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How To Take Care of Your Man (and Have True Commitment)

Updated on December 28, 2016
rissa62 profile image

Clarissa is a published author. She has a BA in Psychology from Ottawa Univ., MA from Webster Univ. and an EdS from Walden Univ.

Joined: 8 years agoFollowers: 20Articles: 31

Keeping Your Man Happy

I'm sure many activist women will have steam coming from their ears and blood oozing from their eyes when they read this commentary. However, let's face it. We've had a horrible reputation of emasculating our men; and allowing activist women groups dictate how we should manage (or not manage) our love relationships.

It's a known fact that men and women are different psychologically, physically, and emotionally. You can deny it all you want; but let's stop lying to ourselves. Stop believing the lies mainstream media and activists groups spew throughout the airwaves. We are just outright different.

Our sexual desires are very different. So, let's start with emotions and how men and women are different. Women, we are emotionally connected immediately upon having sex. Yes, there are some women who may not be able to connect emotionally when they have sex; but that's a rarity. We are nurturers. We are emotionally little girls who want to be held, caressed and told how beautiful we are and how much we are loved. We want to feel safe and protected. We desire the manly-man who can be our superman at all times. We want to be Sleeping BeautyTM and have our Knight-In-Shining-Armour rescue us.

As for most men, we want to believe that men aren't emotionally connected when they have sex, but that's another lie we've been fed. Most men fall in love and connect with their women just as easily as we connect sexually. Ladies, we need to stop allowing society to dictate how we should treat our men, and learn to be real women in bed, at home, and in public.

Girls, we should allow our men to open our doors and pull our chairs out at the dinner table. If our man wants to have sex everyday, we should take care of him unless health doesn't permit it. Believe me, even if you don't "feel" like it in the beginning, once you get busy, it's all very good! So, stop denying your man the simple pleasures in life because you're denying yourselves those same pleasures. Take care of him; and he will surely take care of you. If your man is "creepin'", then start taking care of his needs and watch how your relationship flourishes.

If you want to keep him home, if you want him to desire you often, then keep yourself looking good. If you were looking fine when you met him, then you should keep yourself in shape and looking sexy. Yes, I'm sure many of us have had children; but that's no excuse for letting ourselves go. Looking good for him also means looking good for ourselves. Not only will he be happy, but you will be his queen.

For those women who are angry with me right now, I don't care. I've listened to so much garbage from you man-haters; and I ruined great relationships because of that poison. So, I now stand up for my man and and all others out there who are wondering where all the real woman are. We are right here waiting to take very good care of you. Finally, Ladies, take heed. Take care of your man and keep him satisfied. You will be happier than you can imagine!


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    • just my opinion 8 years ago

      I agree that sometimes women and men allow society's traditions, norms and biases to dictate their ideas, perspectives and expectations. I agree that sometimes women and men allow that impact to affect their relationship. But please stop telling women that if they give their men more sex this will cure infidelity. There is so much more to infidelity than sex. Furthermore, happiness comes within. I believe you should concentrate on finding inner beauty, inner happiness and inner love and then allow those qualities to extend to your relationships. And then you will attract a person who has the same qualities and together you can compromise and build a healthy relationship that lasts through the hard times.

    • anon 7 years ago

      Very good article, first one that actually makes sense. A man will give a woman the world, but a woman just needs to satisfy the one thing a man wants. Once that need is denied, then so is the world. Resentment sets in, trouble brews forth, and women often wonder what went wrong.

      Men want a freak in the bed, and a lady at his side when out in public. So long as that is maintained, most men will deny a woman nothing.

    • Load of Bull 7 years ago

      Its 2009. I am not a slave. Keep my man happy? How about keeping me happy or he'll be eating his own dick for dinner.

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 7 years ago

      Load of Bull:

      This article does not suggest women must be slaves to their men. It suggests that we have roles that are natural and it is natural for us to fulfill each other's desires and needs. If you are in a relationship and you are not the woman he was attracted to before you had "sex", then it is your loss. I do hope you are not one of those women who "catches" the man; and then, reverts to some frumpy, whiney child.

