150+ Funny and Witty Responses to "Will You Marry Me?"

Updated on June 14, 2019
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Funny and Witty Responses to "Will You Marry Me?"
Funny and Witty Responses to "Will You Marry Me?" | Source

Marriage proposals happen all the time. Some are unexpected, while others are predictable.

More often than not, the question "Will you marry me?" is answered with a simple "yes" or "no." But it doesn’t have to be that way all the time! There are actually infinite ways to respond. You can try to be funny, witty, or even sarcastic!

This list is a collection of over a hundred and fifty replies you can use to answer the question, “Will you marry me?” Keep in mind that you don’t have to consult this list only for serious marriage proposals. As a matter of fact, the best time to use this list is when someone tries to make a funny move on you or propose to you in a jesting manner.


Funny Answers to “Will You Marry Me?”

  • Great, but let me see what the ring looks like first.
  • As long as we can have our honeymoon tonight. *wink*
  • But I only like 2D boys/ girls. You’re 3D, so that’s a no!
  • Perhaps I’m off my hinges, but I believe you.
  • Sorry, I’m already committed to Johnny Depp.
  • Hahaha! That’s a good one!
  • Please fall in line!
  • I do! Wait...I mean, yes!
  • Answer these questions first: (1) How much money do you have, and (2) How much time do you have left?
  • Pardon me, but I'm already married to Haruhi Suzumiya.
  • But first, I’ll have to divorce my wife.
  • What’s marry? Is that delicious?
  • Let me check my schedule first.
  • Please forward your application form to my secretary.
  • Then sign this contract over here.
  • Slurrrrp.
  • Great, who are we marrying?
  • Will I marry you? How about you marry me instead? *chuckles*
  • Hmm...will alcoholic drinks be served at this wedding you speak of?
  • Where the heck is my ring?
  • Who in the frigging world are you, and how the hell did you get in my house?!
  • If the diamond on the ring is big, then why not?
  • But first, I have to check if your record is clean.
  • Please send your resume and cover letter to my email address.
  • Let me get back to you after I get this diamond ring authenticated.
  • Well, that depends. Are you a billionaire? Are you a celebrity model? If you’re not, then no thanks!
  • *run* Run fast and don’t look back!
  • Okay, now let’s seal the contract with a kiss.
  • Thanks for choosing me. You’ll receive an answer in 3-5 working days. Remember, I’ll call you, so don’t call me.
  • Sorry, the person you're trying to contact is currently engaged, please try again later.
  • Your the third person to ask me that this week.
  • You’re gonna have to take me out for dinner first.
  • What's in it for me? Give me a million bucks, and I'll consider it.
  • You go first! After all, you’re the who asked.


What to Say Instead of “Yes” or “No”

  • No thanks, I'm gay.
  • What do you mean by ‘marry?’ It better not be expensive!
  • I don't know you.
  • Yeah, yeah, now hush. My favorite series is on.
  • How did you get in here?
  • I can’t.
  • Don’t make this harder than it is supposed to be.
  • Meh, sure.
  • Sorry, but I think of you more as a friend.
  • Umm, why?
  • Stop kidding around. You’re like...12!
  • I dreamed, but I never dared hope.
  • Only if you sign a prenup.
  • Thought you’d never ask!
  • Maybe some other time? 10 years, maybe?
  • Do you know what you’re getting yourself into?
  • Um.
  • Never!
  • This better be worth all the trouble!
  • We’ll see.
  • Maybe.
  • Could you repeat the question?
  • For the love of… wait… are you serious?
  • Well, only if you know how to cook and clean.
  • Awww...thanks, but no thanks.
  • *start crying* then go... "Yes yes yes!"
  • But I've got so much life to live, and so many things to see and do!
  • Yes, on the proviso that…
  • If you’re filthy rich, then hell yeah!
  • Probably yes, but I totally forgot that I have another appointment.


Witty Replies to “Will You Marry Me?”

