Dealing with your boyfriend's baby mama is sometimes not a pleasant experience, unless she is a very selfless woman. Today we talk to two women to hear about their crazy baby mama stories -- women who have been manipulated, schemed, and plotted against simply for having a boyfriend who has a child with someone else. We also give you tips on how to deal with your boyfriend's baby mama.
Crazy Baby Mama Stories
Clarissa, 29: "I just know she poisoned my food."
*Jared, my boyfriend, is an attorney whose ex, Kat, got pregnant. Before he knew me, they were a couple until the paternity came into question. Kat was scared because Jared was a lawyer and she thought he would somehow legally take the baby away from her out of revenge for her cheating on him.
So Kat ran off. Jared was very upset about this and was not able to track her down by any means. After a few months he moved on and met me. We got along really well and were talking about marriage. Fast-forward about a year, and Kat shows up again with baby in tow. It turns out she had a paternity test done secretly which confirmed Jared was indeed the father.
I had thought Kat was afraid that Jared was going to try to take the baby away, but she figured he would no longer be angry at her after a year's time, and if the baby was his, that seeing the child would melt his heart.
Even more, since Jared was a lawyer and Kat still loved him, she probably figured she would try to get back into his life and lead the financially comfortable role as an attorney's live-in-girlfriend.
Kat didn't come from a poor family by any means, but her parents weren't exactly happy to have an out-of-wedlock grandchild and an unmarried daughter around their house. Kat was unemployed, even though she had done modeling jobs until she became pregnant.
So while Jared and I were living this great romance, Kat had to come along and spoil it. I know it sounds selfish, but I wish the baby hadn't come into our lives, because if it didn't, then I wouldn't be dealing with this crazy baby mama drama. Let me tell you, Kat has done her best to break us up.
I have called her while Jared was with her and the baby, to pass on messages, and she never passes them on. Then she starts gets cutesy and flirting with my guy right in front of me. She is back in model shape and wears mini skirts and low cut tops when Jared goes to visit the baby. If I happen to come over with him, she asks me to leave and to not involve myself in "family issues," because I'm an outsider. It makes me so angry.
But then his baby mama got psycho. One day she actually invited me over with Jared and we all had dinner together. I ended up in the hospital for four days. The doctors didn't find out what it was, but I just know she poisoned my food. Another time I watched the baby by myself when Jared got call into a work emergency.
When Kat picked the baby up, she marched off in a huff realizing I had been alone with her child. This woman actually placed makeup on the baby to make it look like the kid had bruises from a bad fall while it was alone with me. She then took pictures of it and sent the pictures to Jared on his phone.
These two events caused such a rift and so much arguing that I threw my hands up and left. Do yourself a favor and don't get involved with a man who has kids. He will never be truly yours even if his heart is with you. Dealing with your boyfriend's baby mama can be stressful as it is, but when she is crazy, you better run.
Chanel, 27: "She started sending envelopes in the mail with white powder in them."
*I lived with my boyfriend who had custody of his three children. His baby mama only saw her kids on the weekends, supervised, at her house. I imagined that she was not going to be a part of my life because of this. I had never met her and I didn't want to, because I didn't want to interject myself into their lives like that.
One day a lady called the house, saying she was a police officer. She asked me where the father was, who I was, and how much I am around the kids. I told her the father was at the store, I was the father's girlfriend, and that I lived at the house. This lady immediately hung up after that. I then figured out it was a prank call.
It turns out this lady used that information to tell the courts that there is a strange woman watching her kids and she asked why should a girlfriend be around them when a mother couldn't. I tried to keep out of my boyfriend's mess with his ex. I didn't go to court appointments with him and I only watched the kids because he had to go to work. The judge didn't flinch or change his mind at all about custody.
Well, baby mother just kept getting worse and worse. She started sending envelopes in the mail with white powder in them. I'm sure she wanted me to think it was anthrax, but by the smell it was obviously baby powder. Then one day she broke in through the basement window and cut up all the laundry in the basement. How do I know she did it all? I have no proof, but they usually say "It someone you know," and who else had a vendetta against me and my boyfriend? No one.
I left my boyfriend because I just didn't want a crazy baby mama in my life, messing things up for me. I loved my boyfriend, but not enough to suffer and be stressed out all the time.
Baby Mama Poll #1
Baby Mama Poll #2
How to Deal with Your Boyfriend's Baby Mama
- If you can help it, don't get involved with a man who has baby mama issues. His kids will always come first. And you could be in a vulnerable position if she doesn't want you in the pictures. If she wants him back, you could be in for a lot of stress in your life.
- Avoid seeing her. Your boyfriend's past in a way has nothing to do with who you two are as a couple. You can explain to him that you do not want to get into their business by making yourself part of her life.
- If his baby mama insists on knowing who you are because you will be spending time with the child, stay as cordial and as quiet as possible. She will be sizing you up. So wear conservative clothes, don't curse, and just be the type of person a parent would want around her kids.
- Understand what is going on in a baby mama's mind. Most of them are not crazy, and many wish their circumstances were a little different. Women can turn into mama bears quickly if they think someone might ruin their family set-up. Women are as territorial as men, and if they want to be with the father, they could break out the claws quickly. Ask yourself if the man is really worth it. Don't make someone else's misery your own as well.
*Any story resembling others' outside real-life occurrences is purely coincidental.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
Question: If the baby mama is holding my boyfriend's child over his head saying, "You can't see your son until you tell your girlfriend you've still been having sex with me," what can be done? He hasn't because he desperately wants to see his son and refuses to lie to me to appease her. He knows her psychotic tendencies, but she didn't act like this for the past three years. He hasn't been with her until I came into the picture.
