Marriage is a wonderful institution. There is nothing like having the perfect mate to travel along the journey of life. What makes it special is when you have chosen someone that not necessarily shares all the interests you have, but at least respects them—and you respect hers as well.
Sure, marriage has its challenges. The key is choosing the right mate from the very beginning. By the end of this writing, I hope to have shared a bit of wisdom on how to choose a mate wisely and carefully.
Men, understand that women are different. They think differently than we do! They love, unlike men. They hurt, unlike men. Some can be more forgiving; some less forgiving. That is why it is essential that you get to know how she thinks, how she reacts to situations, her values, her upbringing, why she does what she does, etc. (it is even more essential that you know who you are as a man!).
Unfortunately, as men, we tend to focus on those visual things that stimulate us and choose based solely on these things (see picture above). Physical beauty, wonderful words, affection, and sexual prowess are things that some men signal in on initially. Sometimes, these things become the predominant reasons to begin and continue a relationship. While they are important, they should not be the highest priorities in engaging in a long-term relationship that could lead to marriage.
I have talked to men that have been in relationships for over five years and many of them are downright miserable. Some are scared of their mates. Some dread going home to nagging. Many engage in extra-marital relationships because communication and physical activity has diminished. Women may disagree, but many men cheat because they have tried and tried but the spouse does not reciprocate (this is not a justification, it is an explanation). Women should not be hurt in relationships and men should not be miserable in them, either.
Enumerated below are some tips that should be helpful in finding the right mate for a lifelong, marital relationship - based on mutual respect, love and trust.
1. Do you share similar interests and beliefs?
The woman you marry should have many of the same beliefs and interests as you. This doesn't mean that she can't have her own. It means that there should be interests and beliefs you have in common. It’s fine to have differing opinions. But it’s important that you agree on the big things – money, family, children, sex, etc. Have these discussions with the woman you’re considering choosing for a wife before you marry her, to make sure you’ll get along.
2. Does she have a good upbringing?
She should be brought up in a loving home or at least have strong values and a good understanding of family life. She should respect others and love her parents. She should have good manners. If the woman you are considering marrying is rude, uses a lot of profanity, looks down on others, is excessively moody, argumentative over minor things and/or is generally ill-tempered, DO NOT MARRY HER! This type of person will turn on you and make your life miserable. It is best she be left to her other unmarried female friends. Leave them to whine and commiserate over why no man wants to be with them in marriage. Maybe she will finally figure it out.
3. Is she successful?
A good wife will have achievements and successes that made her successful long before you came around. When you choose a wife, choose someone who has goals and aspirations in life that go beyond wanting to get married. Marry someone that is well educated. By this, I do not mean someone who has numerous degrees. I am talking about someone that is versatile and can have a discussion on various topics. I know women who have high school diplomas but can have more interesting conversations than those that have doctoral degrees.
4. Is she attractive to you?
Again, I am not just talking about looks here. Does this woman attract you? Are you drawn to her? Is her quirky humor something you love and do her dimples make your heart melt? She doesn't have to be a bombshell, but there's got to be something about a woman, more than externally, that makes you want to choose her as a wife.
5. Does she have a sense of humor?
Life is not only about work, kids, career, etc. Life and marriage should also include loads of laughter, fun and humor. DO NOT MARRY a woman who is always angry and/or depressed and doesn't laugh at the silliest things. Laughter and fun should come easy and not be forced. You should be able to laugh AT each other when appropriate and WITH each other.
6. How is she with material things? Money?
If the woman you are considering marrying is materialistic and seems consumed with having money - especially yours, DO NOT MARRY HER. This is very easy to determine. If she spends money freely but questions when you take $20.00 out of the ATM, you have a problem on your hands. If she consistently has to have nice things but fails to even provide you with a gift during special times, you need to run away as fast as you can! This person is stuck on herself and will drain you dry financially and emotionally in a marriage. This doesn't mean that you should be cheap. It means that you should carefully watch and analyze her in different situations. Find out if she has any bankruptcies, judgements or a bad credit history. Trust me, she is trying to find this out about you. Don't be stuck on stupid, men!
