How to Be a Submissive Wife

Updated on October 22, 2018
Hearts and Lattes profile image

I left my desk job after ten years to be a stay-at-home wife, and I haven't looked back. I am known on the web as the Quaint Housewife.

Wifely submission is the ultimate tool for marital happiness
Wifely submission is the ultimate tool for marital happiness | Source

I am a submissive wife to my dominant husband, and this marriage has been the ultimate blessing in my life. I wish this same kind of happiness for every other married couple out there.

If you think of your husband as the leader of your heart and home, here are some tried and true tips for how to be a submissive wife yourself. And if your marriage isn't so happy, these tips might be what you need to give you a little more wedded bliss.

Being a submissive wife is simply about serving your husband in a way that benefits you and the entire marital relationship.

It takes a strong and confident woman to be a submissive wife. It does not mean that you don't have an opinion or that you let your husband control every aspect of your life. Being a submissive wife to your husband means that you focus on being his helper, lover, and supporter. Submitting to the will of your husband is a sign of complete trust and love and it will significantly improve your marriage.

Women Are More Unhappy Now

Think about how the popularity of the uber-feminist movement has risen hand-in-hand with the divorce rate and rates of unhappiness among women. Since the feminist movement began, divorce rates have increased, while marriage rates have dropped. Women have been brought up since the 1960s to develop their career first before marriage, to compete hard-nosed in the workplace, and train in aggressive contact sports—to think that winning is everything—just like men traditionally have done throughout history. And what has that left them with? More unhappiness and more stress in their lives, and failing marriages and families. Women are now more unhappy than men in the United States, as self-reported happiness has decreased in the past 35 years.

Some women take this win-at-all-costs approach with their relationships as well. The problem is, aggression and combativeness do not work with men in a marriage. This is because biologically men are the most combative and aggressive animal. And they tend to fight you tooth and nail when they think you are challenging them—even if the one challenging them is a woman.

Why You Should Become a Submissive Wife

If you are not a naturally submissive woman, you might wonder as you've read along the article, what exactly is in it for you.

  • Very low chance of divorce.
  • Keep the spiciness alive in your marriage, and avoid the overwhelming boredom that plagues people's marriages.
  • Increased feelings of love, grace, and companionship with your husband.
  • If you are a housewife, you will get financial protection and be able to stay home, away from the hostilities of the career world.
  • Favors and special treatment from your husband, such as gifts and extra nights out.
  • Peace in the house, i.e., decreased fighting or arguing.
  • Low to extremely low risk of infidelity.
  • Ability to be your feminine self. If you are a girly-girl, this will be a given. You will enjoy your role as a submissive wife to the fullest.

To conclude, submission is not slavery or servitude. It is a smart way to help ensure that your marriage is fulfilling, for both of you. I would say that makes good business sense.

Let your husband be your hero.
Let your husband be your hero. | Source

How to Be a Submissive Wife in 7 Steps

  1. Let him be your hero.
  2. Listen to what he says, but don't always answer.
  3. Always look beautiful for him, especially around the house.
  4. Become a housewife.
  5. Care for his wishes.
  6. Cry instead of yell.
  7. Ask him for favors when you know he is in his most relaxed state.

1. Let Him Be Your Hero

Men by nature want to feel heroic. It is why they come to our rescue when we are in need. So let him protect you, provide for you, and hold you when you are in deep sorrow. You will love him all the more for it. A submissive wife accepts her husband's heroism happily. Your husband loves you and wants to do anything he can to please you and make you happy. Give him the chance to sweep you off your feet and hold you up when you are feeling down.

2. Listen to What Your Husband Says, But Don't Always Answer

Your husband will often complain about work, about politics, about the state of the world. Men always have a vision of how the world around them should ultimately be run. You will often internally disagree with what he says, for example, even thinking he is wrong in how he handled a disagreement at work. Acknowledge what your husband feels, saying only the minimum. This serves to allow him to express his stresses while also relaxing him, knowing he won't have another debate on his hands to add to his stress. Trying to change him or nagging him for his attitude makes the situation worse, instead focus on supporting him and being there for him.

