How to Be a Submissive Wife
I am a submissive wife to my dominant husband, and this marriage has been the ultimate blessing in my life. I wish this same kind of happiness for every other married couple out there.
If you think of your husband as the leader of your heart and home, here are some tried and true tips for how to be a submissive wife yourself. And if your marriage isn't so happy, these tips might be what you need to give you a little more wedded bliss.
Being a submissive wife is simply about serving your husband in a way that benefits you and the entire marital relationship.
Wifely Submission Is the Ultimate Tool to Marital Happiness
Don't think women benefit from being submissive? Consider the divorce rate in the United States.
Think about how the popularity of the uber feminist movement has risen hand-in-hand with the divorce rate. Women have been brought up since the 1960s to develop their career first before marriage, to compete hard-nosed in the workplace, and train in aggressive contact sports -- to think that winning is everything -- just like men traditionally have done throughout history.
Many women have taken that attitude into their relationships. The problem is, aggression and combativeness do not work with men in a marriage. This is because biologically men are the combative and aggressive animal. And they will fight you tooth and nail when they think you are challenging them -- even if the one challenging them is a woman.
So What's in It For You?
If you are not a naturally submissive woman, you might wonder as you've read along the article, what exactly is in it for you.
- Very low chance of divorce
- Keep the spiciness alive in your marriage, and avoid the overwhelming boredom that plagues people's marriages
- Increased feelings of love, grace, and companionship with your husband
- If you are a housewife, you will get financial protection and be able to stay home, away from the hostilities of the career world
- Favors and special treatment from your husband, such as gifts and extra nights out
- Peace in the house, i.e., decreased fighting or arguing
- Low to extremely low risk of infidelity
- Ability to be your feminine self. If you are a girly-girl, this will be a given. You will enjoy your role as a submissive wife to the fullest.
To conclude, submission is not slavery. It is a smart way to ensure that your marriage is fulfilling, for both of you. I would say that makes good business sense.
You Must Not Be in an Abusive Relationship
A submissive woman does not belong in an abusive relationship. If your relationship is abusive, the only way is out. Someone who is abusive will abuse your submissive role. A man who is simply dominant will not. Submission is about voluntary grace and being of service to a man who will protect you, guide you, cherish you, and be the lead in the relationship. It is the ultimate meeting of the masculine and the feminine. You will know the difference.
Will You Enjoy Being a Submissive Wife?
If you can agree with the following things, your answer is yes.
- I don't want to wear the pants in my relationship
- I would rather my husband handle the big stresses in life, and I simply support him through the tough times
- I love cooking and keeping the house beautiful, things I need to stay home to do
- You want intimacy with your husband as the dominant partner
- I want to have a protector and a masculine guide in my life
The Great "Career First" Farce
What do you like most about being a submissive wife?
The ultimate problem with telling generations of young women to put career first is that the workplace does not care about you and never will. It is not pro-woman. It is not pro-human. The workplace cares about your output and productivity, but it will never love you like a husband in a relationship can. And considering that us women are naturally emotional creatures, a marriage we invest ourselves in will ultimately always have more capacity to make us happy than a job that can kick us onto the street without warning and without sympathy.
Getting What You Want and Need As a Wife Without Demanding It
If you are concerned with never getting your way if you become submissive to your husband, consider that your husband will want to make you happy when you become an easy-going, gracious wife. Be kind and polite to your husband, and he will respond in kind.
Your charms will do more for you as a wife than any complaining or "standing up for yourself" ever will. It might sound odd at first, but gentleness and femininity are elixirs for men. They cannot experience those womanly qualities anywhere else but in a relationship. The competitiveness of the working world and even the dynamic between his friends is always macho and aggressive, and a man's relationship is the one place he can really get solace from all of that. You husband will be grateful to you for showing your softer, submissive side.
Have You Really Enjoyed Independence and Gender Neutrality that Much?
I was fed the same lies as millions of other women growing up in the 80s and 90s -- put career first and look for marriage later, because women supposedly fared so much better with independence. Well, my career gave me a lovely paycheck but exposed me to endless corporate battles, tough deadlines, work enemies, and stress. In short, it was everything my character was not set up to deal with. My character is extremely feminine.
When I traded my paper-pushing for a husband, I found that satisfaction my character had been looking for -- that right fit. I found I fell naturally into a role of being the protected, spoiled, submissive wife to my leader, dominant, provider, protective husband.
