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How to Handle Loving and Dating a Married Man

Updated on October 28, 2016
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Flickr CC BY 2.0 | Source

Advice for Dating a Married Man

You may not have set out to fall in love with a married man, but there are times in life when even the most intelligent women find their emotions getting the better of them. Loving and dating a married man can be extremely painful and seldom works out well.

But this article is not intended to judge anyone or tell you to "just dump him!" This article will openly and honestly describe what the typical experiences and outcomes are in these relationships so that you may be more prepared, educated, and informed about what you should expect, and how to handle it.

Here's my best advice and things to remember:

  1. Remember that his first priority will always be his children and his wife, no matter what he says.
  2. If he lied to you in the beginning about whether or not he was married, you should seriously consider whether or not you can trust him.
  3. Do not sacrifice everything for him. Be independent. Go on dates with other men. Have other hobbies. He's not giving up everything for you, so you shouldn't give up everything for him either.
  4. Your relationship will change if he divorces his wife for you. It will not all be fun and games anymore.
  5. Make your relationship worth your time. Ask him to support you financially, or at least make sure you're getting as much out of it as you're putting in. Don't let him take advantage of you.
  6. Be honest with yourself. What you're doing is risky. Own up to the risk.
  7. Very likely, he will not leave his wife for you.
  8. No matter what he says, he's still having sex with his wife. Don't let your relationship with him keep you from seeing other people.

How many men do you know who are ruining their lives because of a woman? Now, how many women do you know who have sacrificed all for a man?

Women need to think and act the way men do to find happiness.

Questions to Ask

There are issues to seriously consider if you think that this man may be the one.

  • One of the first things to consider is this: Did he tell you he was married from the beginning or did he lie to you and then have to tell the truth? This will be a major factor as to whether or not you can ever trust him.
  • Another thing to give some serious thought to is whether children are involved. No matter how much he loves you, he is obligated to his children, and if you come between him and the kids, he may resent you in the long run.
  • Is your relationship strong enough to withstand the turmoil of a divorce? How long have you been seeing this guy? One year is about right when it comes to shifting from playing around to getting serious.
  • Right now you may be experiencing the best of the best, but when you are living in the real world together, things will change.
  • Moreover, if he divorces his wife for you, the two of you will go through a lot of sad, and trying times together. Will you still love him as much as you do while things are nothing but fun?

Tips for Women in Love With a Married Man

Don't Sacrifice Yourself for Him

Women need to think and act the way men do to find happiness. How many men do you know who are ruining their lives because of a woman? Now, how many women do you know who have sacrificed all for a man?

Men never put their relationships first. At least moderately successful men don't. That is why they are happier than women are. Women have a tendency to meet a guy and then focus their entire lives on him. They will stop thinking about attending school or put business plans on hold after meeting someone who sweeps them off their feet.

This is a bad idea even if the guy is not married. But if he is, you have truly just shot yourself in the foot because you have given up a piece of yourself for a someone who belongs to another. You will become more and more resentful over time.

Look at your lover boy for what he is and control your emotions. If he is obviously lying to you to keep you available to him, consider if the relationship is worth your time or not.

Leverage Your Relationship

If he can somehow help you in life by making you more successful, paying your bills, or buying you a home, then you have gotten something to show for your time.

Be Truthful to Yourself

It's a matter of being honest with yourself. If he is married and has no intention of leaving his wife, then he may have been dating many women over the years. Usually when a man has this pattern, he dates the woman until she begins to expect more out of him. Then, he dumps her, finds another woman to sleep with before getting rid of her when she gets tired of being a doormat.

The truth is, a guy will string you along as long as you will let him. It's up to you to look out for yourself and avoid being taken advantage of.

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Flickr CC BY 2.0 | Source

Rules for Extramarital Affairs: Make It Worth Your Time

Ask yourself this question: "What am I getting out of dating a married man?" If you are not getting anything, you should ask the man to make the affair worth your time financially or move on. I am not being judgmental here. But if your guy plays with you for free and then goes home to his wife and plays the husband while you sulk, you are only torturing yourself and being a hooker who works for free. To be wise and economical, it's time to ask your "boyfriend" to help you out financially. This way when the time comes that you are not together anymore, at least he helped you pay your mortgage.

Before you go off on a rant about how expecting or wanting money or gifts is prostitution and that it's all about the love here, remember that dating a married man is not exactly moral either. The difference here is at least you are not being raked over the coals as you would be if you simply smile and put out like a good girl.

You must be realistic here and accept that what you are involved in is risky in many ways. One of the things that often destroys women in your situation is the shock of suddenly being dumped because of something that is happening in his marriage, or because of stress that you are causing him at home. Believe me, when this happens, having that extra money invested will lead you to think, "At least I got something out of it." And that is much better than the feeling of having been walked all over.

I know you are probably thinking that you are in a unique and different situation because he truly loves you, and you love him, etc. But that is what they all say, and when stress and reality get involved, people's emotions and decisions tend to be all the same after all.

I know you are probably thinking that you are in a unique and different situation because he truly loves you, and you love him, etc. But that is what they all say.

A Real Story of Dating a Married Man

For nine years, my friend Darleen dated a man who was married and now regrets it. Her man told her that he loved her but because he had two children with his wife, he could not leave her. He also said that he no longer slept with his wife, but that they had an understanding. Darleen would tell me that if he could leave his wife for her, he certainly would and that her man often showed great concern for whether or not she was cheating on him.

Love Is Blind

Yes, love is blind. I found myself angry quite often as I told Darleen that if he loved her he would divorce his wife rather than play this game with her. Poor Darleen had excuses for everything. She got on her high horse by stating that if a man has kids he can't leave. I happen to have known several highly moral men who divorced their wives even though they had two or three kids. After the divorce, they took care of their children at least half of the time.

The truth is, a man will change his life around and do anything to win you over if he truly does love you. If he is content to have sex with you and makes no move to make a permanent life with you, then you must understand that he does not see you as being very important. Or not important enough.

If He Really Loved You . . .

I know that your ego does not want to accept that fact but put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. If you were with a man who you were not having sex with and who you did not love, and you had this man on the side who you truly did love and had a great connection with, would you be content to go home to the man you did not really want, knowing that your lover is single and could easily find someone who is available for him full time?

The thought of it probably sends you into a cold sweat.

Men are concerned with having their woman all to themselves. It is actually proof of disinterest on his part if he does not care who you are with and what you are doing.

If he sees you as a valuable woman, he will know that other men are after you, and he will want to make sure that he gets you before someone else does.

Making Excuses

Darleen made excuses for her married lover for years, and she believed him when he told her that he could not stand his wife and never touched her. After listening to her talk about their intimate discussions, I figured out that her lover had caught on to the fact that Darleen seemed to accept him going home to his wife as long as he and his wife were no longer sleeping together.

Things got a little tricky when his wife suddenly became pregnant. Darleen worked in a building across the street from her lover's wife and was able to spy on her every so often. Darleen's guy informed her that his wife had been bugging him for years to have another baby, and he finally gave in. Not that they were sexual or anything—he explained that in order to touch her, he had to get drunk. The wife had marked the calendar for the day when she was fertile, and they did it just that once in order to have a baby.

The lies can be clever and convincing, but I always say, "Assume that the man is lying until you are engaged, married, or something close." If he is cheating on his wife, he has displayed to you that he is willing to lie, and you have no way of knowing how far he will go.

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Flickr CC BY 2.0 | Source

Should You Be "Faithful" to a Married Man?

If he seems content to let the relationship go on for years as it is, you should see that he is using you for some fun on the side. So, by all means, date other men. Remember, it's not cheating on your part because he is married.

What Cheating Means

I hear that one a lot. The married guy says, "Don't cheat on me." Unless he is separating from his wife, you are free to do as you please and you should. Otherwise, you will find yourself rejected by your married lover and you will be left alone. Date on the side to keep yourself from becoming too attached to this man and to keep reality in perspective.

When Darleen finally listened to me and began to see other men, her viewpoint changed dramatically. Her married lover began to only see her for sex. They were meeting in hotels and were meeting in his car after work. Darleen was not even getting a meal out of it. Sometimes they would go to a bar and have a few drinks and then go to his car.

What a waste of her time.

Freedom

When she began putting her photo on dating sites, she felt more powerful because she could see that there were a lot of other guys out there. Some of these guys took her to exciting places, bought her nice gifts, and even offered her spending money.

What's the best cure for a man? The answer is another one! When you have a man abusing your emotions, don't feel guilty about seeing what else is out there.

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      Alpha 3 days ago

      Hi Too Trusting. Better you move on with your life. I have been in the same situation and been hanging there for 5-6 years. He told me same....when kids turn 18 he will get divorced. Still hasn't and kids are 18 up. Wants another 5 years. In the beginning of dating we didn't have sex too and he kept giving me hopes for the future and was saying he isn't intimate with the wife and they sleep separately...yet they go on holidays, dinners, plays, movies etc. It's not true. 6 years have passed and he's treating me badly not wanting to talk to me or spend time. Shouts at me every now and then. And am so stuck to get out this rut.

      My advise leave it....you don't know what is going on behind your back...he may be lying to you and sleeping with the wife and he may never leave her because of the daughters. Don't fall in love with him. Biggest mistake I made when I fell in love with a guy who can't provide you with a future but promises Which he will NEVER fulfil.