3. Always Look Beautiful for Him, Especially Around the House

Your husband wants to come home to the attractive woman that you are. Keep yourself in shape as best you can, wear a feminine hairstyle (medium to long length), and wear form-fitting clothes—even tight sweats will do. You don't need to wear makeup. Just keep your face fresh looking (maintaining your eyebrows, for example). If you take the time to embrace your feminine side and look beautiful, your husband will notice and he will be very happy that you are taking the time to look good.

4. Become a Housewife, If You Can Financially Manage It

You must, of course, like the idea of taking this route. Realize your attention to the home in creating an oasis of warmth will create a special world of love that nothing the outside world can break. Being a traditional housewife is a joy unto itself. You will not have the 40-hour workweek deadlines that so many other woman have. You won't be frantically trying to balance commuting, workload, and stress with the cleaning, cooking, decorating, and lovemaking you need to make a house a home. You might have less money coming into the house, but you will still have a happier marriage. Creating an inviting home environment for your husband and your children (if you have them) is a job in and of itself so it will not be easy. However, there are numerous benefits of being a housewife and doing so will help your marriage thrive.

5. Care for Your Husband's Wishes

Maybe he'll tell you he's in the mood for his favorite cake or that he wants the floor vacuumed. Instead of saying, "Do it yourself," or "Yeah, when I get done the million things I already have to do," just say "Alright honey," or "I'll make a note of it." Even if you don't get to something right away, you have told him that his wants are important to you and that you want him to be happy. By paying attention to his needs you are sending the message that you care about him and that he matters to you.

6. Cry Instead of Yell

You will often naturally cry, but anger is also usually best expressed as sadness, even if it isn't natural. If your husband makes you irate with something he says, perhaps it's critical, belligerent, or he's just getting too loud for your tastes, instead of letting a battle ensue, bring on some tears. Tears have a way of either softening his mood, quieting him down, or making him walk away. Every married couple will go through bad moods and fights, even very bad ones. Maybe he'll still grumble after you cry a little, but you will have achieved the ultimate goal: dissipating the hard emotion in the room. If you don't feel the urge to cry, excusing yourself and leaving the room can work as well.

7. Ask Him for Favors When You Know He Is in His Most Relaxed State

Often this is after work, especially on Friday nights. If you need something from your husband or even have to give him bad news, realizing when he can best absorb the information without getting stressed out will often make the difference in how he feels, and in turn, how you will feel. Consider his feelings and his mindset before you ask him to do something. If he has just had a hard day it work, it would be a good idea to hold off on asking him to do something, instead you should wait until a better moment.

You Must Not Be in an Abusive Relationship

A submissive woman does not belong in an abusive relationship. If your relationship is abusive, the only way is out. Someone who is abusive will abuse your submissive role. A man who is simply dominant will not.

Submission is about voluntary grace and being of help to a man who will protect you, guide you, cherish you, and be the lead in the relationship. It is the ultimate meeting of the masculine and the feminine. You will know the difference. Focus on respecting your husband and he will do the same for you. However if he does get abusive with you either physically or emotionally, do not stay silent.

Will You Enjoy Being a Submissive Wife?

If you can agree with the following things, your answer is yes.

  • I don't want to wear the pants in my relationship.
  • I would rather my husband handle the big stresses in life, and I simply support him through the tough times.
  • I love cooking and keeping the house beautiful, things I need to stay home to do.
  • I want intimacy with my husband as the dominant partner.
  • I want to have a protector and a masculine guide in my life.
  • I want to increase the happiness of my husband and make his life less stressful.

Also, keep in mind that if you do not feel comfortable submitting completely to your husband, you don't have to. You can choose certain aspects of your marriage such as what happens in the bedroom or home repairs, and letting your husband have control.

What do you like most about being a submissive wife?

See results

The Great "Career First" Farce

The ultimate problem with telling generations of young women to put career first is that the workplace does not care about you and never will. It is not pro-woman. It is not pro-human. The workplace cares about your output and productivity, but it will never love you like a husband in a relationship can. And considering that us women are naturally emotional creatures, a marriage we invest ourselves in will ultimately always have more capacity to make us happy than a job that can kick us onto the street without warning and without sympathy.

Women are now expected to work hard and focus on their careers, and also keep up the household and help raise the children. That is simply too much, and it creates a lot of stress in a woman's life, which leads to neglecting her marriage and the happiness of her husband.

