's not the man I fell in love with."
  • "When we first dated, my heart beat faster when I saw her. Not anymore."

The common theme in all of these is that things between the two of you just aren't amazing as they used to be. It's not the end of the world, and it is definitely a problem that can be fixed. Using the communication skills highlighted above, you can fix these issues before they become something bigger.

  • Keep kissing. Studies show that couples in failing relationships stop kissing each other on the lips long before they stop having sex. In many ways, kissing is much more intimate than sex.
  • Do little things for each other. Give her a foot rub after a long day at work. Buy him tickets to a sports game, and pretend you enjoy watching sweaty men run around a field wih a ball. The little ways you show you appreciate each other add up and will bring the romance back into your life.
  • Get away from all other distractions. Rent a hotel room for a couple nights or find a cheap getaway cruise for three nights. Chances are, you were just too stressed and distracted to fully appreciate your loved one, and time away from work and duties will remind you of what's important.
  • If you need help, seek it. If these things aren't doing it, there's still no reason to become a divorce statistic unless there is truly no other way. Talk to your religious leader, go to a professional counselor—do whatever you need.

You will always regret a failed relationship if you don't truly believe you did whatever you could to fix the problems. If he or she is important enough to you, you will do whatever it takes to make things work. Don't give up! There is always hope.

Inexpensive Ways to Show Your Love

  • Go on a picnic, just the two of you.
  • Run or walk at a park together.
  • Fix your love his or her favorite meal.
  • Reminisce about when you first met.
  • Ask each other random questions about your childhoods, secret wishes, and hopes.
  • Learn how to do something new together.
  • Experience being physically close to each other.
  • Hold hands in public.

Keeping a Financially Peaceful Household

One huge cause of misunderstandings and fights in relationships is money: how we earn it, how we spend it, and how we save it. It is vital that couples learn that neither should be solely responsible for the relationship's finances. As always, teamwork and mutual respect is the key.

  • Decide how important money is to the two of you. Sure, money is convenient, but at what cost? Is having to send the kids to daycare okay? How about never having the time to go on vacations? Time and money are usually a trade-off, so the two of you need to decide where you stand on the issues.
  • Decide how to spend the money. Do the two of you have separate checking accounts, or are they shared? Either way can work, but you always need to talk over big purchases together, even if you're paying for it with "your" money. Otherwise, your significant other will not feel respected because you never considered consulting his or her opinion before bringing home that enormous television set.
  • Decide how you are going to save money. You both need to get your long-term finances in order. Money conversations are so much less stressful when you know you have money safely saved and in the bank.

Money problems are some of the easiest issues to fix, if you sit down and figure out exactly what you are unhappy about at this moment. Always make money decisions a team effort, and, through your problem-solving, the two of you will grow closer in the process.


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    roselvert 2 years ago

    True love never explains it speaks from the heart and never ask why.God bless Aaron,you have made my life worth living.i love you

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    Sumner 3 years ago

    My wife and I just recently got married and moved into our own home . I work at night and she works during the day . We'll I recently discovered that the nights I work my wife is staying with her mother and her mother encourages it . It frustrates me and I don't know don't how to discuss it with her. I love my wife and I want her to be happy in our new home . How do go about this situation ?

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    Salley Sheriff 3 years ago

    We have been dating for 8months now this past three month we started fight every now and then anything I say she got a problem with it even if it an opinion she has a problems with it she get mad at and she does not pick up my call when she is made at me and she makes it clear she's not pick my calls . Why do I do to get this relationship back in track ?

    let me know ur reply

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    Celine 3 years ago

    I have got a boyfriend and hes very special to me i have been with him 5 months and we have only, kissed oncew only we are very shy and young i am only 14 and him 13 i love and i have told him and Valentine's Day is coming and i don't know what to do with him. what could i do? i haven't seen him in 2 months i am worried about cuase my mum and dad don't know about this.

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    James king 3 years ago

    Hey, I'm a 16 year old boy that's been in a relationship for over 2 and a half years. My girlfriend recently moved schools and I am very worried that this year we will slip from each other. I was just wondering if you had any tips to stop us slipping away from each other? Thank you a lot.

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    nick lewis 3 years ago

    hey ive been having problems with my girlfriend whom ive been in a relationship for 2 years. i have problems being faithful. ive cheated on her before and she got over it after a while then now i screwed up again and she saw on my phone that i was looking at pictures of other girls and i was texting a girl i had an affair with a while back. i feel really down and depressed about it i feel so ashamed of myself and cant move on without her. i love her so much. she wants to try to maybe work it out but im trying not to be pushy. im looking on advice on how to be a more faithful trustworthy man so i can fix my relationship and be married to this girl?

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    Sasha 3 years ago

    me (going 15) and my boyfriend ( 18 ) are fine but WERE APART from each other Im in highschool and he's college we don't care if somebody that im almost his little sis, My problem is HE SPEAKS AND TEXTS MY BFF OFTEN AND MY BFF TELLS ME THAT I DON'T HAVE TO BE JEALOUS I'm a girl too. . My boyfriend is too friendly to girls that im really thinking that WERE NOT TOGETHER :3 I always see him in vacation if we visit there house... He, SO GENTLEMAN that everybody will skip the line and im thinking that he doesn't love me because WERE IN DIFFERENT SCHOOL AND DIFFERENT PLACES

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    Madz*Mado 3 years ago

    Hey, I really like this article it might really help, well I've been with my GF for only 2 months and I already love her so much and am so into her and falling for her more and more everyday. I'm 17 and she's 16 and I think we have a really bright future together.. She's the best thing ever happened to me she's just an angel ;;) thx for that article it will help a lot..

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    gerald 3 years ago

    hanks ver much u've real helped me....

