How to Know When You're With the Perfect Person for a Relationship

Updated on September 9, 2019
Glenn Stok profile image

Glenn Stok shares his insight about relationships that he learned from his studies of social behavior and from personal experience.

If you’re doubtful about your relationship, being more emotionally available could help to let go of confusing feelings and see the positive qualities of your partner.

It’s helpful to let your partner know what’s important to you. It’s also vital to understand your partner’s needs. Open communication leads to knowing what they want out of the relationship. That’s what being emotionally available means.

When you understand your partner’s desires, the appreciation that develops will leave negative thoughts behind.

Source

What Is Emotional Availability?

When you can feel your partner's happiness or sadness, and express your emotions constructively, then you are emotionally available. You'll have the ability to work through difficult times as a team player in the relationship.

Being conscious of your partner's good qualities will help with appreciating them. You may find yourself desiring your partner more than ever.

That is important because once we recognize we are with someone special, then we'll know for sure that they are the right one for a long-term relationship. We'll appreciate our partner, and we won't look for faults.

What Makes Someone Emotionally Unavailable?

Those who are emotionally unavailable may miss essential considerations that would help them decide to stay in a good relationship or to leave a bad one.

When you are unavailable emotionally, this can cause you to let time go by without moving forward with a decision. You might end up staying in a bad relationship with one who has a personality flaw that you consider to be a deal-breaker.

Being emotionally unavailable may cause one to lack the desire to communicate and discuss significant issues. Feelings may be held within and never shared. The result is that things drag on until something happens that either ends the relationship or forces the parties to sit down and talk.

What happens is all a matter of how good both partners are with their ability to communicate. Being emotionally unavailable can hinder any attempt to share thoughts and feelings.

Quick question:

Are you in a relationship you're not sure about but letting time just drift by?

See results

What are the Characteristics of Emotional Availability?

When one is available on an emotional level, they are aware of both good and bad qualities of the relationship. More importantly, they are willing to talk and discuss those issues that may stand in the way of moving forward.

A lack of emotion can cause one to stay in a bad relationship or one with the wrong partner. I know many friends who never dealt with the issues and ended up getting married to someone with whom they were unhappy. Each one of them ended up getting divorced in later years.

Exercising complete emotional availability involves being attentive to one's partner, and being aware of what is going on when things seem upsetting.

Pay Attention to Your Partner's Positive Traits

Many people often ignore the good things about their mate. They forget the lovely things that happen in their relationship, and they tend to remember the bad experiences more readily:

  • Every relationship will have painful periods from time to time.
  • Everyone has different views of the world and events.
  • We each have different habits and beliefs.

These differences can cause insecurity, that can confuse our thinking when dealing with relationships.

Bad feelings have a stronger effect on decision making. We may even become judgmental based on bad memories.

Quick question:

Do you tend to remember the bad things and rarely focus on wonderful things your partner does?

See results

Focus on Communication and Trust

For the sake of building a better relationship with love and respect, we need to have communication and trust. We need to share all our feelings, both the good and the bad. When feeling discouraged about our mate, we need to try to remember the marvelous things about them.

If we only remember the negative issues, we'll have resistance to acceptance. If we genuinely are emotionally available, we will keep both sides of the equation in our conscious mind.

Discussing all our thoughts and feelings is essential to have a clear understanding of one another. Focusing on your partner by making yourself emotionally available will help you recognize the love, joy, and caring that exists in the relationship. That will leave you with a deep appreciation of the closeness that you both share.

Quick question:

Do you trust your partner enough to be willing to talk about difficult issues?

See results

How to Know When You're With a Wonderful Person

We may already be with our soul mate and not realize it. When we understand the reality of what we have, we will appreciate it better. We will experience a better life with an outlook that is more in line with our dreams and our desires.

Emotional availability will help us understand how we truly feel about our partner. Just remember to pay attention and recognize his or her good qualities.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

    © 2009 Glenn Stok

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      • Glenn Stok profile imageAUTHOR

        Glenn Stok 

        23 months ago from Long Island, NY

        LaTrice - You did the right thing breaking up with him. It sure sounds like he didn’t have the ability to be there for you, especially in your time of need.

        I have a saying: Two people in a relationship should consider themselves as team players. He definitely was not on your team. Sorry for the loss of your Mom.

      • Miss Liberty31 profile image

        LaTrice 

        23 months ago from Las Vegas, NV

        Reading this article has given me encouragement and inspiration on how to move on from my failed relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I realized that I was wasting time staying with a person who wasn't emotionally available, and missed out on amazing opportunities to find someone better than him. It was his loss, not mine.

        I chose to stay by giving my ex-boyfriend the benefit of a doubt. Despite addressing the issues between us, such as not going out on dates on a regular basis, not showing any support after my mom's tragic death, the lack of communication (he wouldn't call or text me for over one month. According to his excuses, he was "busy"), and ignoring my needs, he swept everything under the rug. His attitude infuriated me. I was supposed to be his girlfriend, someone who was a priority instead of an option. I'm disgusted with myself for allowing his disrespectful behavior to happen.

        I don't regret ending the relationship because it wasn't meant to be. I refuse to be involved with a person who's selfish and not available. I'm not obligated to lower standards for any man. For now, I'm going to mourn the loss of my mom and enjoy being a single woman.

        Thank you for sharing this incredible article, Glenn.

      • Glenn Stok profile imageAUTHOR

        Glenn Stok 

        3 years ago from Long Island, NY

        [Updated Nov 2016] I added a quick poll question at the end of each section of this article, for readers to compare their answers.

      • Glenn Stok profile imageAUTHOR

        Glenn Stok 

        9 years ago from Long Island, NY

        Thank you kyttykatty for your comments. You are very "in tune" with this concept.

      • kyttykatty profile image

        kyttykatty 

        9 years ago from Dallas, TX

        This is very true and although this knowledge is inside my mind, the hopes that maybe things will change keeps me where I am even if it's bad or if I know better. Being available is definitely necessary and one cannot be so unless we let them go.

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