How I Broke My Wife and Turned Her Into an Angry Monster for Life
This article should have been published anonymously. I shouldn’t disclose what I’m about to. However I feel so strongly about this that I’m compelled to do this. Heed my warning and don’t make the same mistake that I did.
As I write this I’m worried my wife is broken. Our relationship is at great peril.
You see, I used to be one of those men who always enjoyed pointing out faults in others. I just couldn’t help it, my mind was on autopilot. All I saw was people’s imperfections. My remarks were often cunningly sarcastic, blunt and venomous. I took pride in my sharp intelligence and deep insight into everyone's "stupidity". It was part of my identity.
When I first met my wife she struck me as the most gentle and kind lady I had ever met. Her feminine and soft qualities were intoxicating to my deep rooted cynicism and amour-propre. It was a perfect case of “opposites attract.”
Even though I was a bit of jerk with a heavy luggage of smart ass arguments she fell for my otherwise joyful nature and good sense of humor. All was fun and dandy for a couple of years but then things started changing.
I don’t know if you experienced this but there seems to be some universal curse about this... Some of the things that you initially absolutely adore about your partner have a tendency to transform into irritants that drive you absolutely mad years later. Isn’t it funny how this happens?
Anyway, I had my own skeletons in the closet. Little did my wife know that my mood could flip faster than an old maid chasing a Bridal bouquet. If my wife managed to push my proverbial buttons I would lash out at her with utmost insolence. I mean I would furiously bulldoze her "arguments" using the most sensitive aspects of her psyche.
Often, that experience would leave both of us incredibly shaken. It was an awful, embarrassing, and cowardly way to deal with personal arguments. Possibly, I will regret it for the rest of my life.
God only knows why she spent those years with me so I can only speculate. Could it be that her love was stronger than my poison? Could it be that she was too attached and too insecure to make the right decision? Or perhaps there was a case of a victim mentality subconsciously feeding off of the aggressor in me? Perhaps there's no clear answer and perhaps there's a bit of everything.
Things began changing when I started having an existential crisis at age twenty eight. I started reading a lot about the nature of mind, after death experiences and so on. As my knowledge and understanding grew so did my questions about more profound aspects of life. Spiritual literature from Eastern Philosophy turned into lessons of unrivaled psychology. I was lucky to meet the right people. My world view changed and my newly acquired insights inspired me to learn meditation.
Three or four years passed and without even noticing I started treating people, including my wife, very differently. As I slowly learned to manage my energies and my mind, I became more tolerant, patient and relaxed. My fiery temperament and arrogance was melting away and being replaced by sheer joy of newly found skills of self-control.
I thought to myself, “Finally, my life and relationships will only improve from now on.” Little did I know the damage I caused in the past will come back to haunt me when I least expect it. As my demeanor was changing from a prideful lion into a domesticated cat, my wife’s emotional wounds were only starting to grow some monstrous fangs.
She was more and more irritable, nagging and unhappy. She would unwittingly use my exact same verbiage and tactics from the past to punch me bellow the waste line. Having fully realized my spiritual ambitions, she knew she could wage a full out verbal assault. She knew I would no longer retaliate with a nuclear bomb so she was free to slowly and painfully exact her revenge.
It was mean stuff. Even she admitted to be baffled as to the source of her demeanor but that didn’t stop her from further driving a wedge between us. She knew it was a mistake but she couldn’t help it, the cyclonic forces within her were too strong.
One day, following an honest retrospection, it hit me – my wife has turned into me from years ago. I am the true architect of this walking Frankenstein that I could no longer recognize or relate to.
We’ve had many healing conversations since but we've come to realize that words leave deepest scars. Our baby daughter has brought us closer but I feel some of our ill habits remain.
I must give my wife more credit because obviously she is more tired due to her demanding schedule of being a mom. She has even less time for her own mental health but I know she’ll come around, especially if I accept the burden of my own creation and keep cool. It is hard work and I wish healing for both of us was a faster process but it is what it is. We must face it and live with it.
I would like to encourage all men to do everything in their power not to make my mistakes. But most importantly, I invite you all to be patient with your ladies when they turn into YOU years later. Many times their behavior is nothing but a reflection of our own previous actions. They deserve to be loved and forgiven now more than ever.
Do you have a woman from Mars?
Let me know if this ever happened to you and how you are managing it the comments section. Also, if you have any advice or criticism for me I'll be happy to hear it.
P.S. I had to keep this topic away from my anger management blog so that my wife doesn't find out. If she ever does, I'm toast. :-)