Using a business analogy, I think of my husband as my own special client, one that provides me with mutual rewards.
In The Surrendered Wife, author Laura Doyle provides examples of how to fit the submissive wife lifestyle into your relationship until it becomes second-nature, and you reap those mutual rewards! She goes in-depth into how to enjoy submissiveness with intimacy, with feeling protected by your strong husband, and with feeling free to be your most feminine self in your marriage, despite the modern influences against femininity.
How to Be a Submissive Wife in 7 Steps
Let him be your hero.
Men by nature want to feel heroic. It is why they come to our rescue when we are in need. So let him protect you, provide for you, and hold you when you are in deep sorrow. You will love him all the more for it. A submissive wife accepts her husband's heroism happily.
Listen to what your husband says, but don't always answer.
Your husband will often complain about work, about politics, about the state of the world. Men always have a vision of how the world around them should ultimately be run. You will often internally disagree with what he says, for example, even thinking he is wrong in how he handled a disagreement at work. Acknowledge what your husband feels, saying only the minimum. This serves to allow him to express his stresses while also relaxing him, knowing he won't have another debate on his hands to add to his stress.
Always look beautiful for him, especially around the house.
Your husband wants to come home to the attractive woman that you are. Keep yourself in shape as best you can, wear a feminine hairstyle (medium to long length), and wear form-fitting clothes -- even tight sweats will do. You don't need to wear makeup. Just keep your face fresh looking (maintaining your eyebrows, for example).
Become a housewife, if you can financially manage it.
You must, of course, like the idea of taking this route. Realize your attention to the home in creating an oasis of warmth will create a special world of love that nothing the outside world can break. Being a traditional housewife is a joy unto itself. You will not have the 40-hour workweek deadlines that so many other woman have. You won't be frantically trying to balance commuting, workload, and stress with the cleaning, cooking, decorating, and lovemaking you need to make a house a home. You might have less money coming into the house, but you will still have a happier marriage.
Attend to your husband's wishes.
Maybe he'll tell you he's in the mood for his favorite cake or that he wants the floor vacuumed. Instead of saying, "Do it yourself," or "Yeah, when I get done the million things I already have to do," just say "Alright honey," or "I'll make a note of it." Even if you don't get to something right away, you have told him that his wants are important to you and that you want him to be happy.
Cry instead of yell.
You will often naturally cry, but anger is also usually best expressed as sadness, even if it isn't natural. If your husband makes you irate with something he says, perhaps it's critical, belligerent, or he's just getting too loud for your tastes, instead of letting a battle ensue, bring on some tears. Tears have a way of either softening his mood, quieting him down, or making him walk away. Every married couple will go through bad moods and fights, even very bad ones. Maybe he'll still grumble after you cry a little, but you will have achieved the ultimate goal: dissipating the hard emotion in the room. If you don't feel the urge to cry, excusing yourself and leaving the room can work as well.
Ask him for favors when you know he is in his most relaxed state.
Often this is after work, especially on Friday nights. If you need something from your husband or even have to give him bad news, realizing when he can best absorb the information without getting stressed out will often make the difference in how he feels, and in turn, how you will feel. And if you really need more help in the moment, just follow step 5!
Questions & Answers
What if my boyfriend wants me to think like him and to agree with everything he prefers? For example, even though we're dating, we don't live together. He tells me what to watch and that I should be smarter. I feel as if he is trying to dumb me down. How do I let him know that I don't like that?
Let him know. Most people give opinions and suggestions based solely on what they think, and it is likely part of his natural personality.
In regards to tip #6 in your article, I've never been one to yell but I "cry over everything." However, my boyfriend gets even more frustrated when he is talking sternly to me and I start crying. I guess I'm just a crybaby, but I really don't know what to do?
It's okay. I'm a crybaby too. Sometimes I get the same reaction. I will sometimes try to go for a hug when crying, and sometimes this works. But I notice that there is less of a degree of anger when crying than when fighting.
In really emotional times it can be a good idea to excuse yourself and leave the room too, to let everything calm down. If you want to approach a touchy subject again (the one that caused the problem), speaking in an even, business-like tone rather than in an emotional tone will often be better received and can help his reaction be less emotional too. I hope this helps.