    • MrsMtl 7 years ago

      this article isn't saying that we should be slaves to our mam. you ladies want men to be respectful towards you, yet you won't show them the same courtesy. its a two way street. its no wonder woman like you are so bitter. you never give a man a chance, but you expect the world in return.

    • MsIndependence 7 years ago

      Right on, MrsMtl. The article makes is very clear that we women are not to give up who we are; but to share who we are. You and I will never be men; but I am sure we want them to hang around. Of course there will be jerks out there; but there are women jerks, too. Again, you are right on point.

    • fran001 profile image

      fran001 7 years ago from Toronto

      I agree that women need to cater to their man to some degree. I would stop at trying to meet his every need and whim cause then you not only lose him, you lose his respect. He is not a child. He should also be responsive to you and your needs. My man brings me breakfast in bed and can cook up a storm even better than me. However, I don't relax and think I have it made. I make sure I do my part in keeping the home and being his support. A woman is invaluable to her man and showing your worth keeps you confident and him happy.

    • MsIndependence 7 years ago

      It is refreshing to hear from other women who know that it takes more the bedding a man to keep him interested. My man tells me what makes him happy and satisfied; and I do my best to meet his needs. He also asks me what makes me happy and satisfied. Believe me, he does a fantastic job. Just as you implied, it is a two-way street.

    • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

      DeBorrah K Ogans 7 years ago

      This is a very good hub! As women we need to be real and not first present a good image and then resort to looking just any kind of way.

      In a good relationship there is a mutual desire to satisfy one another, grow together and also a respect to encourage one another to be all they were meant to be. Good communication is key!

      You are so right too many people go along with the trends of society.

      There are differences as you stated between men and women.

      Isn't it nice to be a real total woman...

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 7 years ago

      Hi, DeBorrah:

      It is all about being real with one's self. All we have to do is look in the mirror and know that God made men and women to share their lives together in positive, constructive ways.

    • David J. Roof profile image

      David J. Roof 7 years ago

      There’s an author I like: David Deida, who talks about how ‘surrendering’ and giving one’s self-over to another, or opening in love… are all thing that in one stage can be unhealthy, but in a developed stage there are necessary for deep intimacy. Our inability to reconcile this distinction: either because society now tells us that men and women need to fully control their own life, or because we were abused when we offered our love… leads us to remain either in (what he calls) a first or second stage. I think what you’re talking about is that evolved openness with love and respect where you can feel your partners heart: and things that might seem “wrong” or abusive are required for deep intimacy…

      ***Anyway: Great Post!!

    • Michelle 7 years ago

      Excellent post!! Women need to understand exactly what you have just posted. They need to grow up and quit being so prudish and selfish. I'm sick of hearing feminists, that has turned me into an Anti- feminist.

      So again: Excellent post!!

    • azlonely 7 years ago

      great post!! are women looking for their daddy in a man?

    • Ree 6 years ago

      On point! Im sick of hearing another woman quickly tell someone else "dump don't need him...he doesn't love you." yada yada yada...It is not always the mans fault. thank you! You did a great job with this.

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 6 years ago

      @azlonely: Thank you for your support. I do believe some women are looking for the "fathers" in some men. However, feminists have pounded a lot of these ideas in the minds of women since they were little girls. At one point, I was fooled into believing that I had to be independent and be as "manly" as a man. It was not until I began to raise my son and he married that I realized how foolish that "sick" advice has been.

      My daughters and nieces are constantly bombarded by a media machine that tells our little girls to be strong and independent and to blame men if we do not get the best out of a relationship. Those same pundits do not tell those girls that we women need to acknowledge we are so different from men and that there is a flow of nature that cannot be disturbed unless we want to continually have the types of sour relationships we see today.