  • Only if you pay for my sex change later.
  • Yes. Who's gonna marry me anyway?
  • Oh, look at that beautiful butterfly!
  • Who put you up to this?
  • What did I ever do to you?
  • I would, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to get married to two people at the same time.
  • Do we go by the "no return, no exchange" rule?
  • Let’s say I agreed to this proposal of yours, can I still change my mind later?
  • I ain’t a devil, but are you sure you want to sell your soul to me?
  • B-But, I'm already married to our lord, Jesus.
  • May I ask if you have an expiration date?
  • Where are the terms and conditions? I’ll have to review them first.
  • If I were you, I’d marry me as well.
  • Is this a set-up? Where are the hidden cameras?
  • Only if you have a warranty card, I want to be able to return you if you’re defective.
  • Is there a free trial?
  • Only if you get me the ring from The Lord of the Rings. After that, I’ll go invisible and never appear again.
  • May I ask how much money we're talking about here?
  • You’re hilarious!
  • Hahahahaha! You just made my day with that joke!
  • Yes, dad.
  • Yes, mom.
  • Not if you’re not an anime character.
  • K.
  • Of course, I’d marry me.
  • I answered that question already. Don’t you remember?
  • I see what you did there. Happy April Fool’s Day!
  • No, I’m too young to die.
  • I already have three wives, though. Do you want to be the fourth?
  • Rewind this, please! I want to experience it again.
  • I might regret this, but—YOLO—let’s do it!
  • Probably yes, but I’ll have my people call your people to discuss about it.
  • My gut tells me that you are worth the trouble.
  • Well, if the ring fits, then why not?
  • Why buy the cow when the milk is already free?
  • I just got out of prison, and now you want to lock me up with you in this thing called marriage?!
  • I'm no organ donor, but I'd be happy to give you my heart.
  • I’ll have to ask my dog first.


Sarcastic Comebacks and Retorts

  • Survey says.....heck no!
  • You gotta do better than that.
  • I am never getting married! B****** be crazy!
  • Marry? You? Hell no. Eww, just eww!
  • Erm...may I ask who you are?
  • In order to marry me, you have to be a spelling bee. How do you spell ‘NO?’
  • How about, mind your own business?
  • You’re getting ideas above your station.
  • Huh? I don’t want to babysit you.
  • That ring looks cheap!
  • Could you ask me that again in 100 years?
  • Oh, did you think it would be that easy?
  • Sorry, but I’m not that desperate yet.
  • Is this the first in a series of many questions meant to embarrass me?
  • This didn’t happen just now!
  • Do I look like a mental institution to you?
  • I’m wearing the ring, ain’t I?
  • I'm gonna give you to the count of 3, to get your ugly, lying, no-good keister off my property. 1...2...3!
  • Bloody hell! Are you mad?
  • If it's my money you're after, then I don’t have any!
  • Not only do I want to marry you, I want you to have a concussion.
  • This isn't what I want, and I think there's a chance that I could have something better.
  • Why on Earth would I do that?
  • I’ll do that when hell freezes over.


Surprising Responses and Whatnot

  • Sorry, but I like guys.
  • Sorry, but I like girls.
  • And that’s why I’m gonna let you go.
  • A-Are you kidding me?
  • I think we’ve reached the end of the line.
  • Then go make me a sandwich!
  • Get down on your knees and tell me that you love me.
  • But I’m only 8.
  • You are going to regret asking me this.
  • I am very tempted. Did you tell your parents about this?
  • Who’s the lucky boy/girl? Wait, me?!
  • Let me consult my lawyer first.
  • Hell, you bet-cha, partner!
  • Stop joking, brother/sister.
  • If I was a jerk, I’d say ‘no’ to this one.
  • If you are hot, then sure.
  • I would love to, but I’ll ask my husband first just in case.
  • I don’t know you, but okay!
  • Okay, but let’s wait until tomorrow.
  • I was actually about to ask your brother/sister to marry me.
  • I was about to ask you the same thing.
  • Did you say bachelor/bachelorette party?
  • Well, we have some legal papers to deal with because guess what—I’m already married!
  • Will you still love me after having three kids, having no sex life, and I having plotted your death more than once?
  • Umm...let's just stay as friends.
  • Wait, what? You want to get married to me? Good luck on that!
  • I’m sorry, but I promised my husband/wife that I would never divorce him/her.
  • For how long?

Questions & Answers


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