Most of us have loved people who were not right for us at some point in our lifetime. Maybe the timing was off, maybe we needed to grow individually, or maybe they were just lessons that we needed to become the people that we're meant to become.
People who loved the wrong man or woman usually say that it was painful and it really changed them. They learned to embrace the pain and to live every day of their lives with that void caused by the people they loved. They blamed themselves for being not good enough or for not fighting for that person that much. Some of them even regretted having met that person and wished that they could turn back the time to undo their mistakes.
Loving someone, whether he or she is right or wrong for us, is never an accident. We meet people either to change our lives or for us to change theirs. If we try to understand and look into the positive, there are good reasons why falling in love with a wrong person is a stroke of luck.
- It tells us what we need in a partner - We don't settle for just anybody. It is true that love is not enough and other factors such as compatibility, desires, sexual connection do matter. We start to look for criteria in our partners which help us decide wisely before pursuing someone.
- We build confidence and self-love - It's funny how people sometimes say that they could love someone so much even if they don't love themselves enough. But what is good about having self-love is we just don't tolerate the bad behaviors of our partners because we value our worth more. We are not afraid to walk away from a relationship if we are not treated the way we deserve to be treated. We are confident in what we are bringing in the table and our value does not depend on how our partners treat us.
- We learn how to love someone - Even if it did not work out, we learned how to treat people well and how to love them the way we want to be loved. Even if we did not get the kind of love we gave them, we learned how to care and love someone truly. Don't regret that we loved them so much and they did not reciprocate our feelings, but be thankful for the lessons and experiences.
- Maybe we can do better- When one door closes, another one opens. We won't have these lessons if we are not meant for something better. Let us look into these heartbreaks as trainings, that we needed to learn something from these and we continue growing as better people. Just because someone did not appreciate us, it doesn't mean that no one ever will. Continue learning, continue improving and make these heartbreaks as inspirations to be stronger, wiser and better.
One day, we will remember all those hurtful experiences we had that shaped us to become the people that we are now. We won't remember the pain anymore but the lessons that we learned from these experiences.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on May 20, 2018:
When we're young more often than not we have never taken the time do any serious introspective thinking to figure out who we are and want we want in a mate for life.
Most of us allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate our relationship choices and confuse infatuation with love.
It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!
If you go to the grocery store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No! You learn to become a "better shopper"!
When it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. It's rare for someone to hit a homerun their first, second, third, or fourth time up at bat. If this were not the case we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!
We fall in love with the "wrong person" when we either don't know what (we) want/need in a mate or we lack the maturity and self-discipline to stick to our own "must haves list" when we meet.
The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.
Compatibility trumps compromise.
Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!
If you or your mate has to change your (core being) to make a relationship "work" you're probably with the wrong person!
Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air screaming: "I'm looking for someone to change me!"
Most people want to be loved and accepted for who they are.
Generally speaking people don't change unless (they) are unhappy.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.
The choice is up to us. Choose wisely!
June Liandra from State of Wyoming on August 10, 2017:
i think the right person comes in different shapes and sizes and we'll never know who, i'm still waiting for someone who's gonna devote his life for me, i used to devote my life for others,
anyway nice hub :)
MrManifesto from South Carolina on August 07, 2017:
i had a gf when i was a kid, 14 maybe? we kissed and hugged, i thought this was the girl i'll marry one day, then we got separated in classes and then schools, even though we're neighbors, she found someone else, i was so sad, but now that have my wife, i know she's the right one for me
TimFilmoore from Los Angeles CA on August 06, 2017:
i had my first divorce last year and i felt like the feelings would never change, but they did, she is the one for me but i guess not right now? hahah, great hub!
Ivonaharcar on August 06, 2017:
Thank you for this article! I am in a situation of loving the wrong person right now and you are completely right! I am looking for the moment when the pain is gone.
Emilea Andrews from UK on August 05, 2017:
I've been in abut 3 relationships and in the first few moments in the start of them, I thought, this guy might be the 'one', now that i remember those feelings, I just laugh and learned to observe first before falling to the state of loving the 'one', great hub!