7. How was she in a previous relationship?
Your emotional, physical and financial security depends on you knowing how she acted in previous relationships, if any. Find out as subtlety as possible. You can't interrogate her or her friends and family like the FBI! However, you can ask questions in a non-prodding, non-intrusive way. Use humor to illicit answers. If you are listening carefully, watching closely for non-verbal signs, etc., the truth will be revealed. Let her know that you are not the man she was with previously. When necessary, let this be known clearly and unequivocally. Be very clear, if necessary, that you will not be disrespected nor mistreated, in any way. Let's be fair, she expects the same from you.
8. Has she ever cheated?
When people are "openly dating," there is an understanding that no commitment is in place. It is understood and agreed by both parties that they will "see" other people. When a commitment is in place, both parties understand and agree that a monogamous relationship is in order.
For example, if a teacher gives an exam and clearly states that you cannot use any material to assist, an understanding is in place. If you decide to use methods that go against this understanding, you are cheating (whether you are caught or not). If the teacher states that an exam is "open book" and any materials can be used to assist, there is a clear understanding. If you decide to use your book, this is not cheating.
Men, don't be fooled. Women cheat on their boyfriends and husbands. This is a fact. Don't listen to those that try to excuse or justify the behavior of women that act inappropriately. If it is wrong for men to cheat, it is wrong for women. Period. You need to inquire of your potential wife as to whether or not she has engaged in this type of behavior. An affirmative answer alone should not deter you from marrying her. You need to find out the reasons why and determine if she justifies this behavior or if she is generally remorseful for the deceit. Do not believe the adage that "once a cheat always a cheat." We all make mistakes and its quite possible that you have cheated in a past relationship as well. But you have to be very careful and watchful. If your gut is telling you that your potential wife is cheating, DO NOT MARRY HER. For emotional, physical and health reasons, you have a right to know if she is exposing you to possible physical DRAMA with another man as well as serious sexually transmitted diseases. Ask pointed questions and be observant. Do not allow your potential spouse to get away with cheating just because she is a "female," "emotional," "misunderstood," or "its all your fault because you don't___________ "(fill in the blank). She does not want a potential husband that will put her life at risk. You deserve the same respect!
9. Does she love you? Really?
Actions speak louder than words. Some of the best liars are outstanding communicators. That's what make them great at deceiving others. It is not what she says, it's how she says it and what she does. If your car stops on a less travelled road, will she get out of bed to come and get you without debate? Does she comfort you when you are sick? Does she side with you when you are right, even at the expense of losing a good friend, who is obviously wrong? Is she supportive of your career aspirations? Does she accept you for the wonderful person you are or is she attempting to change you? Don't just listen to her say she loves you. Observe how she loves you.
10. Do you have that feeling?
More than any quiz, date or trial living arrangement will tell, you can usually know who to choose as a wife just by the feeling you get when you are around her. If you have spent enough time with the woman to truly know her, and if the thought of spending your life with her not only excites you, but makes you long for the day, then you've probably hit upon that precious feeling that will likely leave you on one knee. If you have any doubts, DO NOT MARRY HER. Men, we have intuition as well. START USING IT! Doubts about marrying someone don't pop up the night prior to the wedding. They are a culmination of the experiences you have had with this person since you met. Regardless of what talk show hosts or other relationship-less people have to say, you DO NOT have to marry a woman if you are unsure. DO NOT MARRY a demanding, threatening, nasty-acting woman. It is better to have a few weeks of displeasure at the loss of the relationship rather than a lifetime of pain and depression.
Men, it is important that you exemplify all of the things you want in a mate. Learn to communicate well. Be romantic. Clear up financial problems and be up front about them. Be able to converse on topics other than sports and politics. Be truthful (even if it hurts. DO NOT MARRY a woman that can't handle the truth). Respect and take part in that for which she has a passion. Be helpful. Be respectful; don't be rude. Watch your manners.