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      Too Trusting 4 days ago

      About a month ago I started dating a married man. When we first started talking I thought he was divorced. I knew immediately at our first date that he was a man of honesty and integrity. He has two 15 year old daughters who are on the low spectrum of autism. After our second date he told me that because of all the care that his daughters need he and his wife have not divorced. I ended our dating relationship immediately but continued to talk to him as a friend. Both of our feeling kept growing so I started dating him again but I have not had sex with him. He has told me that he and his wife had not had sex for 3 years and that they are just roommates, separate bedrooms. I have told him the problem that I have dating someone who is married whatever the reason. I told him that I am looking for a partner in life not someone to just have fun with. He agreed but his plan was to get divorced when the girls turn 18 because they would get disability that would help take care of them and he would not feel like he is abandoning them. I told him I would never wait that long. Here is the plan that we have come up with. We are going to date and then if things get serious he is going to tell his wire and come up with a plan to get a divorce but still take care of his girls. I am not sure if I should continue to date ? Also I have not slept with him yet but I know it’s just a matter of time. I’m trying to keep a clear head but this is a tough one. I’m sure you are wondering why even date him at all. I can only say that he is everything that I am looking for except that he is married due to circumstances. Ugh. We have had a lot of communication about what my needs are and what I am expecting moving forward and he had agreed to meet my needs and expectations. Any thoughts ?

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      Alpha 9 days ago

      I need some help

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      No1YouKnow 9 days ago

      I have a doozy, I'll try to keep this short. My boyfriend is married, we've been together for almost 7 months. History: We've known each other for 10+ years, I almost went to work for him in 2008. Now, I do, started working with/for him August 2016. Yes, my boyfriend is not only married, but he's also my boss. We also go to the same CrossFit gym and are workout partners from time to time (that's how we reconnected, he tried to hire me a few times). And, we also run together 4x per week. We have a lot of little bits of togetherness everyday.

      When we started our affair, we talked and asked each other the question "do you really want to do this?" or "do you realize how f-cking stupid this is?". He said to me "I'm not getting a divorce. And you're not going to hold yourself back for me." We had a deal. I knew how this relationship was going to go. Fast forward 7 months - we are in love with each other, love being with each other and he's now getting a divorce. This changed the deal. We were not supposed to fall inlove with each other. He was not going to get a divorce.

      Ugh, I don't know what to do - to breakup or not breakup? One one hand, I want to stay by his side, be there when he needs me, his best friend, through this tough time. I feel like I would be abandoning him during this difficult time. On the other hand, I think it would be best for us, especially him, to breakup because he doesn't need a girlfriend right now, he's got enough on his plate (work and divorce) and I'm not sure I can handle how our relationship has changed since the divorce and work getting busier, as we don't spend as much time together or talk/text as much. I know he's very busy at work and has more than enough. But at the same time, I don't ask for a whole lot and making some time for me, say one hour a week of quality face to face time a week isn't much. I don't think.

      He's told me to give this (divorce and us) time and asked that I be patient. He does realize that if I were to meet someone, I have every right to go out on a date with someone else (that too was part of the deal - I don't hold myself back for him).

      I want to stay, but then again I don't. I want to end the pain and suffering now, but feel like I'm being selfish if I give up on us/him. This is absolute torture.

      I'm also afraid as to how our relationship ends. We agreed "we are friends no matter what happens. Best friends forever." Deep down, I know how these relationships end, and it's never good or how we want/dream them to be. At least not for me, that's my luck. So, I also struggle with - should I continue to delay the inevitable or grab my ovaries of steel and end the relationship now while we are ahead (we've not been caught, no one suspects our affair, etc).

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      J B G 10 days ago

      This is all so true!!!

    • profile image

      Alpha 11 days ago

      I had an awful experience with a married man. Dated him for 6 years. He kept saying he wants to leave his wife. First he said he will leave her in 5 years once his kids go to Uni. Last year he said he wants to leave after another 5 years. Now he is saying he doesn't know. He may never. Then he says "one day" he will. His kids are in uni and still hasnt. He takes his wife and family on holidays at least 5-6 times in a year. He says he is not intimate with her. We are hardly having sex, meet may be once a week for 20 mins or so and don't talk much on the phone now. He made me reduce all this by shouting at me that he has other things to do.

      The pain comes when he dumps every time he goes on a holiday and abruptly say "goodbye" without any explanations. When he is back he apologises and we continue. Last 2 years I have been clinging on to this relationship with a fear of being lonely and not finding love. I get jealous of his wife and convince him to spend time with me. I keep getting sucked in this relationship and find it hard to leave...because I am so used him going totally blunt and nasty at me and I keep accepting it and maintain this relation. I know there is no future to this. Counselling has not helped me. Part of me wants to move on and find someone else. The other part of me is accepting emotional abuse from him with a hope that he will be with me.

      Am totally finished and hurting every day.

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      Lavien 13 days ago

      Thank you TT

    • profile image

      tt 13 days ago

      Lavien,

      You just got a new job - and with this situation I sincerely believe you should leave your job - get away from the situation as soon as possible - find a different job. It's not that you've been in this job for a long time so it's not hard to leave. Your boss married for 10 and now there is a baby involve too. Please leave him and his family alone. I know it's hard but it NOT impossible. I do it myself. I never have sex with the married guy but I cut off the relationship - and time will heal all sorrow - also you left him it makes you a strong woman and you do the right thing for leaving the job and leaving a married man for everyone's including yourself sake. You can do it.

    • profile image

      Lavien 13 days ago

      I have a bf and he has a friend for 20 years , I got a new job and my bfs friend is my boss , he is married for 10 years never had a child , after 4 months of boss staff relationship we fell in love , two months after ongoing fairytale wife ended up being pregnant , had 6 miscarriage before , I cried he didn’t wanna let me go , and as soon as time passes by I started developing love for this man , and he started getting attached with his wife and she’s about to deliver in 2 months and first child , I have been treating my gem boyfriend like crap and I can’t love him , and he picks on me for being with my bf , we fight almost every week or every day , nowadays he insist to break up with me and we eventually get back but his foundation with his wife has improved , even when we get back he is not the person I knew before , he doesn’t spend enough time , he is always on his phone , his diversion everything is on that baby and I’m being blamed . I’m confused what should I do ?

    • profile image

      nutbrownhare 2 weeks ago

      "What's the best cure for a man? The answer is another one!"

      Erm... I beg to disagree. The best 'cure' for a man is to build up your self-esteem to a point where you're not seeking validation from a lying cheat. To have a rich, fulfilling life and the resources to make wise decisions about who you hop into bed with... and to use between times for a bit of self-discovery so you don't seek out guys who will require you to be 'cured'.

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      Boricua Princess 2 weeks ago

      I am a married woman, I have been with my husband for 30 years (married 12). I recently reconnected with a guy that I was with in HS. I have been in love with this man all these years even though we went on with our lives, married and had children with our spouses. We reconnected over FB messenger. Come to find out after talking with him he has felt the same way about me all these years (he mentioned it first). We have met once and it was really nice to see him, we talk and text daily and are planning another meeting soon (no sex). There has been talk about the future and we both agree that it is not in either of our best interest to leave our spouses. I know it's wrong but being around him brings out something I haven't felt in years. Other posts mentioned being jealous of his wife, I can say I am not jealous of her or the life they have together. We have a friendship that will last a lifetime albeit one that our spouses do not know about.

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      what the 4 weeks ago

      Ann,

      I know a typical nice caucasian woman felt for a Muslim guy - they have 3 sons together - he used her to get citizenship and left her and 3 boys when they are still very small and went back to his first wife (Muslim wife) This woman died of cancer couple years ago and these 3 boys grew up kind of violent and wild. This is a true story.

    • GlendaGoodWitch profile image
      Author

      GlendaGoodWitch 4 weeks ago from California

      Ann,

      Do not divorce your husband just to be used my a Muslim man. In America you are not lower than a man, which means that you don't share a husband with several other women. You are headed for a life of abuse and misery if you don't dump him ASAP......

      Even then, be careful. Muslims are known to disfigured women who they cannot control. I have personally witnessed some horrific things. These men are just not worth any of your time....

    • profile image

      Ann 4 weeks ago

      im in reletionship with man married almost 2yrs... we both married i know from the beginning that he dont divorce his wife.. he asked me to divorce my husband he can married 2 or more because he is islam.. i dont know what to do now. i love him.. i not happy with my marriage life my husband he heat everytime we figth because i have a kid with him i stay even he heat me. my man married ask about my family i lied i say im happy with them im happy with my husband even if im not happy..

    • profile image

      JU 4 weeks ago

      Julia,

      In case you have not read this - someone wrote:

      The goal of most cheaters is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. The majority of cheaters have no desire to (replace) one relationship with another. Essentially they're looking to "compliment" what they already have.

      So you should know you are his secondary relationship. you are complimentary to what he is already have. So basically you are his mistress and that's all you will ever be.

      your life your choice.

      Should you deserve to be in a primary relationship with someone who truthfully love you? His love is not truthfully because he is selfish and just use you and cheat on his wife and lie to both of you. I suggest for you to get out.

    • profile image

      li 5 weeks ago

      Lyric693 - if you are married to a man - he is your husband and some other woman sleep with him weekly and share some of the money with that woman. Is that ok with you? you will share your husband with other woman?

    • profile image

      Lyric693 5 weeks ago

      Ok so I have been with a married man for 2 years. He told me he was married from the beginning but they had problems. He was my first boyfriend and the first person I ever fell in love with. In the beginning when I needed it he did help me financially but I don't need his help anymore. I don't really want him to divorce his wife at this point but I still want to see him. There are times that I feel a little .. wrong maybe? The question is do I still hang out or is this so unhealthy Im not seeing that it is

    • GlendaGoodWitch profile image
      Author

      GlendaGoodWitch 6 weeks ago from California

      A Man- no they would not. Contrary to political correctness genders are different.

    • profile image

      A MAN 6 weeks ago

      Change the genders on this. Would these rules apply to a man? Deeply in love with a married women.

