Getting the most out of your relationship with your husband may seem difficult and frustrating at times, but there are several things women should know about their man that will help bridge the gap in understanding.
1. He Thinks You're Sexy Even If You Don't.
Maybe its a bad hair day or your pants don't fit quite the way they used to, but you may not feel as beautiful as he sees you. It's likely he finds you far more attractive than you might think, even if he doesn't say so. You don't have to be Gal Gadot to be his Wonder Woman. When he does issue an unsolicited compliment, believe what he says. Returning the compliment means a lot more to him than he may ever confess. He's also offended if you don't respond to his compliment with blushing cheeks and an "aw, thank you, sweetheart" because he honestly thinks he's being romantic.
2. Nagging Is Harming Your Relationship Far More Than You Think.
Most husbands find nagging to be more than just a little irritating. Whether it's running errands, doing house chores, stopping bad habits, or something far more important that is his responsibility, you may need to remind him of the task. Try to avoid nagging as much as possible. Reminding him of his responsibility to something may be necessary, but you're an adult and so is he. Respect him enough to remind him without it coming off as complaining or whining. This is demeaning to both of you and the relationship and is very ineffective communication.
3. He Is Awful at Non-Verbal Communication.
This one may seem obvious. As most women may have noticed, men aren't very good with subtleties. Little hints do not work. Big hints do not work. Do not hint. Non-verbal communication is a very ineffective way of addressing any issue with your husband. This is often true for addressing problems, frustrations, reminders, and even flirting. It may be very important or seem more sincere that your husband do something without being directed or asked, but being subtle and hinting at something often goes unnoticed. This may not seem fair to you if you'd prefer he be proactive in either fulfilling a responsibility or being romantic, but you may need to have patience if you insist on a subtle approach.
4. He Doesn't Notice the Little Details.
To a husband, this is what you are for. Or so he may think. This isn't meant to be demeaning or belittling, but many husbands recognize that their spouse is far more attentive to the minor details. The toilet seat being left up, clothes on the floor, cabinet doors left open, something empty that should be refilled, something full that should be emptied, birthdays, anniversaries, medication refills, appointments, etc. These things often go neglected by men because of how they prioritize. This does not mean that these things hold no priority, but they may seem like something that can be pushed back in favor of something that may seem more pressing.
"It's my wife's birthday this month, I'll have to get her something special" is a thought he may have but put the actual errand on hold. "I have plenty of time, I'll do it when it's a bit more convenient." Of course, this is where he makes the mistake of procrastinating. It doesn't mean it's not important to him, it's just a common fault men have in prioritizing and organizing, things he knows you are far better at handling.
5. He Notices Other Women but That Doesn't Mean What You Think It Does.
If you get jealous and/or offended when you catch him sneaking a peak at the woman in the short skirt that just walked by, it doesn't mean what you think it does. Sexual attraction, and sex in general, are very different for men than woman. This may seem a bit "politically incorrect" to point out, but the fact is that men do not always attribute emotion with sex or sexual attraction, and thus will wonder their gaze like window shopping with absolutely no desire or intention to make a purchase (no matter the clearance markdown).
An attractive woman is like a dangerous mountain; he may admire the challenge but have zero desire to attempt the climb. Don't give his wondering eye more signifigance than it deserves. If he looks for more than a moment, it may justify some slight cognative recallibration (slapping may be effective but is still considered spousal abuse).
6. He Is Not a Character in Some Romance Novel/Romantic Comedy Movie.
Romance novels are to women as adult films are to men. They set false expectations that the other spouse can likely never fulfill, and may not ever want to. He wants to be romantic but may not be able to tell the difference between being romantic or being foolishly silly. Perhaps those two are the same, in which case shame on you for wanting him to make a fool out of himself for your own amusement! Unless you're willing to compromise, that is.
7. He Really Doesn't Care What You Wear
No really, either outfit is fine. And please, don't make him look at a third or fourth. He doesn't have to think too long about this decision because 1) it doesn't take long for him to recognise what he likes, 2) he expects you to ask again and again, and 3) he knows you're just going to pick the one he didn't anyway (which is likely the first one you were thinking about in the first place). Also, when you pick anything other than the one he picked he feels as though his input was pointless and a waste of his time. At least thank him for his participation!
8. He Truly Cannot Tell What You Are Upset About Without Being Told
If he asks you what's wrong and you say nothing but there is actually something wrong, you're a liar. This is how he feels and he is correct. Just tell him the truth "I don't want to talk about it and only want to brood about it to punish you for something you will otherwise have no other way of knowing if I don't tell you, but I'll blame you anyway." This is a communication problem, again. Just be honest and upfront so he can fix what's wrong and move on to being happy together.
9. He Loves You Despite These Issues
Yes, he loves you even though you might be less than perfect at times, or difficult to deal with because you're hangry and can't decide where to eat but don't have an appetite for any of the places he suggests so you end up arguing over it.
Communication is the key, and not in the way you think is most appropriate. Find a nice compromise and be as direct and specific as possible.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Andrew Haney (author) from Florida on July 19, 2017:
Thanks so much for the advice!
FlourishAnyway from USA on July 19, 2017:
Very nice article! You should definitely add photos. You can get free ones on Flickr or Pixabay, and it will improve an already good article.
Lela from Somewhere near the heart of Texas on July 19, 2017:
It took me years to figure these things out! I hope you save some woman the trouble of having to learn this stuff the hard way. You know how stubborn we can be!