Bored in Marriage: Why It's Normal and How to Be Satisfied Again
Are you missing your single days? Days when you could travel, go to bars, shop, and go on uncounted adventures without considering your spouse?
Now you have your husband or wife and perhaps kids to consider. You feel bored in marriage because you don't have the freedoms and spontaneity that your life used to be full of.
It's quite normal to feel at times that your marriage is boring and that you are missing out on something. But that isn't the end. You can feel satisfied and fulfilled in your marriage again!
What were your single days really like?
When you are married and bored you will fondly recall your cruise to the Caribbean with your friends, when you could spend $800 on a speaker system, or when you went bar-hopping on Friday nights.
But you might also forget the days when you were all alone in the jungle out there: afraid that the next person you met would play games with your heart again, unaware of who you could really trust, and ultimately not knowing who would be there for you in the end.
Why People Get Married
People not only marry for love and mutual lust, but ultimately for security. How great is it that you never again have to date a stranger, unsure of their feelings for you, and feeling insecure about their ultimate intentions: are they hiding an STD, or do they want you just for your body or your money? Marriage takes you beyond these worries. To love, honor, and cherish.
Marriage benefits both men and women because the bond they create is also a buffer against the constant pains that come along in life: someone demeans or curses you out in a conversation, your car gets broken into, you lose your job, or you get sick.
Your spouse is there as a support system so that you can heal the wounds of daily life faster or perhaps even prevent them from affecting you.,
Why People Get Bored with Marriage
As a human being you are ultimately designed to be unsatisfied. With everything. Once you have a job for so long you want to quit, be promoted, go back to school, switch careers, etc. If you have the same haircut or hair color too long, you start to feel your look is stale. The restaurant you once loved, raved about, and went to once a week is now passé, and you don't even look in the window when you pass it anymore. You are over it.
And once you get beyond the excitement of the novelty of marriage, the honeymoon stage, the fun of buying a house and filling it with furniture, you settle in for a comfortable routine. And that routine can drive people insane, lead them astray, but ultimately fill them with boredom that they try their best to shake off.
Boredom in Marriage Isn't a Reason to Get Divorced or Cheat
Being bored doesn't mean you are not the marrying kind of person afterall. And it doesn't mean you don't have the right person in your life or should cheat. It simply means you need to change your perspective and take a little action.
How to Feel Satisfied in Your Marriage Again
Change Your Perspective:
- Understand that being human means never being satisfied. Even if you were to divorce or cheat you would come to ultimately be unsatisfied with your life again at some point.
- Re-affirm the reasons that your marriage is wonderful. You have security, love, and comfort, among other things.
- You have another human being who relies on you. They need you more than they will ever admit. Whatever you do, they feel the effects of it. Never lose perspective of what your bond means to your partner. You are incredibly special to them.
- Find a hobby that interests you. Whether it is sewing, painting, jogging, building furniture, puzzle books, cooking, etc. While it is great if you have a hobby that both you and your spouse can enjoy together, often it doesn't happen. Men and women usually have different and individual interests. Taking up a hobby allows you to be your own person, keep your mind engaged and happy, and also maintain the honor of your marriage by having a clean diversion.
- Plan special dates or vacations with your spouse. This will perhaps be the most exciting parts of your marriage -- when you go out and experience new places and things together. Even if you have to save up for that European vacation for a few years, it will give you something to look forward to. In the meantime make some dates to go out to see movies, orchestras, go bowling, to wine tastings, etc. Make each date you go on a little different so you can enjoy your experience to the fullest and get a break from your routine in a healthy way.
- Pray on it. The benefits of a good marriage cannot be replicated through any other experience in life. Pray to God to simply keep your perspective on the right track and always keep you appreciative of the gifts you already have.
Questions & Answers
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