    • profile image

      nice 6 weeks ago

      Hayley,

      I am glad that you have decided to make a big change with your situation. However, instead of leaving him with hatred and anger. You should feel it with compassion. I suggest to think of it as a hard lesson learn. Also, don't hate him for who he is - you should FEEL SORRY for him and for his wife. With compassion and understanding you are not either hate him or agree with his action. If he cheated with you he will or may do it again with another woman. He is a cheater, he likes the thrill even though, it's just wrong. However, that's NOT important anymore at least with you. What is MORE IMPORTANT is for you to be free and leave happily with yourself. "Happiness is a DO IT YOURSELF project" and if in the future you can find someone who is single and will totally committed to you, and that is a plus.

      Bottom line, don't live your life with hatred but fill with love and compassion and forgiveness - first of all it will not only make YOU FEEL BETTER but also, it makes you a better person. So if you are interested about self-help book here is one for you - "UNDERSTANDING MEDITATION" By Thich Minh Niem. from Amazon. It will help you to change yourself from inside out. and everything will take time. So I wish you live happily with yourself and your heart will fill with love, compassion, understanding and wisdom.

      Best of luck.

      ps. Also once you become a strong, happy, loving person, people will naturally want to be around you, want to be part of your life. You don't want to be someone who fills with hatred and revenge because that would be bad for the next guy right? so good luck.

    • profile image

      Hayley 7 weeks ago

      Thank you. I can't believe the change in me and it's definitely because I've learnt to love myself. If they don't choose you then choose not to choose them back.

      The shirt he gave me? I cleaned the toilet with it

      The picture he drew me? I set it on fire.

      Many many self help books later, many smashed glasses in temper, many wet pillows later I finally couldn't care less and what a relief. If he returns again I won't be responding not that he can find me now anyway unless he turns up at my work place but I've made it clear im off this rusty old rollercoaster.

      I don't want it.. Oh and the nice guy who is available and wants to date me I may just give him a chance now.

      Ladies... I beg you to move on.. It's empowering and they will miss us in the end a hell of a lot more than we will miss them.

      Yeah he can find a replacement will she be as great as me? Nope it's defo his loss. Don't mean to sound arrogant but you have to believe in yourself, it helps and it helps so much to finally be angry at these men. They are staying in their unhappy marriages.. Leave them there to be sad and miserable and move on and be fun and fabulous. Then who's loss is it?? Certainly not ours.

      DO IT if I can.... you can. Buy a dog.. It helps lol.

      It sucks too much energy from you and us women get to a point where we are exhausted with it. I got to that point. I'm begging you ladies run away far far away and never look back X

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      nice 7 weeks ago

      Hayley,

      Good for you - 13 years is a long time but rather late than never - you should know by now - ONLY you and YOU ONLY can make this happen - you put yourself first let yourself free - Have fun with your dog - I am very sure the dog will always welcome you home no mater what day it is or what mood you are in. Have fun and wish you the best.

    • profile image

      Hayley 7 weeks ago

      We hold the power... We are not 'trapped' with these men. I felt it.. On off on off for 13 years.

      I've done it last week.. I'm finally out.. Forever! And it feels good. Took me a longggg time to get here but I'm never going back now. Time for me!

      Get out get out get out.. It's not worth the pain and hurt.. I'm healing.. It will take time I know but I'm determined plus this is the first time I've ever rejected him. My cookie factory is now closed down!!! Whoop. I feel so free.

      I've even bought a dog!

      Do it ladies

    • profile image

      Nice 7 weeks ago

      Julia,

      I have my opinion base on my own current situation and on your post - The first 3 to 6 months or a year is the most powerful and strongest period of attraction and connection between you two. Also, the time that you can be so vulnerable and weak and powerless when you found yourself FALL IN love. You FALL in and LOST your balance. The man's power he has over you. So if you can recover yourself or keep your balance during this period of time which means you don't have intimacy or getting addictive to the feeling of being closed to him. However, your current situation is he also have a wife. She is definitely has more leverage over you. He loves her so much enough to marry her. And Yes, I believe he also love you too very much. You're young, attractive, available and single - so many nice features about you - what is not to love and being loved right?. He can have both women at the same time YES. The point here is - will you accept that kind of relationship? sharing the man you love? OR you want him all to yourself? OR you can't have him at all. ALL or NOTHING? You must have the power to decide to get over the addiction of him, because I don't think he will leave his wife for you. UNLESS, you prove me wrong by showing that you can live without him by showing him that you can live without him by leaving him and let him decides EITHER you or his WIFE. Deep down you still hope he will leave his wife for you or PICK you and NOT her. right? don't fool yourself or imagine thing. If he belongs to you or want you so bad he will come to you but ONLY if you will make that happen and CHALLENGE him. You have to KEEP DISTANCE for a long time. No you can't be friend not if you in love. so Don't fool yourself. I know it's like honey on the knife. You like the sweet of honey but you can get cut by the knife. So final advice is to challenge him by leave him for as long as it takes and time will answer if he pick you or his wife. I wish you luck and you have to be strong. hey, life is NOT ONLY just love of a man - what's about your career? your religion? your family? your friend? your gym, shopping all that? they can help to keep you away during the process.

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      Julia 7 weeks ago

      I have been dating a married man for about a year now. When I first met him, he told me he was divorced. It took about 9 months for me to eventually admit to myself that he is married. I knew all along,I just wanted to believe him. I spent money on getting a background check and ended up getting links to his wife's Facebook page. When I confronted him he told me that when we initially met, they were separated and that she moved back in 3 months prior to me finding out. I eventually fell in love with him during that time period. I know that he does love me because I have been in love before. He tells me that his attraction to me is the understanding we have and that his attraction to his wife is based on the fact that she is a good person. They do not have any children together. I never once thought I would be in this kind of situation but I do not know what to do. He was the first and only person I have been with since my ex passed away. He does a lot for me, more than anyone else has, he looks out for me, and makes sure I'm fed and school work is done. He is much older than me but I can not help how I feel about him. I have tried dating and it did not work. I still find myself with him at the end of the day. HELP A GIRL OUT.

    • profile image

      dinh tam 8 weeks ago

      Monique,

      From what your telling us. I understand that this boyfriend of yours has too much power over you. He lied to you that he divorced - he refused to sign divorced paper. He has 4 other kids with 4 other women. He is a cheater, a liar. He's REALLY REALLY is a MESS. He used women because the women (like you) let him too. You need to stay away from him as far as possible. If you have to move far away to a different state and start over again with your life. You're still young. Don't waste your time much longer. The BIG problem here is NOT HIM but MORE like it's YOU. You let him totally control your life. You depend too much on him. You sacrificed too much for him and forget about what is really important in your own life. It's time to set your priority. Is it him or you and your daughter? can you live without him? I think you have to find answer within yourself. You need to take care of yourself, instead of concerning if he is divorce, if he really loves you, if he is the one for you. Looks to me he's NOT the one for you. You deserve better - you need to love yourself first by being independent and take control of your life.

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      Monique 2 months ago

      I've been with my married boyfriend for 6 years!! He is 15 years my senior and he is still married!!! Him and hi wife been married over 15 years and I can't continue on waiting for him to divorce her. He is about to become a Licensed Plumber which i helped him along the way. In the process of doing that I have sacrificed a lot to keep him happy. He told me he was divorced when I first meet him. His wife was a actually the one who told me in 2014 they were still married. When I found out I was mad but gave him time to divorce her! Still nothing, he keeps getting letters from her lawyer and he still refuses to sign them!!!! I lost my health care career taking a charge for him!! I have a felony record which is so difficult for me to start my nursing career! I love him so much plus he has 4 other kids with 4 other women plus I have his 2 year old daughter we had together!!! I met and love all his kids. They love me also but I can't go on another 7 years with a married man. She will get all his pension and benefits even tho he lives with me. He gets so defensive when I tell him you divorce her. I think he is using me or have some agreement with his wife so they don't divorce

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      Destiny 2 months ago

      I've been with this man for 10yrs. He still marry but we live together and he tell me he doesnt get a divorce but she'll take him for alimony what do i do

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      tina 2 months ago

      Hello All,

      Thank you for the article. Thank you for all of your input about this topic. I would not read this article if I was not in the situation. I have a boyfriend who I've dated for close to 16 years - we live in a separate house, we have up and down but we are a happy couple. He's 100 loyal and faithful to me and me too to him I know that. However, there is a twist when a married guy at work I was hanging out with at first I thought he is just a friend but then over time I felt in love. He also said he felt in love with me. There is a strong attraction, connection and a lot of fun when we hang out. I was smart enough to NOT ever hold hand or kiss or think about further than that. However, I knew if we continue hang out it may lead to that. He said he will cross the line - he told me he cheated on his wife once a long time ago. After hang out with him and try to understand about married cheating man - I know I am playing with fired but I always backed away when I know I am in the danger zone. Believe me it's a very strong force between a man and a woman when it comes to attraction.

      to make the long story short. I am the one that decided to distance myself with him for over a month now - I plan to keep a distance a long as possible and I have no intend to hang out with him in the future. I can't be friends, we can't be lovers, but we are not enemy either. I am very happy that I am doing the right thing because, I would NEVER NEVER be able to date or sleep with a married man NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO - HOW much I missed spending time with him - I always see him as who he really is - A married, cheated, unavailable, "cute" guy. but just look don't touch. We work in the same building so I saw him from a distance sometimes, but that's it!

      Good luck ladies, BE STRONG - just STAY AWAY from married man no matter what.

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      2 months ago

      Don't have anything to do with a married man. Almost 10 years now and I am trapped.

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      donna 2 months ago

      You are so right about that . empty promises. cant and wont do that!!

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      Keith 2 months ago

      How find a faithful guy?

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      mary 2 months ago

      i donot understand why so much emphasis on him spending money onyou? loving someone cause he is buying you gifts? it is not about money.

