Tim Truzy, M.S., is an ordained minister and professional counselor. He has provided counseling services on many topics.
Anxiety May Occur before the Wedding
You have found the perfect match. Your wedding is being planned. Concerns about your partner arise. Now, you are uncertain about the future and your betrothed. But there are precautions to take to make sure you have found the best possible lifemate.
First, know yourself. Understand what the marriage will mean to you. Next, comprehend your future partner. Know your differences and similarities before the wedding. Finally, after being hitched there will be challenges to face regardless of the amount of preparation done
Truthfully, my wife and I explored these topics before we were wed, and I think our talks helped establish a firm foundation for our marital relationship.
Why should Serious Discussions happen before Marriage?
As a rehabilitation counselor and minister, I’ve had opportunities to help individuals with making marital decisions. Approximately two million marriages happen annually in America, but the rate of divorce continues to be about 50%. For these reasons, I’ve provided crucial topics which should be examined by the couple before the wedding occurs to increase the possibility of having an enduring loving marriage.
In this article, I’ve focused on cultures where the right to marry is agreed upon by consenting adults. Scrutinizing these issues before the vows are shared can produce a loving long-term partnership. By contrast, neglecting these areas can result in dissatisfaction or divorce for the couple. Some areas mentioned include: marital expectations and the meaning of commitment, financial considerations, and much more.
1. Know your partner's abilities and limitations
In general, people who are married have similar educational backgrounds. Also, people who enjoy physical activities, like sports, tend to find one another in matrimony. Some people prefer a thriving social environment, like a party atmosphere, while others would rather read a book.
Be aware of your future partner’s abilities. The things a person likes doing before you are married will be some of the same activities he/she would want to participate in later because of individual social, physical, and mental abilities:
- Social: Is the person a frequent customer at bars or other social gatherings? Or does the individual enjoy reading in a quiet place?
- Physical: Are sports important to your future spouse? Does your partner enjoy hiking, camping or doing yard work?
- Education: Did the person obtain a high school education? Did he/she attend college or obtain a professional certificate? Can the person approach problems in a rational manner?
2. Accomplish personal goals before the wedding
Strive to accomplish your goals before becoming a spouse. For example, you may want a particular license or degree. Waiting until after the wedding to pursue your dreams can create conflict if your spouse is not supportive. Also, professional aspirations should be addressed before marriage.
In short, your spouse should not be the reason for failing to achieve personal or career goals. Disagreements can emerge if you have not dealt with these personal ambitions. Check out what your fiance thinks about this topic if you still have unfinished goals.
3. Discuss the meaning of commitment
Everyone does not show loyalty and devotion alike. Dedication can mean different things to different individuals. Be sure to discuss whether your marital relationship will be more open or monogamous. Failure to address commitment difficulties before marriage can lead to jealousy and resentment.
In essence, what are your feelings about spousal obligations? Decide if you would want to be in a marriage with someone who has a very different perspective of commitment.
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4. Have a meaningful dialogue about expectations for the marriage
We all have views about marriage, and those opinions can clash. Understand your fiance will not change simply because wedding vows are exchanged. For example, if a person engages in destructive activities, marriage will not alter those behaviors immediately.
An individual must invest time and work for new behaviors and attitudes to develop. However, honesty, trust, physical intimacy, and good communication are reasonable expectations for any couple in the early stages and throughout the marriage.
Take weekend trips as an engaged couple. Spend hours if necessary talking about the roles and expectations you have for the marriage. Have meaningful conversations to determine if your expectations will be met before you say: I Do.
5. Assess emotional awareness
The level of emotional sharing between two people is a signal about preparation to be a spouse. Marital bliss is unobtainable if one partner is selfish. Inevitably, selfless acts are common between married couples. A husband or wife must be able to embrace joy and be supportive during tragedies.
Likewise, spouses must be able to communicate openly without threats. Be concerned if your potential mate is not emotionally aware of his/her feelings or yours. Notice:
- Is the person quick to anger?
- Does the person ignore your feelings at critical moments?
- Are emotional responses from your partner appropriate? For instance, does the person laugh when another human being has problems?
6. Observe family interactions
Notice if you are greeted warmly by possible in-laws. Friction may exist between the two families or your relatives and future spouse. Watch how your partner treats his/her parents and siblings. Is respect at the forefront of these interactions? Are these encounters hostile?
Be warned: These attitudes will probably surface during the marital relationship. Determine if you will accept negative behaviors from family members and talk about them with your fiance.
7. Know your financial situation
Mismanaging money can be detrimental to a marriage. Discover if your spouse to be has staggering amounts of debt. Find out if a budget is used for daily expenses. Ask if a savings account or retirement plan exists.
Look for other financial indicators of a mindset focus on the years ahead. Observe if credit cards are frequently used to purchase expensive items. Take note of whether bills are paid on time, and inquire about insurance coverage.
8. Find out what your fiance thinks about planning
Although every minute cannot be planned, use of time in the present and years to come after the wedding should be discussed. Some people are more spontaneous while others desire clear predictable arrangements. Will you plan family time and vacations? Will you have children who deserve your time? Will cleaning the house be scheduled?
Truthfully, time is a limited resource. Married couples who don’t plan for ongoing tasks are heading in a dangerous direction. by monitoring how your future spouse keeps his/her home, an idea of what your fiance thinks about organization can be discovered.
In addition, notice if he/she is often late to events. The person may have time management difficulties. Decide if you want a spouse who doesn’t value planning.
9. Know each other's values
Findings show husbands and wives having similar cultural values (thriftiness, work ethics, etc.) frequently stay united. Incidentally, religious beliefs hold couples together. Political views play a role in the success of a couple as well. Know what your fiance thinks about these topics as you prepare for a lifelong love commitment.
Yet, tying the knot for love is a recent phenomenon in human culture. In many early cultures, people were married because of familial or religious obligations. People were wed to stall wars and through business arrangements.
Although these circumstances still exist in some areas of the world, love and sharing interests are the two main reasons men and women marry in America.
In summary, understanding the marital relationship is not always easy. There will be tough times and peaceful moments. Build lasting connections to endure the end of the honeymoon phase. Hours spent talking and observing while dating can prevent an early separation. The time you invest before the wedding date can save you from a major disappointment down the road.
Listen and learn. Evaluate the likelihood of success. Then make the best decision for your life.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.