Be supportive and appreciative of all that she does for you. Do not be verbally or physically abusive (if it ever comes close to this, just walk away - forever). Do not engage her in useless arguments (be firm and resolute; she will get the message soon enough). Clearly communicate the expectations of commitment in the relationship and the ramifications if it is broken. Tell her you love her, often. Touch her affectionately and playfully. Surprise her with unexpected gifts. Do not be a slob. Dress appropriately and use the good grooming skills your mother taught you.
With marriages ending in divorce at alarming rates, it is important for men to choose wisely and carefully in the very beginning. There are many good women that would love to have a charming, wonderful man. Be the best man that you can be and you will attract the right woman, who will ultimately be a great wife.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Traveller on September 09, 2020:
How can I know if f my wife is smart
EVEN SIDES on June 18, 2020:
Men want the fantasy woman, woman want the fantasy man.
Men wanting a woman as their partner in life should find one that has same cultural values and upbringing.
Men rarely see past a beautiful face and lust when choosing a mate.
Then once the lady is the wife and live with the beauty everyday start to regret their decision. But at this point want beauty to change. If you have always traded on beauty growning up it will turn you into a selfish material person. Why does the man suddenly think she will turn into a different person? Fantasy.
Get to know the person you are interested in for at least a year and think to yourself, if I became blind would I still want to live with this person? If he or she became fat and old would I still want to live with this person? This is more of commitment type questions.
Think of woman and man as cars, If you buy the Mercedes it will act like a mercedes, with all the problems and expense. If you buy the Jeep it will be great fun, but not have same luxury as the Mercedes.
Buy the stationwagon and have the life of children and family.
Pick someone whom you enjoy being around, Someone who seems to be going the same way in life. Someone who has same values.
Someone that will stay physically attractive to you and you to her over the years.
If you are a thief be sure to pick a thief as you will probably not change your lifestyle. If you are a cheater marry a cheater so that neither of you will get hurt. If you do not want children marry the same type.
I agree with the earlier posters, to shop carefully and look in the mirror and say to ones self this is who I am and like a book end I need one to match. That is who you should be looking for, that way you can treat that person like you treat yourself.
Truth Really Is on February 11, 2019:
Most women nowadays to begin with are very dangerous and crazy altogether. MGTOW is the very safe way.
Richard papakinyi on February 02, 2019:
I am a Tanzanian, my tribe maasai I to have married with a white woman who really have true love.
Mansour on January 09, 2019:
No money no honey
Truth on December 06, 2018:
There is so much truth in looking for a lady who is gracious and well mannered. One who you don't have to explain each of your every action.
You spend most of your time explaining on the need to give in at times and it is not a case where you priortise her any lesser.
Last comment, if you are a nice guy don't engage in a sexual rs until you are assertive that she's the one.
The guilt will overwrite everything
Reality30 on November 01, 2018:
Most women nowadays are very dangerous as it is just to start a normal conversation with, let alone choose a wife wisely and carefully.
Never Again on June 28, 2018:
You left out bi-polar/attachment disorder .First question should be ,is there any mental illness in your family?A nasty cruel woman,who after deserting,stealing and taking everything but the lightbulbs after 33 years I had to remortgage my home "we" once owned a year and a half before I was to retire.I'm in debt up to the whoha but no bitching or condescending looks when I get home from work.I'm doing the freedom 99 plan as that's when I can retire.
Alfred Baber on June 10, 2018:
When it comes to present day divorce laws being so slanted against men, you can cram your pleas for compassion.
Many women can overcome a lousy upbringing, sure, but don’t complain if you’re not the one sticking your neck out with a proposal.
Andrew on June 03, 2018:
Ok, for me the advise came too late...but my advise is the same regarding the upbringing. (I talk from own experience) Never ever, and I mean NEVER marry a woman from a rotten family where divorce, cheating and beating was daily business. Regardless how kind you will treat her, she will bring these things from her past to your life!!! Take this as a serious warning!