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      Confused girl 2 months ago

      I need advice

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      ConfusedWoman 2 months ago

      I am a young woman who has been seeing a married man. He is much older than me, and very charming. We started chatting online, then by phone. We have talked and sext numerous times. He told me he was married and has been honest with me. He says his marriage has been going downhill, and so has their sex life, he is unhappy and he wants a divorce but they have kids. I know its wrong and I respect marriage but I can't seem to distance myself from him. I have tried to end this, but he says he wants me. He insist we continue on. We have not had sex, although we tried to on many occasions, but I always backed out. We both yearn for one another, which I know is bad . He insist we have oral sex, if not penetration, to ease our desire. We have yet to. I feel for his wife, but I also feel for him. I have become emotionally attached and I am confused. I know I should end this for good, before it gets out of hand but I can't seem to! Help, any advice?

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      bminer 3 months ago

      Finding myself divorced after having been married for fifteen years, the last thing I wanted was to be in a serious relationship. Dating married men allowed me to avoid commitment and avoid all the snares of falling in love. I was clever, or so I thought. I have been divorced seven years. Three and half years ago I met a man in a loveless marriage in who lived 3,000 miles from his wife for over five years. There has been some twists and turns in his marriage. I have maintained that this was a causal relationship, there are 1,200 miles between us due to our careers. I went into this with my eyes open. I knew that he would feel obligated to put her first, for the simple reason she is still his wife. I did not put my life on hold and I had a life of my own, just as he has had a life of his own. I have continued to date other men. Then about five months ago he told me, he had feelings for me. It was hard for me to come to terms with the fact we had fallen in love. That was exactly what I was trying to prevent by dating him. I am a successful, independent single professional with strong values. I am over 50 years old. The question I am asking myself is: How in the hell did this happen? How could I have been so naive? Even though I have a separate life, I date, I have supportive friends, I am happy... but I am lonely. I want to be with him. I know the deal, but that does not prevent the heartache. If I had to do it all over, I would walk away as soon as he told me he was married, which was the third sentence out of his mouth. Thank you for your article. Sometimes, morality does not prevent us from making unwise decisions, women often have to experience the pain. It is my hope that my story and your article will help women make a wise decision and leave the married me alone.

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      Portia 3 months ago

      How can i see that a married man really loves me?

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      Confuzzled88 3 months ago

      Help, so confused.

      I met a man a couple months ago online, we haven't actually met in person as he lives in another state from me. It was an online chat group for a game. I always noticed him when he chatted but i never pm him or directed any comments to him. one day he finally noticed me and said who is this person? A few days later he messaged me about something for the game and I replied and it was all pretty innocent for a little while then we started talking more and more and flirting and getting into deep conversations about our lifes,  talking daily ,several times a day. Then after a couple weeks things were getting a little serious and we were talking about meeting for the first time, he would fly me out or come to visit. I am more then finacially stable and wouldnt let him pay for me becuase i didnt want to have any strings attached. he finally asked about if I ever dated a heavy set man, or older man and then finally a married man. The first two I have before and doesn't matter to me but the last I was somewhat crushed, he is 10 years older then me and not heavy set, I already knew because his profile pic and pics we shared, he said he had to tell me cause he started having feelings for me and he liked the attention he got from me and didn't want to lose the feeling and lose me. Now I'm sure your thinking that only after a few weeks how can we make such a connection but we did and I was starting to have feelings for him as well, we have so much in common and almost type exactly what each is saying at the very same time, sometimes it's creepy but true. Like he knows what I'm thinking at the very moment or vice versa, like we will both be saying the exact same thing and hit enter at the same time to send message. This is instant chat btw.

       He told me that he was married for 17 years but they are a product of an arranged marriage and they have 2 children but are just friends, more like roommates, they have had sex only once or twice a month if even that. They pretty much live separate lives apart from their home life with their kids. He said they have talked about divorcing before but they just haven't because  even though they aren't happy they aren't horrible and mainly stayed together for the kids sake, he realizes now since meeting me that he wants to be happy and be with me rather then just surviving. That he now sees that there is so much more to life and love.

      At the time I knew he had kids because he had talked about them but not his wife, he said he did but don't remember seeing it, it's possible that he did as there is usually over 100 or more messages a day. He said he would stop chatting with me and I agreed but we still talked about the game and sometimes normal things and I took a step back but something about him kept me wanting more, I told him I couldn't be the other woman or be a homewrecker and he said that how could I break something that was already broken... My previous relationship (engaged) ended due to my ex cheating on me. He decided he was going through with the divorce and talked with his wife about it and they agreed and would start the process but they had a family vacation set a week later which they decided to follow through. Also he said after that day he started sleeping in his sons room, they have told the kids about the divorce,  they are in their early teens. I admit he convinced me and we continue to talk but that's all just talk about our feelings for each other and wanting to be together, he has told me that he won't go into the details with me as he doesn't want me to hurt from it and I agreed that I didn't want to know. When they came back from their  vacation he said he was planning on moving out, they agreed to an amicable split. We chatted daily but I only let it happen once a day, I didn't want to take his time away from his kids and their time together. He said his son is struggling with it a little bit and his wife has made some rude comments so he expects there to be drama soon. I have been finding myself jealous this whole time.

       I'm so confused what should I do? We have talked about moving in together and getting a house, I'll move to where he lives because honestly I don't care where I live and can relocate anywhere. He has his businesses and kids there. Anyway I don't want to be the cause of the family break up even though he says it's bound to happen anyway, but if it was why wait until I come along? Because he says he never intended or was looking for meeting someone that he will make the change in his life for. Should I break it off completely until after the divorce (i know this can take months or a year) or still keep the line of communication open and keep it only on a friendly level? Do I say screw it I'm going to hell anyway and just go for it and be damned? I feel like I'm being too moral? But in today's age there is no monogamy anymore, it's hey let's get married and if we divorce so be it, we can find someone else. He says he feels the same way, he wants monogamy but he wants it with some he loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with not with someone who was chosen for him. Or should I just leave and forget about him. I did find his social media but couldn't bring myself to look.

      I love him and I think he does me.

      Thanks for listening,

      Confuzzled

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      Angela Wong 3 months ago

      Your article is a lighthouse for me now ...

      I've been dating a married man for a year, after been working with him for 5 years. Yes, he's my direct boss too.

      I know it's hard and no future..but, I'm truly in love with him and I could say he's in love with me too.

      He's such a nice and kind, been helping me a lot at work and push me for promotions and salary increment for many times, even before we started dating. ( In fact, he gave me the sign since first year we worked together and a few time after that, but I chose to ignore as I was with my ex-husband that time. We started dating two years after I divorced).

      For a year we've been dating, we of course have to keep this secret for the two of us, we both are high-executive level at work. He gives me strong support at work, give me lots of opportunities, always treat me to nice dine & wine, Michelin star chef dinner, rooftop bar and luxury trips. No cash support even thought he always said he gonna help me on my bills but, I've never ask for...

      I'm really in love with the guy as the love of my life. He's the one I try to draw for the whole life.

      I can't explain how much I love him and want hime.

      However, I want to end it! No matter how much I'm in love and care about him. I always struggling when he has to spend time with his wife and kid. I hate the feeling of being left behind and to be alone. I know it will end in tears as he will never leave his wife for me. Even he once said he want to have a thing to bind us for forever.

      I don't want to be his last resources anymore but, he's my direct boss and I don't want to sacrifice my career for this. I'm not in the age to start building credit at work again.

      I more I love him, the more I'm hurt and I want this end...

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      ju 3 months ago

      NEVER EVER DATE A MARRIED MAN ! it will be the cause of such pain in your life, you will loose the best of yourself. quit as fast as possible and better, never even start!

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      Author

      GlendaGoodWitch 3 months ago from California

      @ Jil

      Very difficult situation. If you decide to get involved, I would say to get something, prferably a lot, out of him first. Many men will take and run. Je obviously liking the challenge of the chase is the personality that can be immediately bored after the conquer.

      See if he knows how to wine and dine first.

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      Jil 3 months ago

      I'm glad I came across your article about dating married men, because I am considerding dating a wealthy married man. He is 50 I am 49. He's been trying to get me to see for several months. Trying to discourage him I told him a single woman only dates a wealthy married man for one reason. He said he was fine with that. He is aggressive in pursuing me and told me in the beginning when he really wants something he doesn't stop until he gets it. I have a young child I'm in a bind financially and I could really use the extra help and he knows that's the only reason I'd be getting involved with him. He's very attractive, sweet, funny, very confident, takes charge and so on. I'm the one that brings up sex, because a married man only gets involved with a single woman for one reason. I'm not gullible and I know there's no future with man and he will won't divorce his wife even though their kids are grown, but like most men he doesn't want to share his success. He has said he does not expect sex but it would a bonus, he says he just wants someone to travel with, hang out and have fun. I'm not looking for a relationship or spend a lot of time with someone, so he would actually be convienent for me as far as time and financially. There's two things stopping me...he's married and I'd practically be selling myself, but then I well if not me it will be someone else and what's the difference dating a single guy as a boyfriend that helps you out. He told me I worry to much and I just need to let him take care of me. So, what do you think???

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      Taylor 3 months ago

      Im seeing a man who told me from the beginning that he was married and he was getting a divorce but he dont have kids but he still lives with his wife.Ive been waiting for almost a yr now and Im now wondering if this is worth it

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      Confuse woman.. 3 months ago

      This article really enlightened me..having this affair with a married man for 9mos.now,on and off rel..having second thoughts whether I will continue this for I know this will not lead to anywhere..

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      Brenda alesi 4 months ago

      Very impressive teaching if I can say

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      Anonymous1990 4 months ago

      I feel in love with a married man. At the time he didn't mention being married and pursued me relentlessly. After I found out he was married he downplayed it and acted as if they were separated. Then when he went back I realized this was not the case as she was acting like she had authority over him and I didn't understand why he didn't talk back to her.