Being in a loving marriage is one of the greatest feelings one can have, and being in a healthy relationship with your husband is the easiest way to ensure that this happens. He will reciprocate your feelings and treat you like his princess.

Remember that you can still have your own thoughts and opinions and you are not some doormat for your husband to step on. However, you should focus on helping him and loving him the way he wants to be loved.

Source

Getting What You Want and Need As a Wife Without Demanding It

If you are concerned with never getting your way if you become submissive to your husband, consider that your husband will want to make you happy when you are an easy-going, gracious wife. Be kind and polite to your husband, and he will respond in kind.

Your charms will do more for you as a wife than any complaining or fighting will. It might sound odd at first, but gentleness and femininity are elixirs for men. They cannot experience those womanly qualities anywhere else but in a relationship. The competitiveness of the working world and even the dynamic between his friends is usually macho and aggressive, and a man's relationship is the one place he can really get solace from all of that. You husband will be grateful to you for showing your softer, submissive side.

Have You Really Enjoyed Independence and Gender Neutrality That Much?

I was fed the same lies as millions of other women growing up in the 80s and 90s— put career first and look for marriage later—because women supposedly fared so much better with independence. Well, my career gave me a lovely paycheck but exposed me to endless corporate battles, tough deadlines, work enemies, and stress. In short, it was everything my character was not set up to deal with. My character is extremely feminine.

When I traded my paper-pushing for a husband, I found that satisfaction my character had been looking for—that right fit. I found I fell naturally into a role of being the protected, spoiled, submissive wife to my leader, dominant, provider, protective husband.

Using a business analogy, I think of my husband as my own special client, one that provides me with mutual rewards.

In The Surrendered Wife, author Laura Doyle provides examples of how to fit the submissive wife lifestyle into your relationship until it becomes second-nature, and you reap those mutual rewards! She goes in-depth into how to enjoy submissiveness with intimacy, with feeling protected by your strong husband, and with feeling free to be your most feminine self in your marriage, despite the modern influences against femininity.

Remember that femininity and masculinity are reciprocal in nature and one cannot exist without the other. It is not bad to be feminine and to act in response to the masculine nature of men. The feminist movement has tried to remove femininity from women and remove masculinity from men, it is not natural. Allow your true feminine nature to come out in your marriage and you will find greater happiness.

Having a Dominant Husband

Men are leaders by nature, so you have to let your husband lead the way. Your thoughts and opinions as a wife are still respected and valued by your husband, but trying to strip him of his masculinity will only make your marriage suffer.

A recent study from Purkyne University and Charles University, Prague, has shown that marriages are stronger when one spouse is dominant, leading to greater stability and more children. So, allowing your husband to assert his masculine nature will increase the happiness and satisfaction in your marriage.

What Do Husbands Think of Their Submissive Wives?

Many husbands report greater marital satisfaction after their wives chose to be submissive. The constant conflicts and fights were no longer present and instead their homes became filled with love and warmth.

Wifely Submission

This relationship lifestyle will not be for everyone. Sometimes the husband or the wife just does not fit the profile of someone who can be happy being dominant or submissive. In the end you need to judge for yourself the steps you wish to take and what traits you are comfortable adopting into in your life.

That being said, many women find greater happiness by submitting to their husbands, so if greater marital happiness is something that you are looking for, it might be the right thing for you.

Questions & Answers

  • I would also like to have a bit ‘rougher ‘ sex and that at times he doesn’t take no for an answer (always with my permission of course). I know it would be the best sex of my life. He isn’t into it and I know it will never happen. What can I do to not be frustrated? I absolutely believe that if he doesn’t like it he shouldn’t need to do it. But I am still unsatisfied. Any advice?

    This is a desire of a lot of feminine women. It can be frustrating if you feel your husband doesn't want to partake in a more aggressive role.

    In this case being submissive with your husband also means you would be understanding in his desires not to role play in this way, which it seems you already understand.

    But a trick some women use is to get their husbands "riled up" with arguing to bring out more aggression in them. But this could backfire if you don't think he'll respond in a sexual manner and instead might just walk off aggravated.