Rom on April 23, 2018:
You forgot. Women who likes to party.
Drink and flirt.
Right on March 15, 2018:
Because a woman really has a choice in whether or not she had a "good upbringing"? Real compassionate...
James Kiena Asamboa on March 12, 2018:
Thanks to you.
I realy appreciate this article for its important contents. Why do people divorce? among all reasons, the strongest is because they marry in hurry, boys are blinded by the physical beauty, sexual désire, romatic speeches and so forth without knowing that wedding asks more things than these.
As a student in faculty of Arts, i'm going to quote this article within my thesis of graduation because my topic is about choice of spouse.
Both boys and girls must be very prudent in the matter of wedding, it is not something to joke with. wedding is the life and for whole life. our physical beauty will fade but we have to look for moral beauty that is a good friend of Man which goes with him/her till in the grave. be prudent my dear friends.
Engineer Job Lazarus Okello Sr. on December 13, 2017:
This is a life-transforming article. All men should read this.
Thanks a lot Dexter Yarbrough.
Amraoui on November 20, 2017:
Am searching for a woman to marry and love
Truth Is on November 14, 2017:
Well today many of us good innocent men have to be very careful to meet the right good woman to marry since most of these women Can't Commit to only One Man anymore. They're very busy nowadays sleeping around with all kinds of men all the time which for these women to settle down will be very impossible now. Most women nowadays just want to party all the time and get real wasted unfortunately which tells the whole true story right there as well. And the women that now have their Careers will only want the very best of all and will Never settle for less either.
Samson on October 13, 2017:
Thanks Dexter for your invaluable insights. I am dumping all the girls I am currently seeing. I will take a break and focus on raising my girls because I think its fair on them while I reassess myself
Chris on September 05, 2017:
Very very true...
Thanks for sharing
Why I just found & realized after 14 years in cyclical Relationship and Marriage, after browsing "how to choose best wife". I should have read more than 10 year ago.
The best: "once Cheater & Run Away & Liar" will repeat themselves. Never be part or encourage her either to cheat, run away & lied either, else it will run on man next.
MATERIALISTIC, ill-tempered, always ANGRY, verbally & physically ABUSIVE, always start ARGUMENTS from wake up, mentality always want to CHANGE man, THREATening, Nasty Acting, Demanding, etc can't be describe better as Signs Not to Choose Her (best man can do), unless forced arrange marriage.
If you really in long marriage or engagement & seems unlikely break, do Pray fervently to real God The Lord Almighty, o yes very helpful, and with His Divine Help, and His Divine Spirit will transform your Marriage life amazingly.
If you just about to start or still in courtship, yes, this advise seems very very helpful, and do breathing practice to calm your anxiety, and inner healing to cure your sadness, bitterness, lost, grieve, angry, depression, or worse despair, if you're (have to) breaking with your love one, especially due to not your fault, neither you have control of the situation.
OKEZIE EJIKE ANSELEM on June 11, 2017:
Thank God i read this wonderful message, It is now very clear to me to know the difference between the two girls i have in mind. with this, i now know who to marry. I was confused before because i have equal love for them and they almost possess all the qualities i want in a wife but with this, i have seen the little difference. i must thank the writer for this useful package.
TellingTheRealTruth on October 18, 2016:
For many of us Good men out there which for us it is very Scary to get married again after our Ex Wives Cheated on us which they really turned out to be real Low Life Pathetic Losers. And to lose everything you had at one time since the Courts always favor the women Most of the time unfortunately.
