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10 Tips to a Happy Marriage

Updated on January 9, 2017
Find Your One
Find Your One

1. Marry the Right One

Easier said than done sometimes. So, how do you know if they are the one? Many people will look at what the man does for you, but look at how you feel. When you are with him are you more comfortable with being yourself than anywhere else? Do you feel safe in his arms? When something happens that isn’t so pretty, do you want to tell him? If you are on guard, feel as if you must perform, and need to hide information from him, regardless of if he brings you flowers, accompanies you to gatherings, laughs at your jokes or pets your cat even though he hates them, he isn’t the one. Sometimes in life you must realize that just because he is a good guy, doesn’t mean that he is the right guy for you. Find someone with the same freak factor, it's more fun this way.

If you don’t marry the right one, if you marry a good guy that you don’t love, things may be rockier than they should be. I am not talking about any kind of love, I am talking about the unconditional love that will stand the test of time. This is the love that will make the rocky times easier to overcome and the high times better. Every marriage has hard times, the question is, are both of you willing to never give up on each other.

2. Forgive Him and Yourself

No one is perfect, including yourself. If me messes up and forgets your birthday, let him know that you are hurt and upset, but give him room to make it up to you next year. When he doesn’t hear you, let him know how when that happens he makes you feel like you are not important to him. If he tells you that is not true, he was just distracted, realize that he is telling you the truth. When you do something hurtful or stupid, ask for forgiveness but don’t demand it. Don’t overdo everything for a week trying to make up for it. You are allowed to make mistakes, just move on and don’t do it again. If the other person is not willing to get over it, it’s not up to you to make them.

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3. Be Honest

When you do something you shouldn’t have, confess. You broke his favorite mug because you were being reckless, tell him. You ran into a friend of his and let it slip that he was home when your husband is avoiding him, tell him. Don’t hide anything. If you are trying to lose weight together and you are up in the middle of the night eating Wheat Thins, let him know. No matter how big or small something may seem, if you start hiding things from your spouse, things can get out of control. When you are honest with people, that builds trust.

4. Listen Without Judgement

Sometimes even after complete honesty for years, there are times when it’s hard to tell the other person something. When your husband comes to you and wants to talk about something, his day, his feelings or his past, give him the floor. Let him confess to you what is going on and don’t get mad, or tell him how ridiculous it is. Men are different creatures, they see things differently than women do, but that doesn’t make how they feel any less real. Give him the space to be vulnerable and care for him. Be thankful that your man is opening up to you and sharing himself. Help him through it. Tell him it’s okay that he is feeling that way. He has valid reasons. If he is mad, let him be mad but gently tell him that getting mad doesn’t help the situation, if anything the other person wins. If he is sad, hold him and tell him that the two of you will figure things out together and will conquer any obstacle because you two are a team.

5. Be Affectionate

Sex is good, have it. But also, snuggle while watching a movie. Give random hugs and kisses just because. If your spouse is not the lovey type, figure out what affection means to them. If they see a home cooked meal as a big juicy kiss, then cook for them. Show love in the way that they can recognize. Not all beings show and feel love the same way, know your spouse’s love language so you can express yourself to them.

Kiss, Then Kiss Again

6. Be Grateful

If your spouse does something for you, washes the dishes for example. Thank them, let them know that you appreciate what they do for you, no matter how small. Let them know that life is better because you have them. In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter that he cleaned the dishes instead of vacuuming the floor? He helped you out when you asked for it. Or better yet, he saw the dishes needed to be done and did them. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and always tell them you are grateful for them. It doesn’t matter that he has been taking the trash to the curb every Thursday evening for years, still say thank you. Occasionally take the trash to the curb yourself to show that you will do it for him too. Don’t expect service, be grateful and do it yourself sometimes.

7. Take Responsibility for Your Actions

If you are in a disagreement, if there is a chance you are wrong, apologize. There is no prize for always being right and winning every fight. Maybe you are a lawyer, or were head of the debate team, who cares. Let yourself be wrong, realize that you are, and let them know. Even if you aren’t in a fight and you find out they were right about something, tell them. Don’t hide the truth just because you don’t want them to know they were right. A marriage is not about competing. It is about unity, honesty and trust. Don’t keep score, don’t bring up the past, and don’t always have to be right.

8. Look to the Future, Live in the Present

Sometimes in life it is easy to get caught up in the future, what are we doing next week, month or year. How are we going to afford this or that? It’s good to plan for the future. But don’t get so caught up in the planning that you miss the here and now. Take the time for a date night and just enjoy each other without talking about money, jobs or plans. Have pizza and a movie night even though you are on a diet, because you love pizza. If all you do is plan, soon you will realize that you missed out on a lot of time. Missed a lot of walks, movies, bike rides, day trips or whatever strikes your fancy. It doesn’t always take a lot of time and money to just have a day to be.

Have Fun

9. Don't Play the Jealousy Game

If your husband has never given you any reason not to trust him, don’t accuse or think that he is up to no good. Let him go out with the guys without you asking if there were any cute girls there. On the other side of things, don’t flirt with others just to make sure that he wouldn’t like or allow it. Trust that he isn’t going to hurt you in any way. Let him know that you would leave in a second if he cheated on you if you must, but when he says that he hasn’t done anything, trust that. If he is that kind of person, he will get his in the end, without you even lifting a finger, things work out that way. Also, don’t give him any reason not to trust you. If a guy starts to hit on you, let him know you are married. Be trusting and trustworthy.

10. Give Without Expectations

If you decide to cook his favorite meal for him, bake his favorite dessert, don’t expect him to watch your favorite movie with you. Receive joy in the act of giving, and if he ever does give to you, be happy. Don’t start counting how many times he could have given you something and he didn’t. Sometimes him letting you buy that really comfortable jacket because you liked it is a gift from him. See the good in all actions and be grateful that you have the one you love.

Secret to being married for 70 years

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