All types of relationships take a great deal of work for real success. There is no easy way around that and there is no secret. Why? Well, I am going to give you great tips below that couples have practiced since the beginning of time. Now, I am sure that you have been told numerous times what you need to do in order to have a happy marriage, but you have failed. My focus now is to teach you why you have failed and how you can get back in the game.
The Hidden Formula
What was your grandma's secret? How did she manage to be with one man for 50 years of her life? Is there a special hidden formula for successful and happy marriages? The answer is yes, although I said before there is no secret.
There are good habits or practices that all happy marriages have in common. I encourage you to take action and put them to practice daily, that will be the only way you can see results.
As you practice these tips keep in mind:
- Relationships are not a "one size fit all" type of thing. Every single relationship has its own needs. It is up to you and your loved one to figure out the individual needs of your relationship. As you grow together you will know what makes you happy, eventually, that's what will work for you.
- Your partner may need extra encouragement to join you on the "Happy Journey."
- Your marriage may need to be evaluated. You need to evaluate your marriage to see exactly where your problem lies. You may be discontent for the wrong reasons.
Secret # 1: Forgiveness
Happy couples learn to forgive. You are not perfect and neither is your partner, so learning to let go of the things that hinder your happiness will result in more loving and enjoyable moments. Forgiving is not always easy. Don't expect this to happen as a miracle, it will take lots of practice, time, and patience to perfect it. One way to appreciate the value of forgiveness is to think about the consequences of not forgiving. Not forgiving your partner will equal bitterness, less shared moments together, and emotional disconnection. If you are truly in love, you don't want any of that to happen.
Secret # 2: Acceptance
Happy couples accept each other. You need to accept your partner for who he/she is. Couples who are often trying to "change" each other just add tension to the relationship and that tension becomes a stone on the road to happiness. One way to be more accepting is to remind yourself of what initially attracted you to your partner. Another way is to celebrate the positive things and give less importance to the negatives. Remember that acceptance is one of our basic needs and no one should be deprived of it. There are things that you and your partner will need to change for the better, but neither of you should feel pushed or forced to do it. A happy couple grows together as well.
Happy couples accept each other.
Secret # 3: Good Communication
Good communication is what brings all of the other components of the relationship together. You need good communication to work out your conflicts, which will be key in a happy couple. Communication will be the method in which you will let your partner know your needs.
Secret # 4: Quality Time
Good quality time is what helps a relationship to maintain its connection. Happy couples make it a priority in their relationship to spend time with each other. Once you get married, your daily responsibility can become overwhelming and can force you to deprive yourself of enjoyable moments. You and your partner need to set aside time for fun. This is very personal so you will need to talk and make an agreement on what works best for you. Don't overthink it! A lot of couples have lots of excuses when it comes to spending time together because they feel that they need to go all out. In reality, your quality time could be at home, at the park, at a coffee shop, or whatever works for you. What truly matters is that you are together and devoting time to each other.
Secret # 5: Teamwork
Often, couples see each other as opponents. Why? Well, a lot of people think that if your way of seen things doesn't sit well with them, you are against them. Happy couples, however, are on each other's team. They know that their partner is not their competition. They work hard together to achieve their goals. Couples who know how to be a great team, also experience less stress. You have to first build trust and teamwork will follow. Being a team also means that you will share your responsibilities, goals and that you will be supportive of those goals that you may not necessarily agree with.
This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
Like I mentioned before, marriage takes work. You need to educate yourself to know how to handle specific issues in your marriage as they arise. Ed Young's book The Ten Commandments of Marriage is a great book I can recommend you to read with your partner. You can also print articles like this one to read together during your quality time.
Voice your opinion
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Matty Navarro (author) from New Jersey on June 11, 2017:
Tamara Moore on June 09, 2017:
Great hub! I had difficulty voting because they are all such important secrets that you have listed! I appreciate your insight that you share with us on relationships.
Matty Navarro (author) from New Jersey on June 08, 2017:
That's why they call it "falling in love".
dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 07, 2017:
"I think that very few people take the time to consider those things seriously when they are dating. " - I agree 100%
This is especially true when we're younger. We get "swept away" during the "infatuation phase" of new relationships.
We allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate our relationship choices.
It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!
In fact to some degree Hollywood movies and romance novels encourage us to believe love happens by "chance". As if there is something wrong with knowing what you want and only choosing to date or marry those who have the traits you desire is somehow "wrong". They tell us: "Just follow your heart."
Essentially that means ignore "red flags" and overlook certain behaviors and just focus on how you (feel) when things are good.
With age and experience comes wisdom. We eventually see the "pattern" that all NEW relationships have their "honeymoon" or "infatuation phase"! We learn to ride that wave because we also know people don't start to reveal their "authentic selves" until after there is an "emotional investment" or (major disagreement).
"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread."
Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart. Follow your heart but take your brain with you!
Matty Navarro (author) from New Jersey on June 07, 2017:
@dashingscorpio I agree with you on the compatibility issue, and yes having similar value gives you better chances at success. However, I think that very few people take the time to consider those things seriously when they are dating. They focus plainly on emotions and on the little things that they have in common that could change over time. Values are what truly define a person. This is exactly why I got into learning as much as I could about relationships because I made those mistakes too. When you are dating you ignore the red flags and its good to have an experienced person around to help you refocus. Not all is lost! If someone marries an individual who is opposite in thinking and values, they can survive but will need greater work. That is the hard part, as long as both are willing to make it work, they can. Often, those values become compromised in those cases. Like you said, knowing yourself is so important. A lot of people get married and they are clueless about what they want. I say, mature first then get married.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 06, 2017:
I would probably say choosing the "right mate" is #1.
The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees, with you on how to obtain those things and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.
Compatibility trumps compromise!
Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!
Couples who naturally agree on what is "important" and enjoy each other's company tend to be happier than those who don't.
Having said that when it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. If this were not the case we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!
Ideally with life and dating experience hopefully we gain wisdom.
Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.