The Very Truth on October 16, 2016:
Well back in the Past Most of the men in those days that really wanted to get married and have a family which came Very Easy for them to find a Very Good wife at that time. Most women too were Very Easy to meet as well the way our Family Members that were Very Blessed back then. And i would say that Most of the women years ago had very Good Manors, a very Good Personality, Polite, and Very Easy to start a Normal Conversation with them as well. Today it is a Totally Different Story since Most of the women now were Nothing at all like Most of the women were in the Past since the women back then Did Really put these women today to Real Shame. Now that many women today have their Careers which Most of them unfortunately are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, and so very money hungry now more than ever. Their Attitude And Personality is very Awful since they will Curse at us men for just trying to start a Conversation with the one that we would really like to meet which has Happened to me already and a friend of mine had this Happened to him as well. Since so many women today are making a Six Figure Income which they Never made before since they will Only want the Best of all and will Never settle for Less. This is a Very Excellent Reason why the Good old fashioned women in the Past were the Best of all since Both men and women in those days had to Struggle to make ends meat which they had to Accept one another for who they were since they Hardly had any Money at all and were Living with their Parents anyway since the times were Tough back then. But the point that i am trying to make here is that Most women will Never go with a man that makes much Less Money than they make and will go with a man that has a lot of Money or if he is Very Rich which is a real Shame how the women of today have really Changed for the Worst. So for many of us Good men today that Really wanted to hopefully meet a Good woman and wanted to get Married to have a family as well which has become Very Difficult to find a Good Wife these days as you can see. It was just too very bad for us that we were Born at such a Very Bad Time Unfortunately and if many of us men had been Born many years Earlier which we Really Would've found Real Love ourselves and have our own Family that many of us still Don't Have Today.
Ndichem on October 02, 2016:
Hey Dexter, I have never been so moved by an advise on choosing a right wife! Thumbs up...I have wondered up till now on how to get the right woman in my life, but always I get it all wrong because I don't seek answers from the right people.
I don't like adventures when it comes to relationships yet I want to get a potential wife that I will really love and respect and she will do same for me. I am 29 and have never been in any relation.....How do i start choosing this potential wife? What should I concentrate on initially?
Joseph Ephraim from Abuja, Nigeria on July 21, 2014:
I am lucky to have stumbled on this beautiful write up early enough. At 35, I feel pressured to just settle for a person who clearly doesn't share similar interest. We must not have the same personality but at least each partner should be able to believe in what the other partner wants to achieve as a goal. God bless you real good.
Joseph Ephraim on July 20, 2014:
This is right on time for me. I am a still single male at 35. I decided to google any material on choosing a wife wisely when I noticed the temptation and pressure to settle for what is available instead of what is needed in marriage. This material has cleared things for me. I am really grateful that you shared this.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on February 04, 2013:
Thanks, Will! My inspiration came from a young guy I knew in a terrible, 5 year marriage that he got into for all the wrong reasons. Thanks for reading and sharing!
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on February 04, 2013:
Hi Ocbill! Thank you! And good for you!
ocbill from hopefully somewhere peaceful and nice on February 04, 2013:
Great hub Dexter, I was actually one of those men. Luckily, I got out and am looking forward with more smiles.
WillStarr from Phoenix, Arizona on February 03, 2013:
How did I miss this gem? It's superb look at why so many marriages fail and how to avoid such a failure.
What a great Hub, and shared.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on October 11, 2012:
Hi Irc7815! Thanks for reading and commenting! It comes from years of experience!!! :-)
Linda Crist from Central Virginia on October 11, 2012:
This should be required reading for any man thinking of making a commitment. An awesome hub loaded with important information.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on August 08, 2012:
Hi Girishpuri! I agree, but sometimes you can avoid it. Thanks!
Girish puri from NCR , INDIA on August 07, 2012:
Very nice suggestions and tips,but sometimes you can not fight with the destiny, useful hub.
Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on May 15, 2012:
Thank you for sharing Dex! Outstanding hub!
Alecia Murphy from Wilmington, North Carolina on May 15, 2012:
I think this goes both ways. People picking a mate simply aren't choosy enough nor do they take enough time to really get to know a spouse. In many ways, I don't think anyone really knows themselves-we learn throughout our life who we are and the same goes for any relationship. Great, insightful hub!
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on April 08, 2012:
Hi Damian! You are more than welcome. I hope it helps.
Damian don on April 07, 2012:
It is my pleasure 2 read 2tru this article. Those who 've ears, let them hear! Thanks Dexter.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on April 06, 2012:
Hi! Good to see you. I am so glad you enjoyed it!