      I feel ashamed that I stayed with him long distance and gave her the time to repair their relationship if she wanted. How pathetic I was for that to stay on standby like that. He has left her since and always tells me that I am the first woman he has ever loved, desperately wants a child with me and a proper marriage (not a quick city hall signing due to pressure from his family) but I feel insecure and uncomfortable.

      He has children with her so she will always be in his life and she also knows that he had the balls to leave her because of me. She is a pathetic excuse of a girl who does not know how to look after herself, is very entitled, bad with money, stingy with no future. I hate that if we are together we will have to pay for her living because of their kids together.

      Since we are long distance I cant stand the time they spend together when he doesn't talk to me and although I do not question whether he is faithful i am turning more cynical and bitter every month.

      I think sometimes I sound crazy when I talk to him asking why it took so long to get back to me and snapping at him but at the same time i feel like this circumstance makes sense for met to turn into this.

      I also sense he is capable of little white lies. I saw this at the start of our relationship and sometimes he says something like...oh hanging with his friend John and John wanted them to visit this mexican guy's place. But his friend John was actually meeting a female and her housemate happens to be a mexican male. Why not just say he was visiting John's friend who was a female....

      Little things like this make me uncomfortable. Bending the truth to not deal with confrontation or drama. Am i being unreasonable?

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      Nelly mvula 5 months ago

      Married men will always cheat

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      rym 5 months ago

      i found out that he is married only two months from now but i really love him ....he is older than me and a father to five but i can't seem to let him go plz help me i am stuck

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      kisu 6 months ago

      deeply in love with a married man who has 4 children. married myself with 3 children but no feelings for my husband. I know he loves his wife cos he can't bear to hurt her. But he also professes to be in love with me. been on for months now. He's extremely jealous even of my husband. I know I need to move on but can't seem to find the strength to do so. my husband is too busy with career to even notice or have my time. I have never loved a man this much. I do most of the giving in the relationship. I need strength to move on. pls help me move on.

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      Halima 6 months ago

      Very nice piece of advise I loved it

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      Nell 7 months ago

      Hmm there seems to be a lot of store put on whether he lied about being married. So what if he didn't? It's not better, or more trustworthy. He is showing you who he is: someone who will cheat because it suits him. If he is interested in cheating he should be already divorcing. If he isn't he's a liar. Do you want a liar?

      Re getting him to pay things for you: do you steal? Is it ok to rifle through a woman's handbag while she's on the train? Because that's what you're doing. While he's married they're marital assets. If they divorce shes entitled to half adjusted for circumstances. So half of what he spends on you is hers. Yes you're a thief. No the fact you have an accomplice doesn't make a difference, plenty of thefts have inside help.

      Ask yourself would you want to be in his wife's position? I know you feel you're special but she was special enough for him to marry her. And he still cheated. So how special will you be if you take her place? I know I know you're different, she's a cold bitch. How do you know? Because he told you (implicitly by playing victim or martyr, or even explicitly by telling you). He's a man who cheats. He's a man who is currently lying to his wife about his activities while he cheats with you. How reliable do you think his account of his marriage is? How fair is he really being to his wife? And what does that say about him?

      Then there's you. You're not blameless. Do you hit people who are in your way? Do you drive into cars that block you? Do you run people over on the street? No? Why not? Don't tell me because it's illegal. Is that the only reason? Is that really what you'd do if it wasn't illegal? No? Now here's a tip: what you're doing to his wife is a hit and run. I don't care that he gave you the keys and the address and eggs you on. He might have a grievance. You don't. You have no reason to harm this woman. She's just in your way. And you're ok with knocking her down. Her injuries will be far worse than from a hit and run. That's on you. Is that the kind of person you want to be?

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      Angela4554 7 months ago

      He told me he was married but they are in the middle of divorce.They still live together until divorce is over and have a 17 year daughter.

      I did not even fancy him but he talked me into it.Kept talking about our future and how he only wants 1 woman does not needs lots.He video calls every morning.I think to see I am alone in bed and to show me when at home not in bed with wife.Video shows he sleeps on pull out sofa bed in living room as 2 bed flat.

      Can not do it anymore as can not take spending time with him/ on him knowing he is still going back to sane address as her.we talked from 10pm to 4am the other night over video and on the phone, but kept thinking she maybe at work.Spent whole of next day together.Can not trust him or wait so decided never to reply or answer his phone calls ever again.That is if he does phone or txt.Too much of a headache.

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      franny 7 months ago

      When I was 16 I dated this guy on and of for three months and then completely stopped talking to him. Now I'm 19 and he is 21 he didn't lie to me he told me right away that he was in a bad marriage that's depressing him, but he can't leave because his wife doesn't have a job and he has an 8 month old daughter. He tells me how he misses me and I have his heart but I don't know if I believe him if he cared for me as much as he says wouldn't he just leave its not that hard to leave someone you don't love

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      Lisa 7 months ago

      i am married to my husband for 33 years, But i have know this other man for about 7 months , & i do have Very Strong Feelings for him , As he does with me aslo ,We both live in Different States He is going through his Divorce , & he has told me he Love me Very Much & I have said the same And i do Love him Very Deeply with my Heart & Soul , & now i am trying to undersatand what to Really Do !!!Please help me , yes we to Text & thats all we do , But we both have Strong Feelings for each other , Dont know what to do , Please Help Me Lisa.

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      Stupid inlove 7 months ago

      I met someone at work and it turned into something more than a friendship. I knew he was married with 2 kids, I was also married but left my husband once I realised I wasn't actually in love with my husband at the time. Exactly like the story, he says they don't sleep together, they don't talk (unless it's about the kids). He tells me his loves me, he constantly tells me he will leave his wife but then exactly like the story doesn't end up leaving due to the kids. He doesn't like me talking about it and it's driving me crazy! I thought I was the only one in this stupid situation so it was nice to read everyone's comments and the story as well. My thoughts are that he isn't going to leave unless I leave him - in hope that he misses me. But sometimes deep down I know that he just isn't going to leave her. It really hurts and it is so frustrating because I feel like he is living the best life although he tells me it's not because he feels he is constantly walking on egg shells in case he gets busted. I just have no idea what to do! When he is with me it's amazing, I feel so comfortable and in love but then when he is with her I just feel so jealous and question everything. I really want to be strong enough to leave him but I just can't!

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      Luise Gray 7 months ago

      I know this guy for more than 20 years we used to work together and had a crush in each other. just flirting.He is married and I was also married i left the company 1996 and we never saw each other again but on and off I thought about him. My husband passed a way 4 months ago and he found out in f/b and sent me acondolences message. All of sudden we star talking agian and getting really envolved with hot text messages . He told me he still married but a few years ago he was having a lot problems with his wife almost walk away ..But got marriage conselour she got very depressed and got aadited at the hospital but they tolerate each other he has a daugther but she is by her own. he dicided to see each other for a dinner everting went well but before i knew we were kissing with passion ( before we see each other he was saying just friends nothing more keep reapiting to me) but we broke the rules..now is says is very confused about me and his wife..but wants to see me again and me too..He said i don't know wht to do with you and her he says they dont have nothing for a long time she went a deep depression and throughthe menopause she not in to.I'm very confusde but i have fellings for John..

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      Maria Cecilia 8 months ago from Philippines

      the best excuse is this love and priorities are two different things, but without the one either one will work. The married man may love you but his priorities are his children or family, so at least you have that magical feeling that he loves you and an excuse that you can't be together because of the kids, so what to do, follow what the author said hahaha, wish women can think clearly always and have time to think as much, some are just so weak when it comes to matters of the heart

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      First Love 8 months ago

      So I was in love with this guy since the age of 15. He was my first real boyfriend. We shared our first kiss together. He got into a lot of trouble and he moved away and was basically in juvenile prison until age of 17. He was living in atlanta, ga and he had a child with another woman at the time and never looked back to since he moved. I never thought I would see him again, hear from him or ever touch him again. We are now in our 30's. We saw each other 6 months ago at a bar. Apparently he moved home and now I found out after we shared nights together just cuddling, kissing, and he performed oral sex on me, I found out he is married. He says he doesn't love her, he is never home and always stays at his sister's house and that is how we are seeing each other. I am currently engaged and he knows my fiancee. He hasn't threatened to tell my fiancee anything but he doesn't want me to get married. We had a real heated argument and I told him we are just friends, we don't have to ever have sex, and we can just speak from a distance. He agreed to my terms and returned to his wife but 3 weeks later he begged to see me. I told him no, and he showed up to a restaurant I was from looking on my facebook post. I disappeared from my bridal party at the restaurant and we went into his car and down the street and he was all over me. Kissing me, telling me is not going to let me go and he needs to be with me. I am his first real love and he will divorce his wife. He showed me divorce papers he is planning to present to his wife. I told him take me back to the restaurant and lost contact with him after that episode because it scared me. I have been keeping my distance from him but he put a letter in my mailbox two days ago offering to take me to the bahamas on a 7 day cruise and his divorce is final. He says he wants to marry me in the Bahamas and my wedding is the same weekend. I don't know what to do. There is something about my first love that i cant walk away from. But the man i am marrying is the father of my daughter we have been together since age 21. I met him in college and we are planning to spend the rest of our life together. Do I leave my family I created with my fiancee or Go back to my first love who divorced his wife to be with me???

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      Jenny 9 months ago

      This article open my eyes and helped me with a struggle of dating a married man for 9 years. I have shamefully listened and believed every letter of ever word he said. I feel alone, because your right I am. I am the one thing he isn't getting at home. He says he loves me..he says he is leaving her year after year. Same story different day. I feel this has changed me and who i really am. I am so sad and depressed all the time..always unhappy. I see other couple out together and I'm instantly thinking why cant that be me. I feel hard for this man over a 9 year timeframe like a fool!! How do you get over it and on with your life.. ?? That's s a long time to just suddenly no longer have that person you care to no longer be there...

