R. D. Langr is an at-home dad and entrepreneur. He has a background in psychology and theology and an intuitive grasp of relationships.
The Emergence of the "LDR"
In today's world of increasingly developing communication technology, the world of dating is constantly evolving as well. With chat rooms, online dating sites, Instant Messaging, and Skype, long distance relationships are becoming increasingly popular, and dare I say, easy?
No, let's face it--Long Distance Relationships are not easy. They are easier than they were 50, 25, even 10 years ago, but anyone who is in an "LDR" will admit they are still hard work.
It is for that very reason that anyone can Google "Long Distance Relationship" and come up with thousands of ways to make them work. Ideas for how to communicate, what to do for fun, how often to see each other, sex, and ways to stay in love populate the pop-culture of LDR literature. One thing I have found to be lacking, however, is what I believe to be the most important aspect of any relationship--Spirituality.
Therefore, here I aim to help people understand how to keep God at the center of the relationship. If you truly want to it thrive, having a rich spiritual life together is the best way cultivate your relationship. In this article, I'm specifically about Christianity based spirituality. There are, of course, many valid spiritualities and philosophies, but that article would be too long!
The Relationship Mirror
Your relationship with your significant other should mirror your relationship with God. Let us assume that's a good thing. This makes sense, because in a way, our relationship with God is long distance: we can talk to him everyday, but we don't necessarily "see him", sometimes he feels really far away, but you know that despite the distance you two are madly in love. Maybe you don't agree with that, but my point is that the skills we use in our relationship with God, we can use to keep God in our relationship with our significant other.
Healthy, God centered relationships are a virtue, and just like all virtues they take practice. So here are 5 daily practices to help you and yours develop a virtuous and holy relationship.
Talk about your Beliefs
This should be the first step in any relationship, but is one that couples often skip in fear of being incompatible. Simply stated, if your beliefs don't line up, especially spiritually, it's probably not going to work. Therefore, talk about your faith life in general: who you believe God to be, how you've come to know him, and your specific beliefs about your religion or spiritual practices. Also, you should talk about what role God would play in raising a family, and finally, talk about how your faith influences your relationship boundaries (i.e, sex before marriage, kissing, modesty, etc.).
When doing something difficult, its wise to seek out those who have done it before or who have good knowledge of the subject. Find couples who are currently, or who have successfully in the past, had healthy God-filled relationships. They don't necessarily have to be "long-distancers". It is these people who can help you get through the rough times, and rejoice with you in the good times. You can turn to them for advice or support, and often they may help you be a good judge of what is unhealthy in your relationship. Support is essential. Pastors and other spiritual leaders can also help focus your relationship towards God during these times as well.
Attend Worship Services
Especially when you're together, attend a service. This gives you a chance to experience what it's like to live out your faith and worship together. It also gives you a clue as to how you each interact within a community. It doesn't necessarily have to be a Sunday Worship: even just a prayer service, a wedding, or a funeral can give you these insights as well.
Scripture is at the heart of any religion, so read some together. Pick a book of the Bible to read every week (or two if it's a long one), read a certain amount each day, and discuss what you got out of it when you next talk to each other. Seeing how people read and interpret scripture is essential to understanding their faith life. You can even read other books about faith (The Five People You Meet in Heaven, the Shack, etc.) and discuss those as well.
The most important thing you can do in a relationship is pray--not only with each other, but for each other and your relationship. Whether you want to say a specific prayer every night before bed, pray before every meal, or just challenge your partner to spontaneously pray, you should do so everyday! It is prayer that will enable you to get through those times when you just want to see your partner, or on those nights when you fight. Pray ceaselessly and your relationship will thrive.
Go and Do it!
Long Distance Relationships aren't easy, and keeping God at the center of them can be even more difficult. However, if you aim to practice these 5 steps, it will be much easier and more fulfilling, and you and your partner will become well equipped for a holy, happy marriage!
Questions & Answers
Question: Would a long distance marriage work? My wife doesn't feel at home where we currently live, and does not have enough support that friends and family would offer if they lived closer. So she wants to move 950 miles back up to Massachusetts from TN. I moved down to TN with my family because my home state brings out the worst in me. How could we make our marriage work with my wife and children that far away from me?