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    Nano 3 years ago

    Hi I'm Namal and I'm 12 and my boyfriend is 13 and we both don't talk to each other face to face about our relationship , he sends me letters everyday and he even gave me presents and I didn't know that he loved me since 3 years and since that day he kept a rise with him and he gave it to me now. He actually gave it to my friend to give me and I actually don't know what to gift him . And the biggest problem is that he is in my school and my sister isn't in my school and she has said many girls to follow me and for that reason I couldn't even talk to him . Can anyone please tell me that what should I do?

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    nadia 3 years ago

    hey i m nadia .i m fall in love with a guy but now he have breakup to me .i cant live without him .plz tell me how can i get him again .i want a relation ship again.plz tell me

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    Andy 3 years ago

    Me and my girlfriend have been together for four years and just like other relationships, we have our ups and downs. We love each other well at least she says she loves me with all her heart. But I used to be very cold to her from my past relationship when we first got together but I made a change after a year with her and started opening up and showing more affection. At that time she had gave up and had gotten into the habit of going out to clubs and hanging with the wrong girls. She basically gave up on us. At the quarter of last year we talked it out and she agreed no clubbing and that we were going to work on us. She clubbing stopped but she laid down that habit with hanging out with family till 3-2 in the mornings on weekends and I feel unloved and abandoned. I explained this to her and she looked surprised that I would say that she doesn't love me but that's how she makes me feel. So now all we do is argue about her being here with me and her response is that I don't want her hanging out which is not true. I just don't want the girl I'm with to not think she can come in when she pleases. Then she says I was the one that started making her get out when all she did was want to be with me and that is true but I changed. How and can I fix this or is this just karma and there is no fixing. I threaten to leave her and she cries and begs me not to and she says it's gonna stop but when every other weekend comes ( when her 2 kids leave for the weekend to go to their daddy's) she does it again and it's the same thing. Help please. She says that she cannot be without me but yet it's like she doesn't even care.

    My email is

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    GrownMan 3 years ago

    My woman of 4 years and I have been going through a lot of problems recently. Her and I have a 3 year old son together. We've been through plenty of good but also plenty of bad situations... We recently got engaged June 22nd of this year, with plans of an August 2014 wedding. However, as of late, the last month things have went a little differently, I moved out and we have only saw each other a few times since. We still talk on the phone every day. The thing is we've both said things like "I don't want to be with you" or "I'm done" and even cursed each others out. The problem is I still want her, she says she still wants me after all of this. When we kiss I still feel the magic and to my knowledge she does as well, when I see her I still feel the same way about her. Our biggest problem is lack of communication, well proper communication, we've both agreed to go to couples counseling but have yet to go. Has anyone on here been to couples counseling? Please let me know, I want this relationship between her and I to work more than anything. I'm just trying to gain a better perspective of it. Any response would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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    Amanda Jones 4 years ago

    Excellent hub, great tips, useful and interesting.

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    shashi 4 years ago

    hi i want to advise from someone.i met my husband in school we are married couple(3 year).our love affair 12 years came.we are living in dubai.i am doing parttime job and his working hotel.his living with me my accomadation last 2year and six month.but he twise a week going to see his hotel friends and that night he not coming home.he cant stay every day with me i hope his very boring.before he said lies to me he going parttime but later i found photoes with friend party.after that iam asking why u telling lies to me.then he get angry and he pack his stuff and left my place.18 days he is living with friend accomadation.but every day his giving blank call.that 18 days i was very upset.after that he came home but i saw his mobile pictures his full of enjoy that he found god job.he said icant stay home bcoz my work place little far iam going to stay their accomadation.but my friend said here to his work place buses are working.i told to my husband here have some busses please don't go accomadation but he said no i am going to stay their bcoz i want to stay at time in my work place.right now i feel very alonely.his coming home once week.i know his love me bcoz my birthdays his giving always good surprises for me.feel like he love me.but he not triying to stay with me.if iam not calling to his mobile he also not calling me.he don't have a afair with other women.only thing he always like to stay with 4 days came he went to new accomadation to stay.this days iam feeling very sad.he knows about it.i want to take him again my house how can do? please tell me someone

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    Diane 4 years ago

    Good advice me and my boyfriend are getting better we are opening up to each other and telling the truth about everything that happened in the beginning of our relaionship and it has made us so strong cuz i went from lying to him about my past life to just keeping it real with him big step and change in our relationship im proud of us!!!!

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    harriet 5 years ago

    i have a boyfriend. and he's married.. i love him so much., and i don't know how to go out in this relationship. im so much inlove with him. he always break up with me, bcause of little issue. pls. help me wat im going to do :(

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    Octavia 5 years ago

    Im 16 and my ex-Boyfriend and I are still talking /working on our relationship. I Like him ALOT ... and i want to work it out but I feel like were seperating or our relationship is getting boring.... especially after he found out I was talking to another guy.... even though I want HIM ....He doesn't understand ,he better keep me now or lose me Forever -__-

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    mr kalz salerua 5 years ago

    thanks for the article.... as a young father it helpz me alot....

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    Cameron 5 years ago

    Well..... A lot of the things in here are true but it takes a commitment from both sides of the relationship for it too hold strong... Personally I'm with a wonderful girl right now and I want the relationship to last because I really like her and I know she does the same, she just doesn't how it that well :/ when we are alone she's fine but almost anywhere else theres not much affection towards me and I try my hardest to shower her with love And be with her but It kinda brings me down the way she responds. I'm just not sure what to do anymore, so anyone looking through this for some help or encouragement... Just make sure if you know it's right between you guys, to never give up and don't be afraid to talk it out if you have feel there's and issue. Just keep faith!

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