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      AC123 9 months ago

      I am so lost in my relationship with a married man at this point.

      He pursued me at work, and I did not know he was married, but he did tell me on our first date. He was extremely upfront and honest, and very insistent that I needed to be comfortable before anything else happened. I ABSOLUTELY should have stopped right then and there. and I think about that a lot actually. He was seeing other women at this point, and has since stopped and is only seeing me outside of his wife. I believe this to be true only because he could not feasibly have time for anything else.

      At this point I am so deep into this. By October/November he was talking about divorcing his wife, and how he needed to move on with his life. I knew at that point that it was not to be with me, I am not delusional. Late December this faded away and his wife was trying to get pregnant (not via sex). He is so upfront about this information that it is very easy to believe it all. When he told me that his wife was pregnant I really thought that I would be able to end it and that would be my moral high ground, but I am still in it. This was about a week ago and I can already feel an emotional shift. He gets upset at me that I speak of this ending, even though he has stated that we absolutely will have AN end.

      I told him in the last week that I need to start seeing other people now, and he is really against this. Now THIS makes me crazy. He leaves me for his wife and his home constantly. I am the absolutely lowest priority in his life. He has everything. A wife, a baby on the way, a successful career, AND me. It is infuriating. I refuse to speak to people I know about this because it is humiliating. But the feelings are unreal, and he explains them in an eerily similar way. The truth is - I do not want him to leave his pregnant wife. I am not willing to be responsible for that, and I do not want to deal with his shit all the time. It is a bit of a relief to have him so distant from my life. But I am lonely, so fucking lonely. It is like days of pure sunshine and warmth, followed by the miserably, bitter cold times that seem to go on forever. I am constantly beating myself up over it all the time. Why can't I be stronger? Why am I OK being his lowest priority? Why am I ok with anyone treating me this way? IS this what I am worth?

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       9 months ago

      I'm seeing a married man 2years now. We met in high school, we were friends/trouble buddies. I was in a relationship with someone els back then and we only kissed once on accident in high school. When we graduation he left immediately to the military. I lost all contact and thought I'd never see him again. 8years later I randomly find him online super bowl Sunday. I emailed him and was excited to get a response, couldn't believe after 8years to have found him. We talked back and forth for a few days and set a day to meet and catch up over dinner. The moment he arrived at the restaurant I felt a indescribable sensation through my body. I was shocked with the attraction I was feeling toward him. We talked for over an hour,then the overwhelming tension between us became so obvious he called it out. We were both blindsided by the chemistry. We decided to go talk in the vehicle and the moment I closed the door the tension was irresistible. We immediately started to make out, and tho we both knew what we were doing was wrong, he's married, i have a boyfriend of 8years, we couldn't stop. The electricity between us was something I've never felt before. We ultimately had sex right there. I have never in my life had a one night stand nor ever had sex with any man the first date. It was the most trilling amazing sex of my life. I was shocked with my actions. The next day we talked about what happened and it happened again

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      SparklePony 10 months ago

      I started out dating the married couple. The wife became jealous of my relationship with her husband. Now I'm in love with him and she is alienated from both of us. It doesn't get more complicated than that. She knows about me but not that he and I still have intimate conversations. She put the ultimatum down that I cannot just have sex with him, and I don't want to have sex with her anymore. So it's supposed to be over.

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      Fiona 10 months ago

      A really great eye opening and honest article x

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      Rachel 10 months ago

      Found out recently that a man I have been sleeping with is sleeping with someone I know and have worked with. He is in a very high profile position. I'm not going to see him any more but I know his routine and this other woman who I like I want to tell her that she hasn't been the only one so she can also take care herself to not get hurt any more thinking he's just with her and may leave his wife some day which clearly has been a lie from day one. What should I do.? Should I just walk away with telling my friend to do the same because he was sleeping with me too or should I just let her continue her affair with him. Really want to bust him I'm sure he will replace all of us but still ... Help . Oh year how should do it as well.

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      Baby3 10 months ago

      I am seeing a married man. We have known each other since high school. I am also friends with his first wife. I have met his current wife at a function a few years ago. He and I have been friends and never looked at one another in any other way. Two weeks ago something changed and we crossed a line for the first time in 22 years of knowing him. His wife is due any time with their child. I know he loves his wife and I know that he believes he is falling in-love with me... Unfortunately, I have fallen in-love with him. He wants to tell her about us. He hasn’t been sexually active with her since we crossed the line. I am in such conflict and turmoil over this. As a mother myself, I am really apprehensive about him telling her especially before she gives birth. That could put both of their lives in danger (my opinion). I know it is wrong and I am very blunt about it with him. We are on the phone from 6am till almost midnight everyday. I know the right thing to do is walk away. I can’t bring myself to do it. He can’t do it either. I am partly hoping that once the baby comes that it will affect our relationship. That way this affair will only have lasted 3 weeks.

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      Renee - Carolina 10 months ago

      I would love to hear your story Erica

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      Erica 10 months ago

      I am dating a married man as well...I find it comforting knowing many others are guilty of this. I'd like to tell my story and get some feedback. Is anyone still on here to respond for some advice or thoughts/suggestions?!

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      Renee - Carolina 10 months ago

      I was in a 15 year relationship with a man and we have four children together he wanted an out do he left us . My oldest was 11 and youngest was 7. 9 years later I met a guy that delivers products at my job and he said he has been watching me for a while he gave me his number but I lost it. A couple weeks later we ran in to each other and he asked what happened I told him I lost his number so he ask me for my number and I gave it to him. So he called later that night. The first questions I asked were Are you or have you ever been married he said no. We talked on the phone and txt for about two weeks. I sitting one day having lunch and two of my co workers we're talking about his dad and his name came of and I sat there and listen to what they had to say. I found out that he was married with 3 children I was shocked. I called him and he was mute at first. He then said to me yes he is but it's not perfect and my words to him was I asked you in the beginning and you lied to me and trust is a big issue for me after my previous relationship. I then told him we can only be friends because believe it or not he always made me laugh and I made him laugh. I really liked him but I can't be with a married man. I Thank God I found out about his marriage and I never slept with him but I can't lie I do think about him from time to time. I think maybe it's because I haven't allowed another man in my life after my precious relationship or that I have been celibate for 2 1/2 years..

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      Nikki P. 10 months ago

      I was cheated on by my husband (now ex) and it is devastating. One of the worst pains I've ever had. It's never ok to do that to your spouse, no matter how unhappy you are. And it can be avoided. I know how difficult it can be to do the right thing. I've been friends for years with an old co-worker who is now married with 3 children. One day recently, he confessed that he's had feelings for me since we worked together 16 years ago. I'm very attracted to him also and I have enjoyed our conversations over the years. But he's married. So we remain friends, but nothing romantic has been allowed to happen. I keep the conversation friendly and if his wife ever saw anything that is said, she will never have to worry about me. It hurts sometimes because I miss being with someone and it's been difficult to find someone. But I feel better knowing I'm not going to be responsible for hurting another woman the way I was or for breaking up a family. And I know that if it ever becomes too difficult to just stay friends with him, I will pull the plug on our friendship. It takes a lot of self control, which is something lacking in many people these days.

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      bb88888888 10 months ago

      How about not committing adultery and just staying away from married man altogether? That's the righteous way.

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      Miles 11 months ago

      Im living together with a married man, his wife left him, they have no baby and no communication at all. He wanted to have family with me, and having baby, before he would legally end their marriage and before he would marry me. But I wanted him to make a first step of formally ending their relationship before wanting to have kids with him, yet he has not done anything so far. Im just afraid. so I told him I was not ready yet to build a family but what I really wanted was to first get married with him before starting a family.

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      TAJAH 11 months ago

      i have been in a relationship with this man for 6 years. i think im outgrowing him because its not going in the direction i would like. he was honest enough to tell me he was in a live in relationship with his girlfriend whom they have always had arguements. for me this was just a physical relationship but then he bacame attached getting to know my family. and yes over time i have grown to love him and i feel he has some affection for me but its not enough for me. at first he would say if i dated someone he would understand but now he doesnt want me to date other people. which like i told him its selfish because he is still in the live in situation. my problem is i have become so comfortable with the way things were, but now im tired! i see that this is going nowhere no time soon or later!

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      Anon 11 months ago

      Didnt know where to begin,Maybe i shouldn't

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      Billz 11 months ago

      It is dead wrong to be "in love" with a married man!!! This article just paints all the bad stuff in shades of grey and does not actually say for a fact what is wrong or right. People will keep reading this crap and be subconsciously setting themselves up for divorce and being more open to it. Yet they wonder why divorce rate is highest in the US. Like people should move on already!! There are millions of single guyz out there and this writer will be telling us how to "caress" being in love with a married man... its funny until you are the wife about to get divorced by your husband and all your years and efforts are down d drain because of a group of people that rely on their genitals for their thinking!! The truth is... until we learn to love the right way...this is just an endless cycle...when he dumps his wife for you trust me in a year or two he would be having thoughts of finding "the next best thing" of course what goes around comes around. We ought to be thinking of making the world a better place and take more responsibilities for our decisions and actions rather than always looking for the short escape route. Until then, the divorce rate will only get higher...can't imagine what relationships and marriages would be like in 2050

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      Christyroxanne 11 months ago

      I am a widow but recently began seeing a married man that i work with. We started out as friends. After losing my husband, i suppose i need to fill a void. I pursued him, hard. He had never cheated on his wife of twenty years. They have been in separate bedrooms for a few years now. They have children. I actually know and like his wife. I dont know her well but...

      He is a really good person and sometimes i feel guilty about convincing him into this affair because i know it bothers him so much. I have never asked him to leave her nor will i but i have told him that i love him and he has told me the same. Hes a Christian and thinks hes going to hell. Ive tried easing his mind but he beats himself up about it. What can i do?