      So, WOMEN!!!!!!!!!! It is okay to be a woman. It is okay to be feminine. It is okay to take care of your man as long as he takes care of you. Him taking care of your does not mean buying you everything. It means respect, caring, adoration, love, and honor. This is reciprocal. Give and you shall receive.

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 6 years ago

      @David J. Roof: I like your statement, "I think what you’re talking about is that evolved openness with love and respect where you can feel your partners heart..." This is the heart of my post. If both parties are not "open" to serving their partner completely, they will never know happiness nor fulfillment. "Evolved openness" is the only way we will reach the pinnacle of a true, loving relationship.

    • Not-a-hater 6 years ago

      Stand by your man, keep him happy in bed, be his "help meet", be supportive, build him up, on and on. Been there done that. Got it back from him too - for awhile. Then he decided a wife with a business and a doctoral degree was too much competition (for his ego). He split. Played it by your rules, my hearts, rules, & churches rules. Never taught to be a man hater. Still didn't work.

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 6 years ago

      @Not-a-hater: I am very sorry for your loss. I, too, have been there. However, I did not do those things just to make him happy; but it made me happy as well. Even though my ex left, it was not because I did not satisfy him. So, I will be the same woman to my current husband. He deserves the "whole" me. I do hope you do not place all men under the same umbrella as I know you would not like that placement.

    • Maryannee 6 years ago

      presently i have a man in my life, but i dont understand the kind of feeling am having towards him, its so deep strange an confusing, pls i don't want to have heartbreak, pls help.

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 6 years ago


      When you say, "...i don't understand the kind of feeling am having towards him, its so deep strange an confusing, pls i don't want to have heartbreak..." what do you mean? Can you describe the types of feelings you are having toward him? Is it anger? Do you want to do him harm? Please let me know what you mean so I can help you the best I know how.

    • Maryannee 6 years ago

      I mean that am feeling deeply in love with him, which i have never felt this inlove b4, i feel he should always be arround me,

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 6 years ago


      If you are feeling true love for the first time, then let it be. Do not beat yourself up about it. Yes, it is a scary feeling if you have never experienced it before; but it is a very lovely feeling, too. I am very happy to know you are in love. I hope you let your boyfriend know how you feel. You will be just fine.

    • Maryannee 6 years ago

      I have told him all my feelings for him, he never answers me, he only looks at me witout a smile, am so scared to av told him my feelings, and now am confused, he's caring, an he works towards my future somuch, rightnow, where am working he tell me that he dose not like the place, he went ahead to work another chance for me, i don't know how he dose it, but he collected my credentials, the most confusing part is that, he has a doughter, a six month old baby from a girl he claims he dose not want to marry, and that his mother is forcing him to marry the lady, which i don't know if he is lieing to me, please am confused, help me out.

    • TheHipCat 6 years ago

      @rissa62 , I'm really glad you posted this. My experience with women is that they either get with the total loser who treats them like dirt, or they are taught men are evil, to create a persona where they try to have uhm, cajones bigger than their man's.

      The bad person or people they were with, got them so scorned They just cant let themselves go to the man they should.

      I personally believe and whole heartedly agree with the "‘surrendering’ and giving one’s self-over to another". When I am into someone, I have had to be careful as of late, but I do the same, Its not money, its not a job, its not a car, its not what are you willing to do for me? It's what I am willing to do for you in my power, to make you happy at home, and over all, I am willing to do it, if you are willing to just try and do the same....

      We all have our flaws, but communication and just doing your part, and picking up the parts for the other person if need be. Of course make sure the honor, respect, and reciprication is there. And accept it might not always be 50/50 ... That's what a relationship is all about.

      I also have to agree, the "I'm tired" 's, The " I wont do this. I wont do that" 's, and all of the "My man did me wrong" songs, it's getting old.

      That statement applies to housework, sex, and anything in between.