Answer: If you want to make it easy you can always tell him it's okay to let her believe this is going on. If nothing else works and he is allowed to see her legally, then he might want to consider getting the law involved.
Question: How do I deal with a baby mama who cannot have a mature and decent adult conversation and tries to do everything to create drama?
Answer: It might be a good idea to leave the room or disconnect from her when she is doing this. Or tell her you will only talk about an issue when she calms down.
Question: If you are having a baby with a man who already has children from a previous relationship and the baby mama tries to find ways to make you look as if you cheated on him, putting doubts in his head about your new baby, what should you do?
Answer: If you are sure he is the father of your child, you or he can get a paternity test. This should quiet any doubts and give you and the father peace of mind. It should also quiet this woman down a bit. Ask what evidence or proof she has that you cheated. If she has none, then her statements have no merit. Make sure the father knows this as well.
Question: How do I deal with a boyfriend that has 2 kids with his baby mama? First of all, baby mama only calls at night, that is 9 pm to 11 pm. And to make matters worse, my boyfriend hasn't picked up her calls in my presence for the year that we have been dating, apart from one evening.
Answer: How often is she calling during this time? Is it twice a week or so, or every night? If it is frequent, you can ask your boyfriend if he can rearrange the calling time schedule because it is interrupting your lives together. Are there times you can spend together that you know she will not generally be interrupting? You can also look into this kind of change for yourselves. If you don't think there is any cheating going on, him having private calls with baby mama might be better because it keeps your involvement with her situation at a minimum.
Question: If your baby mama swears at you what are you supposed to do?
Answer: Walking away is sometimes best when it comes to arguing with a woman so you can diffuse the situation. You can use a firm tone and tell your baby mama you'll talk to her again when she speaks respectfully to you.
Question: Is it necessary to know my boyfriend's baby mama?
Answer: No, you do not have to get to know her. You can just have unavoidable contact if you wish. However, she might choose to know you in some way, just to know anyone who is around her child.
Hearts and Lattes (author) on March 27, 2019:
Wow, this woman has created an absolute soap opera out of all of your lives. That is terrible! I know you love your boyfriend and you have a place to live there, so it is difficult to give that up, however, would you ever consider leaving there and leaving him? Best wishes.
Cantwin on March 27, 2019:
I wanted to share my on going frustration with this topic of baby mama drama. I am not a mother but have been dating a man with a child for 5 years. From day one the baby mama has been vindictive and psychotic. She vadelized my car while I was asleep. Making my automobile non functioning. She stole my keys while I was asleep and got under my hood and pulled and cut things till it wouldn’t run anymore. I fixed it all. Costs me about $200.
What really makes things hard besides the vindictive shenanigans she is constantly scheming up, is the fact she lives on the same property as my boyfriend and I. Him and I were so happy and in love we were fools and thought for sure this would blow over. They had not been together for years. She has remarried and had tons of boyfriends before the marriage (and even after her marriage) she married a dying man for his money. They don’t live together so she still dates other men while married.
We all live on the same property because my boyfriends mom has a large home that she runs a bed and breakfast from. We all pitch in to help my boyfriends mom because she s older and handicapped. The baby mama does NOTHING to help or earn her keep. She resides in a two bedroom house. Free rent. Free utilities. And does nothing but cause drama.
She calls the police on us every time we drive off the property and claims we are speeding or drinking. She calls from different phones and gives fake names otherwise I’m sure the police would come at her for false calls after so many times.
She does drugs and puts drugs in our room (boyfriend and I live in a guest room in the main house) and then calls the cops and claims we deal drugs. My byfrend has been in and out of jail so many times when he was with her. Since he’s been with me he has been still dealing with his charges he’s accused while with her. Seems to never end.
Baby mama wouldn’t let their kid around me because she claimed I’m bad to their child. I have spent time with their son a lot of time. And he loves me. He told his dad (my boyfriend) that he likes me because I pay attention to him and his mother doesn’t.
His mother is always off at the casino for days at a time. When she’s gone their son is with us and we are all fine and happy. When the child’s mother comes back she yells at me to stay away from her kid. Right in front of their boy. He became scared to be around me after that because he was afraid f him mom getting upset at him.
A boyfriend of this drama mama just spoke with me the other day and wanted to warn me of some things he learned while dating her. One is that she is screaming and plotting all the time of ways to get me in trouble. That she was who stole things out of my closet while I was in the hospital. That she doesn’t care who else suffers when she lashes out at me, just so long as I am suffering too.
This man is obviously not with her anymore. She Kees guys for a couple months at the most.
She’s had sex with every man who lives on our property yet tells everyone it’s me who did that. She tells her sons teachers that I am not good for her child. She doesn’t tell my boyfriend of parent teacher meetings and instead brings her boyfriend of the month along. She tellls me I am not to go to these meetings. I never had anyways. I know my place. But if she’s bringing a different guy each time. At least I’m a consistent face.
My boyfriend does nothing to stop her behavior nor does he make boundaries. I left him for a few months. And she and him got along great. We missed each other so I came back. He thought she was better and thought things would be okay. But as soon as I came back all her bs started again. Her attempt to make me look like the problem.
It’s sickening and tiring. I guess best thing for the child is for me to go away. So his parents can get along. She still manipulates him and isn’t fair to him when I’m gone. But if he accepts that then I guess he’s happy.
Thank you for listening.