    The best suggestion I have is that when you're in the heat of lovemaking to imagine your fantasy of him being dominant playing out. Many women close their eyes during sex because they are not only enjoying the feeling but letting their imagination take over during the more exciting moments. You can also bring yourself to orgasm with toys (by yourself) while imagining this.

  • As a man I agree with much of what you say. However, as a 'modern' male I feel awkward with the idea that a woman should submit sexually to her husband. So does my wife. How can we shift our mindset?

    If you find the idea awkward and your wife does as well, there is no need to bring submissiveness into your intimacy. The point is not to make anyone uncomfortable but to put the male in charge of the lovemaking (while staying fully aware of your wife's intimate limits and turn-offs). You'll be running the show while making sure both of you are satisfied. This might ease your mind.

  • I tend to let my mouth get me in trouble. I always have to win the argument, but my boyfriend is very dominant. What are some things I can do when we have a disagreement that will allow my voice to be heard without making him feel like less of a man?

    It's easy to let pride and emotion take over. If the problem is yelling or raising your voice when you are arguing, you can first try to say the same things but in a business-like tone. That means just using a neutral tone, which can take some of the negative energy out of what you say. If what you're saying still sounds bad no matter what, you can use phrases like, "I understand", "How do you feel about ...", "Do you think we could still ...", "Can we compromise by maybe ...".

    You also win the argument when you realize you've managed to be successful in neutralizing a potential blowup or even better, in making your boyfriend feel closer to you with your conversational and caring finesse.

    Most importantly, pick only the most important things to disagree about. A lot of things we all argue about in the end are not life-changing priorities.

  • I am a strong, independent woman with a career that won't change, but my husband and I are looking at this lifestyle for us. How do I quiet the independent woman in me and be submissive? I am lucky to have an even stronger husband.

    You can try integrating some aspects of submissiveness into your life, such as in the bedroom. You can also give up decision-making on some topics that you find frustrating. For me, it's home repairs. I just defer to my husband on that issue because he actually knows what he's talking about versus me on this topic, and I also hate home repair issues. So basically, find his strengths, and address topics of concern that weigh you down that he is better at handling, and be submissive on those issues. You will then be learning and putting submissiveness into your relationship without sacrificing independence in areas that would make you feel vulnerable.

  • I plan to marry at the end of the year. I’ve been married twice before and always had to handle everything. My fiancée is different, and I know I’ll need to be submissive. I’m worried I’ll fail at it horribly. I notice I try to take control and he gets upset. How can I consciously do better? I like not having the world on my shoulders.

    It is a natural inclination to try to handle things yourself. As long as you both know what the expectations are in the relationship, this can work out well for you. The best way I know how to explain it is to imagine yourself on vacation. Put those tasks and worries that you know he will handle out of your mind. If he ever needs you to do something, he will ask.

© 2013 Hearts and Lattes

Comments

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  • profile image

    fragileswan 

    6 months ago

    I can't stress enough how the marriage partners must be compliant to this ideal. It's really really important that the wife not have any sexual past with other men. Otherwise there will be underlying resentment in the marriage on both sides.

    The wife will experience guilt that she doesn't truly belong to her husband in the natural sense, and that will block her heart and drive rebellion.

    The husband will feel insecure knowing that his wife has another living mate(s), and this will manifest itself as control and jealousy. Well-adjusted, commitment-oriented males will avoid taking experienced women as wives, because they are intuitively repulsed by the notion of a wife having had some other guy inside her reproductive tract.

    The man wants a wife he can call his own. The virgin's bridegroom assumes the position of conquest over the surrendered virgin, and pierces her flesh. She suffers her natural share in the pain of atonement of God the Son, and releases her blood sacrifice of innocence, as did Christ when His flesh was pierced through the heart by the Roman soldier.

    The man experiences his natural share in the pleasure of creation of God the Father, as is beautiful in the eyes of God.

    The supine virgin learns her place in relation to the male, as he sends his invading army--an army by which the virgin shall conceive--into her unexplored intimate territory!

    The pierced virgin belongs to her bridegroom, as Jesus belongs to Rome. The blood and water released as the virgin is pierced are the temporal reflections of which the blood and water released from the sacred heart of Christ as He was pierced by the Roman soldier are the eternal realities

    Christ sacrificed Himself for the church, and likewise the woman sacrifices herself for her husband.