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      Anushka 11 months ago

      I was an other woman to a married man who got a child recently. We had the affair for 11 months and at the end, out of jealousy I disclosed every fact about our affair to his wife. His family life has been almost ruined by my rudeness..But he still talks to me without showing any anger toward me. Why does not he hate me? Does this mean he had emotionally attracted to me and love my company even after I have deliberately ruined his family?

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      Emanuela 11 months ago

      Wow.. the articals are so helpful.I have really picked a leaf.Its my first time to date a married man but i have been through immense pain.Moving on hurts but i guess its the right thing to do.

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      Carmen 11 months ago

      My situation is extremely confusing.. I am sleeping with a married man.. Yes.. This man whom I've been friends with for almost 7yrs.. About 5 years ago we did confess we had some feelings for each other. He was with his hs girlfriend and I 4wks pregnant.. Didn't seem so ideal.. We stopped speaking for a,few years because with our situation we couldn't have what we wanted.. We reconnected about a year ago as friends texting joking around like old friends. Since our previous encounter he had gotten married to,the same girl he was with then and,had a child.. One night he stopped by after work to say hey.. All of those old feelings came back I could read them so well in the way he looked at me.. I did make the first move but stopped.. He is married.. Even though like them all he says he's not happy he's still married. He made the second move could no longer say no.. We talk everyday like friends and when we see each other were,sleeping together.. Not Every time but most. Not a day goes by I don't hear from him.. I'm not sure what to do because I've made the mistake of falling for him but what we are doing is sick.. How does this even happen.. Confused I guess.

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      Noname 11 months ago

      Im single mom and I dated married men who work in same place with me for three years. I never thought that our relationship went so far and so intense. I couldnt think why did i so stupid that time, the things happen so fast.He trying to get me from the beginning and evantually i had falling in love with this man.Though he had told me that he had married with 3 children but i just ignored it because he had convinced me that his feeling on me is true. We had great times, had fun but it often end with tears and pain as he will return to his family and im alone. I keep pray and seek the right path but keep fallen to same mistake. Its like circle, when he return to his family i will try to advice myself to not see him anymore. But when he call and looking for me i just forget everything. He keep telling me that doing sex not a sin if you really love each other.LOL and sometimes he will tell me a bible story that past mankind too has doing affair and GOD had forgiven them. I had advice him what we do is really wrong, and sometimes we end up of arguing. Since the men never support me financially, i started to open my eyes. I started to find article, ask friend opinion and started to met other man.Our Relationship getting intense..so much drama, fight. My eyes often swelling when i go to work..even my collaegue ask what happen to my eyes.. i had tell him to break up but he cannot accept that and said to me that i had ruined his life if i dump him. To make it short, i started to think that why should i be loyal be honest to this married men, and i cheated on him i met guy..i see the guy when he return to his family..and one night my married man caught me with the guy i met in my home..lol.. he is very furious, very angry..he is completely going uncontroll.. and crashed my car mirror on that night.and the worst thing has happen, my family know the story and even his wife know it. LOL I feel guilty that time for not being honest with him..but in the end i think it has it own reason to happen.

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      Nessy 11 months ago

      Am in love with a married Man, he told from the beginning that he was married by default and as their culture he has to stay with the wife and the kids and he is allowed to marry a second wife of which he has proposed countless times but I always turn him down, he more willing to take me to his parents but I am scared, his best friend knows about us and his cousin also knows about, his wife contacted me sometimes back after she saw my text on his phone but I didn't respond, he helped me move out and start a new life he supports me fully finacialy buys me expensive staff take me out for lunch twice a week and we go clubbing every weekend and he spents the weekend at my place, we go shopping together,kisses me in public,holds my hands in public we take a lot of pictures with his phone and he never delete, when I try to leave him he becomes crazy he can even drive to my place upto 2am just to say he is sorry, he doesn't like me going to clubs with my friends he will show up if I do, he gives me full access of his phone, the problem is he is still intimate with his wife and he is honest about it and he also want to get me pregnant. In short he want me as his second wife and be made known....he is pushing me to introduce him to my family or any family function he would force his way inn he also want us to open a big business together....Am confused what should I do Kindly advice

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      Noname 12 months ago

      I met a man online last year and we became good friends, or so I thought. After months of talking on the phone we met and the chemistry was even better. I have my guard up most all the time and this one time I decided to trust someone and give them the benefit of the doubt, it backfired badly. I fell in love with this man and I started noticing that we ALWAYS stayed at my apartment, phone calls only occurred at certain times, never met any family or friends. One day I looked him dead in the face and ask d him if he was married and he said no as if it were a foreign word. Still not feeling he was being honest, I did some research and discovered he was married AND lied about his name. When I confronted him he didn't deny it and he said it's just something he has done for a while. Long story short I was devastated and didn't speak to him for several months. So many unanswered questions I had so I contacted him again. & in a way I think I was hoping that he came to his senses, realized he loved me, & we would ride off into the sunset together. WRONG!!! Nothing was different except that because I contacted him he thought I had forgiven and should be ok with it. I can't be ok with being a side piece and I know I wouldn't want this to happen to me so I just couldn't do it anymore. It lasted about 5 months, & I wasn't happy. Sex can confuse your judgement that's for sure especially when it's amazing. Things needed very bad...I became angry and I did contact his wife and sent her screenshots of messages and pics ( nude) as well...I felt absolutely horrible afterwards and I lost a lot of sleep for a cpl weeks behind it. I feel bad for hurting her. Now I'm just picking up the pieces and trying to just move on. It's not easy, but I know that this hurt won't last forever. Women, he knows all the right things to say and trust me, you probably aren't the only side piece he has. Love yourself enough to walk away because if u don't have any standard he won't value you plus chances are if he cheats with u, he will cheat on u. If he loves u like he says, he would leave his current relationship and come at u the right way. Anything else...he's just playing games

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      Nhbjb 12 months ago

      I am a married woman with an arranged marriage Years ago. I fell in love with a married man who is 4 years younger than me for 6 months now . He has 3 lovely children and I have two . I have met many men in my life and I am attractive confident and beautiful . But I always had trouble fall in love or commitment. I can't have any relationship over a year . I either got bored very quick or I ran away when I was asked commitment . My husband loves me very much which made me feel stable and being a normal woman . But I always feel kind of incomplete because of the inability to love . I met my lover in a business networking event. He is charming , handsome, confident and perfect body clean cut . His suits always tailored and fit perfectly. We met a few times later for dinners and I feel I really fall in love with him and very quickly became unsepersteble. I believe this is the first love in my life . I really cherish this emotions and devote myself to him . We talk and texts everyday and we meet after work a few times a week . He was really struggling in our relationship because he loves his wife but he loves me more than her. He never had affairs before, . He tried to push me away a few times because he is falling so much doesn't have the ability to leave himself . We both know this is wrong . But we don't have the ability to separate . We tried. But failed every time . Love is like addiction . When u cut off supply , the withdrawal is too painful to endure . We aretogether more often than before with this love affair progresses . His wife already getting suspicious and acting out sometimes . I am more mature than him in this perspective , my family really didn't suspect anything . he can't hide his emotions in front of his wife . He went to pyschologist for therapy . She advised him if we keep like this , everything will blow up in front of our faces . His wife is very nice and sweet lady married to him since she was 18 years old. She doesn't work and he is her whole life . I am so in love and I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt anybody . We r together only 6 month . I would consider more carefully what my plan in the future if our relationship can pass one year . But I know I never had this feeling to any man in my life . The love is way above and beyond the level of ethical , social standard. I can't let it go . One thing I am sure , his wife will find out very soon if we continue this relationship. Because he is such a honest , great guy . I can tell he endures the tremendous guilt being with me but he can't help himself to stop . I hope we won't end up destroy two beautiful families for love . God knows what gonna happen in near future

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      Sibbs 12 months ago

      Married man are crappy ...single ones are worse....so frustrated. ..iv run out of places to look for a partner

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      Pum 12 months ago

      Touching stories

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      Onyinye 12 months ago

      I have a boyfriend who I have dated for seven years he loves me so much, I betrayed the trust he has for me by dating a married man I met five months ago I am in love with him don't know how to tell my boyfriend I vowed never to date a married man, I don't know how I found myself loving him. this man is married with three kids but his wife is not giving him peace of mind, he wants me to accept his proposal so he can come see my family....... Am confused pls I need advice

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      Follower of Christ 12 months ago

      All of you who are dating married men have your priorities WRONG!! You will reap what you have sown!!@

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      Beonpainful 12 months ago

      Don't ... stay away... u will never , ever be the same again. Worse then any physical pain you can have. Horrific life once you fall in love with a married man and they won't leave. They want to leave but can't find a way. The money ? The status, and the kids keep them living in an unhappy marriage ...only the strong ones leave because they know life is short and they want to be happy. Most are cowards .. sad. But true I'm going throu it .... sucks.

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      Cin 12 months ago

      I'm married, and I just started seeing a married man. We flirted for a year at work before finally going on a date. After the first date he kissed me. I was ok with that, but by the second date he was a little more forward. He wanted to "talk" in the car. Well, I had a few glasses of wine and we did more than talk! We didn't have sex but it was hot & heavy! He mentioned going to a hotel in the future and bringing food. Excuse me? Lol....I'm more annoyed that he mentioned bringing food to the room than the other. I read this article and I agree with the statement "Ask yourself this question: "What am I getting out of dating a married man?" If you are not getting anything, you should ask the man to make the affair worth your time financially or move on. I am not being judgmental here. But if your guy plays with you for free and then goes home to his wife and plays the husband while you sulk, you are only torturing yourself and being a hooker who works for free". Well, what is my next move? I'm enjoying the affair but I don't want to come off that damn easy. It will take all the fun out of it. I'm attracted to strong financially and intelligent men. So hard to find! Advice?