Annie from NewYork on April 05, 2012:
nice hub, very informative indeed
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on March 30, 2012:
Hi Elise! Thanks for the great comments. I agree with you wholeheartedly. It is better to deal with these issues in the beginning than in the end. Congrats on your great relationship! Thanks, again!
Elise on March 30, 2012:
Great article, Dexter!
As a woman, I get really tired of hearing other women complain about some of these same issues. It's really nice to hear a man tell it like it is! My boyfriend and I constantly talk about this kind of stuff and how lucky we are to be in a healthy relationship. I think a lot of times women over look some of these same things when getting into a relationship or think that "they can change" their partners into being the man of their dreams. I think we need to live in reality and make good choices at the beginning and look for the red flags that the men we are interested in are not the right guys for us. They may be good guys, attractive, etc., but there is more to a relationship than those things.
Thanks for the practical advice!
Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on March 25, 2012:
You have some excellent advice here Dex. I hope this hub helps someone out in their time of need. UP and sharing!
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on March 25, 2012:
Hi Dragon Fury! I say let's put those divorce lawyers out of business! Thanks for reading and the great comments!
Dragon fury 09 on March 25, 2012:
Well written and great piece of advice for the single guys and gals. All true and wise advice but if every young, single person is to apply your advice here, those divorce lawyers would be out of jobs.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on March 12, 2012:
David! Wonderful. Thanks for taking the time to read it. And I appreciate your kind remarks. Thank YOU!
David on March 12, 2012:
Excellent advice Dexter and well written! It definitely shows the importance of choosing a wife wisely and for a man to be that person worthy to be chosen as well! Thank you very much, it was greatly appreciated!
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on February 13, 2012:
Hi One2! Thank you so much!
Susan B Anna from New York on February 02, 2012:
Very essential advise Dexter, loved this hub and so of course voted up.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on January 10, 2012:
Hi Patty! I am glad you came across my hub and enjoyed it! Thank you so very much. And yes, it comes from the heart and the head!
Patty on January 08, 2012:
Hi, I just posted a comment (after coming across this page randomly) that I think might sound sarcastic, or something (or maybe I'm just paranoid). So I thought I'd add that although I am female, I think you offer great advice! I find a lot of what you say applies to me, and what you wrote is so different from the tired, old advice usually dished out - it obviously comes from the heart as well as the head. Thanks :)
Patty on January 08, 2012:
Wow, thanks for this great, insightful article!
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on November 06, 2011:
Hi Beth! I am thrilled that you got a chance to read it! Thank you. I wrote this based upon a friend NOT choosing wisely. Thanks for the kind remarks and the votes up!
Beth Perry from Tennesee on November 02, 2011:
I could kick myself for missing this one before. You have some G-R-E-A-T advise here, Dexter. Thumbs up and Voting up, too.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on October 26, 2011:
Hi Azam! Thank YOU for reading!
azam on October 26, 2011:
a very very useful hub, thanks for sharing bro
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on October 23, 2011:
Hi Brian! You are right! as men, we need to be careful and wise about who we marry. It is a very important decision! Thanks so much!
Brian Burton on October 23, 2011:
Dexter what a fantastic hub. Love this kind of thing. Is there a bigger decision in our lives than who we are going to marry? Great insight and from the heart!
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on October 21, 2011:
Hi Gryphin423! Congratulations! You are so right. it does make a difference. Thank you!
gryphin423 from Florida on October 21, 2011:
Great hub Dexter! I'm happily married and I waited for the right guy to come along who shared all the same opinions on the big stuff. It makes such a difference! Thanks for sharing!
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on October 18, 2011:
Hi SanXuary! I agree. You make some excellent observations. Thanks so much for reading!
