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Confidence Boosters for Women Who Feel Insecure

Updated on July 24, 2017
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MsDora, Certified Christian Counselor, has spent over 20 years empowering young and adult women to pursue positive, productive womanhood.

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Insecurity surfaces in many women during their love relationships, but, for the most part, it begins as early as childhood1. Several factors help to make them feel insecure:

  • Home environments in which they see their mothers being abused physically, verbally and otherwise
  • Guilt feelings resulting from their own abuse
  • Messages from caretakers and teachers that they do not measure up to expectations
  • Movies, magazines, television programs and commercials which emphasize physical appearances different than most teen girls have

By the time they are old enough for love relationships, they lack the confidence that they are good enough. They desire continual assurance that their men really love them, that they are not seeing other women. While these assurances are not too much to ask for, the men do not want to be nagged for assurances over and over.

It is good when a man helps the woman he loves work through her insecurities, but it's better when, with or without his help, she makes use of confidence boosters like the following six.

1. A New Perspective

It is useful occasionally to look at the past to gain a perspective on the present.

— Fabian Linden

When a woman recognizes that she feels insecure in a relationship, she needs to figure out why.

  • Is she comparing the man with someone in her past?
  • Is her imagination causing her to be suspicious of his words and actions?
  • Is she subconsciously expecting him to dump her because she believes she is not good enough?

If the woman sees obvious signs—lying, manipulating, intimidating, humiliating et cetera—that the man should not be trusted, then it is wise to end the relationship. If she thinks that the reason for her suspicions is her lack of confidence, she needs confidence boosters in the form of new affirmations, for example:

  • The person who hurt me previously will not control the outcome of this new relationship.
  • I will allow myself time to focus on the good in this new person.
  • I deserve the love, respect and happiness which this person is offering me; the people who told me differently were all wrong.

Mark Tyrell,2 therapist and co-founder of Uncommon Knowledge, advises, “When you plant a seed in the ground . . . you need to give it space to develop. Your relationship needs room to breathe. Schedule in some 'separate time' and just see it for what it is.”

2. Self-Acceptance

Photo by Bill Branson
Photo by Bill Branson | Source

Self-acceptance is unconditional, free of any qualification. We can recognize our weaknesses, limitations, and foibles, but this awareness in no way interferes with our ability to fully accept ourselves.

— Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D.

If a woman cannot accept herself, it is difficult for her to believe that a man will accept her.

She can acknowledge her imperfections, and determine that they do not make her less of a person. Self-acceptance allows her to accept help in the areas where she might need it--not as a prerequisite for loving herself, but as proof that she loves herself.

When she enters into a love relationship, she has to be confident of her ability to give as well as receive affection. She is an asset to the man as much as he is an asset to her. She deserves all the good in the relationship which she is helping to build.

3. Visualization

Always act like you're wearing an invisible crown.

— (Unknown)


Having responded positively to the man’s interests, the woman needs time to process her thoughts. In her quiet moments, she must visualize the path she wants to take according to her God-given plan and purpose, then visualize how the relationship fits into that plan.

It the relationship fits sensibly, she can pursue it with confidence. It is in her interest to treat the man the way she sees herself treating him as a husband—lovingly, attentively, respectfully and trustfully. Her focus should be on him instead of the women around him. The other women will see that that she is not working to receive the crown; but that she is already qualified for the crown she is wearing.

4. Honest Communication

We tell lies when we are afraid….afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.

— Tad Williams

Honesty boosts confidence and removes the need for deception. The woman has no reason to withhold the truth about who she is, what she thinks, and what she feels. She encourages the man to respond with similar honesty, and this kind of honest communication cancels the insecurities which threaten her confidence.

Whenever there is uncertainty, an honest question will clear the air. A relationship in which questions are welcome, and honest answers are given, will build a foundation for deep, mutual confidence.

5. Self-Worth

You're turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life, girl. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away . . . then why should it mean any more to him? He can't value you more than you value yourself

— Toni Morrison

Self-worth differs from self-acceptance in that acceptance recognizes both strength and weakness; worth emphasizes the strength (without denying the weakness) as the asset which allows her to set boundaries on what she will and will not allow in the relationship.

For example, it is the woman’s self-worth which says:

  • I am worth having a man that I do not have to share with another woman.
  • I am worth not being given the responsibilities of a wife before I become a wife.
  • I am worth being treated as an equal partner in the relationship.

Source

6. Options

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

— Mark Twain

In other words, both the woman and man have options—to end or continue the relationship; rather than being an option to be or not be chosen. If they treat each other with mutual respect, they will promote confidence and trust in the relationship.

