Some people are very social and others are more introverted, but most people crave intimacy in some way. This is where the trouble starts for many people. How do you create the perfect relationship? How do you keep the people you love? And how do you keep the relationship fresh and alive, just like in the best moments you remember having together? Is it possible to do this, or will it all fade away with time? All these questions are deeply intriguing, so let's try to explore them in more detail and discover some of the best ways to "work" on your relationships.
Ambitions vs. Reasonable Expectations
It's hard to figure it all out when dealing with relationship issues. An approach that is too analytical won't be of much use, since you also have to listen to your instincts and feelings. That being said, some reasoning can help you deal with your own feelings easier, and even help you communicate better with other people. T
o be somewhat ambitious about your relationships is healthy and normal, in terms of not accepting any kind of behavior from your partner. Some people can be abusive or toxic to have around, so it's a good idea to have at least a basic picture of what you expect from your partner. The next thing would be to have some vision and values about your relationship. This, however, should be done by consulting your feelings and experiences.
Do You Really Need to "Work" at a Relationship?
In today's culture, success is closely related to hard work, and somehow we can start thinking that this applies to relationships as well. When a carpenter works, he is applying many different tools and techniques to model the wood to his will, however, this is not a good way to approach relationships and people.
Relationships shouldn't feel like work, although sometimes arguments and difficulties are a completely normal thing to expect. Still, relationships are not goal-oriented in nature, meaning you don't need to work on your partner.
Actually, that is something you want to avoid. Trying to mold your partner to your personal vision just puts a lot of pressure on the relationship and will quickly become very uncomfortable for both sides.
A Relationship Is a Learning Experience
It's okay to have a strong sense of right and wrong when it comes to relationships, but don't get too caught up with pre-prepared values. Allow yourself to experience more and judge afterwards. Maybe you'll discover what really matters to you is very different from what your expectations were in the beginning.
Open Up Space for Your Partner
Your partner, friends, children, and even the animals and plants are all living, breathing organisms, which are very complex and don't fully understand themselves. It's easy to get confined only to the dialogue in a relationship and ignore everything else that is happening.
All that you say and think is not the full story. Maybe your partner has needs beyond his or her understanding, so leave some space for them to figure it out and if they are really sincere, they will bring back the best in themselves and share it with you.
A Good Way to Work on Your Relationship
As I mentioned earlier in this article, pressuring your partner to change is not a good idea. It may work only short-term, but usually it just brings more stress and problems. If you are lucky enough to have met someone who is genuinely interested in you, and enjoys what you "bring to the table," then you have a great foundation.
Sincere relationships are based on experiences, not mutual benefit in some material form. If the relationship is healthy, you don't really need to work at it. It just needs space and time to develop naturally. So, your job is to provide that space, let go of the overly analytical thinking for a while, and spend some quality time together.
Remember that the emphasis is on "quality." Just spending every minute of the day together doesn't guarantee a good connection. When both of you are interested in and need deeper intimacy, it will happen naturally. All you have to do is let go and relax. The less the ego is involved, the more direct the communication will be.
Perfect Means "Fully Accepting"
In terms of relationships, perfect means an attitude of full acceptance. To have your best relationship happen, it doesn't take much "work." Rather, it means opening up to the possibilities that are happening around you every day and approaching people more directly with less ego.
Healthy relationships don't take much energy to maintain, but rather take time and presence to enjoy. Though you may have the patience to resolve some conflict from time to time, eventually you will need a relationship that doesn't exhaust you and is generally light and enjoyable.
What Stops You from Creating New Relationship?
- 8 Reasons You Can't Pursue a Relationship
If you have trouble starting a new relationship these might be some of the key reasons that hold you back without you even being aware.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
Question: My partner is always after sex, but I am not ready. What shall I do?
Answer: If you really like him, you should openly express your sympathy towards him, but explain that you need a slower pace and that extra pressure doesn't help the relationship. If both of you have serious intentions, it will develop naturally. On the other hand, maybe both of you are after different experiences at the moment, and if that is the case, you need to give each other more space. Don't cling to ideas of how things are or should be. Rather keep your eyes open for opportunities to experience the experiences you are seeking.
© 2017 Filip Stojkovski