SanXuary on October 17, 2011:
Excellent hub and all your points are on point with the truth. Determining all these features over time can take a while but I think I left a lot of dates behind for exactly all those reasons at one time or another. I often ask myself what I would tell the next guy if he was willing to listen about that person and ponder what the guy before me would have said. I wish people grew but most of the time they do not and there is a lot of bad stuff out there. Happy Hunting.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on October 14, 2011:
Hi Feenix! I know what you mean. Marriage is for some and not for others. Thanks for the kind comments!
feenix on October 14, 2011:
This is a terrific post. It is informative, interesting, educational and thought-provoking.
When it comes to marriage, my problem is I am fickle and very shallow. I have always had a difficult time committing and quite often, I am drawn to a woman only because she looks good to me.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on October 02, 2011:
Hello Grhealiza! You are more than welcome. I hope it helps. Thanks!
firstname.lastname@example.org on October 02, 2011:
i read the article and it gives a lot of ideas when entering the so called marriage..thank you for this
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on September 30, 2011:
Hi Lesley. I wrote this after listening to a friend complain about his wife and newer marriage. I realized that he had not chosen wisely, so I wanted to write something for men (and women) that are considering marriage.
I agree with you. It is not always greener on the other side. Marriage is great if we work at it.
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing this!
Lesleysherwood on September 30, 2011:
Hi Dexter. I am a woman and I love this hub. You obviously understand how we tick and you have freedom of speech in this subject having had a successful long marriage, which is quite rare these days. So many people 'upgrade' so to speak and then they find that the grass isn't necessarily greener on the 'better looking-younger model' side. Male or female. I feel that you have really made the point that we have to be complete in ourselves before considering marriage. If we're a moany naggy person before marriage, why would we think that a mate would make us any different. Stop moaning on our own first. Hope I'm making sense. I have re-shared this hub. Its brilliant.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on September 27, 2011:
Thanks for you input!
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on August 14, 2011:
Yes. I would ask my wife/partner to seek counseling to discuss our issues. If there is a true willingness on both parts, it will work. Also, there has to honesty and communication. Discuss what bothers you about each other and work on ways not to do those things.
Hang in there and things will work.
Justin on August 13, 2011:
Great hub. Have any advice for someone who didn't choose wisely, but wants to make it work?
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on July 04, 2011:
Thanks, Myi4u! I am glad you enjoyed the hub!
myi4u from United Kingdom on July 02, 2011:
Funnily, my wife and me have different opinions all the time. Not that we are arguing all the time but we have kind of a lot of differences in interest. But gladly, we still try to accommodate each other in our daily life. Like now for example, she bakes her cakes and I am sitting in the kitchen with her, hubbing. So, all is well! Great hub!
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on June 26, 2011:
Hi DjBryle! Thanks for checking out my hub and the vote up. Sometimes men make bad choices when it comes to marriage. I hope to help them make the right choices. Thanks so much!
DjBryle from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) on June 26, 2011:
Wow! I love this hub. It is really vital to know how to choose a good wife. Your idea of giving some advice for other men is novel. Thanks for sharing this very thoughtful hub. Voted up and rated it useful and awesome because it is. =)
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on June 23, 2011:
Thank you so much, Jo! I have been blessed in this area indeed!
Jo_Goldsmith11 on June 23, 2011:
This is terrific! It is so refreshing to hear a man like yourself share great advice to both men and women! I wish I could of read this back when I started to date. It would of helped me not to pick the first two losers. I wish you and your wife all the happiness and blessings! :-)
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on June 18, 2011:
Hi Cherrycrime26! I understand where you are coming from. I hate that you had that experience of violence growing up. I am glad that things have worked out in relationships for you. Thanks for the vote up and being one of my favorite supporters!
January Moon from NY, Now Living in Atlanta Ga on June 17, 2011:
I really like this hub, I agree about 95%, Why? Because I grew up in a dysfunctional home, where there was a lot violence between my mom and step dad, it didn't stop me from having successful relationship relationship, it just Toke the right person to teach me what love was, and he didn't run off after seeing the destruction in my home which shocked him, my point is, even if her home life was not stable, its not an indication that the relationship will be toxic :) Voted up
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on June 08, 2011:
Hi Dallas! Wow, thank you! I really appreciate comments. I am glad it was helpful!
dallasnicole from Maryland on June 08, 2011:
Hi Dexter. This is truly a very helpful hub. I shared this on facebook & twitter. This is full of very valid information! Very well written and true
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on June 07, 2011:
Thanks Becky for sharing your thoughts!