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      Noone 12 months ago

      Give this advice to other by thinking of your own husband or even your dad.think of the people who will get suffer for indulging into this illegal relations.so instead of giving shitty posts which will eventually lead to divorce try giving some advices why we should not indulge into these relations and why we should remain faithful

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      ZAKIRA 12 months ago

      I have been in a on and off relationship with my ex boyfriend for 5 years, and in this time he was also dating someone else, and i knew about it, but i was so obsess and in love with him that i really didnt care, eventually we parted ways, and he married the other woman and they have a beautiful son togther, it was really painful i couldnt get past the pain, eventually i found the strenght to let go, but couple of months later i once again found myself back with him, i dont know what to do, i am so confuse, the sex is amazing, but im not getting anything out of it, im happy when im with him, but the thought of him sleeping next to his wife just kills me, and the fact that i have to make appointments to see him, and im not allowed to call him at night, i love this guy, but i dont know i how to walk away

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      Iesha 12 months ago

      I'm in love with a married man he doesn't lie to me. I am on the phone with him with Lisa when she's around

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      Lorraine 12 months ago

      My husband aged 57 we have been married 35 yrs had an affair last year with a 30 yr old single mother he knew from work. She is totally not someone i would ever imagine he would look at.over 48,000 text messages between them.sex photos she dressed as a school girl giving him a blow job. Totally amazing how a decent good man can change everything for that. No man should ever be trusted believe me

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      Lynn 13 months ago

      For 3 years I was infatuated with my coworker. We flirted heavily with each other, he always had to touch me, do things for me, etc…our co-workers and manager noticed but didn’t say anything. Because he lives and works in another location from me I think our co-workers just leave it alone. They do however never leave us alone while we are out. I recently had an opportunity to work and live in his location for a secondment (work exchange). We were inseparable during my time there. He was openly affectionate to me, where another manager said something to him about it. Some would say we had an emotional affair. I love this man so much it hurts. I really think he is the love of my life. He lives with his girlfriend and two kids. While I was on my secondment he invited me over for dinner to their house and I met his girlfriend. She’s beautiful long hair, a size 2 seemingly perfect. I am a size 16 and beautiful but I am literally the complete opposite of this woman. At first she wasn’t intimidate by me but overtime and several visits back to their home ( I was invited by both to return) became jealous and intimidated by my relationship with him and their kids. He has confessed to me they have problems, and how he feels about me, but neither of us acted on our feelings outside of holding hands. Once I came back home we couldn’t maintain what I developed between us. I took another job (not because of him) and now we no longer work together so don’t have the opportunity to see each other. He told me she is jealous of our relationship and he isn’t allowed to see me or be friends with me anymore. I was devastated when he told this to me. After my last business trip from seeing him I cried for the entire 6 hour flight back home. Now I am at a loss. I love a man I can’t have and can’t get over. Every man I meet I compare to him and I am not happy. I cry all the time. It’s been almost a year since I last heard from him. How can I ever get over him? Writing this has me in tears. I feel like I will never find another man like him that I can love. I feel foolish to be in love with a man that I never had sex with, but our relationship was just so much more than that. No one ever talks about emotional affairs.

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      Brenna 13 months ago

      I’m not sure if my story is the same. He is not married, but they live together with their children. I knew upfront they were together, I know nothing will come out of the relationship and had no expectations around that, but I can’t seem to give him up. I get nothing from the relationship except great sex. I’m 15 yrs older than him and single. I don’t want him to leave her for me; I definitely don’t want to deal with his 4 young kids. We’ve been seeing each other almost two years, and it’s rocky. I know he still has sex with his “woman” and he has never lied to me. I date and have sex with other men on occasion, he knows and gets jealous and complains about it, but I told him too bad. We are drawn to each other and we both know it’s wrong and can’t seem to stay away from each other. I’ve broken up with him twice but can’t stay away more than two months before he wears me down. Honestly, I think I only go back to him because I’m lonely and if I were in a relationship I would break it off. I feel bad for what I am doing but can’t stop the cycle.

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      Eagle 13 months ago

      What a great article. Just what I needed in times like this. Thank you to everyone sharing their stories too, they make me feel less lonely :) Time to start loving my single life again!

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      Helen 13 months ago

      I'm in love with a married man, we have been together for almost 6 yrs. Its the same scenario as above, tells me he loves me, sleeps separately from wife, she has gone off sex, he won't leave cos of kids. I feel trapped by my feelings for him. I know if I give him an ultimatum it will hurt very much so I stay as I am for now. Its easy for people to be judgemental until you're in the same position. Some people say they wouldn't put themselves in this position but you can't help who you fall in love with.

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      Angela 13 months ago

      I was in a long distant relationship for about a year and a half. We were in love, but when it came time to relocate he wasn't ready financially. There were another factors, ptsd, depression and unwillingness to live life to the fullest. We were very opposite. This story thickens... During our relationship I met his family and they loved me as I well liked his loving family. When meeting his family I met his twin brother who was everything my boyfriend was but with few differences as we had more in common. For two months after meeting his brother we stayed in contact. He was easy to talk to and our common interest made conversations interesting. My boyfriend continued to lack communication "while still states apart" I often communicated with his brother more. As another two months passed it was apparent my boyfriend wasn't making any moves and time was standing still. I eventually broke it off. His brother and I became good friend and he was there for me. It's been 4 months since we broke up. I haven't heard a word from him, but I've stayed in touch with his brother. What makes this story difficult is during the last four months feelings developed between the brother and I, and well this wasn't intended to happen. One, his brother is a married man and two, I was indeed in love with his brother, but the conversations continued and now feelings have developed into mutual attraction. We are making plans to see each other as he is also in a different state. We have never talked about where this is going, but he has mentioned telling his brother about us and how he feels about me, but has never mentioned mentioning it to his wife. We're are falling hard for each other. I don't know how this happened or what to except from this day forward. I've never been involved with a married man who is also my ex boyfriends brother who I still care about deeply. Please any advice will help. Lay it on me!

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      Alina 13 months ago

      I have been having an affair with a married man a little over a year now. I am very much in Love with him. There are periods when we don't see each other for weeks at a time due to his work schedule. And sometimes we see each other twice a week! It's emotionally challenging to say the least. Very high highs when we are together and very low lows when we part. This isn't his first rodeo. Men are better at compartmentalising then us woman. I try to prepare myself for the day it ends, but I am just not ready. Any woman having an affair, I feel for you. It is very lonley. Focusing on self love, hobbies, & putting ourself out there to meet elibable men is important.

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      MariaB 13 months ago

      So I met this wonderful guy that turned out to be married and has 2 kids and I have a boyfriend that we have been together for 3 years now.

      At first it was just friendship and I was going after him even thought I didn't know he was married with kids but once he told me I still went after him thinking I wasn't going to catch feelings since he reassure me that besides having sex nothing else was going to happen. Before we even had Sec. The first time which btw was great, we talked everyday after work at work and during work. Everything's was going good but I was the one who caught feelings first and I was in pain for so long but since he would always say "you have to be realistic and nothing else is going to happen between us" i got I guess over it. During the conversations we had he would tell me about his previous affairs and how we was a manwhore and he had left his wife once got bored of the girl and went back home. he would tell me he had dated hot as fuck girls and how he would fuck them etc.. So everything he told me helped me to straight out my feelings and decided not to leave my boyfriend. Times passed we still talked all day when ever he had time he would bring me food from work but me ice cream treat me really nice, buy me medicine when I got sick and I would cook for him when he was sick send it with someone buy he clothes, food and other things. I was ok with just seein him knowing he was ok. After a while he would tell me that he loves me that I make him feel like any other girl had made him feel. That he always thinking about me and cares about me. He started getting jealous of me been with my boyfriend (he knew I had a boyfriend he was ok with it) he didn't wanted me to have sex with my bf. I told him that why shouldn't I have sex with my bf if he has sex with his wife and I don't tell him anything. He says that it's different the situation is more complicated because he has kids I told him so ? You left them once why can't you do it again? He said I wouldn't do it again? That brake me into pieces because I have deep feelings for him. I have serious feelings for him but I'm afraid of leaving my boyfriend turning him maybe into an asshole and for what ? Someone who is not willing to give up everything for me while I would in a blink of an eye give up everything for him? I love him hurts me knowing that he gets "hurt" and hurts me more that I'm cheating on my boyfriend but I just don't love my boyfriend anymore I got used to him. He is nice loveable understands me spoils me but is just doesn't think further into the future he doesn't want to succeed in life, in the other hand the other one wants to move on in life he makes plans for me and him into the future. I just don't know what to do I'm in pain and I don't want to hurt neither of them. I know I'm been selfish but I can't help it

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      marie 13 months ago

      i am currently seeing a married man who is my boss. i have met his wife...he has two beautiful kids. however we started seeing each other so surprisingly as we became friends first. we are basically the same person. his wife doesnt work and he works really hard to give them a luxurious life. currently the wife and kids lives away and he is back here...he travels to see them every now and then . i love him and i think he loves me...he says it and shows it alot but i know what i want and it is not this predicament at all. i am not seeing other people ...never been that type and the fact that he is and i know it eat sat my very core.... i said i would start seeing people but i am just not that type so i think it is time i call it quits... regardless of how much he says he loves me...and i love him too... i just dnt believe in dishonesty , nor am i materialistic so whatever he does for me really doesnt count as i am able to do it for myself....we are so happy together except when something triggers a memory of teh reality of teh situation or when he gets jealous or somethng.... please help me... i am really hurting knowing what i must do and figuring out how to do it .... his mom likes me alot and everyone already assumes we are together ... and compliments us ....as i writ ethis i am so heavy hearted... i just dont believe in making myself happy at the expense of others , though he says they have grown apart and she doesnt even know him. in fact he says that he stayed in the relationship to make sure his kids had a balanced life...