Answer: It's impossible for me to say this won't work... But it would be incredibly difficult. I'd either get your wife a way to be happy there, or even better, find some way you can be happy in your home state. Good luck that's a hard place to be in. Be honest, humble, and compromise with each other and it will all work out.
© 2010 R D Langr
R D Langr (author) from Minnesota on October 02, 2018:
Living together is a big decision. A lot of religions are explicitly against it, and there is some research that shows it can have detrimental effects... However, you have to decide what's right for your relationship. Good luck, and I hope you figure it out. No matter what you decide I'm sure it will be difficult, but commitment to each other can get you through hard times!
JILL on October 02, 2018:
Im in an LDR and while him and I have a plan my family (very religious and whom I currently live with) are very much against our plan of getting a place and moving in together without being married. Its discouraging because he's moving to me so i can stay close with my family. My parents lived in the same apartment complex and they moved in together and yet my mother is judging me as though she is perfect. Its wearing me down, to the point that i truly love my man but its not worth fighting my family over. I mean ultimately I'll fight for him, I'm just severely discouraged.
Ralph on September 18, 2018:
honestly, distance relationship is tough. i'm currently undergoing such now..please, I still need steady guideline to keep me steady on the race.
R D Langr (author) from Minnesota on July 01, 2018:
Hi Iberdem, thanks for commenting. I'm not sure I can really give you advice. The best I can tell you is just to be completely honest with him about what you need out of the relationship. Also, seek the advice of friends and a spiritual leader, and pray about it.
Iberedem Augustine on July 01, 2018:
Am a Lady of 28 & in a LDR.
My partner isn't working & it seems we are not going anywhere, sometimes I had to send money to him for support.
Though he's a Graduate & still looking for Job opportunities, sometimes I loose hope, please what should I do? we've dated for three years now. Thanks
R D Langr (author) from Minnesota on June 16, 2018:
Thank you for reading and I'm glad it was helpful. I will keep you and your fiance in my prayers!
CARMELITA T. COSTES on June 16, 2018:
Thank you for this article. I am in a long distance relationship with my fiancee. As we nurture our relationship in prayer and the grace of the Lord, this article gives additional insight to what we are doing daily while both are miles away from each other. Having Jesus Christ as the center of our relationship keep us away from any negative thoughts and we are always positive in our relationship. This also help us avoid any conflict. We also pray for each other keeping us always near spiritually in the Lord.
Princess on October 06, 2014:
I'm glad that I was able to bump into this article. I'm currenlty in a Long distance relationship with my first ever boyfriend but I am still praying that he too will soon accept Jesus Christ as his God and savior.
rzelforever on July 23, 2012:
yEs long distance relationship is not easy but we nid to have trust,
honestly,loyalty and commitment to your boyfiend... I think , I'm xo
thankful xo much coz I am engaged with a person that i know someday
He will be my future husband...
R D Langr (author) from Minnesota on January 03, 2011:
It's good to know of long distance relationships that have worked out! I wish you all the best!
nora.elizabeth on January 02, 2011:
I loved this. Thank you so much. I am engaged and in a long distance relationship and this is just what I needed.
R D Langr (author) from Minnesota on November 05, 2010:
gfarmer from Canada on November 05, 2010:
Excellent advice! I agree.
R D Langr (author) from Minnesota on September 29, 2010:
You seem to know what its all about, thanks!
Good to hear from you again. The point about communication is wise, its one of the basics of all relationships, and yet one that people sometimes don't work at enough.
Ann Leavitt from Oregon on September 29, 2010:
Great work putting God at the center of this article. You are right, there are thousands of people blogging on relationships, but few really understand what goes into a long-lasting commitment. I would add that, just as communication is essential in our relationship with God, it is also essential in long-distance relationships. Often two people have to learn how to communicate in a different way than they're used to, once the relationship moves farther apart. Words become more important, and eye contact not as much.
jeanie.stecher from Seattle on September 29, 2010:
Yes, it is definitely not easy. long distance relationship has a lot of sacrifices. This is where trust and patience comes in. That is why before you enter into a relationship especially the long distance, ask yourself first if you are ready for the circumstances or not.