      If your man is complaining he ain't getting enough, fake it, something, because after awhile of that cold no, not tonight, he will start having wondering eyes. Even the strongest of us non-cheaters even have a natural animal instinct to look for the next "mate" when the current one isn't doing it for us.

      Otherwise, all the lovey dovey things are fine and nice, but we are men, we don't carry that gene.. lol ... We can feel, we can be lovey dovey, but for the most part, we don't want to be womanized, wearing a man bag, in an Ab and Finch outfit.

      So, if you have a man who seems like he might be that 98% "dude", you better keep him. Help him, boost him up to be the man he can/should/needs to be. Don't just tear him down and threaten this and that. Cause once you break a man down, and he gets his confidence back even a little bit, he'll be done.

      I cook, I was Mr. Mom for 3 yrs, mainly because I did part time work, and she had a better earning potential at her work and it was full time, long story short, we grew distant, no communication, and after doing Mr Mom, I get no credit, treated like I am a 12 yr old, so my esteem was deflated to the point, I gave up on future endevours.

      Got up with current, she is normally awesome, but some things keep happenening where we butt heads, and I am once again feeling something is missing, I know her in and out for what 10 months you can, and I feel she doesn't know me at all.

      OK, so to wrap it up, No matter if you are the bread winner, the more dominant, the smarter, or whatever, your man will be only as interested as you show. Cause we are willing to give, but even though it doesn't take money, our undying lovey dovey devotion isn't free...

    • the queen 6 years ago

      great right up.treat ur man as u will like 2 be least u know u dealt an open hand.if he decides 2 be sleazy,oh wel,his own loss.everyman wants a gud woman.there will be many waiting line to take his place.just love urself first then u can love some1 else.shalom!!

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 6 years ago


      Thank you for sharing your insight and personal experience. I do hope you understand that my post was for both parties to give 100% of themselves and not 50/50. No one can give 50% of oneself and believe they have given their all.

      When a woman takes good care of her man it is because her man takes good care of her. The purpose for my hub was based on my personal experience as well as giving a perspective from a woman. So, in conclusion, it is very important to give all of oneself in order to receive all of another.

    • LaLa 5 years ago

      I love this article. It is so true. The only reason a woman would complain is if she is unwilling to do what it takes to keep him.

    • dr0pz 5 years ago

      i totally agree with this post.

      thanks for sharing this...

      how i wish my girlfriend would read this.

      today she just decided to have a "no sex" policy between us.

      just because of some stupid book.

      but i do respect her decision.

      coz i love her.

      but she has to understand that a man has its needs.

      and if a man does not meet those needs.

      just like what the hip cat says.

      we men have a natural animal instinct to look for the next "mate" when the current one isn't doing it for us.

      i totally did everything for her.

      studied hard, quited smoking(the hardest of all) and other things that would please her.

      restraining ur man from making love with you means restraining ur man from loving u.

      that "no sex" policy does not really affect my love for her. i'd still love her... but for how long?

      sex is not just for fun..

      sex is making ur relationship healthier and love stronger.

      please excuse if some of my sentence, grammar or words are wrong..

      i'm not really good in english..

    • didi 5 years ago

      suppose u give him d sex so desired bt his scared of commitment,wat do u do? i mean, u knw he loves u, he even tells u how u his sweetest gal, stopped messing around with gals and dat, bt still doesn't wnt to commit. kips aving annoying mood swing dat he abandons u for long and jst re-surface after a long while. wat do u do in dis situation.

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 5 years ago


      I'm am very disappointed in your response to my article. It isn't about your girlfriend giving up her 'jewel' to please you before you are married. This article is for those who are willing to give 100% of themselves to his/her partner. So, please re-read; and get the REAL message.

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 5 years ago

      @David (3 weeks ago)

      Your post was not approved because it contained extremely distasteful words (foul language). I am confident you can get your message across without using foul language. If you wish to revise, I will review and approve it for posting.