    So, the ability to live God's intended image of marriage, as is described in the OP, begins before the marriage takes place. If any woman hopes for happiness in life, she must mate exclusively.

  • Hearts and Lattes profile imageAUTHOR

    Hearts and Lattes 

    7 months ago

    Hello Rikonyan,

    I think you should by abide by the type of relationship that works for you. If you have found being submissive brings you less respect and makes you feel financially vulnerable in your relationship then I would not advise it.

    Another thing you can do is to be submissive with only certain aspects of your relationship, such as in the bedroom. The fully submissive and dominant relationship would usually work more for stay at home wives or women who have small side jobs. This is also why many stay at home wives also manage and handle the finances. They have access to money when they need it, and that is one more burden taken off of the working husband.

    The point is what you and your husband do has to feel like a natural or desired step for the type of individuals you already are, and fit into your life the way it is.

    I have only twice ran into men that did not want to pay for a date. I have found these guys were not really into me to begin with and did not have a good history with women, apparently. So some men might see not paying for a woman on a date as modern equality, but in my experience they just weren't really attracted to me.

    If a man simply doesn't have enough money because he is struggling financially, that's different. If a man asks you out, however, he should be paying for it.

    The type of dynamics your relationship has should not feel forced on either of you, so finding your comfort zone might only include small aspects of submission in it, or none at all.

  • profile image

    Rikonyan 

    7 months ago

    Hi there,

    I appreciate this article. There are some really great points. There are some things I'd love to discuss and get your feedback/thoughts on.

    I think it's tough for women today to not make their careers a priority and here's why: It seems that many of today's men are not gentlemen. They won't pick up the tab and they want to split it. In fact, that seems to be pretty standard now a days and if you assume he's going to pick up the tab, a woman is labeled a "gold digger". The idea of "courting" a woman seems to be gone, even if you give him the space to do so.

    I also believe that the infidelity fact is incorrect, based on science. It has been shown via studies that if a man is the sole breadwinner, he is more likely to cheat because he feels he has full control over the woman and she doesn't have any options because she's financially dependent on hime.

    As you can guess, I am not a submissive woman. I can be and have practiced being submissive in my relationship for many years. However, I have found that it's never enough. There are always more demands, more expectations, less help, less appreciation, more talking down and in general, less respect shown towards me. If an opinion is expressed that doesn't coincide with his thought, it's being disrespectful. I mean I'm about being supportive, but also an individual.

    I do think many of the points are good and helpful tips, but I feel like in today's day and age where it's almost necessary to survive with dual incomes, it is expected that a woman be independent and submissive, which is an oxymoron.

    How are we to be submissive and individuals?

  • Hearts and Lattes profile imageAUTHOR

    Hearts and Lattes 

    7 months ago

    I'm so happy for you. I really appreciate you sharing your story too. A happy marriage makes life so much better for both husband and wife.

  • SandraSmither profile image

    Sandra 

    7 months ago

    I too am a submissive wife to my husband. It didn’t start out that way and we got off to a rocky first few years. Then I slowly, and thankfully, realized what was going wrong. He was not my hero as soon as I started to see him in that light my marriage started to become such a better place. I dropped my very opinionated views of everything and just accepted his. Normally the options are for such irrelevant things in any case.

    I switched to working part time in the mornings only and can then spend more time at home making it the way he likes, it also means I am VERY much less stressed from work and can support him in his stress. I certainly agree with looking good for him around the house. He adores it when I wear makeup so I always have it on and fresh when he comes home.

    My marriage has certainly never been better and I am so glad I have take this direction. I absolutely agree with your whole post. Thank you for sharing it.

  • Hearts and Lattes profile imageAUTHOR

    Hearts and Lattes 

    13 months ago

    That is a wonderful idea. My husband and I work together. We are rarely ever apart. Hiring your kids is a great idea. Both my husband and I worked for our parents when we were children. Good luck!

  • profile image

    slightlycyborg 

    13 months ago

    "Using a business analogy, I think of my husband as my own special client, one that provides me with mutual rewards."

    This is what I want my partner to think of our relationship. I'd bring her (and the kid(s)) into the workplace with me though. The 9-5 separation from wife and kid(s) is not the way I want to live.

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