Becky on June 07, 2011:
Something that I believe you left out is the ability to work through an argument or disagreement. I have been married 26 years and if I did not insist that we work through a disagreement until we were both satisfied, our marriage would have been over long ago. Commitment to a marriage is crucial. "I do not do divorce, so get that thought out of your head" type thing.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on June 01, 2011:
Hi Caltex! Thanks for reading and your kind words! I agree wholeheartedly. Men, wise up!
caltex on May 31, 2011:
Dexter, if men were to go by this, I think the divorce rate just might go down. This article is definitely one for GQ. Excellent, as usual!
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on March 25, 2011:
Thanks, Sharon and HattieMattieMae! I REALLY appreciate your comments and support!
Hattie from Europe on March 24, 2011:
Sharon Douglas from GA, United States on March 24, 2011:
I truly support what you are conveying to the men. This is a topic that need to be touch and boy oh boy you nailed it!
Excellent, excellent man!
Dexter a wonderful and advisable hub in teen.
Up, Awesome & Beautiful and good to go!
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on March 22, 2011:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, HattieMattieMae!
Hattie from Europe on March 22, 2011:
Well I would agree with you on every part, but the parent part, because in my case I spent 15 years trying to undo what my parents taught me how to be in relationships. I would hope I spent that time and hard work doing something that is worthwhile in a relationship and my future husband didn't base in choice on my past history or my parents. Fortunately we didn't all have a choice who our parents were, or the unhealthy situations we wer e put in, but we learned to survive, and break those patterns and behaviors. So I would say depending on the situation, at least give a woman a chance if she has done all that hard work. Sometimes we make better marriage material because of what we've experienced, and can beat the odds more than others that come from healthy homes, because they never had to get through as many obstacles, or struggles.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on March 21, 2011:
Thanks, SparklingBunny! Welcome to Hubpages! I am so glad you saw a need for this!
SparklingBunny on March 21, 2011:
Wow! I like this. You know I think you are so right ... its always women telling women about how to choose the perfect man. Nobody really tells men how to choose the right woman. This is was so needed ! Thanks
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on March 15, 2011:
Luis, I wish I would have written it years ago!
Luis E Gonzalez from Miami, Florida on March 15, 2011:
Wish I would have read this hub years ago...I could have still be married.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on March 03, 2011:
Thanks, HartMurengu! I appreciate your feedback. I have been following your hubs. Great!
HartMurengu from Nairobi on March 03, 2011:
Dexter ,I voted it up. Its a wonderful hub. Thanks for sharing
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on February 26, 2011:
Thanks, Youmeget! Glad you liked the hub. I got the pictures based on the emotions illustrated in the hub.
youmeget on February 26, 2011:
Beautiful Hub well illustrated. How did you get those pictures? I love this Hub.
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on February 26, 2011:
Thank you so much Ashantina! I am a fan of your writing so it is an honor to get a thanks from you!
Ashantina on February 26, 2011:
I love this Dexter. And the importance that one [in this instance men] must lay the foundation within themselves.
These tips are also applicable to women. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Dexter Yarbrough (author) from United States on February 24, 2011:
Max Power! Glad to hear from you. And I am happy that this advice may work for you! Thanks!
Max_Power from Sunshine Coast, Queensland, Australia. on February 24, 2011:
Wow! Dexter this is really great advice, and I enjoy your style of writing. I would love to be married, and this hub gives me hope that I am on the right track by not settling for less than what I want in a partner. I whole-heartedly agree with you that as men we must first exemplify all of the things that we want in a mate. I will be back to read this from time to time when I am lacking faith in myself and my decisions:)