    • sihadi natasha 5 years ago

      this a very gud article and m glad that you finaly pasted it . as a woman you musn't be slave to your men but always look gud,sexy and atractive towards him then every tine he sees you he will desire you.

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 5 years ago

      @sihadi natasha: Thank you for your comments. Sometimes men and women do not understand their true roles in a relationship. Our individual role is to be the best person we can be in order to have the best person he or she can be to us. Our society sometimes plague relationships with false notions of selfishness, self gratification, and self indulgence. It's time for us to do our parts to make our relationships successful.

    • ,,, 5 years ago

      rissa absolutly correct. i believe as a woman my role is to be a best friend, communicate, understand his needs as he understands mine, open minded, be and do interesting and new thing, accept each other for who they are and great intense love making is just the icing on the cake. that's what men want. just have common sense, the abili ty to hold a conversation and not be a dud dipsy chick that cant talk about everyday, life, cars, science, whatever. once you meet mind to mind then the physical will be the bomb

    • pantaleona 4 years ago

      Hi well i have to agree to every one maybe you should give in and have sex but still be beautiful you probably had kids like i did at first i gave up on sex and my beuty but then my husband told me what was wrong that i already look beautiful that even if i did have kids gained weight it dnt matter as long as i tried to lose it to look more sexy and to have sex but he also said what makes you happy with what you do will also make me happy that he will help me threw the way becuz our vows says threw good and bad times threw sickness and health so no matter what anyone else says it only matters if ur happy and that he knows ur happy because he will always be there to help so i am how i am as long as hes happy im happy sex is good so i dnt need anyone telling me that im not happy or hes not happy cuz now i know we both are so thank you for making me relizing this .

    • lola 4 years ago

      this is a 9c write up,"if u love ur spouse satisfy him wt everytin"

    • Vjmiranda 4 years ago

      AGREE 100%!! I have always loved sex, making love, etc with the man I am dating. But the men I have dated long term have usually wanted sex 3-4 times a week which seemed the norm?! UNTIL the one I have now, the one who sent this article after telling him he's amazing and not normal. He has taught me that it is okay and normal to have sex, etc a couple times Daily~. I thought from past experience that daily sex wasn't "normal" , that no guy could want or need sex daily!! But he does and we have. I am a 41 yr old mom and about 12lbs heavier than normal, but he makes me feel beautiful inside and out! Ladies if your man has an issue with communicarion : Communication is amazing in bed after sex!! Relationships aren't made to be easy they are made to teach us about ourself and see if we have what it takes to love, laugh, compomise and be HAPPY, SAD with the man/woman you FIT! Take care!

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 4 years ago

      @pantaleona: I'm very happy to read that your husband loves you! Our relationships should be forever; and as long as we communicate our needs (emotional and physical), our relationships will sustain even the harshest of times. I commend you and wish the greatest success for you and your husband.

    • one o the guys 4 years ago

      I noticed your article. It looked good to me as a man. Has anyone noticed that many American guys are with Asian women? My wife is Japanese. She has the interesting quality that she is very comfortable being the woman in our relationship. She doesn't feel that being the woman is lower status than being the man. Actually, she doesn't even have to try. She just does it naturally. She doesn't give me all of the sex that I want. She just takes care of me as well as she can. And she treats me with respect. I think that western women often don't treat their men with respect. I see this on TV shows and movies and in everyday life. Mind you, you must find a man whom you respect. But that doesn't mean he has to be perfect. My wife is very feminine and she is happy being in a supportive roll in our relationship. I adore her and admire her and respect her deeply because she understands how important her roll is in our relationship and in our society. Unfortunately, because our society as been patriarchal for so many years there has been a devaluation of women's traditional roles in society. But women's roles in society are crucial for a healthy and sane population. In regards to women's relationships with men, many women want to assume the man's role in the relationship i.e. the dominant role. Men aren't usually looking for a relationship with another man. They want to be with a woman. If the woman behaves like a man there will be a lot of friction and the woman won't respect her man because he is not masculine enough for her. She will feel that he is weak. I have noticed that when I tell other men that I am married to a Japanese woman they usually know immediately that Japanese women know how to take care of their men. They understand completely why I would make that choice. So I hope your blog is successful and I hope that women will understand why men are not comfortable with women who don't respect them and try to take care of them.

