Being Part of a Whole Is Hard Work

Updated on April 6, 2017

Adulting Is Hard...

Remember the group projects we used to do in high school? Invariably, the work would get done, but do you recall the work involved in trying to work with your partner? The compromise? The having to swallow certain comments back in order to truly get anything done and be successful?

Well, life's like that, too. It doesn't matter whether you are discussing a job partner or a life partner. There are compromises to be made and sometimes, you may end up biting your tongue in half in an effort to keep the proverbial waters calm. Relationships are tough to navigate in general; there's a give and take, to an extent, and it's all too easy to fall under one or the other of the categories instead of walking the fine line between the two.

That can lead to relationship challenges, especially when it comes to communication. Resentment can run high if one or both partners are feeling as though they're doing all the "heavy lifting" in a relationship. Communication can falter, and then, you become as though you're roommates and if you're lucky, friends and nothing more. While that may work if that's what you truly want, most people are looking for something that's a little more fulfilling in their long term relationships with a partner.

So how do you work around it? Of course, if you're the likes of Erica Kane, or some other soap opera vixen, you're looking for ways to check up on your person, whether that means skulking around their phones, rifling through their personal email accounts, or even just tracking their movements. However, we need to function as though we have some sort of rationality coursing through our veins and not jealousy - we need to communicate as though we were mature and responsible adults.

But why is that so hard?

Relationships Can Be Funny


Communication Is Hard, But Necessary

Notice that the word is communication and not yelling.

If someone yells at you, I'd bet you feel instantly defensive and start shutting down. You might feel as though the other person has no interest in hearing what you have to say and that you'll either be talked over or simply dismissed, so there's no equal exchange of ideas. There's no opportunity for calm discussion; there's only resentment and pain.

The biggest part of communication is knowing that it's about exchange. It's not "I talk, you listen and we're done." It's all about sending messages to each other, either verbally or through written means, and actually allowing that passage of a message to come through. You have to stop and listen to what's being said, see how you feel about it, and then respond honestly and openly about it.

You can't bully someone into listening to you; you have to be willing to work with the person in order to ensure that words are clear between both parties. You need to be willing to stop and listen to the other person's ideas while still working towards clearly communicating your own honest views.

There's also the whole notion that you need to pay attention to body language. Ursula the sea witch sang in The Little Mermaid that people "shouldn't underestimate the importance of...body language!" and that is very true. Nearly 90 percent of the communication we have is nonverbal, which can be a very difficult sort of communication to interpret. In addition, you can't pull a Homer Simpson and just glaze over like the donut you might love to eat. You have to stay focused and pay attention to what's happening during the conversation and around you. Having such a conversation would not work if you're basically out to lunch about it.

So, work on sharing messages back and forth; don't stop working together for the growth of your relationship and turn things into "fine" and "whatever." It's going to be a real challenge, but it's so terribly worth it in the end, for you, your partner, and everyone else that might be involved in the relationship - kids, relatives, whomever that might be adversely affected if something goes south for your relationship.

Just trust in the communication flow and be open and honest. It will work.

Wisdom From Yoda


How To Work Communication In Your Relationship

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago from Chicago

      Compatibility trumps compromise.

      Teamwork makes the dream work.

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Sure there will be times in any relationship where some (minor) disagreements arise. "Don't sweat the small stuff!"

      However if you and your mate share the same values, want the same things for the relationship, naturally agree on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another... it's not "hard work".

      It's a "labor of love"!

      Much like a gardener who gets up early in the morning to till the soil, plant seeds, add fertilizer, water, pull weeds, and builds a fence to keep out pest. They find joy within the labor.

      Now for the person who has no interest in having a "garden" all of what was described earlier could be viewed as "hard work".

      However to the gardeners it truly is a "labor of love" and the result of having what (they want) is it's reward.

      There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who simply Does Not want what you want.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)