It is the woman’s responsibility to insist that:

  • the man treats her the way she deserves, or else . . .
  • he sets appropriate boundaries around his interactions with other women, or else . . .
  • they support each other's goals, or else . . .

The option to end or continue the relationship is a confidence booster for the woman. She can enjoy the relationship with confidence because she is not being held captive. She is a worthy participant. If the relationship lasts despite the option, it is because she chose the opportunity to share her worth with someone who deserves her.

© February 17, 2014 by Dora Isaac Weithers.

References

(1) National Institute on Media and the Family, Teen Health and the Media

(2) Tyrell, Mark, Overcoming Insecurities in Relationships (July 2013)

(3) Seltzer, Leon F., Ph.D., The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance (September 2008)

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    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 19 months ago from The Caribbean

      Michelle, thanks for your contribution to the topic. "We are all capable of rising above these prisons of thought." I totally agree.

    • Farawaytree profile image

      Michelle Zunter 19 months ago from California

      This is a great subject. So often, we women conclude that we can't do better than an abusive or "going nowhere" relationship. This is self-sabotage at it's best.

      We are all capable of rising above these prisons of thought we put ourselves into and can work toward becoming healthier individuals who can find a fantastic mate in life!

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 20 months ago from The Caribbean

      Nancy, way to go! We learn, app keep growing. Best to you going forward, with that crown of honor on your head!

    • letstalkabouteduc profile image

      McKenna Meyers 20 months ago from Bend, OR

      This is truly inspiring, Dora. I'm going to envision a crown on my head today and see how it goes. A couple years ago I had a work situation that really crippled my self-esteem and I'm slowly building myself back up. I realize now that I didn't handle the problem at the time and let it grow bigger and bigger until my only alternative was to resign. I'll never do that again!

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 23 months ago from The Caribbean

      Marlene, thank you for sharing such a positive testimony, you confident godly woman!

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 23 months ago from Northern California, USA

      I like that Mark Twain quote. When I was younger I had real self-esteem issues. Somehow I managed to learn more about myself and raise my confidence level. I have my God and the positive, uplifting people he placed in my life, to thank for that.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 23 months ago from The Caribbean

      Reynold, I appreciate your visit and your comment. Thank you.

    • Reynold Jay profile image

      Reynold Jay 23 months ago from Saginaw, Michigan

      Hi Dora--I admit it!!! I'm not a woman. Great article.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 24 months ago from The Caribbean

      Swalia, glad you think so. I appreciate your affirmation.

    • swalia profile image

      Shaloo Walia 24 months ago

      excellent hub!

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

      Ed, your comment coming from a man as sensitive and affirming as you are is a great encouragement to us women. Thanks for the counsel to keep our heads high.

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 2 years ago

      MsDora , as a man , a decent man , I have always been intuitive of human behavior . It has ALWAYS pained me to witness this very conditioning from any woman's youth , yes , I have seen Fathers and Mothers who will constantly 'put down ' a girl . It seems natural to some people and yet , it has always disappointed me to see this , My message to any woman , keep your head held high - that's the only place it should be , MsDora You have an awesome hub here !...........Ed

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thanks, Sujaya. Sometimes insecurities threaten the best of us; we all need support sometimes.

    • sujaya venkatesh profile image

      sujaya venkatesh 2 years ago

      a beautiful motivating hub for women who feel insecure

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

      Dirt Farmer, your last sentence is a principle to remember. Thank you very much.

    • The Dirt Farmer profile image

      Jill Spencer 2 years ago from United States

      Love the quote from Song of Solomon. A very wise quote, and a very wise hub. You don't know just how strong you are until you have to be.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thanks, Mothers. There are still so many insecure who need a boost; hope we can reach some.

    • mothersofnations profile image

      Mothers of Nations 3 years ago

      So well said! Such an encouragement for so many women. Definitely share-worthy! GBY

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Michele, glad we made it through those critical teenage years. Now we can help those are there now. Thanks for your input.

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 3 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      Excellent suggestions and tips. I would have loved to hear these things back when I was a kid and teenager - great advise that can help a person avoid a lot of heartache and trouble. Voted up and useful and awesome.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thanks, Rajan. Always happy to hear from you.

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      Rajan Singh Jolly 3 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Some fine suggestions these MsDora. Voted up and useful.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Titi,nice meeting you. Thank you for your kind comment.