    • Freja 3 years ago

      Funny thing is (no actually it's not funny) that men believe that their needs are the most important in the relationships. Men can become fat, ugly, whiny, boring, asexual but they still expect their goddamn woman to be the exact same playboy doll she was when she was 20. Like for real? And if I don't feel like having sex because of a bad and stressy day should my man think that he should have the privelegies of having sex with me just because it's a "natural need". Come on people we are beings of logic not animals driven by instincts. Yeah of course a woman should take care of herself and not go a year without giving sex but a man should not fulfill the same fucking needs and a lot of them don't. Trust me I've seen more ugly men with hot ass women than the other way around and I feel sorry for the women. And also he should not expect a woman that just recently got a child to be up for sex and look her greatest and sexiest, maybe he could start helping out more and stop being a whiny, selfish bastard, fucking his receptionist at work while his woman is at home trying to survive. There is my answer to your misogynic article!

    • heidi 2 years ago

      Ok.. I have opened my legs for 3 years for my unemployed boyfriend who lives for free and doesn't work and is only kind if he wants sex sex. He never stops asking..... then he is wonderful. I am a single mother with a good job and Pay for ALL the mortgage food utilities. ...etc.i own my Own home.... he is very kind to my daughter...who is 8 years old.When he is in the mood. However when I don't do as he asks he is verbally abusive and pushes me against walls.. He has 2 children that live with mother in another state and they are teenagers and tells me he is only here because I can pay for him to live and how thankful he is and all money he gets from side jobs as I pay him to build a garden box and he always has his mother pay his and his kids cell bill's .any money he receives he tells me not to ask for help with any finances. I cut him off for a week of food. .. and he lost 10 pounds..because is large boned. Guess that's why I have been paying for him So long:)..but enough is enough.. He is 46 and lives off me and complains if I do not Keep House to his liking as he sits and watches tv all day and I work. He goes on and on how he could have been an Olympic hockey player and talks about high school several times a week. And you think I should be pleasing him more. Dear lord.. I understand men have needs but should they suck the life out of of us? If he had a job own car and support himself he be much more worthy of me putting out. Why should we always give. Don't we deserve at least a flower out of garden even a dandelion weed flower to feel...something. guess you don't think so..

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 2 years ago

      @One o the guys:

      Congratulations on marrying the woman of your dreams. I would love to hear her side of the relationship. My article was specifically those women who neglect their femininity because extreme feminism confused them. My message isn't about how horrible American women are. I have spoken with several men who are married to non-American women; and I can tell you they are not too happy. So, again, congratulations to you marrying a Japanese woman. However, slanting American women does not make your Japanese wife better than.

    • rissa62 profile image

      Clarissa Burton 2 years ago


      First let me apologize for the late reply. It's been crazy busy. Now, to my response to your post. I am sorry to hear you are frustrated with providing wife-privileges to a deadbeat. Commitment works both ways. Who's couch is he sitting on? If it is yours, you can tell him to get off it. You have the power to have a quality relationship. Do not give it away to a man who does not deserve it.

      Complaining does you not good. It is your daily actions that dictate whether or not you will have a man who will care for you, which in turn allows you to take care of him. Close your legs, home and and wallet and see how long he stays.

    • patricia 19 months ago

      its true man deseve be happy

    • Luke 3 months ago

      This is what I don't like. If a man says that he needs sex in a relationship, he's automatically labeled a "controlling pig" or something. Turn that around and a woman complains that her man isn't giving her the sex she craves... everyone comes to console her, making HIM out to be the bad guy. Women are entitled to get sex and not have sex. Men have to sit back and let women dictate policy.

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