    • titi6601 profile image

      titi6601 3 years ago

      "Always act like you're wearing an invisible crown" loved this!! Thank you for this inspiring hub.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Jackie, what sweet encouragement! I thank you humbly. We are here to enrich each other's lives.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

      I probably sound like I am fussing a lot at your hubs dear friend but it is only that you write about things that I take so seriously and I cannot help but give my thoughts. You cover so many important things in our lives. I always look forward to your articles knowing I will be moved. lol

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thank you, Jackie. Just hoping that God will put a teacher in the path of those who want to learn.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

      You bring up so many important things about young women that they really may need help with. If our educational system would think more along these lines than teaches our girls all about sex and how not to get pregnant (which by the way does not seem to be working) they would have a greater chance of a really productive life wanting to better themselves.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Frank, I am honored that you think so. Thank you very much.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      Msdora what a great coaching hub.. useful and so important this should be hub of the day :)

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Denise, thank you for your input. If even one would learn from this article, that would be a blessing.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 3 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      So often, we do not recognize our own worth. This hub helps women to see that relationships cannot be built upon insecurity. If they are, there is no solid foundation and the storms of life will not be weathered successfully.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Nice to hear from you, Alphadogg. I agree with your advice to the women. They should listen to you.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thank you, Word. I appreciate your affirmation on this topic.

    • Alphadogg16 profile image

      Kevin W 3 years ago from Texas

      This is a great hub Ms Dora, even more so coming from a woman. I've known many extremely attractive women who had severe confidence issues. My advice to them was you have to love yourself before you can love someone else, it's called "SELF" esteem for a reason, it's about how you feel about yourself, not everyone else. Thumbs up on your hub.

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      Word 3 years ago from Chicago

      Ok MsDora, another great insight shown here. I think every good woman is a queen to a good man. Honesty is the very best policy for every couple. You bring out some of the best topics. The video was wonderful too. Great work! Thank you.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thanks, epbooks. Hope there's one like it there.

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      Elizabeth Parker 3 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      This is a great article and would also be helpful on the bulletin boards at high schools !

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Ebonny, that part is important. There will always be questions, and the sooner they are asked, the better. Thank you for your comment.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thank you, Sheila. I especially like to write for women.

    • Ebonny profile image

      Ebonny 3 years ago from UK

      When a person is fearful of asking their partner a question, something is not right. I especially like that you point out the need for honest communication in welcoming, asking and answering questions.

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      sheilamyers 3 years ago

      This is a great article for any woman to read. Thanks for sharing the information

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Purpose Embraced, you said it very nicely. Thank you.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Jodah, thank you. Your comment is encouraging, coming from a man.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Nell, I full understand your mum's wise saying. The challenge is for the woman to fix her confidence after it has beencracked. Thank you.

    • Purpose Embraced profile image

      Yvette Stupart PhD 3 years ago from Jamaica

      Thanks MsDora for your wonderful hub. Accepting oneself is critical to self-worth. This means celebrating my strengths, talents, and gifts, and accepting my weaknesses. While it might be necessary for me to strengthen areas of weaknesses, I must embrace the knowledge that my weak areas don't make me less valuable. For "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14).

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      A beautiful and intelligent hub that all women young and old should read. Well written and voted up.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 3 years ago from England

      Hi MsDora, yes confidence is a thing so easily cracked as my mum used to say. I believe its the way we are brought up, or maybe just in us, I know I had terrible confidence issues when I was younger. Great advice and a fascinating read, thank you.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Devika, thank you for your encouragement. I appreciate your very kind comment.

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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Great words here about women feeling insecure this is why it often is the case they fail to accept or love themselves from bad experiences or raised with the lack of parenting skills. You made useful points here which I personally think should be read by all women.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Faith, you're right. It can help no matter the cause of their insecurity. Thank you.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thanks, Billy, I always want to be helpful to someone.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thank you, Jan. Really hope it helps.

    • MsDora profile image
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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Fourish, your husband is doing a great fatherly deed for your daughter, and she is truly blessed. She will thank both of you for the confidence you are instilling in her. Way to go!

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Awesome hub with a profound message that I hope many women who feel insecure about themselves for whatever reason read!

      Up and more and sharing.

      God bless you,

      Faith Reaper

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      There are so many who can use the wisdom of this article. Excellent information and suggestions, Dora!

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      Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

      Excellent article, exquisite quotes to support your message. So many women deal with this issue of feeling insecure in their relationships and within themselves. This informative article will help a lot of them. Very well-done, MsDora. Voted up and useful.

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      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      The quote, "Always act like you're wearing an invisible crown" is one of my favorites. To instill a strong foundation of self-worth in my daughter, my husband takes her out on daddy-daughter "dates" involving him treating her like a lady -- coming to the door, picking a mutually agreeable restaurant, listening to one another fully. It gives her a positive model for what she should expect in a man in the future, and it bolsters her confidence that she is an interesting person with viewpoints and ideas worth sharing. As you point out in this well-written hub, adult women with poor self-confidence can experience exhausting and unfortunate consequences.